by Lucy Gordon
‘I’m going to do it,’ he said. ‘You’ll be proud of me, teacher.’
‘I was proud of you tonight,’ she said. ‘When I saw you sitting outside with them, cracking jokes. You must have been telling them a great story to make them laugh like that.’
‘Yes, they really enjoyed hearing how their dad looked like a total prat.’
‘I don’t believe you said anything like that.’ When Darius simply grinned she said, ‘Well, go on, I can’t stand the curiosity. Tell, tell!’
‘It was about our first meeting-the way Phantom flattened me on the sand. I thought they’d enjoy it, and they did.’
‘You actually managed to tell that story?’ she breathed in astonishment and admiration. ‘How come?’
‘You told me to,’ he said simply.
‘I never-’ She stopped. ‘When did I?’
‘There and then.’
‘But I wasn’t there.’
‘Yes, you were. You were right there with me. You always are. Even when you’re not there, you are there. Didn’t you know?’
‘No,’ she murmured.
His gaze intensified. ‘I guess there are a lot of things you don’t know.’
‘I guess there are.’
‘I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s confused.’
Everything was in a whirl. He was telling her something she longed with all her heart to hear, to believe; telling her not with words but with his eyes, with his hesitant tone, with his uncertainty that seemed to say everything was in her hands.
Playing for time, she said lightly, ‘The great financier is never confused.’
‘That’s what he used to think,’ he agreed. ‘So when the confusion came he didn’t know how to cope with it.’
A soft buzz came from the screen.
‘You’ve got an email,’ she said. ‘I’m going back to bed. So should you. Get some sleep.’
She slipped away and ran back to her room, telling herself that she was glad of the interruption that had saved her from saying and doing things that she would regret.
If she tried really hard she might even manage to believe that.
Mark and Frankie were instinctively happy outdoors. Town life bored them, and escaping to the island lifted them to seventh heaven. They revelled in the visit to Harriet’s little yacht, and the trip out to sea, gaining particular pleasure from their father’s ignorance, even greater than their own, and the way he addressed Harriet as ‘Captain’. Several times Harriet caught them exchanging knowing glances.
At home she took charge, banishing Darius to the office to catch up with his work while she and Kate saw to supper.
‘Isn’t Dad having supper with us?’ Mark asked.
‘The poor man’s got to do a little work,’ Harriet said. ‘Last night he worked late so that he could spend the day with you. Now, I’ll take his supper in to him.’
‘Are you and Dad going to get married?’ Frankie asked.
‘It’s much too soon to think of anything like that,’ Harriet said quickly. ‘We’re just friends for now, and we’re not rushing it. Don’t mention it to him.’
Frankie nodded wisely. Harriet was left staring at Darius’s office door. He’d been closing it when Frankie asked her question, and although Harriet tried to believe that he couldn’t have heard anything she’d noticed the way the door was suddenly still for a moment, before being shut.
At the end of the evening he emerged to join them for a walk with Phantom, and perhaps only Harriet noticed that he was unusually quiet. Later, when the children had gone to bed and the house was quiet, it wasn’t a surprise when he knocked on her bedroom door.
‘I just wanted to say I’m sorry that Frankie embarrassed you,’ he said, coming in. ‘She’s too young to understand that…well, things have to happen slowly.’
‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘Going slowly can save you from a lot of mistakes.’
‘Does that mean anything special?’ he asked, almost daring to hope.
‘I guess it does.’ She fell silent.
‘Harriet,’ he whispered, ‘don’t shut me out. Not any more.’
She sighed. ‘I rushed into marriage with Brad…I was so young…ah, well…’
‘Don’t stop there,’ he begged. ‘Talk to me. You keep everything bolted and barred, and you shouldn’t.’
‘I know. I don’t mean to but I’ve hidden the truth for so long that it’s hard to change now. My neighbours think we were the perfect couple, and that’s what I wanted them to think. I’d have been ashamed for them to know the truth. I loved Brad so much but he…well, he just took my love for granted and did as he liked.’
‘Go on,’ he said gently. ‘Harriet, please tell me everything. You know so much about me, but you hide from me and keep me on the outside.’
She drew away suddenly and went to the window, throwing back her head, breathing harshly. She felt as though she were being torn in two directions. It had taken her so long to reach this point and now her courage was failing her. She saw Darius watching her closely, with an expression so gentle that she reached out to him without even realising.
At once he went to her. ‘Tell me,’ he said again. ‘Don’t shut me out. If only I could make you understand how important it is.’
‘Why?’ she whispered.
He answered by laying his lips tenderly on hers, leaving them for just a moment.
‘Can you understand now?’ he asked.
She searched his face. ‘I’m not sure. I’m so confused.’
‘Trust me, Harriet. That’s all I ask.’
She rested her head against him. ‘Our marriage was a mistake. I rushed into love, and when it went wrong I wouldn’t admit to myself that he wasn’t the man I’d thought. I don’t think he was ever really faithful to me, but nobody else knew because he was away so often.
‘In the end he left me for a woman he’d met in America. He went to live with her over there, and they died together in a car crash. I still have the last letter he wrote me, demanding a quick divorce because his lover was pregnant. That really hurt because I’d always wanted children and he was the one who insisted on waiting.
‘It’s strange, but after what he did to me, the thing I’ll really never be able to forgive him for is the way he abandoned Phantom. That poor dog adored him. When Brad was away he’d sit at the window, watching and watching until he returned. Then he’d go mad with happiness.
‘I loved Phantom too, but I always knew I was second best to him. And when Brad said he was leaving him behind-I couldn’t believe he could be so cruel. It was her fault. She didn’t want him, so Brad simply tossed him out of his life.’
Darius uttered one word, vulgar and full of feeling.
‘That’s what I said,’ Harriet agreed.
‘I’ll never forget the day he left. Phantom watched him loading his things into the car. He began to wail, then to howl, and he ran after Brad and tried to get between him and the front door. I’ll swear he knew what was happening, and was begging not to be left behind.
‘Brad pushed him aside and shouted at him. Then he went out and got into the car. Phantom followed, but suddenly everything seemed to drain out of him, and he just sat there in the road while the car vanished. I hated Brad at that moment. I could forgive him for leaving me, but not for breaking that poor creature’s heart.
‘After that, Phantom sat at the window every day, waiting for his return. Then one day he didn’t go to the window, but just lay there staring into space. He knew it was final.
‘I’ve tried to make it up to him. I tell him how much I love him, and I promise that I’ll never, never desert him or let him down in any way.’
‘Harriet, you’re talking about him as though he was a person.’
‘I suppose that’s how I think of him, except that he’s more loyal and loving than any human being. I think he’s happy with me now, but I wonder if he still mourns Brad.’
‘Perhaps that depends on you,’ Darius said carefully. ‘
If he can tell that you still mourn Brad-’
‘But I don’t,’ she said, a little too quickly, he thought. ‘He’s a part of my life that’s over. I love Phantom for his own sake. How could I not love him when he’s so lovable?’
‘And when he reminds you of Brad,’ Darius said. ‘Are you sure you aren’t hiding from the truth, just a little? Are you really over him?’
‘That was another life, another world. It doesn’t even feel like me any more.’
That was a clever reply, he thought wryly, because it sounded like a denial without actually being one.
‘What about this world?’ he asked, choosing his words carefully.
‘This is the one that matters. I know that. It’s just so hard to know where I belong in it. Sometimes I feel I never will know.’ She searched his face.
‘I can help you there,’ he said, laying his mouth over hers and murmuring through the kiss. ‘This is where you belong, in my arms, in my heart.’
She silenced him with the soft pressure of her own mouth, reaching up to caress his face before sliding one hand behind his head. She’d fought so hard to cling onto caution, but now she banished it without another thought. Whatever pain the future might hold, she would risk it in return for the beauty of this moment.
When she felt him drawing her to the bed she went willingly. Now everything in her wanted what was about to happen. Fear and mistrust were set aside as she felt a new self coming to life within her, and knew that this was the self that was always meant to be, a self that could yield joyfully to passion, but for whom tenderness mattered as much, or even more.
For, dazzling as was the physical pleasure, it was the look in his eyes that made her sigh with happiness as he brought her to the moment they both longed for. And afterwards it was the strength of his arms around her that carried her safely back to earth.
Now, at last, she knew where she belonged.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
H ARRIET need not have been worried about the visit. It was blessed from the start by the fact that both children were instinctively at home in the country. Sailing, bathing on the beach, running through fields and trees with Phantom, trips around the island to small villages and communities-all this was their idea of heaven.
In only one respect was the holiday less than perfect. It lacked what they most longed for, and that was to see Harriet called out on a lifeboat rescue.
She’d obtained permission for them to visit the station where her friends greeted them jovially, and showed them around, including a moored lifeboat. But no emergency turned up, and the excitement they longed for failed to materialise.
It was time for the Ellarick Regatta. For the last week the hotels had been filling up, the island was full of visitors and the port was brilliant with flags. Mark and Frankie each had a copy of the programme, which never left them.
‘How many races are you in?’ Mark had demanded, studying the lists although he knew them by heart.
‘It depends,’ Harriet said. ‘If I get eliminated in an early heat I won’t go on to the next, but if I finish in the first three I’ll go on to the next heat, and the next and maybe even the final.’
‘And then you’ll win the small boat trophy,’ Frankie said triumphantly. ‘Like before.’
‘How did you know?’
‘It’s listed here,’ Mark said, showing her. ‘You’ve won once, and come second three times. Did you get a big prize?’
‘I got a trophy. I keep it in the shop.’
‘Then it’s time we all saw it,’ Darius announced.
They had a jolly expedition to the shop that, as Harriet had said, sold as many gifts as antiques, and at this time of year was full of souvenirs of the regatta. Darius kitted them out with T-shirts, plus anything else that took their fancy, and they ended the day in an ice cream bar.
That night Harriet went to bed early as she had to be up in the early hours. The children bid her a formal goodnight and blew her kisses before retreating. Darius saw her to her door.
‘Aren’t you coming in to tuck me up?’ she asked innocently.
‘You need to be at your best tomorrow. Go to bed, get some sleep,’ he commanded.
‘If you say so. Just one goodnight kiss-’
She took possession of his mouth before he could protest, kissing him softly, then with more vigour, then fiercely.
‘Harriet, you’re not being fair,’ he murmured desperately.
‘So who’s fair?’ she whispered back.
‘I’m trying to protect you from distractions-’
‘When I need your protection I’ll ask for it. Now, come inside and stop arguing.’
This was another new person, one who could shamelessly demand a man’s attentions while equally shamelessly offering her own. No, not offer her own, insist on her own, for he was trying to be virtuous and resist her, and she wasn’t going to have that.
It was a week since they had found each other, and she had spent every moment of that week wanting to enjoy him again, that might have embarrassed her if she hadn’t known he felt exactly the same. They’d been careful. The need to put the children first had meant there were fewer chances than they might have hoped. But tonight was a chance she was determined to seize-whatever nonsense he might talk.
When at last they lay dozing together, he murmured, ‘Now you must go out and win.’
‘But I did win,’ she whispered. ‘Just now. Didn’t you notice?’
‘I kind of thought I was the winner.’
‘We’ll call it a tie.’ Her lips twitched. ‘But I’m not sharing the trophy.’
‘That’s all right. We’ll compete for another one in the next round.’ He kissed her. ‘And now I’m leaving-’
‘Are you?’ she said, moving her hand.
‘Yes, you little wretch-Harriet, don’t do that, it isn’t fair-’
‘I’m not trying to be fair-’
‘I know what you’re trying to do-Harriet!’
After that there was silence for a long time. Then he gathered his energy enough to say, ‘Now I really am going so that you can go to sleep. You have to be at your best tomorrow. You’ve got to triumph in that race and go into the next round and win there, and we’re all going to be there when you get the trophy. I’ll be cheering and the kids will be cheering-’
‘Ah, yes, the children,’ she sighed. ‘It’s all for them. Don’t let’s forget that.’
Rejoicing in the pleasure of this wonderful time, she often forgot the conversation she’d overheard, suggesting that Darius had another motive for securing her. Not only the passion they shared, but also the sense of being close in heart and mind, rescued her from fear. All would be well, she was increasingly sure of it.
From the door he blew her a kiss and was gone.
In the early hours of next morning she was up with the lark, finding the taxi waiting at the door. By mutual agreement, Darius was remaining at home with the children rather than driving her.
Then the port came in sight, and she forgot everything but the excitement of the regatta. She got to work on her yacht, making sure everything was ready, then settled in, feeling herself become one with it.
Forty yachts were entered for the race, but only ten could compete at any one time, so it began with heats. Some of the crowd watched from the shore, but the view was better from the large ferries that had positioned themselves out at sea, and Harriet knew that the three of them would be on one of these, eagerly watching for her.
They were off. She managed to keep ahead of most of the other boats, without actually getting into the lead. Halfway through the race she saw Darius and the children leaning over the railing of a ferry, cheering her. Inspired, she redoubled her efforts and managed to arrive second.
‘That’s it,’ Darius said as they welcomed her ashore. ‘You’re in the next heat.’
‘And next time you’ll be first,’ Mark said loyally.
‘You’ll show ’em,’ Frankie cried.
And she did. Whether
it was the sense of a loyal family rooting for her, or whether it was simply her time, she won the next heat, came second in the next, and won the final race. When she came ashore the band was playing as she went up to the dais to receive the trophy. There were photographs to be taken, herself holding up her prize, with Frankie and Mark one each side, then Frankie and Mark holding the prize. Darius was in some of the pictures too, but usually in the background, rather to her disappointment.
The day ended in a restaurant, being ecstatically toasted not only by the family but by her many friends. Then home to be toasted again.
Darius ended the evening, as he always did, at the computer, catching up with the work he’d been unable to do during the day. He looked worn out, she realised. With every day he seemed to get less and less sleep. She crept away and left him.
He came to her two hours later. ‘I was afraid you might have gone to sleep by now,’ he said, closing the door behind him.
‘I’m just about to.’ She yawned theatrically. ‘I simply can’t keep awake.’
Laughing, he took her into his arms. ‘Let’s see if I can help you find sweet dreams.’
She slipped her arms about his neck. ‘Hmm, let me think about that.’
‘Don’t think too hard,’ he murmured, dropping his head so that his lips were against her neck.
‘You’re a wicked man, you know that?’
‘Would you like me to go away?’
‘I’m not sure. Do that again and I’ll decide.’
Their first love-making had been full of tender emotion, and because of that it had been perfect. Over the next few days, a new pleasure had revealed itself, love and laughter at the same time, and she discovered that its joy could be as great as any other. She hadn’t known before that she could be a tease, but she was learning it now and revelling in the lesson.
He caressed her, watching her expression intently.
‘Are you any closer to making your mind up?’ he wanted to know.
