It should’ve been easy to forgive her, considering some of the bad choices Jane had made in her own life. But somehow it wasn’t. Maybe because if Jane was going to forgive her mother for making bad choices, she’d have to forgive herself, too. That made her feel nauseated.
Maybe she could take baby steps.
“Mom, I was thinking I could bring some pizza by this weekend. Maybe we could all watch a movie or something?”
For a moment her mother looked as if Jane had proposed they paint their faces blue and rob a bank. But then she smiled, a grin so wide it showed off her back teeth. “That would be great, baby. Maybe we could invite Grandma Olive.”
Jane’s smile twitched into a sick grimace for just a moment before she managed to straighten it out. “Oh, sure. Whatever you want.”
“She’s a little lonely now that Jessie’s gone.”
“Of course.” Lonely like a beta fish after it had eaten all its young. “Whatever you want, Mom.”
“Oh, this is going to be so much fun! That new Fast & Furious movie is out on DVD. Have you seen it yet?”
“Um…no.”
“Okay, I’ll order the pizza, and you pick up the movie, all right? I’m so excited!”
Everything she said just made Jane feel worse, but thankfully her mom was gathering up her purse and phone.
“I’ve got to get home and make dinner for your dad. You think about going to visit Jessie, all right? We’ll see you this weekend. Oh, Jane, I can’t wait.”
Jane stood, waiting awkwardly. When her mom passed her, Jane reached out and gave her a quick hug. “I love you, Mom.”
“Oh, honey. That’s so sweet! I love you, too!”
“I’ll see you this weekend. Is Saturday okay?”
“You know us. We’re just an old married couple. We only ride on Sundays now.”
As soon as the door closed, Jane’s eyes flew to the phone. She was shaking with nervous energy. She needed to talk to someone. Was Chase home?
It didn’t matter. She’d broken things off. He meant nothing to her.
But she wanted to tell somebody that she’d reached out to her mom. She could call Lori, but Lori wouldn’t understand what a big step it was.
Heaving a sigh, Jane walked over to her coffee table and stared down at the phone. It seemed so innocuous, the screen staring blankly at nothing.
It was over. He wasn’t the kind of man she wanted to date. It had been a clean break.
Eyes narrowed, she glared at the phone.
He’d said he didn’t want to be used anymore, but that had been days ago. Surely he was horny by now. Maybe she could lure him over for sex and a quick conversation. Only because she was stressed out.
Comfort food. Chase was comfort food, and she was dying for a little comfort right now.
Jane snatched up the phone and flipped it open. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t call him, but there was a way around that.
Pulling up his number, she typed out a text message.
Want to come over?
She counted to ten. Then counted again. Then she set her phone down and walked away from it to make it beep. It worked. Jane raced back and picked it up.
Dinner? A walk? It’s a beautiful evening.
She scowled at the screen.
No, just here.
This time she didn’t put it down—she only glared and waited, tapping her foot. Finally her answer arrived.
Thank you, but no. Have a good nite.
“Oh, you bastard,” she huffed, tossing the phone onto the couch. “What kind of man refuses sex?”
She had no other outlet now. Nothing but boxing. And nowadays even boxing made her think of Chase. But at least she could imagine punching his face while thoughts of him tortured her.
The thought made her feel guilty. The guilt made her think of her mom. Then of Jessie. She was drowning in guilt and a helpless need to do something.
She’d taken a first step with her mom. Things were over with Chase. But what about Jessie? She glanced at the clock.
Her reputation was in a shambles, so she’d vowed not to set foot in the jail again. If anyone saw her, another juicy tidbit would be added to the delicious story of her true identity. Mitch would remember that he’d seen her at the jail, too. Everyone would wonder what she’d done. Perhaps they’d wonder if she was following in her mother’s footsteps.
She couldn’t do it.
But she’d vowed to be a better sister, a better person. Her relationship with Chase was effectively over, but she couldn’t cut off her brother. Not if she wanted to help him.
Jane grabbed her keys and hurried out before her cowardice could gather itself up and stop her.
Half an hour later, when she saw Jessie’s face, the strange tension that had been tightening inside her eased a bit. He did look good.
“Hey, sis,” he said into the cracked and dented phone, “I didn’t expect to see you.”
“I wanted to see how it was going.”
He shrugged. “Not too bad. You know…it’s jail.”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks for the letter.”
“Of course,” she said, no longer sure what she wanted to talk about. “Do you need anything?”
“Mom brought me cigarettes. Maybe some books would be nice. I used to read that sci-fi stuff, remember?”
Yes, she did remember all of a sudden. When he’d been thirteen and he’d asked to spend the night at her place, and she’d said no as she always did. Jessie had thrown one of those books at the wall before slamming the door to his room.
Jane nodded. “I’ll ask around and see what’s popular now.”
“Great.”
Silence fell between them. A stupid silence, considering they had only a few minutes. But Jane didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry I never let you spend the night at my place?
“Hey!” Jessie said suddenly, a smile blooming over his face. “I heard they arrested someone for those murders!”
“Finally,” Jane said.
“Dude, that’s great. What a relief.”
“I suppose.”
“What’s not great about it?”
Jane watched him, looking into his eyes. The same big blue eyes he’d had as a sweet little boy. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she didn’t want to treat him like a kid, either. Not if she expected him to start acting like a man.
She straightened her shoulders. “He changed the locks on the homes of all three women after their purses were stolen.”
Jessie nodded.
“He kept copies of the new keys.”
“That’s devious, man.”
He didn’t get it, so Jane took a deep breath and said it as clearly as she could. “Jessie, if you hadn’t stolen Michelle Brown’s purse, she might still be alive.”
His face fell, crumpling into shock. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“I know, and the truth is, with or without you, there was a killer out there looking for his next victim. But your actions had real consequences. First of all, a person’s life can be ruined if they lose their rent money or the payment for their child’s day care. And even worse things, things you couldn’t imagine, like what happened to Michelle. I know you didn’t mean it, but…You didn’t mean it, but it still happened, Jessie.”
His gaze fell to the counter and he rubbed a hand over his eyes. She felt as if she’d just stuck a knife into his back, but it wasn’t about her. He needed to spend his time in jail thinking, and she wanted him to start at the right place. She wanted him to regret his old life, so he’d start a new one. Sometimes regret was a powerful force.
“I love you,” Jane said just as the warning chime sounded.
Jessie looked up, his eyes bright with tears. “I’m sorry about Michelle. And I’m sorry I let you and dad down. Mom, too. I really am.”
A tear slipped down her cheek when she nodded. “I’ll come see you again next week, okay?”
Her love life was one thing. She could give
that up if she had to. But her family…she didn’t want to lose them again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“HEY, NICE FLOWERS!” Mr. Jennings said when he came out to grab the three-hole punch.
Jane tossed a glare toward the gorgeous bunch of multicolored tulips that had arrived at eleven. “Thanks.”
“Are they from Chase?”
“Mmm,” she hummed noncommittally. Yes, they were from Chase. They’d come complete with an adorable message. “You make my heart go boom. Love, Chase.”
Mr. Jennings disappeared back into his office, only to reappear seconds later. “Maybe I should send Lori some flowers. Do you think she’d like that?”
“Oh, of course! Do you want me to order them?”
“No, no. A man should order his own flowers, right?”
“Sure.”
His office door closed, but opened again only twenty seconds later. “Jane, who should I order flowers from?”
“I’ll bring you a number,” she said, trying to hide her smile. A few minutes later she had the number of a place in Tumble Creek, and a backup number of her favorite florist here in Aspen.
“Mr. Jennings,” she said as she handed it over, “there’s a florist in Tumble Creek, but it’s called Randolph Gifts and Fly Fishing. I wasn’t sure if—”
“Oh, Mr. Randolph! Right. He’s perfect—thank you.”
“He sells flowers and…worms?”
“Well, it’s a small town. You’re coming to the party, right? You did the work, after all.”
Lori was leaving for the big tour of Europe in a week. Mr. Jennings would be joining her for two weeks, but before she left he was throwing a going-away party at her house in Tumble Creek. “Absolutely. I wouldn’t miss it.”
“You should bring Chase.”
“No! Chase and I aren’t…We only went out on one date. Maybe two. Anyway, it’s over. He’s not my type. Obviously!”
“Are you sure? He’s a good guy.”
“Mr. Jennings, last week you were convinced he was roughing me up!”
He shrugged. “Eh, I was freaked out. It’s too bad it didn’t work out. I hope it won’t be awkward for you when he comes in.”
“No, I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She hurried out to escape his eyes. The man never noticed anything around him, and suddenly he was Mr. Inquisitive. “Unbelievable,” she muttered as she sat down.
This bad habit of talking to herself was going to have to stop. The whole point of pushing Chase away had been to make herself more normal. But she couldn’t help her nervous energy. She’d gotten hooked on sex with Chase, and she needed a fix. God, how could he be so stubborn?
And she wanted to tell him that she’d seen Jessie, that he seemed to be growing up. Wanted to tell him she was trying to reconcile with her mother.
Sadly, it turned out that the man she’d been using for meaningless sex had become her best friend. A man she’d known for less than a month was her closest confidant. How pitiful was that?
Jane sighed. For once, her work felt tedious, but she forced herself to dive back into the next quarter’s budget and wrestle it to the ground. When the door whooshed open, she was just reaching into the closest filing cabinet to grab last year’s receipts. She glanced over her shoulder, and Chase was standing there.
Chase. He smiled and her heart tumbled over and over and landed somewhere near her feet.
“Hi, Miss Jane.”
“Chase,” she whispered, taking him in on a wide-eyed glance. He’d cut his hair. Actually, he’d buzzed it so low it was practically shaved. He looked as if he belonged in a Mad Max movie. He looked…incredibly hot.
Jane cleared her throat. “Mr. Chase.”
His eyes slid to the vase of tulips. “You got the flowers?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“I hope you like tulips.”
Finally pulling herself together, she straightened in her chair and forced herself to be stern Jane. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why? You need to go! This is completely inappropriate!”
“Jane, this isn’t—”
Mr. Jennings’s door opened. “Hey, Chase.”
Jane stifled a groan. Great. A scene at her office. “Chase, you need to—”
Mr. Jennings stepped past her. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yep,” Chase answered.
Jane froze. “Wait a minute. What’s going on here?”
He winked. “We’re going to lunch, Jane. Want to come with?”
“No!” she yelled, but Mr. Jennings’s words made perfect sense now. I hope it won’t be awkward…Crud. “Mr. Jennings, you didn’t put this on your schedule. I’m…”
Chase’s smile widened.
“Oh, just go,” she muttered.
“Bye, Miss Jane,” Chase said with another wink that made her face flash hot. But when he turned to follow Mr. Jennings out the door, more than just her face burned.
She knew why he’d cut his hair so short. That sneaky, slimy dog. With his head buzzed she could see all of his tattoo. The way the black ink curved lovingly up his strong neck and cupped the base of his skull. The way the tendrils narrowed like flames before they faded away.
Oh, God, she wanted to lick him so badly. She wanted to follow that ink with her tongue all the way from his arm to his skull. His hair would be rough and prickly under her mouth…. Jane shivered.
“Oh, crud,” she groaned, but that wasn’t the least bit satisfying. She glanced around as if someone might have snuck back into the office, and then Jane put her shoulders back and said, “Shit.” Then “Fucking bastard.”
The cursing helped her feel a little better. Not much, but a little.
She couldn’t date Chase, no matter how much she missed him. After all these years of striving to transform herself, she couldn’t just throw up her hands and admit defeat. Not for a man. She’d be telling herself and everyone else that it didn’t matter how fast and far she ran, she was still Dynasty Alexis.
Dynasty, who liked big men with criminal records. Who had emotionless sex with men in their cars. Who got turned on by steel-toed boots and tattoos and dirty T-shirts. Chase brought all that out in her, so it couldn’t matter that he was also kind and considerate and generous. It couldn’t.
Sniffing, pretending it was allergies and not emotion, Jane wiped her nose and glanced at the clock. The men had been gone for only ten minutes. She’d give it another thirty before taking her own lunch. She couldn’t see Chase again.
The sight of that tattoo would break her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“MOM?” Jane opened the screen door and stuck her head inside her parents’ house. “Dad?”
“We’re here, sweetie!” Her mom rushed out, black heels clomping on the wood floor. She’d dressed down, though. She was showing no cleavage, and Jane was pretty sure her mother had picked out the plain blue sweater in Jane’s honor.
“The pizza should be here in a few minutes.” She gave Jane a quick hug, as if afraid her daughter would pull away if she squeezed too tight. “We’re in the den looking through old pictures. I’m thinking of trying scrapbooking.”
Jane followed her mom past the kitchen to the sunken living room, remembering how excited they’d both been about this house when Mac had announced he was buying it. A den. A fireplace. It had seemed like a fantasy.
Jane had thought everything was going her way when she was nine. She’d even dreamed that her real dad would move to Colorado when he got out, and she’d get to have everyone she loved in her life. Her mom, her stepdad, her new little brother and her real dad, too.
When I get paroled, the first thing I’m going to do is take you to Disneyland, baby girl.
She vividly remembered sending off for a Disney brochure. She’d kept it under her pillow for months.
Calling Chase a bastard had been unfair. She knew what a real bastard was like.
Lost in thought, following her mom, Jane didn’t
register at first that it wasn’t Mac going through photos with her mother. It was Grandma Olive. Oh, Jesus.
“Look who’s graced us with her presence,” Olive said.
“Grandma Olive.” She sighed.
“Where’s that big man of yours?”
“Chase is just a friend.”
“Pfft. Even I’d be tempted by a man like that, and you never said no to anything in your life.”
“Grandma,” Jane’s mom snapped. “Stop it.”
The old lady sniffed. “It’s just the truth.”
Jane had been hearing it for years, so she gritted her teeth and dropped into a recliner.
Her mom turned concerned eyes on her. “Are you doing okay? That ex-boyfriend hasn’t bothered you again?”
“No, I’m fine. He’s gone to stay with his parents in Fort Collins. I’m sure the D.A. will drop the charges, and once that happens, I don’t think he’ll be back.”
“Good,” her mom said, handing over a thick photo album. “Here, sweetie. Most of your pictures are in this one.”
Happy to avoid any further conversation about Greg or Chase, Jane cracked open the album. The first few pages were mostly pictures of Jessie as a baby, and she smiled as soon as she saw them. He’d been painfully adorable. It was easy to see how he’d wrapped their mother around his finger.
The pictures progressed, and Jane was there, grinning and stick-thin. In the summer pictures her hair was lightened by the strong mountain sun. The winter photos showed her wearing a collection of brightly colored knit caps, all of them topped with pom-poms. She’d forgotten those caps. Her mom had developed a passion for knitting, and Jane had been the number one benefactor.
“Mom, do you still knit?”
“Oh, my God, I haven’t knit anything in years!”
“You should try it again. You always looked so happy sitting in front of the TV with your yarn.”
“Oh, now I’m busy using Twitter. I can’t figure out Lost without my Twitter friends. And I don’t have any reason to knit. Neither of you kids seem anywhere close to giving me grandbabies.”
Lead Me On Page 24
