Winter at West Sands Guest House

by Maggie Conway

  ‘Help yourself to a drink.’ Eva indicated glasses, a jug of iced water, and an opened bottle of chilled white wine.

  ‘Unless there’s anything else you’d prefer?’

  ‘No this is great, thanks,’ he replied taking a seat beside Jamie who was hunched over his jotter again, tapping a pencil against his head. ‘What subject are you doing?’ Ben asked him.

  ‘Maths,’ Jamie moaned. ‘But I’m kinda stuck.’

  ‘Would you like me to have a look? Maybe I can help.’ Jamie willingly turned his jotter round showing Ben the offending question consisting of finding the size of angles for six triangles shown on the page.

  Eva moved around the kitchen, preparing a salad and finding plates. Listening to them discussing Jamie’s homework, she smiled to herself. If she was honest it was a bit of relief to have someone else to look at it. Eva’s attempts at maths homework usually ended up with one of them shouting in frustration but she could hear Ben’s voice now, endlessly patient. Eva began to clear a space on the table, her eyes drawn to Ben’s long fingers pointing to something on the page.

  ‘I get it now that you’ve explained it,’ Jamie was saying. ‘But I know I won’t remember how to do it later. I really hate maths,’ he sighed.

  Ben gave him an understanding smile. ‘Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it. I remember finding maths difficult especially when I started high school. Do you play chess at all?’

  Jamie frowned, shaking his head. ‘Donald was going to teach me but then they moved and Mum doesn’t know how to play.’

  Eva silently thanked her son for highlighting her inadequacy in front of Ben who was explaining to her son how learning to play chess had benefitted him at school.

  ‘My dad taught me and it helped me with lots of things – especially problem solving and concentration.’

  ‘So could you teach me to play chess?’ Jamie’s face shone with enthusiasm. Ben looked slightly taken aback for a moment, perhaps not expecting such an instant response.

  ‘Jamie! You can’t just ask like that – I’m sure Ben’s too busy.’ Eva threw an apologetic look to him but he seemed keen.

  ‘No, I’d love to – I used to really enjoy playing.’

  Eva smiled in appreciation at his offer, knowing anything to do with sports or games was a no-brainer as far as Jamie was concerned. With the maths homework completed, Jamie shut his jotter with a resounding thump and the conversation moved easily to football.

  ‘What position do you play?’ Ben asked.

  ‘Usually forward: that’s where I like best.’

  ‘Yeah? So do you score many goals then?’

  ‘A few but I’m more of a winger – I like to set ’em up.’

  ‘I was more of a rugby man myself. I played for my university up until a few years ago, played in an amateur league and we did all right …’

  Eva sneaked a look at Ben, matching his physique to the knowledge he played rugby making perfect sense. She pulled the pizzas from the oven thinking how nice this all was. Homework done and now football talk – almost too good to be true, she mused, rolling the cutter along the pizza base and hearing a sudden warning alarm sound in her head.

  She recognized a small part of her was feeling defensive, as if she had allowed Ben into her inner sanctum. And while she was happy to have him here, saw how much Jamie was enjoying it, at the same time she didn’t want him getting used to something that wouldn’t always be there. She told herself not to read too much into it. Jamie certainly wouldn’t and they were going to be living next door to each other after all; they should all get along.

  ‘These look great.’ Ben rubbed his hands together as Eva served up. She had introduced the idea of home-made pizzas to try to get Jamie interested in cooking. He got to choose the different toppings on the proviso he helped prepare them. Tonight, he had grated the cheese and sliced the mushrooms. A satisfied silence fell as they all tucked in. It was new and strange sharing food in their kitchen with Ben whom they’d only known a matter of days. But it didn’t feel wrong or uncomfortable, Eva realized. Jamie, through a mouthful of food, suddenly decided to bring up the activity weekend.

  ‘Mum, have you made up your mind if I can go on the trip?’

  ‘Er, not yet.’ She narrowed her eyes at Jamie – not a topic she would have chosen to bring up now but had to admire her son for seizing his opportunity in front of Ben.

  Eva could only watch helplessly as Jamie picked up the leaflets that had been piled to one side of the table and started to show Ben the promotional glossy photos of picture-perfect moments of children swinging from ropes or about to jump into water pools, their faces beaming.

  ‘Okay, Jamie. I’m sure Ben’s seen enough now,’ Eva interjected after what felt like an interminable time, asking him to clear the table.

  ‘That was really great, thanks,’ Ben enthused. Eva was glad he appeared to really enjoy his food.

  ‘Can I go upstairs and play on my game now?’ Jamie asked once he’d finished his duties.

  ‘Go on then but only half an hour on a school night. And can you take Hamish up with you please?’ All during the meal Hamish had been sniffing about under the table, Eva gently shoving him away with her foot hoping Ben wouldn’t notice. Jamie thanked Ben for helping him.

  ‘Does that mean you can you help with my homework from now on? Mum’s pretty rubbish at maths,’ Jamie cheerfully told Ben as Eva’s face flushed. True, she was useless at maths but that didn’t mean she necessarily wanted it broadcast in front of Ben. She shuddered to think how easy he must have found Jamie’s level of maths. If truth be told Eva had been struggling with Jamie’s maths since the end of primary school.

  ‘I’d be happy to help but only if that’s okay with your mum?’

  Eva felt Ben’s eyes regard her earnestly and she experienced a wave of gratitude that he’d respected her role. ‘As long as you don’t mind then it’s fine with me. Thanks.’

  As Jamie and Hamish made their way noisily upstairs, Ben picked up the leaflets again from the outdoor activity centre at Ardentinny and read through some of the activities that Jamie had been so eager to show him. Eva must have read the leaflets a hundred times, scrutinizing every printed word. She had googled them, read reviews, and still couldn’t find a single thing that indicated it would be anything other than a fantastic and safe experience for her son. Ben regarded her, one eyebrow raised.

  ‘I take it you’re not too keen?’

  ‘Is it that obvious?’

  ‘It sounds like fun.’

  ‘Sure, if you like rock climbing, gorge walking, and generally endangering your life.’ She knew she sounded prickly.

  ‘I can’t think of many boys his age who wouldn’t,’ he replied reasonably.

  Eva let out a sigh. ‘I know I have to let him go. It’s just – I find it difficult. I get scared something terrible will happen to him if I’m not there.’ The words had tumbled out before she’d even realized she had admitted her fears to Ben, leaving her feeling exposed in some way.

  ‘I can understand.’

  ‘You can?’ she asked surprised.

  ‘Well, obviously not as a parent. But I can remember my mum worrying about me especially after my father died. At the time it was a pain. But as you get older, you appreciate how precious that love is from a parent. I’m sure he will be okay,’ he said gently, holding her gaze for a moment before Eva blinked and looked down to sweep an invisible crumb from the table.

  She wasn’t sure she wanted him to sound so understanding. It made her think what it be like to have someone else, to have that other voice in her life to reassure her. It wasn’t a luxury she often allowed herself. There was a small, mildly awkward pause before Ben drained his glass and spoke.

  ‘Anyway, thanks for the pizzas. They were delicious.’

  ‘Well thank you for helping with Jamie’s homework. Are you sure you don’t mind helping him? And teaching him to play chess? I hope you don’t feel cajoled into anything – Jamie can ge
t a bit carried away. I’d understand if you didn’t want to or didn’t have time.’

  ‘Honestly, I don’t mind at all – in fact, I’ll enjoy it. Apart from my work at the university, I don’t have any other commitments,’ Ben told her.

  Whilst reassured he seemed genuinely eager to help, Eva wondered if she should be directing the question more to herself as a warning. As lovely as it was seeing her son getting on so well with Ben, the alarm bell was ringing again, asking how wise it was letting Jamie get too close to Ben. For now, she put the worry aside.

  ‘I’ll put the kettle on. Would you like a coffee?’ She stood up but Ben held up his hand.

  ‘Please, let me make it for you.’

  ‘Oh. Thanks. But you know what I’d really like? A cup of tea.’

  ‘I think I can just about handle that.’ After a few pointers from Eva, Ben filled the kettle on and found mugs.

  ‘This makes a nice change. Jamie’s happy to help with pizza but he doesn’t seem so keen to master the art of making his mum a cup of tea.’

  ‘Sounds like a typical boy,’ Ben observed with a lopsided smile.

  ‘I guess so.’

  While Ben made tea, Eva gathered the details of a heating engineer and a plumber she had put aside to give to Ben. She passed them over to him when he rejoined her at the table.

  ‘This is the name of the heating engineer I’ve used and he’s very reliable. The plumber – well, he knows what he’s doing but just to warn you he’ll arrange a time and then turn up whenever it suits him, usually two hours later.’

  Ben frowned. ‘Tradesmen tend to be a law unto themselves, don’t they?’

  Eva nodded in agreement. ‘I think that’s why I decided never to need a man for practical things.’

  Ben was looking at her and she wasn’t sure that had sounded right.

  ‘So er, I learnt to do most things around the house for myself – decorating, plumbing, and so on. It’s important for me to be as self-sufficient as possible,’ she clarified, blushing slightly.

  Eva took a drink, noticing Ben was holding the piece of paper she had given him loosely between his fingers, a slightly uneasy expression on his face. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, raking a hand through his hair.

  ‘Look, there’s probably something I need to tell you.’ He held her gaze for a moment and Eva felt a strange sensation spread over her skin.

  ‘To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll stay in the house.’ He indicated towards next door with one hand. ‘It probably makes more sense to look for somewhere smaller. Maybe a flat or something …’

  ‘Oh.’ She hadn’t expected that at all. She wasn’t sure why but she suddenly felt deflated. It shouldn’t matter to her but the prospect of him moving just didn’t sit right with her. It would be a shame, like giving up on the house in some way. And she didn’t particularly like the thought of having another neighbour so soon. She was kind of getting used to this one sitting beside her. The fact he was pleasant, intelligent, attractive … they were side issues. She thought about his situation and supposed she could understand why he might want to move.

  Eva took a sip of her tea, casting her mind back to a couple of winters ago. A December afternoon, Jamie and Fraser had settled down to watch a Home Alone film while Eva had given Heather a preview of one of the bedrooms she had recently finished decorating. Clutching a rather large glass of wine, Heather had been so impressed she’d asked Eva if she would decorate her dining room, which – after the rampages of three children – was looking more shabby than chic.

  Eva assumed it had been the wine talking but the next day Heather assured her she’d been serious. And so every morning after dropping Jamie at school, Eva had turned up at Heather’s house armed with her tools until a week later she revealed a stylish new dining room her friend had been delighted with.

  After that, Heather had asked her to decorate her mother’s living room. Eva bit her lip, feeling suddenly nervous. An idea was forming in her mind, but she hesitated before saying it out loud.

  ‘Look, this might sound crazy and I’m not sure how you’d feel about it. But I could do it for you. Decorate your front room I mean. Whatever happens, whether you sell or not, it’s probably a good idea to have it done anyway.’ She stole a quick glance at Ben but was unable to read his expression so she carried on regardless.

  ‘Obviously I’m not a professional but I know I could do a good job. I’ve decorated all my own rooms and I’ve done a few jobs for friends as well …’ Eva stopped. In her own head, it had sounded a reasonable idea but the way his dark eyes were fixed on her now … What had she been thinking? Oh God, she’d made a total idiot of herself and she flushed with embarrassment.

  ‘Actually you know forget it; it’s a silly idea.’ She laughed weakly.

  Ben regarded her thoughtfully, running a hand round the back of his neck.

  ‘Is it something you’d really want to do?’ he asked doubtfully.

  ‘Honestly? Yes. I’ve kind of run out of things to do in my house. I enjoy running my business but interior design and decorating is something I’m really passionate about – I’d love to do more of it in fact. I guess it gives me a sense of fulfilment the guest house doesn’t. Plus I like to keep busy.’

  A smile touched his lips. ‘I’m beginning to see that.’ He paused and Eva felt his dark gaze settle on her. ‘So what would it involve exactly?’

  ‘Well, I’d have to strip off all the wallpaper, prepare the walls for painting. I think the window frames need some attention and obviously the ceiling has to be fixed –’

  Ben was frowning. ‘I’m not comfortable with the idea of you climbing ladders or doing anything risky – I wouldn’t want you harming yourself.’

  ‘I’m used to it and I’m fully up-to-date with health and safety procedures, so you don’t need to worry.’ Eva smiled in reassurance but couldn’t deny there was something nice about his concern.

  ‘And you’d manage to do it all on your own?’

  ‘Sure. I’d really only need help shifting the furniture out of the way if you could give me a hand with that –’

  ‘Sounds like the least I could do.’

  ‘So … does that mean you’re happy for me to do it?’

  ‘As you say, it’s probably a good idea to have the work done whatever I decide to do with the house.’ He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and with an imperceptible shake of his head smiled at Eva. ‘As long as you’re happy to do it … then yes, that would work for me.’

  Eva felt a small rush of pleasure that he’d agreed. ‘Really?’

  ‘Why not?’ He shrugged, smiling at her. ‘But I’ll pay you of course.’

  Eva shook her head emphatically. ‘You can pay for the materials but my time is free.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ He frowned at her.

  There was no way she would take money from him but equally she didn’t want him to be uncomfortable with the arrangement. ‘As long as you’re happy to help Jamie with his maths now and again then that’s more than enough payment.’ Eva held her breath, hoping she hadn’t overstepped some boundary. But to her relief Ben seemed happy with that and nodded.

  ‘I guess we have a deal then.’

  ‘I guess we do.’ She smiled back. ‘So when would you like me to start?’

  He shrugged. ‘I’ll give you back the keys and as far as I’m concerned you can come and go as you please.’

  ‘I’ll probably just come in after Jamie’s left for school and I’ve walked Hamish. Does that sound all right with you?’

  Eva finished her tea, her head already busy with things to organize. She loved that moment of starting a new project. Although Ben had admitted to being pretty clueless with interiors she couldn’t assume she had a total free rein.

  ‘Are there any colours that are a definite no-no? Anything you really dislike or are you happy to leave it up to me?’

  He narrowed his eyes, pretended to think hard. ‘No lime green or pink,’ he said solemnly.<
br />
  ‘Okay, I’ll try and remember that.’ Eva laughed. ‘And what about the flooring? Will you want a new carpet or maybe you’d like to have the floorboards sanded? It wouldn’t take much …’

  She stopped. Ben was holding up his hands, looking bemused. She took a breath. ‘Sorry, I tend to get a rush of ideas … I’ll let you know when I need any decisions made.’

  ‘Really, I wouldn’t know where to start choosing colours and … things. I’m happy to leave it all in your hands.’

  ‘If you’re sure then.’

  ‘I’m sure. And Eva?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Thanks.’

  After Ben had left, Eva finished off tidying up the kitchen, feeling a buzz of anticipation. She ignored the voice in the back of her head asking why she was really doing this and whether it was such a good idea. She hoped she hadn’t made a monumental mistake. But then she chided herself. It wasn’t such a big deal; it was just a mutually beneficial arrangement between neighbours. She thought of the long winter months ahead. It would be good to have something to occupy her.

  Chapter Six

  Eva was running. Faster and faster she ran but her legs were about to buckle from under her. Desperately she tried to escape but something dark and menacing was closing in behind her, so close it was almost touching her.

  She jerked awake drenched in sweat, her body trembling with fear. She sat up, her heart pounding so strongly in her chest she could hardly take a breath. It was always the same horrible dream – the one she’d first had after Paul was killed. Months could go by but Eva always knew the dream was the first sign anxiety had come knocking.

  Rubbing her face, she checked the time to discover it was only five o’clock. Knowing there was no chance of sleep again she climbed out of bed, wrapped herself in her dressing gown, and went down to the kitchen. Her breathing still felt raggedy and her fingers fumbled as she filled the kettle. She glanced at Hamish still curled up in his basket – too early even for him.

  Resisting her usual caffeine fix she opted instead for a soothing camomile tea and carried her cup through to the living room. She opened the blinds and took a seat opposite the window. Taking slow deep breaths she let the darkness and silence wash over her until she began to feel her heartbeat return to normal – a ritual she’d done many times before.