‘Wait for what?’ asked a voice.
At the same time, the tip of a sword appeared from behind them and nestled between Grim and Dog’s necks.
‘Oh!’ said Og, slightly braver since he didn’t have cold steel quite so close. ‘Hello, Assata! Erm…fancy seeing you here?’
‘You know,’ said the barbarian, ‘it crossed my mind that you didn’t want me to know that you were following me. But since you were talking to one another the whole time, out loud, I discarded the idea.’
‘Of course,’ Grim squeaked out, nervous of the blade, aware that his reply didn’t really make any sense.
‘I think you’d better come with me,’ said the barbarian, and Og-Grim-Dog didn’t argue.
Assata strode over to the house and pulled out a couple of planks of wood. The space she had made was big enough for her to fit through. She looked at the ogre, sizing him up, and took out another couple of planks, before gesturing him inside with her sword.
The inside of the house was dark. A fire in the pit offered more smoke than light. Two figures stood in the shadows, casting the ogre climbing into their house suspicious glances.
‘Well,’ said Assata, entering behind them, and gesturing to a mat on the floor with her still-drawn sword, ‘I presume you wanted to know why I came here.’
‘We did,’ said Dog, as Grim took a seat on the mat. ‘Also, we were wondering what’s in the pot,’ he added, gesturing at the fire pit.
Assata rolled her eyes, but she strode to the pot anyway, ladling some of the soup into a bowl and handing it to Dog, who took a sniff as the steam rose about him. ‘Well-seasoned,’ he commented. ‘Meat in there?’
‘Vegetables.’
‘That’s fine.’
Assata nodded at the two men who came over to the mat, and all three sat. They all had the same look to them: more than just the features that suggested they were from the same tribe—they had a hardness that said that life had toughened them.
Assata finally laid her sword down on the floor. She pulled up her sleeve and showed them a swirling, ink black symbol on her forearm. ‘Do you know what this means?’ she asked.
‘You like tattoos?’ Dog asked.
‘No, Dog,’ she said. The two men showed the ogre the same tattoo. ‘It means we’re escaped slaves. The Kuthenian Empire likes barbarians for its slaves, for some reason. Maybe because we look different, and they like to know instantly who is slave and who is free in the Empire. I came here to give the money I made from our dungeon crawl to my friends here. They will take it home for the Resistance. You see, we won’t rest until the Kuthenians are brought to their knees and we bathe in their blood.’
‘I see,’ said Grim. ‘I wondered why you asked us to join your adventuring party.’
Assata smiled at him. ‘I know that ogres aren’t the real monsters. Do ogres keep slaves?’
‘Never!’ said Og, shocked.
‘Although it’s an idea,’ said Dog.
‘Quiet, Dog,’ said Grim. ‘Drink your soup. I’m sorry it looks like we didn’t trust you,’ he said to Assata, genuinely ashamed.
Assata made a face, looking at her two associates. ‘I suppose we can forgive you. I doubt you meant harm by it. But seriously, what are you up to?’
The brothers looked at one another a little awkwardly.
‘It’s a difficult matter,’ said Grim, unwilling to tell her, but feeling like he really should have.
Assata raised an eyebrow. ‘I see. Too delicate a subject for me to handle, is it? Only you three can be trusted to display the sensitivity required?’
Grim smiled. That level of sarcasm wasn’t even lost on an ogre. ‘Something like that. But when we get to the bottom of it, you’ll be the first to know. I promise.’
THE WIZARD AND THE DWARF
Back at The Bollocks, Og-Grim-Dog still had four people to interrogate. But one of them was missing.
‘Gurin’s off with his friends,’ said Sandon when Grim asked where the dwarf was. The wizard had just risen and still looked a little worse for wear.
Og raised a suspicious eyebrow at this news.
‘I’ll take you to him if you like,’ said the wizard. ‘I could do with a bit of fresh air and I’ve a mind to see what bargains I can find in the market with my new wealth.’
The idea of needing fresh air sounded pretty far-fetched to Grim, but he went along with it. Outside, the town of Mer Khazer was busy. Trading was reaching its mid-morning peak, as merchants, peasants and shoppers from the nearby villages and farms had arrived in town to sell their wares and spend their coins. It was vibrant and noisy, completely unlike the ogre’s cavern back home. Grim was surprised that he didn’t mind the bustling to and fro of town life as much. It was something you could get used to.
‘This way,’ said Sandon, navigating a path through the crowds.
Og gave Grim a meaningful stare. Now they had Sandon on his own, it was time to interrogate the wizard.
‘We were told to pass this on to you,’ said Og, producing the ring they had been given by the clerk at the Magical Items desk. ‘Ring of Curse Breaking, they said.’
‘Ah,’ said the wizard, taking the ring and studying it, before placing it on his finger. ‘That was all, was it?’
‘Yes,’ said Grim. He thought about what Mr Agassi had said about the falling incomes from dungeoneering. ‘We didn’t win so much loot, did we?’
‘More than most are making these days.’ Sandon looked about him before leaning in and talking more quietly. ‘But no, not nearly as much as we used to. Actually, Assata and I put in a complaint to the Bureau yesterday. Some of those dungeons should never have been open to adventurers. And that shop in Wight’s Hollow.’ He shook his head. ‘Not sure how much longer things can go on like this.’
They stopped outside a tavern called The Squished Plums.
‘This is where Gurin meets the other dwarves,’ Sandon said.
‘The other dwarves?’
‘Yes. There are several on the circuit. They tend to meet here when they’re not adventuring.’
‘I see. Thanks, wizard.’
Sandon gave a little wave and carried on down the street.
‘Well?’ Og asked his brothers as they loitered outside the inn.
‘I’m not sure it’s him,’ said Grim. ‘If he was behind the attacks on Darkspike Dungeon and Urlay village, why would he be complaining to the Bureau and asking for the dungeons to be shut down? That doesn’t seem to make much sense.’
‘And does he really have what it takes to carry out a deception like this?’ asked Dog. ‘I mean, he’s nice enough, but he’s hardly dazzled us with his powers, has he?’
‘That’s true,’ said Grim, thinking of all the times on their adventure when Sandon nearly did something useful.
‘Unless that was all an elaborate ruse,’ Og suggested. ‘Alright, maybe not,’ he admitted upon seeing his brothers’ expressions. ‘But what about Gurin? He’s a different kettle of fish.’
Grim nodded. ‘Bitter about the changes to dungeon crawling in recent years. That might have led him to do something drastic.’
‘Plus, he’s a dwarf,’ said Dog. ‘You can’t trust—’
‘Dog!’ said Og, his voice rising threateningly. ‘Hasn’t this experience taught you anything about judging people?’
Dog seemed to think about it. ‘I don’t think so.’
Grim acted quickly before a full-blooded argument ensued. He barged through the doors of The Squished Plums and looked about. Dwarves are not generally the easiest of creatures to find, but he spotted half a dozen of them sat around a table in the corner, six tankards in front of them. He marched over. Grim had honestly never seen a more miserable looking collection of faces, and he lived in a dungeon with trolls.
‘This is Og-Grim-Dog,’ said Gurin, his voice rough but not unfriendly. ‘Pull up a chair, ogre.’
Grim turned around to the next table. Og and Dog grabbed separate chairs and there followed a ridiculous tussle
over which chair would get placed on the table with the dwarves. Eventually, Grim was able to sit down.
‘Og-Grim-Dog, these are my good friends. I’ve known all of them for half a lifetime, some more.’ Gurin gestured to his right. ‘This is Hurin.’ Hurin raised his pipe at Og-Grim-Dog before taking a puff. ‘This old rascal is Durin,’ Gurin continued, moving around the circle. ‘Then you have Thurin, Kurin, and Tony.’
‘Nice to meet you all,’ said Grim.
‘Unfortunately, you’ve caught us in a bad mood,’ said Gurin.
‘What a surprise,’ Dog said under his breath.
‘You know I’ve not been happy with the direction of things under the Bureau. But this is another thing entirely. It’s more than the last straw. It’s an insult that dwarves will not soon forget. Thurin, show the ogre the new form.’
Thurin slid over a piece of paper entitled Membership Equal Opportunities Form REGEQ6. Not another bloody form, Grim thought, but reluctantly he scanned it over. It appeared that members of the Bureau now had to complete a check box form, identifying such personal details as race, gender, class and disability.
Og placed a big finger next to the race column.
‘No ogres on the list, of course,’ he said darkly.
‘Look who else isn’t on the list,’ said Thurin.
Then Grim saw it. ‘No dwarves? I don’t understand.’
‘Look under disabilities.’
The disabilities column was an alphabetical list of ailments, both physical and mental. Under ‘D’ was dwarfism. Grim looked at it, a little dumbfounded.
‘Yes,’ confirmed Gurin. ‘According to the Bureau, dwarves are no longer a race. We are a disability. This insult won’t be allowed to stand, mark my words.’
Gurin’s friends growled their agreement. Whatever the rights and wrongs of it, there was no doubting that these adventurers had been offended to their core.
‘If you’re friends,’ began Dog, ‘why don’t you go adventuring together? And can the Bureau stop you?’
‘A proper dungeon crawl,’ explained Gurin, ‘always used to require a mix of skills. Swords and sorcery; healing and guile; elves, dwarves and humans. You couldn’t succeed without brawn; without magic; without dwarven know-how. So, we rarely adventured together. We joined parties and when it was done, we’d come back to the Plums and share our stories and wisdom. This was our life, you understand? And as for adventuring alone, could the Bureau stop us hitting a dungeon? Do they have the resources to police all those locations? Of course not.’
‘Half of those dungeons we visited were easy takes,’ Dog said. ‘So there’s nothing to stop you doing it yourselves.’
‘But we don’t want to do that,’ Gurin seethed. ‘We want our world back. We want it to be the same as it used to be.’
THE ELF
Og-Grim-Dog stayed for a drink with the dwarves but then decided to leave them to pick over their grievances. After all, there were still two members of the group they had yet to speak with.
Back at The Bollocks, they found Raya in the bar.
‘Ah,’ she called over. ‘I’m all by myself here. Come and have a drink with me.’
The ogre’s stomachs rumbled. ‘Do they do food here?’ Dog asked.
‘Food? Even better idea!’ Raya said enthusiastically. ‘I know the perfect place. Come on.’
No sooner had Og-Grim-Dog returned to the inn than they found themselves leaving again, for yet another part of town. Raya the elf took them to a side street, away from the crowds. The street was narrow, the buildings on either side leaning towards each other precariously, blocking almost all the light. Grim only took a couple of paces down the street before he smelt the aroma of sizzling meat and spices.
‘Faster, Grim,’ said Dog, his mouth drooling.
Halfway down the street, Raya led them into an anonymous looking building. Inside it was poorly lit and dingy looking. A dining area in front of them led on to the cooking area at the back of the room, from where the noise and smell of frying food wafted. The tables seemed to be sprawled about the dining area with no thought. There were no chairs, just benches and boxes to sit on. Not the kind of place Grim would have thought an elf would choose to go for lunch. But for an ogre, it was perfect.
‘Welcome to Shiv’s,’ said the elf.
They took a table. Og reached out for a menu, but Raya snatched it away.
‘You have to order the chilli burger and fries,’ she insisted, with an emotional intensity.
‘Alright, Raya,’ Og agreed.
She smiled and went to the bar to give the order.
‘What about the elf?’ Dog asked while she was out of earshot.
‘She hides things,’ said Grim. ‘I bet she wouldn’t want Assata to know she’d come here, for example.’
‘Everybody hides something,’ said Og.
‘I don’t!’ said Dog.
‘We both hide under sacks when Grim goes walking in human lands,’ Og said. For once, he didn’t say it in an argumentative way, and for once Dog didn’t try to dispute the point, simply grunting an acknowledgement.
‘All in all,’ said Grim, ‘I would say she’s the least likely of the lot to be secretly killing humans disguised as an orc.’
His brothers nodded in reluctant agreement.
Raya returned to the table, an excited look on her face.
‘Raya,’ said Grim. ‘We have something odd to show you.’
He knew his brothers would agree. Dog took out the sword.
‘This was in the returns we picked up from the Magical Items box,’ Og said.
The elf frowned. ‘What, you mean identical to the one you found in Urlay?’
In answer, Og withdrew the original from his belt.
‘The clerk was sure it was with the things we handed in.’
‘I told everyone to put their special finds in that bag,’ she said. ‘They knew I was taking them to Magical Items.’
‘Why would they have one of these orc swords in their possession and not tell the rest of us?’ asked Grim.
Raya made a face. ‘There aren’t many explanations. You’re suggesting that someone in our party was involved in the attack on Urlay?’
‘How well do you know the others?’
‘I’ve known Sandon and Gurin a very long time. Assata and Brother Kane started adventuring more recently.’ She paused. ‘I’ve known you for a couple of weeks.’
‘Well, it’s not us!’ said Dog, affronted.
Raya shrugged. ‘Just making a point.’
‘Where has Brother Kane gone?’ Grim asked her.
‘When the Brother is not adventuring, he spends his time tending to the needs of the more unfortunate in the town. You can often find him at the orphanage. Why, you suspect him?’
‘Well, we’ve investigated everyone else already.’
‘Oh, that’s what this is, is it?’ asked the elf, looking hurt. ‘I thought you wanted to go out to lunch with me.’
‘We did!’ said Grim. ‘We knew it wasn’t you.’
‘And why couldn’t it be me?’ Raya demanded, apparently equally offended.
‘You’re…’ Og began, then struggled for the right words.
Oh dear, thought Grim. Diplomacy wasn’t a strength of either of his brothers.
‘…too nice.’
Well. It could have been worse.
‘Huh. Maybe I should work on that.’
‘Og can give you a few lessons on being a mean bastard,’ said Dog, then barked with laughter.
Og shot his brother a dirty look.
‘I never really felt like I belonged in elvish society,’ Raya admitted, suddenly candid. ‘Too haughty. And too much salad. I suppose I make an extra effort to get on with people here. Maybe too much effort sometimes.’
‘Well, we know how that feels,’ said Grim. ‘Ogres are solitary creatures by nature.’
‘But you’re not solitary. I mean, you have each other.’
‘Yes,’ said Grim. ‘But we don’
t really have a choice about that, do we?’
Raya chuckled. ‘I suppose not. Anyway, what were we talking about?’
‘About Brother Kane. If he’s at the orphanage, how can we investigate him without making it look obvious? Besides, we’re liable to scare the children.’
Raya pursed her lips, then rustled in her pockets. She produced an amulet, hanging on a silver chain, and handed it over. Og-Grim-Dog looked in awe at the artwork: vivid blue, green and yellow colouring depicted moons and stars.
‘An elven Amulet of Hiding,’ Raya said. ‘If you place it around your neck it will make you invisible and silent. Be careful, though. It’s never a good idea to use magic too frequently, even magic stored in charms such as this.’
The waiter appeared with their meals. Og and Dog tucked into their burgers.
‘Oh Grim,’ Og said in a voice full of wonder, picking up the third burger, ‘you have to try this.’
A taste explosion hit Grim as he took his first bite of meatiness and fiery sauce. ‘This is delicious,’ he got out between chews. ‘What is it made from?’
Raya put a finger to her lips. ‘We don’t ask questions about the chilli burgers, Grim. We just eat them.’
THE CLERIC
Og-Grim-Dog walked through the streets of Mer Khazer, concealed by the Amulet of Hiding. They tested its powers at first, unsure what precisely Raya had meant by invisible and silent. Dog leaned over and screamed at a passer-by, who didn’t flinch or respond at all to the noise. Grim found that being invisible could actually make moving around more difficult. Other pedestrians seemed to see open space where in fact there was ogre. He did his best to avoid people but was too slow to get out of the way of one fast-moving young man, who ended up flattened on the street, a bemused expression on his face.
Eventually, they located the orphanage of Mer Khazer. It was a solid-looking, stone-built house over two floors. A plaque outside thanked the adventurers of Mer Khazer who had paid for its construction. Grim wondered how they were going to negotiate their way in through the rather narrow-looking door. Because while they were silent and invisible, they weren’t any smaller, and the residents might not react well to an invisible monster entering the property.
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