by Lilly Wilder
“Danni?” Cal said gently, nudging my hand. I jerked my head and apologized. Concern was etched on his face. “You know what, on second thought, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to tell me.”
“No, no,” I said firmly, “it’s okay. I want to tell you this. I need to.” I breathed in deeply, closed my eyes, and continued speaking. “She went out on a date with a new guy, someone she had met randomly. It was business as usual and I was just doing my homework, but then she didn’t come home, and that wasn’t like my Mom. I waited and waited, getting more nervous and scared by the second, until I had no choice but to call the police.”
I paused, having to stop myself from shaking. Speaking about it was bringing back all the memories again that had been suppressed for so long. The fear, the anxiety. I was back to being that little girl who just wanted her mom to be okay.
“My voice was trembling as I spoke to them. They asked me questions, most of which I didn’t know the answer too, but the woman on the other end of the line was very patient and calming. She got what she needed and said that she was sending someone over right away to look after me. When they finally arrived at my house, my heart leaped because I thought they’d have news of my Mom. They didn’t. The man they sent was so big he seemed to fill up the room when he entered, and I could tell from the way he spoke that my Mom was in trouble. It was just that feeling, you know? Like you can always tell when someone is hiding something from you. I think you get a good sense of that when you’re a kid. Anyway, we waited and I wasn’t sleeping and all I wanted was to see my Mom again, but as the time passed, my heart sank. Then he got a call and when he came back into the room, I could tell something bad had happened. And that was it. That was the night my life changed and I became terrified of going on dates. I guess that’s why all the relationships I’ve been in have been with people I’ve gotten to know first. I could never do what Misty does.”
Cal listened to me patiently and once I’d finished speaking, I suddenly felt self-conscious. He barely knew me, and there I was shoveling all my past misery onto him. I turned my gaze away and wished I hadn’t said anything.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through that. I can’t imagine what a toll it’s taken on you over the years. Thank you for telling me. Some secrets are hollow and vapid, but that was a deeply personal one, and I appreciate you having the bravery to share your story. It makes sense that you’re so guarded and that you would go to great lengths for your friend.”
I nodded, a little embarrassed at his praise. I don’t know what reaction I expected from him, but it wasn’t that one. Silence lingered over us as neither of us knew what to say next. There we were, me with my problems, him with his, and I wondered to myself, is this how relationships start?
6
We stayed in the diner for longer, but it was clear that the waitress wanted us to leave, so we walked outside and I felt a little uneasy. In the diner, it felt as though the night could go on forever. Like we were in a bubble of our own making and we didn’t have to worry about the real world catching up to us. I could tell him my deepest secret because we were lost in the small hours of the morning where magic happened, but dawn was approaching. Its golden hands reached over the horizon and the light began to spill across the land, pushing the darkness away. I blinked and felt disappointment in my heart. I wasn’t ready for the night to end yet.
“What’s next for you Cal?” I asked as we walked back over to his bike.
“Go back to work, carry on with my life. What about you Danni?” He picked up his helmet and looked at me with those piercing emerald eyes.
“I guess it’s time I stopped living in the past and started to take a few more chances. I’m afraid life is going to pass me by if I keep stopping myself from living,” I said, and then, feeling a flash of courage, I put all my weight on my tiptoes and lifted myself up, flung my arms around Cal’s neck, and pressed my lips against his. He almost stumbled back, so taken aback was he by the sudden movement, but his arms wrapped around my waist and rested on my hips. I enjoyed the warm feeling of his kiss and the way his soft lips pressed hard against mine. Arousal surged within me, so fierce. A sensation that I had long forgotten, began to overpower my mind.
We pulled apart, both of us panting, overwhelmed by the intensity of the kiss. A hazy feeling crept around my head and a smile played on my lips. If Cal had wanted to take me to bed, he could have.
Instead, he smirked at me and squeezed my hand. He kissed me again on the cheek, and then swung his legs over his bike and rode off. The engine roared as he sped away down the road, and it was only then that I realized I hadn’t gotten his number, and I cursed myself for being so stupid.
I trudged home when I should have been skipping, but by the time I reached my apartment, I was feeling good. I was determined not to let this setback bring down my good mood, and I knew it wasn’t going to be the end. I could tell from the way Cal kissed me that he was attracted to me, and I felt sure that it wasn’t the last time I was going to see him. There was something more at play here than random chance. Some cosmic force had guided us together, and it was only a matter of time before we encountered each other again.
The night had been long and I was exhausted. I slipped off my heels and checked my phone. There was a message from Misty apologizing for the mistake and promising that she’d make it up to me with lunch. I arched an eyebrow and chuckled. Misty was always the same; I couldn’t even be angry with her because I knew exactly what she was like. When I’d left my place I’d been expecting to find Misty in a dangerous situation, instead I’d found a situation for myself.
After sleeping for a little while I rose and met Misty in the city for lunch. When she saw me she ran up and hugged me, smelling of fragrant perfume as always.
“I’m sorry about last night. I really don’t know how I made such a mistake,” Misty said, welcoming me in. She’d already taken the liberty of ordering our meals, which I didn’t mind. We’d done this often enough that we knew what each other liked.
“It’s okay, just try not to do it again, I was really worried.”
“I know, that’s why I feel so bad! Anyway, did you hang out with Cal much?”
“Actually yes…although we didn’t get off to a great start. He wasn’t exactly in the best mood after you left him stranded at the bar.” There was an edge to my voice. We’d only kissed once, but I was already feeling protective of Cal and didn’t like the fact that Misty had hurt him, even though the only reason we had met was because Misty had hurt him.
Misty shrugged and leaned back in her chair, waving her hand dismissively in the air. “It all worked out for the best. You know I’m not going to waste my time when the energy is bad.”
“Yeah, but I think you could have been a bit more diplomatic about it. I mean, standing him up is one thing, ghosting him after a date is another, but leaving with another guy when you’re on a date with Cal wasn’t tactful.”
“Oh but Danni you didn’t feel what I felt! When I saw Brett I just knew that I couldn’t let the opportunity slip away, and I was right not to. Last night was something else.” She wore a sly smile and my stomach turned. I didn’t need to think about what I’d seen the previous night, and tried to turn the conversation away. Besides, I wanted to talk about Cal more than Brett. It was rare that I got to talk about a guy on these lunches. More often than not that was Misty’s domain.
“As it happens I did spend a little more time with Cal after that. We went to a diner and we actually got on really well. I don’t know how it happened, but I even told him about Mom.”
“Wow, are you serious? You know, I had a feeling that your energies might match, but I didn’t think it would be anything that momentous, otherwise I would have introduced the two of you! Danni, this is amazing!” She clapped her hands together and I could already tell what she was thinking due to the excited gleam in her eyes. I quickly stopped her.
“Misty, it’s not what you think. We just h
ad a coffee at the diner and then he went home. Well, we did kiss before that,” Misty squealed again so I raised my voice, “but I’m not sure anything is going to happen. We didn’t even exchange numbers.”
I tried to make an excuse so that I didn’t get my hopes up.
“That’s no problem,” Misty said, pulling out her phone, “there’s his number.”
It stared at me and I had no reason to not type it into my phone, but I froze with fear for a moment. What if it had just been one perfect night and seeing him again would just ruin that? Plus I’d already told him the most personal thing about me. One of the reasons why I’d told him that in the first place was because he was a stranger and there was a freedom to our secrets.
Then, I remembered the kiss and the feelings it had evoked within me. I quickly tapped his number into my phone, and then pushed Misty’s back across the table towards her, and all through the rest of the meal I tried to think of what to say.
I was beginning to work myself up into a frenzy and by the afternoon, I’d drafted about a hundred different versions of the same message in my mind without sending any of them. I told myself that it was stupid and I was making too much of a big deal out of this. It wasn’t like he wasn’t going to reply. I knew we’d shared something special and he was probably as annoyed as me that we hadn’t exchanged numbers. In the end, I took a deep breath and sent a quick message, and then I waited.
And waited.
And I waited some more.
Hours went by and I was driving myself crazy. I checked my phone to make sure that it could still receive and send messages. I tested the signal, and I even checked the news to make sure there were no strange disruptions to any cell services. At first I told myself that he was just busy, but eventually, it became too much to bear and the only explanation was that he was ignoring me.
I couldn’t understand why. I stared at the message I’d sent on my phone and the blank space beneath it. The silence cried out at me, taunted me, and my despair turned to anger. I thought about sending him another message but told myself that it wouldn’t do any good. Then I started thinking about his job and I wondered if anything had happened to him. He worked on a construction site and they were dangerous. Maybe he’d had an accident and had been rushed to the hospital. It would, of course, be just my luck to meet a man I really liked only to have him injured the following day. The course of true love never did run smoothly.
In the end, I decided that the only way I was going to have any peace of mind was to go and find him to speak to him directly, and the only way I could do that was to go to the place he worked. Now, when I thought of this I tried to tell myself that I was being silly and that it was creepy to invade his workplace, but I was also filled with a desire to take matters into my own hands and give myself peace of mind. I knew I wasn’t going to stop thinking about him all night, and I was only going to drive myself crazy. I justified it by saying that I was worried about him. Cal didn’t seem to have many friends, and if he was in trouble then he might like to see a friendly face.
*
The construction site was loud when I arrived, and the neighborhood looked far different than when I had been walking through it the previous night. The light helped to make it a less foreboding place, although I was wary when I approached the construction site and saw burly men at work, shouting at each other loud and obnoxious things. I’d always been threatened by large groups of men, and although I didn’t want to tar every man with the same brush, it seemed as though when men formed a group they were far too willing to break the accepted social etiquette of society.
The construction site was made up of a huge scaffold and iron pipes. There were skips and machinery and piles of rubble all around, and all the workers wore helmets and high-visibility jackets. I was hoping to see Cal immediately so I could just call out to him, but as I looked around the site all the men looked the same, and I wasn’t about to go and call out his name. Instead, I looked for someone who seemed important and found a man holding a clipboard. I walked up to him and when he turned around he had a gruff manner, but that faded when he saw me. I suppose being attractive does have its advantages.
“Excuse me, I was just wondering if you could help me with something. I’m looking for Cal? I believe he works here.”
The man rolled his eyes and gave me a knowing shrug of the head.
“Sure, you and me both. Cal didn’t turn up for work today, and no, I don’t know why. You might want to go and talk to him over there,” he said and nodded to a man who was talking with some of the other workers. He was tall and had black hair, but since his back was turned to me I couldn’t see him properly.
“Why?” I furrowed my brow in confusion.
“Because he’s looking for Cal as well. I don’t know what Cal’s got himself mixed up in, but if he has two people looking for him it can’t be good,” he said and walked off. I stood there, puzzled, wondering who this person was and why he was looking for Cal. It also made me more afraid for Cal, because it meant that he was in serious trouble, and wasn’t just ignoring me.
Since the man with the clipboard wasn’t going to offer me any more help I was going to have to talk to this stranger, even though I had no idea who the man was. I didn’t even know what I was going to tell him. Was I supposed to say that I was a girl Cal had met and had come to his place of work because he wasn’t replying to my text? I was tempted to just turn around, head back home, and put this whole business behind me but if Cal was in trouble, I wanted to help. I owed him that much for listening to my story.
Taking a deep breath, I walked over and heard the end of a conversation between the black-haired man and the other construction workers, who were telling him that they didn’t know where Cal had gone. The black-haired man cursed and curled his hands into fists, then spun on his heels and marched away, clattering into me. I was thrown back and only just managed to keep my footing, aided by a hand shooting out, grabbing my arm.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, his expression softening to worry. I was just about ready to hurl a volley of abuse at him, but his touch was tender and his expression was one of concern. He was handsome, with a square jaw, youthful smile, and a playful look in his eyes. His eyes sparkled the deepest blue, and they reminded me of Cal somewhat. When he was sure that I wasn’t about to fall over, he let me go, and I have to admit I missed his touch when he withdrew his hand from me.
“It’s okay, it’s nobody’s fault,” I said, brushing myself off and checking that nothing hurt too much.
“No, I should have looked where I was going.” He placed his hands on his heart and bowed his head. The gesture was touching, and I smiled.
“I’m Finn,” he said, opening his eyes. I told him my name, and then I realized I should probably tell him that I was looking for Cal too before things got too weird. When I revealed this, he stiffened and looked at me a little strangely. I was worried I had said something wrong.
“We were supposed to meet today,” I lied, “and when he didn’t show I thought I’d come here just to make sure he hadn’t forgotten.”
“I didn’t realize Cal was dating,” Finn said. There was an uneasiness about his words.
“Is he alright? I’d hate to think of him being in any kind of trouble. He seemed in good spirits when he left me last night. You don’t think anything could have happened to him, do you?”
“Who knows with Cal…look, maybe it’s best that you go home. I’ll continue to look for him and if I turn anything up I’ll be sure to get him to call you.” He strode past me as though that was the end of the conversation but I wasn’t going to be dismissed so readily. It took me a couple of moments to process what was happening, so I skipped for a couple of steps and caught up with him.
“I’m not just going home. I’m worried about Cal. I want to find him too.”
Finn bristled with tension. I didn’t understand why he was opposed to me looking for Cal. I didn’t think it would be such a
big deal that I’d only known Cal for a night. Finn didn’t know what we’d shared, what we’d felt. I suddenly felt my liking for the man diminish quickly.
“I get that, but it’s not something you need to concern yourself with. I’m Cal’s friend, I can find him. Trust me, you’re better off if you go back home and carry on with your life. I’m sure Cal will be safe, I just need to find where he’s gone.”
If there’s one thing I hated it was someone telling me what I needed to do. I scowled at him, and this time it was my turn to shoot out a hand and pull him back when he tried to walk away. Finn glared at me. He must have been annoyed at how tenacious I was being, but I’d always thought of that as one of my better qualities.
“I get it you’re his friend, and maybe you don’t want Cal to look bad in front of me, but I’m a big girl. What’s the secret? Is he married? Does he have kids? Is he a drug addict? I don’t need to be protected. If there’s something going on with Cal then I deserve to know.”
