But he had his own life to live, and she wouldn’t steal pieces of him anymore to assuage her own loneliness.
As he climbed from the truck and tramped the front walk, she steeled herself to do what was best for everyone. But Lord, it hurt.
* * * * *
Brian threw his marker on the table when Jace opened the screen door. Jamey hopped up, holding his arm out. “See my cast, Uncle Jace, isn’t it cool?”
He ruffled the boy’s hair, then reached to ruffle Brian’s as well. “Better than cool, man.”
“Will you sign it? I want everyone to sign it.” Jamey had to be in pain, but you’d never know it. Kids just seemed to be like that. When they weren’t milking it for all it was worth.
“Sure, kiddo. Give me a pen.”
Brian babbled excitedly about what he’d witnessed as Jace signed his name in bold red letters, then drew a skull and cross bones. Jamey bounced up from the couch to show Taylor.
“Will you draw a skull on my arm, Uncle Jace?” Brian didn’t want to be left out.
Taylor nodded and Brian handed Jace a black marker.
Jamey tugged on her hand. “Mom, can I go over and show Ernie? He’s never had a cast.”
“You need to rest, sweetie.”
“Aw, Mom,” both boys moaned in unison.
Jace had never presumed to tell her what to do with her kids, but he knew her fear, the same he’d felt, his heart climbing into his throat. But she had to let it go or she’d end up smothering them. The way he’d tried to smother her after Lou died.
“It’ll be okay, Taylor. Let them go for a little while.”
Her indecision flashed across her face, fear darkening her eyes. She didn’t want to let them out of the house, out of earshot. Out of her protective reach. Then she said, “Half an hour. Then I want you back to take a nap.”
They rushed out of the house like a herd of elephants. She moved to the window to watch them stampede across the street.
“You’d think nothing had happened,” she said.
“Kids heal fast. We need to talk, Taylor.”
“I know. You want coffee?”
“Thanks, but no.” He needed to say what he had to say. Prepping the coffee was putting off the inevitable. “Sit down.”
She lingered a moment longer at the window, then moved to the couch, perching on the edge and clasping her hands in her lap. “I’m going to say my piece first.”
She laid the words out like a law. Perhaps if she got out her objections, he’d find a way to show her how wrong she was.
“I’m listening.” He didn’t know whether to stand or sit, though he was sure touching her would be a mistake. He stayed where he was, miles too far from her.
“It’s best that we end...what was going on between us.” She sucked in her breath as if voicing the thought had been hard for her, even as she sliced him in two. “You’ve been good to us since Lou died. The boys and I wouldn’t have made it without you. Everything you’ve done around the house, it’s meant a lot.”
“It meant—”
She held up her hand. “Let me finish while I can.” She took another deep breath. “I crossed the line when you found me at the bar that night. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. What happened after that wasn’t your fault.”
“Taylor.”
She looked at him, silenced him. He didn’t want to hear, but he would listen, for her.
“I’ve been feeling pretty weird lately, and that was all a culmination. But I’m better now. I’m sorry I took advantage of your generosity.”
Shit. Generosity? He was crazy for her. Couldn’t she see that? He shut his mouth on the words.
She rolled her lips between her teeth, worried them, then finally spoke. “I know you’ve always felt responsible for what happened to Lou. And you’ve tried to make it up to us. What you did for the boys. You went out of your way to help me even after the way I threw myself at you that night.” She swallowed, her chest swelled with her breath.
Jesus. Is that how she’d viewed what they’d done? That he was selflessly helping her? He’d laugh if it wasn’t so damn sad.
He wanted her to finish, so he could prove her wrong.
“I shouldn’t have taken all you gave without telling you that I never thought what happened to Lou was your fault. Never, Jace. Lou was...Lou.” She shrugged. “He liked things his way, and he probably thought he was teaching you a lesson by starting without you. He should never have done it.”
Her words washed over him in a gentle wave. Cleansing him at last.
“It was so hard to talk about. Nobody talked about it.”
No, they hadn’t. They’d all let it fester. Even Lou wouldn’t have wanted that.
He looked at her after that long silence. “Are you done?”
She twisted her hands. “I don’t want you to think it’s because I didn’t enjoy what we did. It was wonderful. I mean that. But we both knew it was a...” She wriggled her brow, trying to find the right word for what they’d done. “Thing,” she finally came up with.
He moved then, swiping the markers off the coffee table and tossing them back in their box. He shoved with his foot until there was enough room for him to sit in front of her.
“Is it my turn now?”
He wanted her to state every objection. He wanted to know every thought in her head, so he had an answer for it.
“Umm, yes.”
What should he tackle first? “I have felt responsible for what happened to Lou.” He bent his head, touched his lips to the back of her hand. “And I don’t think I can ever make you see how badly I needed you to forgive me.”
“Oh, Jace, there’s never been—”
He put two fingers to her lips. “My turn. I’ve done a thousand and more things to show you how sorry I was. But I love the boys, and I never used them to get you to forgive me. I did it because they needed me. For that, I’m the one who’s grateful. I needed them.” He searched her eyes for a sign that she believed him. He couldn’t read a thing. “Fixing stuff for you kept me busy, kept me from thinking too hard. But Taylor, I didn’t touch you because I was trying to atone in some weird way. I touched you because I’ve always wanted to touch you. Always.”
Finally, a reaction. She frowned, tipping her head.
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve loved you since the day Lou brought you home. I hated myself, but I couldn’t stop the way I felt. I never would have touched you, I never would have told you. But when you kissed me that night, you suddenly handed me everything I’d ever wanted.”
He let her absorb his meaning. He couldn’t know how she’d react, but on the way here, he’d sworn to give her the whole truth. His guilty obsession with her was the most damning part.
“Always, Jace?”
“From the beginning.”
“But I never even noticed.”
He laughed, though his throat ached. “I know. You loved Lou. And I would never have tried to take you away from him.” He’d dreamed about it, yes, but he’d never acted, never would have acted, if she hadn’t begged him to see her as a woman.
“You were always a woman to me, Taylor. But you were also Lou’s wife. Brian and Jamey’s mother. My sister-in-law.”
She didn’t say anything, staring at her hands. Would she revile him for the lie he’d lived with for half of his life?
“I never fucked you. I made love to you. I just couldn’t figure out how to tell you that.” He waited, his chest aching, his heart pumping overtime. “Say something.”
She looked up, her eyes wet and shimmering. “I don’t think I can say this, Jace.”
He died, a hundred times over, but he would take it. “You can tell me anything, Taylor. I love you. Whatever you have to say, it’ll be okay.”
I love you.
Taylor bent her head to her hands, pulling in air as if that would give her courage. What would Jace think when she told him the real truth? Everything she’d learned about herself over the
past few days. Yet Jace had confessed his greatest sins to her, she could do no less for him.
She sat up, rubbed her fingers over her eyes, then met his gaze. “I loved Lou. He’s the father of my boys. He was a good man. I’ve always loved you, as Lou’s brother. But God help me, sometimes I looked at you when you were wearing a nice tight pair of jeans, and I had...thoughts.” Oh Lord, this was so hard. “Small ones, Jace. Nothing explicit. But I did have thoughts.” The number grew in her mind as she remembered. She’d had a lot of thoughts about Jace, and oddly, hadn’t even felt guilty at the time. Because she would never have done anything. Never, not while Lou was alive. “But once I’d kissed you, I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop.”
“You didn’t betray Lou, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Yes, I did.” She bit down on the inside of her cheek. “In the bathroom at work, when you made me look in the mirror, I betrayed him then.” And understood a lot of painful things.
“He’s dead, Taylor. You’re not.”
She shook her head. “You don’t understand what I’m saying. I loved Lou, but I wasn’t in love with him. I don’t think I ever was. I wanted to be a part of your family, and Lou was a way to get there.” It sounded so much worse when she said it aloud.
He took her hand. “You were a good wife. The best. A wonderful mother. In you, Lou got everything he’d ever wanted.”
“But I...” She dropped her eyes to her lap and tried to pull her hand from his.
He wouldn’t let her go. “Say it. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.”
Say it. He made it sound so easy.
“He never made me feel that way,” she whispered. “He never touched me and set me on fire. I loved him, and I miss him, but the bed wasn’t empty because Lou was gone. It was empty because I wanted someone to touch me. Anyone.” Even Bubba at the Saddle-n-Spurs would have done. Until she touched Jace. “Then it was you, and now there’ll never be anyone else. It was never like that with Lou.”
He went down on his knees in front of her. “If you think I’m going to say I’m sorry that I make you feel that way and he didn’t, you’re wrong. If you think I’m going to let you feel guilty about it, you’re crazier than me. I love you. I’ve waited fifteen years to hear you say that. And I’m not going to let you take it all back. Now look at me.”
In the end, he lifted her chin. “I’ll never replace Lou. I don’t want to. I love you, and I want to marry you. I want to give you everything Lou never did, make you feel everything he didn’t. I want to be a father to Jamey and Brian. I want you. Tell me you want what I want.”
She scanned his face. He loved her. God help her, she loved him, too. More than she thought she could ever love any man. Jamey and Brian needed a daddy again. Jace would be more than they could ever have hoped for. But... “What about your family? What will they say?”
The clock ticked on the wall. Outside, the automatic sprinklers turned on. The timer was wrong. They should have come on early this morning.
Jace made a mental note to fix it. Then he gave Taylor the only other lie he ever would.
“If Mom and Dad can’t see how right this is, then I don’t give a damn. And I don’t give a damn what David says either.”
They’d already given their blessing. But if he told Taylor, she’d never be sure of herself. She’d always doubt, always think she made the choice for the wrong reasons. He couldn’t let her do that.
“You have to decide, Taylor.”
She took long moments, in which his blood thundered through his veins like a runaway train.
Then she put her hand to his cheek. “I don’t want to be just somebody’s lover, Jace. I want to be your lover. And your wife. And I think maybe your parents will understand.”
He stroked a finger down her face. “I know they will.”
After living in hell for the last three years, he finally got his taste of heaven. And he’d never let it go. He’d never let her go.
Chapter Fourteen
Taylor was giddy. Evelyn felt giddy herself at the Sunday family barbecue. Mitch filled the doughboy pool for the summer. Rina, Peter, and Brian splashed everyone that came in range, and Jamey sulked because he couldn’t go in the water with his cast. David had actually laughed at something Connie said, and Arthur put on his sunscreen without being asked. They’d made love every night the last week. Evelyn felt like a blushing bride.
And then there was Taylor. She glowed, like when she’d first learned she was pregnant with Brian. Jace couldn’t keep his hands off her. He smoothed lotion on her shoulders, dropped a kiss on her hair, held a finger when that was all he could reach. And he smiled. He laughed. Not just at the children’s antics, but at everything. She hadn’t seen him laugh like that in more years than Evelyn could count. Taylor did that for him.
They’d all miss Lou like the dickens. Evelyn would always talk to him before she went to sleep, as if he could hear up there in heaven. Her first born. Her big boy. She wasn’t silly enough to think she wouldn’t cry on the anniversary of his death or his birthday, or any day, just because she thought of him. But now she had Arthur to hold her. And he had her. Sometimes that was enough to bring you a measure of peace.
Especially when your grandchildren were as cute as bugs in a rug and your other sons had all learned to laugh again.
Except Mitchie. Mitchie was another story.
“Mitch isn’t talking to me,” Connie whispered to her.
In unison, they put their hands on their chins and stared across the lawn in Mitch’s direction. With a whoop of laughter, the kids splashed him. He wiped the spray from his face and shook a finger, a smile creasing his lips. As soon as they turned, racing off to get Uncle David, Mitch’s smile died.
Taylor and Jace were worries off Evelyn’s plate.
But there was David. He needed a wife to make him complete.
And Connie and Mitch who needed...well, something.
Evelyn never interfered in her boys’ lives. They’d have to work it out for themselves.
Of course, she could always give Connie a suggestion or two. And maybe find a sweet little gal for David. She’d have to put on her thinking cap.
###
Thank you for reading. Please consider leaving a review for this book.
Enjoy the following excerpts and meet the author!
Somebody’s Ex, Jackson Brothers, Book 2
Twisted by Love
Invitation to Seduction
About the Author
The Jackson Brothers continues with Somebody’s Ex, David’s story.
Copyright 2012 Jasmine Haynes
Cover Design by Rae Monet Inc
Randi Andersen has a thing for bad boys, tall, dark, sexy, and handsome. But bad boys invariably make for bad relationships. She’s tired of being somebody’s ex, ex-girlfriend, ex-lover, or ex-wife. Now, if she could just fall in love with a nice guy.
David Jackson has lived under the crushing weight of responsibility for holding his family together since his brother’s death three years ago. Randi is too sexy to resist, but the last thing he wants is a relationship.
Can they both forgive their past mistakes in order to take the leap of faith that love demands?
Excerpt
“You can’t just quit on me like this, David.”
“I’m not quitting, Dad.” David Jackson sighed and leaned his chair on its two legs back. He’d known this wouldn’t be easy. “I want to fix up the house, and Rich Morrisey is going to take me on so I can pick up some of the skills I’m lacking.”
It was the God’s honest truth. He wanted to do some remodeling around the place he’d bought a couple of years ago. Though he was handy with his tools, he needed to learn precision, optimum-materials use, and practical shortcuts. Working for Rich part-time would teach him the homebuilding trade.
“But what about a replacement?”
“You can hire some green kid to help with loading and hauling.” Which comprised a good portion
of the work Jackson and Sons Arborists did. “I’ll still do tree work when you need me.” The family tree-trimming outfit could run without him a few days a week. Dad would still have Jace and Mitch.
“But why?”
“It’s a good opportunity for me.” Not to mention that he needed a little time off from the family.
“I knew something was up when you didn’t make it to the last two barbecues.”
The Sunday family barbecues were a tradition his mom hadn’t allowed to die when Lou did. David had needed time off from that, too.
“Look, I know this whole thing with Taylor and Jace has gotten under your skin.”
Taylor and Jace. His youngest brother and his eldest brother’s widow. Since the announcement six weeks ago, he’d been telling himself they hadn’t betrayed Lou. Taylor had a right to move on.
But marrying Jace? There was something wrong in that.
“My decision has nothing to do with them.” He’d struggled to keep his feelings to himself since that day at the hospital, but the effort was wearing on him.
“David, I might be almost sixty years old, but I’m not stupid. I suspected you had a thing for Taylor, and I know it’s hard to watch her with Jace.”
Balanced on two chair legs, David almost fell backward, shock hitting him first. Then he tamped down a burst of anger. That was the most telling symptom of his current malady, a temper too close to the surface. In the past, he’d been slow to anger, but recently, the slightest thing set him off. He dropped his chin and stared at his dad over the top of his sunglasses. “You’ve gotta be kidding. Where did that come from?”
“I’ve got eyes. You’ve been twitchy around her for months.”
He’d been twitchy because Lou’s death had ripped a hole the size of California in the family, tearing apart the very fabric by which they lived, and filling his big brother’s shoes had been a helluva lot harder than he’d thought.
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