by Taylor Dean
Okay, I wasn’t expecting that.
“If we had married, I can’t predict whether we would’ve actually been successful or not. I’ll never know the answer to that question because we never married.” He breathes in and out very slowly. “And . . . we never will.”
Wait. They never will? What? My curiosity is now completely stoked. All at once, I want to hear every single detail.
“After college, we kept saying we were going to set the date for our wedding, but we never did. For the next three years, I was consumed with my growing business and Mia was absorbed in her career as a teacher. I think that says a lot about where our hearts were, but we were both blind to what was happening. During this time, we saw each other rarely. We talked on the phone daily and when we did see each other we professed our love, followed by lots of sweet nothings. But neither one of us made a change and neither one of us pushed to set the date. It felt like our entire lives were before us and time was on our side.” He closes his eyes. “We were wrong. Time was slipping through our fingers.” He runs his hands over his face as if he’s exhausted. “I did love her and I still do. I always will.”
I close my eyes as he digs the knife in a little deeper.
“I know she loves me as well. But just because two people love each other does not mean they should marry and make a life together. Sometimes that love doesn’t extend beyond friendship and I think that was the case with Mia and I. Like I said, we were a habit to each other.”
Oh. Okay. I’m not sure I’m following him. What exactly is he saying?
“I was twenty-six when I was deployed to Afghanistan. Mia was at my side, seeing me off through lots of tears. We wrote to each other while I was away and regretted not marrying each other right after college.”
He looks down at his hands and breathes in and out deeply. “I was there for almost a year. Then I was wounded. They sent me home feeling like only half a man. Those were some dark days for me. I hated that I’d lost part of my leg and I sunk into depression.”
“Completely understandable,” I say.
“Mia was at my side all the time at first. I gotta say, I don’t think I was very fun to be around. I was irritable and unpleasant. It took me awhile to pull out of that deep depression and to really get my act together. I’m a horrible patient.
“Finally, I began to come to terms with everything. I began attending therapy and relearning how to walk and just accepting that this was my life now. During this time, I saw Mia less and less. She encouraged me, but I knew we’d lost our spark. At the time, it didn’t occur to me that we’d lost it a long time ago. We were both holding on to what we once had. I guess neither one of us could imagine how life would be without the other. It was always a given that we’d spend our lives together. I think we grew apart without realizing it. That was our mistake.” After a long pause, he says, “No, that was my mistake.”
There’s something about the way he emphasizes the word my that gives me pause. “What do you mean?”
“After the hospital in Abilene released me, I temporarily moved in with my mother. I wasn’t independent enough yet to live by myself. I was still recovering and adjusting to life. Mia had transferred from Austin to Abilene while I was in Afghanistan so she could be closer to family.
“I was still living with my mother when I decided it was time to move forward. I was starting to feel anxious for a new chapter. I was twenty-eight by then and I was feeling stifled by my situation. I asked my mother if I could use her living room to once again propose to Mia and make everything right. I could drive at this point, but I wanted total privacy and didn’t want to be in the public eye. I invited her over for the evening and my mother went to a friend’s house to give me the privacy I wanted. I surprised her with soft music and a romantic candlelight dinner, all set up in the living room.” He swallows. “And she was more surprised than I thought she’d be.”
Candlelight? I thought he hated candlelight. He definitely has my attention now. I’m not sure where he’s going with this story, but it’s certainly not going the way I assumed it would. “How so?”
“She seemed taken aback by my actions, as if I was assuming a lot. She acted irritated, as if she wasn’t happy with my gesture and I was confused. Her body language felt strange and she pulled away when I hugged her. Like an idiot, I pressed forward anyway. I thought maybe I’d just hurt her feelings during my recovery. Like I said, I wasn’t exactly Mr. Personable. I hate being sick and bedridden. It drives me crazy. I know what you’re thinking, maybe she didn’t want to be with me because I was missing a leg, but Mia’s not a shallow person. I knew that wasn’t the issue between us. At any rate, I told her I loved her, that I thought we should get married right away. My rentals brought in a healthy income and I was also receiving disability from the Army. Money wasn’t an issue and I knew I could provide well for her.”
Stony runs his hands through his hair several times. He seems hesitant to tell me what happened next.
“What happened?” I ask. I’m quickly realizing that I have also assumed a lot. Just as he’d said, there’s so much more to the story than I suspected.
“I knew by the look on her face she wasn’t happy. I didn’t understand why. I hugged her and told her that we could work this out, that we should’ve married long ago, that I was sorry I hadn’t married her right out of college. I pulled back to look into her face and she was crying and shaking her head no. I asked her what was wrong and she kept saying, ‘No, Stony, no.’ So I asked her, ‘What do you mean?’ I knew she was getting worked up, crying harder and harder. I shouldn’t have pressed her. But I did. I said, ‘What’s wrong? Why don’t you want to marry me?’ She became agitated and confronted me by saying, ‘Why didn’t you want to marry me in college, Stony? We should have married long ago and you never set the date. You were always so busy. You never had time for me.’ I knew she was right. I apologized and told her I was sorry I let other things come between us. I told her I loved her and suddenly she just . . . lost it.”
I’m on the edge of my seat, wanting to know what happened next and yet dreading it too.
“She walked away from me and she started pacing the room. She told me I was grasping at the past to feel normal again, that I didn’t really want her. She said I just wanted to feel safe and secure, that I was reaching out to all that was familiar in order to feel good again.”
Stony releases a deep breath. “I know now she was right, but at the time I couldn’t accept it. She was crying and yelling, ‘Why now, Stony? I can’t handle this. You’ve changed, you’re so different. I don’t even know you anymore.’ She headed toward the front door and in an act of anger or rage, call it what you will, she took her right hand and swept everything off the foyer table. My mother had vases, trinkets, and several framed pictures of Mia and I on that table. My mother liked to display our relationship and I think the sight sent Mia into a rage. They went flying around the room. Mia didn’t stop to see where they went, she went out the front door and slammed it shut.”
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly.
“We were over long before that moment. I know that now. In my mind, Mia represented regaining control over my life. It didn’t work.”
“You had to try.”
“I wish I hadn’t.”
“The two of you needed closure. After all those years together, it was bound to be a painful break up.”
“Perhaps. But that’s not the end of the story.” His expression turns hard and intense.
I feel as though I just came to a screeching halt at a stop light. There’s more? “Go on,” I say.
“When Mia flung everything off the table, one of the vases hit me on the head. I was still learning to manage with my new leg and it knocked me off balance. As she went out the door, I lost my footing. As I fell I hit my head on the corner of the dining room table. Everything went black as I lost consciousness.”
“And she didn’t even know it?”
Stony shakes his head in the n
egative. “Mia left me, not realizing her actions had knocked me out.”
“Is that why she went to jail?”
“Partly.”
“I don’t understand.”
“When I went down, I also took the tablecloth with me.”
Suddenly I put it all together and I gasp. His mother has a new and updated living room. He hates candlelight. Burns on his body. Mia in jail.
“The candles,” I whisper as realization dawns.
“Yes, the candles went down too. The carpet caught fire and I was unconscious. A neighbor noticed the flames and called the fire department. They pulled me out, but I had already been severely burned.”
All this time I assumed he’d received the burns at the same time he lost his leg. I now realize he sustained the burns in a separate incident and I can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been for him to endure two such losses back to back. Not only that, but Mia inadvertently caused the accident in an act of rage. At the very least, it made things emotionally complicated.
“I woke up in the hospital in more pain than I’ve ever felt in my life. They informed me that I’d been in a medically induced coma for the past two months. I’d already endured two skin graft operations during that time. I was stunned. Two months of my life had vanished just like that, as if they were stolen from me. Two detectives wanted to question me about what had happened. To me, it was as if it had happened only seconds ago. I told them exactly how the events unfolded and that it wasn’t Mia’s fault. It was just an unfortunate accident. They questioned me over and over until the doctor put an end to it. I assumed I wouldn’t hear from them again. But I was wrong. The nightmare had only just begun.”
“They went after Mia?” I ask.
“They did. They felt I was covering for her.”
“But it really was an accident.”
“It was, but they didn’t see it that way.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Maybe if I explain an earlier experience I had it will help you understand.”
“Okay.” I stare into his handsome face, my thoughts whirling.
“Several years ago I was assigned jury duty. I had no idea that the details of that case would one day be relevant to my own life. It was a domestic abuse case. The boyfriend had pushed his girlfriend onto the couch during an argument. The couch tipped over from the force and she went with it. She hit her head in the process and it was bleeding like crazy as head wounds do. When she tried to call 911, he stopped her from doing so, which is considered a crime in and of itself. When she left the apartment, she was finally able to call for help. The police came and it was a big to-do. Once everything had calmed down, the girlfriend absolutely did not want to press charges, saying it was just a silly argument, that he wasn’t an abusive man and they’d both just lost their tempers. The district attorney’s office looked at the incident differently. They said sometimes they choose to prosecute even when the victim chooses not to press charges. Too often victims are scared to prosecute because they fear retribution for their actions.”
“And they chose to prosecute in Mia’s case? Even though you felt it was an accident?”
“Yes. I was a disabled vet who had been hurt in a careless act of rage. Law enforcement doesn’t look kindly on messing with war heroes. Not that I’m a hero or anything. Around here they sure treat me like one though.”
“Don’t say that. You are a hero for serving our country.”
He shrugs. “Because of that, people around here haven’t been very kind to Mia. They treat her as though she committed some kind of unpardonable sin. Everyone felt Mia’s actions were careless—and a jury of her peers agreed. They charged her with recklessly causing injury to a disabled individual. She was found guilty, even though I testified at her trial and said it wasn’t her fault. They gave her two years in prison.”
I’m utterly speechless and have no idea what to say. I understand why Stony has a permanent crease between his eyebrows. Life has certainly put him through the wringer. And yet . . . he’s come out on top and made a new life for himself. I’m dazed by his story, but still very unsure where it leaves us. “I’m sorry.”
He nods.
“So, what happens now?” I ask.
“Life returns to normal and I don’t have to spend every day feeling guilty that Mia’s in jail because of me.”
That doesn’t really answer my question. I get up and continue packing my suitcase because I have no idea what else to do.
“What are you doing?” Stony asks.
“I don’t think I can handle this. You and Mia have so much history together and I saw the way you looked at her today, no, the way you smiled at her today. Maybe you both let life come between you, but that doesn’t mean you’re over. I think you have unfinished business with Mia and I don’t want to stick around and watch the two of you fall in love all over again. I can’t do it.”
“Spencer.”
There’s something about the way he says my name that makes me pause and look at him. “What?”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Isn’t it? It’s not all about the smile you gave to Mia. It’s about what happened when you remembered that I was still standing at your side. I saw the way your smile died the moment you looked at me. I saw the way your face darkened and the way your eyebrows furrowed. Your expression said it all. I’m a complication in your life and I don’t want to be anybody’s complication.” To my horror, my face crumples and I start to cry again. That moment was the worst moment of my life. It hurts so much, I can hardly catch my breath.
Stony approaches and takes me in his arms. He crushes me to his chest so tightly, it scares me. He remains silent and I know he’s torn. I know he’s developed feelings for me, but I also know he can’t ignore his past with Mia.
I hate this situation. I hate it so much. All of my psychology training is out the window. There is nothing that can assuage this pain. No words, no therapy, no treatment. Sometimes life is painful and there’s no cure.
Stony places his hands on either side of my head and tilts it up toward him. “You’re wrong, Spencer,” he says before pressing his lips to mine and kissing me. I feel the angst in his kiss, I feel his torment, but most of all I feel his passion, as if he’s trying to convince me that he’s choosing me.
Or maybe he’s trying to convince himself.
When the kiss ends, I back away. “If you have something to say, please say it. This can’t wait until tonight while I’m sleeping. I won’t be here. It’s now or never, Stony. Tell me why I’m wrong. I need to hear it now because if I walk out the door, I’m not coming back.”
He steps forward and takes my hands in his. His features are determined and there’s no doubt, worry, or indecision in sight. It takes me back.
He continues moving closer until our lips are only an inch apart. He stares into my eyes with unwavering intent and I feel paralyzed. He has a way about him that makes me lose my breath. His hands slide up my arms, over my shoulders, and then he takes my face in his hands, one palm holding each cheek.
“I don’t want you to walk out that door, Spencer. I want you in my life. More than you know. I didn’t want to say this, not yet anyway. It feels like it’s too soon. I don’t want to scare you away, but if I don’t say this I know I’m going to lose you. And that would be the true tragedy in my life, the one thing I’ll never recover from. I know how my actions must’ve looked from your point of view. But you need to know my side of the story. Yes, I smiled at Mia. My emotions got the best of me. I felt so relieved that the nightmare was finally over. I can’t begin to tell you how guilty I’ve felt, knowing she was in jail while I went on with my life. Yes, I know her actions were careless, but I also know that I pushed her and the situation got out of hand. I’ve suffered and so has she. My smile was a smile of relief because it’s finally over.
“Yes, my smile faded when I looked at you, but you have no idea how you looked in that moment. I knew what you were thinking and I
could see the devastation on your face. I knew you were assuming the worst and it killed me. I don’t ever want to cause you pain. The sight of pain on your face made my smile fade. Yes, it did and it always will. I don’t apologize for it.
“But my smile did not fade at the sight of you because I thought of you as a complication. I absolutely was not looking upon you as someone who was now in the way. Far from it. I was looking upon you as the woman who has stolen my heart, as the woman who holds my heart in her beautiful hands. I was looking upon you with concern because you are the one and only love of my life and I knew you didn’t know it. Listen, I know I have a choice right now and I know I could choose Mia if that’s what I wanted. Here’s the thing, I’ve never truly known love until you entered my life. I had no idea. There’s just no comparison. I am not choosing Mia, I’m choosing you. You, Spencer. If you’ll have me, my heart is with you.” He presses his lips to my forehead for a moment.
“Maybe this is too soon or too fast, but you need to know right here and right now that I’ve fallen in love with you, utterly and completely. I love you, Spencer Elliott. I knew it the moment I laid my eyes on you. I knew you were going to change my life. I resisted at first, but never again. I want you in my life. I want to marry you and make you mine. I want to have children with you and grow old with you. So there it is, that’s what is in my heart. I’ve been hesitant to say these things to you so soon, but I refuse to lose you without laying it on the line. I know we need more time together and I’m okay with that. I know your feelings may not be at the same level as mine and I’m willing to give you all the time you need. If you still want to leave, I won’t stop you. It’s your decision. Just know that I want you here with me, always and forever. I love you, Spencer.”
I finally take a breath because I’m about to pass out from lack of air. I wasn’t expecting that. For a silent and unsmiling man who rarely speaks in full sentences, he sure knows how to speak from the heart. At least, I’ve never had a man speak so eloquently to me. Actually, I never expected to meet a man who speaks to me in this manner. He far exceeds my expectations in life. I’m blown away and speechless.
