by Abby Weeks
—I love your pool, Janey said, just to break the silence.
Henry came back to her as if she’d just woken him from a sleep.
—Yes, he said, distantly.
He’d been so intent on looking at her it seemed he could hardly concentrate. It was strange that he was so taken by her but it sure was doing her battered confidence some good.
—Well, you can use it anytime, Henry said. I live alone and hardly ever swim. It’s a shame because it’s a nice pool.
—Thank you, Janey said.
She imagined him watching her swimming in the pool. She imagined being naked in it.
—Really, he said. I mean it. You go ahead and swim any time. I’m not even home most of the time and I have a gardener that comes by a few times a week and he maintains it perfectly. I’d be delighted to see you make use of it.
Janey looked up at him. He was handsome and seemed confident and capable but there was an awkwardness about him too. She wasn’t surprised to hear he lived alone. He had the air of a loner. She also felt a rush of desire when he’d said he’d like to see her in the pool. Maybe he meant that he’d watch her. He was welcome to.
She honestly couldn’t understand her own emotions or feelings right now, but something about the thought of him looking at her, watching her swim made her feel more secure and safe than anything else she could call to mind. It was as if his gaze would be an embrace that would hold her and protect her.
—Well, Janey said. I’d better get going.
He’d been looking at her again and seemed to find it difficult to concentrate on anything while in her presence.
—Of course, Henry said. Of course.
He offered her his hand to shake and she shook it.
—It’s been an absolute delight to meet you in person, Janey.
—Likewise, she said and wheeled her cart off toward the checkout.
IV
WHEN JANEY GOT HOME SHE threw the groceries on the kitchen counter and left the movies on the coffee table by the TV. Then she went to the office and looked up Henry Walden. She was shocked at what she learned. She never would have guessed any of it from the unassuming man she’d met at the grocery store. His wiki page led her to his company website and there was a detailed bio there.
He was a doctor, a famous doctor. He’d been married in his thirties and when he and his wife had their first child they’d learned that his wife carried a rare genetic disorder. Henry then spent the next thirty years researching the disorder at Weill Cornell. He started a company and built a dedicated research institute at the Cornell campus in Ithaca. He’d been obsessed, his company filed a number of groundbreaking patents, and after decades of hard work he succeeded. His company finally developed an effective treatment for the disorder that was today saving lives all over the world. But unfortunately for Henry, his wife and daughter had long since succumbed to the disease. It was a tragic story but a quick look at his company’s stock price told her that it hadn’t been entirely futile, at least not financially. Henry had netted millions by the time he retired a few year ago. It seemed he’d since been involving himself in charitable work, serving on the board of some local hospitals, and establishing a foundation to provide research grants to medical start-ups. He was quite a man. There were photos of him on the internet shaking hands with the president. He’d also spent time with some pretty impressive celebrities who were personally touched by the disease he’d cured or who had taken on the cause as one of their charitable projects. One picture showed him at a ceremony, in a tuxedo, with Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Janey printed it out and took it with her to the living room. She wanted to look at it while she ate her ice cream and watched her romances.
She fell asleep during the second of the two movies and when she woke up the DVD menu screen was repeating the same snippet of music over and over. She looked at the table, covered with containers of melted ice cream and a half-empty bowl of butter popcorn. She regretted being so glutinous. She’d have to find out about that gym soon before she put on weight. A few extra pounds was the last thing she needed while she was feeling so insecure in her marriage. She shut off the TV and gathered up the mess on the table and brought it into the kitchen. She saw the green digital display on her oven and was shocked that it was after three AM. Where the hell was Ben?
She rushed upstairs to see if for some reason he’d gone to bed without waking her but the bedroom was empty. She picked up the phone and dialed his office number. There was no answer. She waited and waited as it rang and she pictured the empty office with the lone phone ringing. No one was there. With a sick feeling in her stomach she wondered if she should call his cell. She knew he’d hate her for doing it. He’d say he’d been with clients and didn’t like interruptions, but she was his wife and it was three in the morning so she was within her rights to interrupt anything. What stopped her from dialing the number was the fear that she might catch him with Suzy. She knew about the affair but she didn’t want Ben to know she knew. Not that there could be much doubt, it was three in the morning and he still wasn’t home, but she wasn’t ready to face him on it. She wasn’t ready to have the fight that it would lead to. And she wasn’t ready to make the admissions to herself about her own life that the fight would force. She put down the phone.
She switched on the bedside lamp and sat on the side of the bed and thought. She thought that Ben was growing more careless of her, more reckless. She’d wanted to move to Sunny Oaks to breathe new life into the marriage but it was as if, with her being farther away from Troy, he felt he could think of her even less than before. He’d never stayed out this late before. She wondered briefly if maybe he’d been in an accident. He might have tried to drive home drunk and crashed. She put aside that thought. If there’d been an accident she’d be contacted. The more realistic option was that he was asleep with Suzy somewhere, too drunk to even realize that he wasn’t in his own bed at home.
She looked out the window across the way at the neighbor’s house. Henry Walden, she said to herself quietly. She walked up to the glass. Look at me, she thought. Please, look at me. She didn’t know what she was doing but she felt so alone and she just needed to know that someone in the world, even if it was just her eccentric neighbor next door, was thinking about her.
She went to the light switch and turned on the lights. Then she went back to the window and peered out across the darkness. Please look at me, she thought.
The light in Henry’s room came on! He was there, standing by his window in the same clothes he’d been wearing earlier at the grocery store.
Had he been waiting by the window all this time?
V
JANEY STAYED WHERE SHE WAS and looked across at Henry. He stood, motionless, looking back at her. He almost could have been a statue, or a mannequin. In fact, if she didn’t know who he was or why he was standing there she might have thought he wasn’t real. She held up her hand in greeting and he responded, holding up his hand. The way he did it made her picture someone standing on a pier, watching a loved one leaving on a ship for a very long journey. There was something so sad about the man.
She felt strange at having learned so much about him. She’d read the salient points of his entire life and knew more about him than she knew about some members of her own family. At least, she felt she knew him. It made her wonder who was the bigger voyeur, him or her? He’d watched her get naked and play with a dildo, but she knew the most intimate details of his life.
She decided she was going to take her clothes off. She didn’t care that it was improper. Her husband still wasn’t home and she wanted someone to appreciate her beauty. She slipped out of her sweats and pulled her hair out of the ponytail it had been in since the day before. It felt good to be naked. It felt even better to be naked in front of Henry. She could almost feel his eyes on her bare skin. She closed her eyes and breathed out a long sigh and tried to concentrate on the fact that he was looking at her naked body. She tried to feel the connection with him, as i
f the effect of his gaze on her skin could in some way comfort her for what Ben was doing.
It was different to being touched. She knew that. She loved being touched by men, at least she’d loved being touched by Ben until he began cheating on her. This was different. There was no direct stimulation. No one was actually touching her breasts or her vagina with their hands or mouth. There was no penis for her to focus her concentration on. But it was still good. It was still a genuine connection that she was making with this man across the way, and it wasn’t cheating on Ben. At least, it wasn’t quite cheating.
The thrill of being watched was a thrill of anticipation. It was as if she knew it would lead to something more physical eventually, and that was enough for the time being. Knowing it was almost as good as having it happen to her immediately. It was the pleasure of a good tease.
The only thing about a tease though, is that it leaves you wanting more. She didn’t want to have sex with Henry. Not yet. She was still too committed to Ben and her marriage and to the goals that they shared. Even if he was willing to throw it all away for a brief fling with a secretary, that didn’t mean that she was. She hadn’t given up on her marriage yet. But she was getting something that she genuinely needed from her displays to Henry. And she was beginning to realize that it was something she couldn’t do without.
Right now, what she really wanted more than anything else, was to be closer to Henry. She didn’t want to be so close that he could touch her, but she wanted him to be watching her from closer quarters. She wanted to be able to see precisely his reactions as he watched her. She wanted him to be able to see her more clearly, more intimately.
She pressed her body against the glass window, flattening her breasts against the glass. She thrust her pelvis forward so that her shaved cunt was pressed against the cold surface of the glass. It was closer but it was nowhere near close enough. They were still separated by twenty yards of cold, night air and two panes of window glass. She felt a million miles away from him. And she felt lonely.
She looked over at the phone. She remembered the feeling she’d gotten waiting for someone at Ben’s office to pick up. She allowed herself to feel the rage that his affair was stirring up in her. Then she left the window and, still naked, grabbed a bath towel from the washroom and went downstairs. She knew that Ben could come home at any minute but she didn’t care. If he caught her doing what she was about to do then at least it would bring things to a head. She wasn’t afraid to confront him. Not right now, in this moment of utter loneliness and desperation.
She walked, naked, to the kitchen door that led out to the patio and opened it. The cold air flew in and rushed over her skin in a ghostly embrace. She steeled herself against it and stepped outside onto the side patio. She walked across her lawn and through the hedge onto Henry’s lawn. She looked up and saw that he was still watching her from the upstairs window. He hadn’t moved a single muscle.
She walked around to the back of the house to the patio beside his pool and threw her towel on one of the deck chairs. Then she went to the diving board and stepped onto it. She felt vital and alive in the cool night air, her naked skin exposed to the night like nature had intended. She felt like some nocturnal hunter on the prowl. It was a thrilling feeling to be naked outside at night. The diving board was long and white and took her out over the water. She stood at the end of it, her arms in the air above her head, and arched her back, pushing her breasts and vagina forward toward the water.
Then the pool lights came on. There were dozens of little spotlights built into the side of the pool, submerged beneath the water and they made the pool look magical. Lights on the side of the house came on too, shining down on her and the smooth surface of the water. If any of the other neighbors were looking out their windows they would see her there, naked as a nymph. She looked toward the house and saw Henry standing at his patio doors as motionless as he had been upstairs. Now he was so much closer, though. She was only a couple of yards from where he stood. She felt as if the power of his gaze had been amplified by the proximity. It thrilled her. In her pussy, right where a penis would be if she was being fucked, she felt a surge of pleasure.
She turned and faced him and silently mouthed the words that were going through her head, over and over.
—Look at me.
Janey dived into the cool water in perfect form. She hardly made a splash. Henry stood by the glass, motionless as ever, and watched her swim back and forth, lap after lap, naked as a mermaid. She found that once she started swimming she couldn’t stop. It felt so good to be moving through the clear water, to have it flowing over her body. Knowing that Henry was there watching her muscles strain against the water gave her strength. Back and forth, back and forth she went. She got into a rhythm and just kept going. It had been years since she’d swum like that. She swam competitively in college but hadn’t kept it up. She let her mind go blank now, the way she had in college. She began to remember how good it felt to be in the water.
After about fifteen minutes she tired and got out of the pool. Of course, Henry was still standing there at the glass, watching every move she made. With the water dripping off of her, still out of breath from her exertion, she walked over to the glass door that Henry was at and stood right in front of him. He smiled faintly. She put her hand up against the glass. He put his hand up to it and touched her through the glass. She leaned forward, pressing her breasts against the window pane. He looked at her breasts and for some reason she felt like crying. She allowed a few forlorn tears to fall down over her cheeks.
It was as if she’d entered a different world, a world where her life wasn’t falling to pieces around her. She was yanked back to the present when she saw the lights of a car drive by and pull around into her driveway. Ben was home. She gave Henry one final glance before running naked through the hedge to her kitchen. She could hear the garage door opening and made a dash for the stairs. She’d left her bath towel out by the pool but she hardly cared. She got to the bedroom and went straight to the shower. She didn’t relax till the hot water was rolling down over her body, soothing her and warming her after the chill of the night air.
By the time she got out Ben was snoring on the bed. He hadn’t taken off his suit and he was lying on top of the covers. He’d never even knocked on the bathroom door to tell her he was home. She went over to the window and looked out across the lawn. Henry wasn’t there.
VI
THE NEXT MORNING, BEN WOKE up late for work. He had a hangover and was in a foul mood.
—Want me to make some coffee? Janey said as Ben stepped into the bathroom.
—Sure, he mumbled.
She went down to the kitchen and put on water. Then she scooped two measures of coffee into the French press and waited for the water to boil. She went over to the patio doors to look outside and gasped in surprise! She stepped back from the doors with a hand over her mouth. She couldn’t believe it. Henry’s entire swimming pool had somehow been filled with red roses during the night. There were thousands of them. The entire pool was like a carpet of flowers. How had he managed to arrange that in such a short time?
Janey felt tears forming in her eyes. It was the kindest, most romantic, most loving gesture she had ever seen in her entire life. What kind of a person would do such a thing? She wanted to dive into the pool and bathe in the flowers. She wanted to swim in them. And most of all, she wanted to let Henry know that she appreciated the huge gesture he had made. She supposed this meant he liked her using his pool!
She was still standing by the patio doors when Ben came downstairs.
—Where’s the coffee? he said.
He looked a little better now that he’d showered and shaved but his mood hadn’t improved much.
—Sorry, it’s coming right now.
She poured hot water over the coffee grounds and waited for it to brew. She felt awkward being there with Ben. She felt she had to say something about his coming home so late but she didn’t see the point. She knew whe
re he’d been. He’d been with his secretary.
—Sorry about last night, he said sheepishly.
She looked at him and nodded.
—You were home pretty late.
—I know. It’s these new clients.
—Ben, I don’t care who it was.
Ben was looking at the ground, shaking his head.
—I know, he said. I know. We’ll do something nice tonight. Ok?
—Will we?
—Definitely. Why don’t we meet in the city for dinner.
—Ok. I’ll call you later and we can firm up a plan.
She handed him some black coffee in a travel mug.
—Do we have any aspirin?
—I don’t think so. You’ll have to pick some up.
Once Ben left, Janey felt much calmer. She was glad the house was empty again. It seemed, the more time she spent away from Ben, the more she enjoyed the solitude. She had felt as if there’d been an intruder in the house since Ben got home last night. Now it was hers again. She went to the front of the house to make sure Ben’s car was gone and then she slipped out of her pajamas and left them on the hall floor. She walked straight back to the kitchen and opened the patio doors and stepped out into the cold air.
This was becoming something of a habit, she thought, but she couldn’t help it. She grabbed one of the poolside lounge chairs and lay on it. It was hardly eight in the morning and the air was so chilly that steam was rising up from the pool through the roses. The flowers were so rich and beautiful looking. She decided that however long it took, and however cold she got, she would lay naked on that lounge until Henry saw her. She wasn’t sure what she was trying to accomplish and she wasn’t sure what would happen when he saw her but she didn’t care. She wasn’t going back into her house to face another desperate day of loneliness while Ben cheated on her.
