by Robin Helm
“That is true,” she replied, raising her chin, “but you stated that you wish for a wife who loves you.”
He tilted his head as he gazed at her. “’Tis true. I said that. If you feel you cannot love me, tell me now. It would be kinder than leaving me twisting in the wind for a fortnight only to be refused at the end of it.”
“Until last night, I did think I loved you, but the idea that you might be constantly angry with me makes me doubt my judgment. I know I can be obstinate and headstrong. Can you love me, in spite of my temper?”
Why does she doubt me? How can I prove what she refuses to believe?
“Did I still love you last night even though we argued? I could have walked away then, but I suggested a solution – a compromise acceptable to both of us. Working out difficulties between a husband and wife is my idea of a good marriage. We shall certainly disagree from time to time, but I will always love you. Do you believe me?”
She bit her lip for a few moments before she spoke again. “I believe you mean what you say right now. Whether those feelings will last is my concern.”
He shook his head. Will she doubt me after we marry? This is not a basis for a good marriage.
“You have said you thought you loved me until our misunderstanding last night. I have told you my love is constant. I am nothing if not consistent in my feelings, behaviour, opinions, and affections. In fact, every one of my acquaintance knows of my constancy. To be truthful, it bothers me that you can doubt your growing love for me after one minor squabble.”
Her expression of extreme sadness broke his heart.
I shall not give up quite yet.
“Where are you going in Meryton this morning? To a shop?” he asked.
She looked up at him.
Is that hope in her eyes?
“We are walking to the dressmaker’s shop to have our new gowns fitted.”
“Do you mind if I meet you there? I should like to know your cousin.” More importantly, I wish to see the man who would compete with me for your hand.
“I do not mind at all,” she replied gently. “I welcome the opportunity to introduce you to my cousin.”
“Very well. I shall see you there.”
He took her hand, bowed over it, and turned to walk away. When he reached the top of the peak, he looked back over his shoulder.
Elizabeth stood where he had left her, watching him. She raised her hand, waving at him before she ran to catch up with her sister and continue on her way to Longbourn.
His heart soared. I was right! She does love me. Now, I must get her to admit it to herself.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul.
Psalm 23: 1-3
Elizabeth tried not to grind her teeth as Mr. Collins prattled on incessantly.
She allowed her mind to drift, nodding occasionally, as she remembered her disagreements with Mr. Darcy. In fact, she had thought of little else in the hours since they had parted, going back in her mind to everything she had said.
When she nearly stumbled over a rock in the pathway, she returned her attention to her cousin. Mr. Collins is harmless. He is simply boring and somewhat ridiculous. I must not lose my composure; that never turns out well.
Mr. Darcy’s handsome face and imposing figure came to her mind. Why is it so difficult to believe such a fine gentleman could love me?
Elizabeth was soon jolted from her reverie by the unctuous tones of her cousin.
“The chimney-piece alone in the small parlour of Rosings cost eight hundred pounds!”
She raised a brow. “It must be a very fine chimney-piece, indeed.”
Hearing the whispers and giggles of her two youngest sisters behind her, Elizabeth turned her head to glare them into a more decorous silence.
Jane and Mary led the way, but when Mr. Collins stopped to catch his breath, they turned to face the rest of the party, forming a group perfectly situated for conversation.
“Shall you go with us into the dress shop, sir?” asked Mary, surprising her sisters.
How very odd, thought Elizabeth, quickly schooling her features. She hardly speaks outside our circle of family and close friends.
“Of course,” he answered, using his black, flat-brimmed hat to fan his pudgy face with one hand while he mopped the sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief held in the other. “Is it not the entire purpose of this journey in the stifling heat?”
“’Tis my purpose as well as Elizabeth’s, for we must try on our gowns before we leave the dressmaker’s shop. They may need alterations.”
Elizabeth detected the worried tone of Mary’s voice and saw her unhappy expression. My sister does not wish for Mr. Collins to be there when she shows us her dresses.
“Perhaps you might enjoy a trip to the book shop, Mr. Collins, for it is across the street from the dressmaker’s,” said Elizabeth. “We can join you there after we are done.”
His simpering expression turned her stomach.
“I certainly wish to please you, Miss Elizabeth, but I have no need of further books while I visit Longbourn. Your father has a most excellent library, and he has given me leave to borrow freely while I am his guest.”
“Shall I go with you to Griffin’s then?” asked Jane, smiling placidly. “I have heard they serve ices, and since you have mentioned the extreme heat, I think you would enjoy such a treat. The confectionary is just beside the dressmaker’s.”
He fluttered his hands and nodded rapidly, his jowls bouncing. “I would indeed, Cousin. I hoped for an opportunity to know you better.”
“Lydia and Kitty adore ices,” responded Elizabeth. She arched a brow at her younger sisters. “Do you not?” she asked, scowling at them.
Lydia frowned, whining. “But I have spent my pin money, and father said he will give me no more this month.”
Elizabeth reached into her reticule and retrieved several coins. “I have yet to spend mine from the past two or three months. Here is enough for both you and Kitty.”
“No, Elizabeth,” said Mary. She continued in a quiet, solemn voice. “I never use my pin money. I save it to help the less fortunate in our parish. Today, Lydia and Kitty shall be in that category.”
While Lydia and Kitty thanked Mary, Jane smirked and looked away.
Elizabeth put her hand over her mouth, barely stopping herself from exploding with laughter.
Who would have guessed it? Mary is a wit. She always seems so severe, but she is kind. Is there more there than I thought? I suppose still waters run deep.
Mary turned slowly before Elizabeth, her reddened cheeks betraying her discomfort.
“You are quite lovely, Mary. The brilliant blue is wonderful with your dark hair and blue eyes.”
“But I feel so –” Mary’s voice dropped to a hesitant whisper, “– exposed.” She tried to pull the bodice of her dress up to her neck.
“My dear sister,” said Elizabeth as she walked to stand behind her. “This gown is quite modest. I never realized before what a pleasing figure you possess.”
“I cannot wear such a gown to church or out visiting the needy in our village. What reason have I to own such a costly dress?”
“I shall share a secret with you. Jane told me Mr. Bingley is planning to host a ball at Netherfield very soon. He likes the neighbourhood and wishes to establish himself. This gown is perfect for such an occasion. You are beautiful, you know. You should not hide in drab clothing.”
“But what of the Apostle Paul’s admonition in First Timothy, chapter two, verse nine? ‘In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing’.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “You forget the Apostle Peter’s words in First Peter, chapter three, verses three and four. ‘Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rath
er let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.’”
“Does that not say the same thing?” Mary’s curiosity was genuine.
“The passages do not contradict each other,” answered Elizabeth with forbearance, “but the point is that neither passage teaches that women should not wear pretty dresses. The Apostles emphasized inner beauty, moderation, and godliness. The word ‘merely’ is quite important. We should never be lovely only on the outside, but we can be modest, beautiful, and godly without wearing plain, high-necked, colourless clothing. This gown is quite conservative. Think of the dresses worn by the other women in our circle and compare this gown with those.”
Mary rubbed her lower lip with her thumb as she looked at herself in the mirror. “You may be right. You and Jane are physically pleasing without being immodest.”
Elizabeth’s eyes sparkled. “Thank you, Mary. Will you allow me to arrange your hair? Jane and I would quite enjoy experimenting with different hairstyles for you.”
She lifted a hand to her head. “You do not like my hair?”
“On the contrary, dearest,” replied Elizabeth, patting her back. “I love your hair. ’Tis so thick and wavy, I have longed to arrange it in a more flattering way for you.”
“I have said I have no wish to marry. Why should you go to all this trouble?”
“Because you are my sister, and I love you. You do not seem happy to me. I hope if you look prettier, you will be more pleased with yourself. Would you not like to dance at the ball?”
Mary lowered her head and sighed. “I cannot.”
“Have you found a Scripture forbidding dancing?”
“That is not the reason I do not dance.”
Elizabeth stepped up beside Mary, placing a finger under her sister’s chin to lift it.
“Why, then?”
“I simply cannot. I never learned.”
“What? Mama made certain all of us could do the steps.”
“You do not remember. I was ill for many of those lessons, and I conveniently left the house for all of the others. I thought no man would ask me to dance, so I never took the trouble to master the art.”
“Well!” exclaimed Elizabeth, dropping her hand to her side. “This shall not do at all. Jane and I shall teach you to dance before the ball at Netherfield. Mama was right about this. All of her daughters should be dancing.”
“I have no wish to be made light of by Kitty and Lydia. Please forgive me, but I do not want to look ridiculous.”
“Look at me, Mary,” she coaxed, waiting for her sister’s attention before she continued. “Jane and I will teach you privately. I promise no one else will know. We shall not allow anyone to make sport at your expense. Do you trust us?”
Hesitantly, Mary nodded. “I trust you and Jane, but no one else except God.”
Elizabeth searched her sister’s eyes. How have I not seen my Mary’s unhappiness? Am I that absorbed in my own problems, my own life?
“Well, then,” Elizabeth replied. “Solomon tells us in Ecclesiastes there is ‘a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.’ The Netherfield ball will be your time to dance and laugh. I have a great desire to watch you enjoy yourself.”
“Very well. I shall do it to please you.”
“I hope you will please yourself as well.”
The door of the shop opened, and Mr. Darcy entered. His eyes lit with delight. “Why, Miss Mary! How very well you look.”
Elizabeth nearly clasped her hands before her. “Is she not quite dazzling?”
Mary turned and fled in embarrassment.
He lowered his voice. “She truly is. Have you heard? Bingley is hosting a ball on Saturday next.”
“Jane told me of the ball, but she did not know the date. Next week will be perfect. Mary’s gown will surely make her the belle of the occasion.”
Darcy lowered his mouth to her ear. “There shall be more than one belle, I think. Are you wearing a new gown?”
She twirled, pleased with his notice. “Do you like it? I have several new dresses.”
“Very much. You are even more beautiful than when I saw you last. Is this your choice for the ball?”
“No. I have already chosen another,” she teased.
“May I see it?”
“Absolutely not. I wish to surprise you.”
“Will you at least tell me the colour?” he wheedled. “I know I shall be stunned into silence at the ball if you refuse to prepare me.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “No, and do not attempt to flatter me into changing my mind.”
“Shall we trade secrets then? I shall tell you what I plan to wear.”
She laughed aloud, rolling her eyes. “Black and white? ’Tis all you own. I am convinced of it.”
“Am I so predictable?” He made a show of pouting.
“You have been more unpredictable as of late.”
Darcy straightened to his full height. “Which do you prefer? Predictable Darcy or Unpredictable Darcy?”
She sobered. “I wish for you to be yourself all the time. I want to know all your moods. Do you want the same from me?”
“I love you for who you are,” he replied in a low voice. “I find you attractive all the time.”
She was puzzled. How can that be? He was angry with me yesterday. How is that love?
“Even when you think I am unreasonable? Even when I am cross with you?”
His lips twitched. “You possess fire and passion. I have no wish to marry a woman without those qualities. Bingley requires a calm, tranquil lady to match his happy temperament. I would likely be quite unsuitable for a woman such as your sister, as truly wonderful as she is. I am as stubborn as you are, and I can be difficult at times. I know you will never allow me to quench your lively spirit, and I have no desire to do so. You are perfect for me.”
“We will argue,” she warned.
“And we will reconcile.” Darcy chuckled. “I greatly anticipate making up with you after our differences when we are married.”
The door flew open, cutting their conversation short, giving Elizabeth no time to puzzle over his words.
Jane approached them. “You must come at once. Lydia and Kitty have met with militia officers, and Mr. Collins is restless. He wishes to return to Longbourn immediately. I think meeting Mr. Darcy might occupy him and stop our sisters from causing a scene.”
Mary walked out of the fitting room. “Go, Elizabeth. I shall collect our purchases and join you and the others.”
“Shall I not change my clothes first? I have on a new gown,” asked Elizabeth, looking at Jane.
Mr. Darcy answered. “The weather is fine, so I think there is no danger of spoiling your gown, though I would rather the officers not see you looking as lovely as you do.”
Mary’s mouth dropped open, but she rapidly recovered.
Jane smiled knowingly. “Let us go, then.”
“Kitty and Lydia will soon make spectacles of themselves, if we do not prevent it.” Elizabeth grimaced as she took Darcy’s arm and they exited the shop.
Will my family embarrass him? Will he regret our connection?
Do not go hastily to court; For what will you do in the end, when your neighbor has put you to shame?
Proverbs 25:8
Darcy stopped short when he saw the officers gathered around Elizabeth’s younger sisters.
There are more new officers than I expected. I wonder how many soldiers are here now. Meryton is overrun, and the two youngest Miss Bennets are in the middle of it all.
He soon regained his composure, offering his arm to Elizabeth and placing his hand over hers in a show of possession. They walked together to join her sisters and Mr. Collins.
When Mr. Collins turned and opened his mouth, Elizabeth spoke quickly.
“Mr. Darcy, may I present my cousin, Mr. William Collins? He has the living at Rosings.”
Mr. Colli
ns swept his hat from his head, revealing his sweat-soaked hair, and bowed so low his shiny forehead nearly hit his knees.
“So very honoured to make your acquaintance, Mr. Darcy. I am pleased to say your aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, was very well the day before yesterday.”
Darcy nodded, unsmiling. “My aunt is always in excellent health.”
The parson stood, his mouth forming an obsequious smile – which disappeared the moment he noticed Elizabeth’s hand in the crook of Darcy’s elbow.
He glared at Elizabeth. “Cousin, I should not need to lecture you on proper behaviour with your betters. Lady Catherine would be most put out concerning your familiarity with her nephew, particularly as he is betrothed to her daughter.”
Blushing furiously, Elizabeth immediately removed her hand from Darcy’s arm and stepped away from the gentleman, joining her sisters with the officers.
Darcy’s face darkened. I would give half my fortune to announce my true engagement at this moment. Would that I had not asked to meet this toadying man, especially since I cannot contradict his statement in public without exposing my aunt for what she truly is – a meddling, overbearing gossip with a propensity to manipulate the truth ’til it is unrecognizable.
“What?” The gentleman spoke in low tones through clenched teeth. “You assume too much, Mr. Collins. You know nothing of my private life or obligations. In the future, please refrain from commenting on my affairs as they do not concern you in any way. Furthermore, Miss Elizabeth is a gentleman’s daughter. As such, she is my equal. You shall not berate her in my presence.”
Mr. Collins backed away, nodding his head frantically, his hands clasped in front of his generous paunch.
Darcy turned his attention to the group of officers, seeking Elizabeth. She was smiling in a forced way he had not seen before. He strode to stand beside her, but she did not acknowledge him.
Why are such things so difficult between us? She should have allowed me to announce our betrothal. Does she truly think I would offer for her if I were already betrothed to Anne? Surely, she knows me better than that.
