by Sam Ryder
Its long sinewy tail was last, whipping back and forth and clearing any small, stalked plants that had escaped its bulldozer-like passage.
Its tail whacked me in the face. Hard. Like being hit with a ship’s thick ropes. My eyes watered and I felt blood burst from my nose, which I was pretty sure had been broken.
I fucking hated Primo.
“I fucking hate Primo,” Eve said. “You all right?”
“Fine,” I said, my voice coming out nasally, clogged with blood that seeped between my fingers and ran down my chin.
“Your shoulder doesn’t look right,” Eve said.
“How about my nose?”
I removed my hands and she cringed. “It’s crooked. Well, more crooked than before.”
Awesome. “Got any ooze?”
“Wouldn’t matter if I did. The goddess spittle only works on Tor.”
Double awesome. I guess I can cancel all my plans to steal a buttload of ooze and run away with Eve to some distant planet that doesn’t have any creatures that want to kill me.
“We’ll have to do this the old-fashioned way,” Eve said. I stared at her and I swear her eyes gleamed with a small measure of excitement.
“Whatever you’re thinking…no,” I said, tasting blood.
“We need to pop it back into place.”
I groaned. “What—my nose or my shoulder?”
“Both.”
I groaned louder. “Maybe later.”
“Quit being a baby.”
She was right. Time to man up.
“Hold still or you’ll just make it worse,” Eve said, shifting closer. She was right beside me now, but I couldn’t smell her intoxicating scent. Only the coppery tang of my own blood. Blech. “On three,” she said, reaching up to grasp my nose.
“Ow,” I replied.
“One…two!”
Yeah, she played it that way. On two, she jerked my crooked nose back toward center with a crack. “Holy fucking gargoomakafargingmothersonofahhhh.” How eloquent was I? Pretty damn eloquent.
Eve raised her eyebrows and inspected her handiwork. “Once we clean all the blood away, I think it’ll be an improvement.”
I scowled at her. “When did you become a comedian?”
“Since you made it so easy. And you should be thanking me, not cursing and being all angry.”
She was right. Even though my nostrils were gunked up with blood, I was able to breathe out of them a little now. It was a marked improvement to a minute ago. “Sorry. Thanks. We should get moving, right? We’ve got to catch that marmot and get the hell out of here.”
She laughed. I stared at her, trying to figure out what was so funny. “What?” I said.
“One, that marmot whose tail bitch-slapped you was an infant. If we bring back a baby marmot, the Three will probably un-Level both of us.”
No freaking way. That massive thing that had almost turned us into mashed human stew was a kid? My brain tried and failed to picture what a full-grown marmot would look like. All I could conjure up were images of dinosaurs from the books I used to love when I was a child.
“You said ‘One.’ What is the second thing?”
“You’re not getting off that easy. Two, I need to set your shoulder.”
I didn’t like ‘Two’ any more than ‘One.’ Hopefully there wasn’t a ‘Three’ she hadn’t shared with me yet. It would probably involve Vaseline and an anal probe.
“On three?” I said sarcastically, closing my eyes.
“Yes,” she agreed, grasping my arm in two places. “One!”
She yanked like she was trying to rip my arm off. Which was pretty much how it felt too. I’d always known this gorgeous, mind-blowingly sexy woman had an evil side, but this was another level.
I might’ve pissed myself a little, the pain so intense I couldn’t control much of anything, including my mouth. Ralphy’s mom on A Christmas Story would’ve had a heart attack and then opened an entire Costco size package of soap and got to scrubbing out my mouth. I won’t go into the details of what exactly I said as I clutched my throbbing shoulder, but it was a creative and long string of expletives.
“Are you done?” Eve said after a few minutes of my muttered curses. She said it like I had been the one torturing her.
“No,” I said, releasing a few choice words expletives. “Okay, I’m good.” Good was probably the wrong word considering the pain I was in. Then again, I’d known pain plenty of times during this new life of mine. For instance, the time my arm got sliced off by one of Ursula’s (in case you don’t remember, she was that big fucking spider-scorpion mother I killed) bladelike legs. That was painful, like I’m-about-to-become-addicted-to-painkillers painful. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t enjoy pain, but I had grown somewhat tolerant to it. I could live with it.
I stood up under my own power. Took a deep breath. And walked forward.
Eve didn’t need to tell me which way to go.
We followed the path through the forest cut by the baby marmot.
FIVE
A FINDER’S LIFE FOR ME
The path the marmot had smashed through the forest was long, wide and straight. And bright. Very bright. Especially when the sun slipped over the edge of the forest canopy and shone directly down on us.
I swear I could feel my skin burning. It was like being cooked alive.
“Better rest in the shade for a while,” Eve said. Her own exposed skin was glistening with sweat. She was positively radiant.
“Good idea,” I said.
She led the way into the woods, sometimes weaving around the odd-shaped trees that blocked our path and other times climbing over them when they were horizontal. She didn’t go too far in, just enough that the white-leafed foliage overhead provided a respite from the sun’s heat. She sat on the part of one of the trees that grew parallel to the ground.
I sat beside her. My arm was still throbbing and my nose felt like it had been punched by Rocky, but overall I was feeling better than before. “So…” I said, always great at starting conversations, “…this is what it’s like to be a Finder.”
She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. “Except I’m usually alone, not babysitting.”
“Ouch,” I said. “It’s not like I tried to get whacked by the baby marmot’s tail.”
“I was kidding. It’s actually nice to have someone with me, even if you’re likely to die before we ever get back to Tor.”
“If I die, promise me you’ll donate my body to science.”
“Not to the Syrene? I’m sure they would enjoy your flesh.”
I shrugged. “I guess that would be fine.”
Eve chuckled. “When I first met you, you could barely string two words together in my presence.”
“So not much has changed, I guess,” I said. “Once a loser…”
“Your self-deprecating humor is endearing,” Eve said. Score one for the loser! “You were an Outcast when I found you, but not a loser. A loser could not have accomplished what you have in such a short time on Tor. I sensed something in you that first time I met you.”
“What?” I said, feeling suddenly breathless. I’d wondered for a long time why she chose me. At the time, I was at the lowest point in my entire life. No job. No prospects. No girlfriend. Did I mention no prospects? All I had to my name was a crappy apartment I couldn’t afford, a bunch of video games, and a box of useless junk. And a car with a bunch of flat tires. Wait. Wait. “You slashed my tires,” I said, before she could respond to my previous question.
“Uh, yeah. I thought that was obvious,” she said. “How else would I be able to offer you a ride on my bike?”
I don’t know why I hadn’t realized it sooner. Not that it mattered. She’d chosen me for a reason. Had sensed something about me even I wasn’t aware of. “I’m glad you did,” I said.
“Me too,” she said. Her fingers intertwined with mine and she looked at me. I drank in those alluring almond eyes.
It was strange, holding her hand. I’
d had mind-blowing sex with multiple drop-dead gorgeous partners on Tor, but I hadn’t really had a moment of tenderness like this. It was clear that neither of us were in a position to start any sort of real long-term relationship, but during this moment it felt like a possibility way in the distant future, after we’d saved the world and destroyed the remaining two Morgoss.
It was hazy, but if I squinted in my mind I could picture a life for us, one that was happy and goofy and—‘normal’ probably wasn’t the right word for it—good.
She released my hand and stood. The sun had moved away from us, casting long shadows in our direction. “Back to it,” Eve said.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Back to it.” The fuzzy picture of an impossible future faded away.
~~~
We used the marmot trail once more. It was still hot, but the sun had moved beyond the trees to our right, saving us from its direct glare. After a few uneventful miles of walking straight, boredom began to set in.
“Do you use seduction on all of your recruits?” I asked.
She glanced at me sharply. “Do I look like a one-trick pony?”
She looked sexy as hell in her black, backless mini-dress. “No. I’m guessing you have a variety of tricks up your…”—she didn’t have sleeves, so…— “dress.”
“Why am I not surprised you’re thinking about what’s up my dress?”
“Because I’m a horny dude made even hornier by three separate batches of primordial ooze?” I guessed.
She laughed. “I am so looking forward to fucking your brains out when we get back to Tor.”
Yeah, hearing her say that pretty much turned my mind to mush. “I’d like that.” Yep, I actually said something that stupid.
“Anyway, I handle each recruit a little differently. I’ve become quite adept at determining what will work the best on each.”
“But you could just grab them and do your teleporting-jumping thing and take them straight to Tor, right?”
“I could, but you’ve experienced what the jump is like. The risk of killing them is too great. It’s easier if I knock them out first. Then I can bring multiple recruits back with me at once. It’s more efficient.”
Funny how we were discussing the art of abduction like some kind of new business plan. And she’d been doing this for years. I wondered how many recruits she’d brought to Tor in total but knew I shouldn’t ask. It would basically be like asking her how many people she’d been a party to killing, considering our atrocious survival rates. The Circle hadn’t helped, and I knew that topic was a sore spot with her.
I changed the subject, though not completely. “And Souza usually comes with you?” Eve’s beastly panther was still an enigma to me. On Earth, the panther had been transformed into a motorcycle, which I’d ridden on, clinging to Eve like a bug to a reed in a hurricane. She still hadn’t explained to me how all that was possible.
“Correct,” she said. “We’ve been a good team for a while.”
“And Souza is from Tor?” I asked. Most—okay all—of the creatures I’d met on Tor wanted to eat me, so it was hard for me to comprehend taming one of them.
She shook her head. “I found Souza on Askander.”
That took me by surprise. “Where the furry, white creatures are from?” I pictured Guz with his moppy white hair all over his entire body.
“The one and the same,” Eve said. “I was Finding there and was having trouble deciding between three potential recruits. I decided to sleep on it. When I woke up, Souza was curled against my side. We were keeping each other warm.”
Again, I pictured the powerful panther with her mouth full of sharp teeth and four long interlocking fangs. “You’re lucky she didn’t eat you.”
It drew a laugh, though I hadn’t meant it to be funny. “She was just an adolescent then. She still could’ve eaten me if she wanted to, but we had a connection from the beginning. At some point I realized she’d been orphaned. Maybe that’s why she gravitated toward me. And me toward her.”
“Are you saying…”
“I was an orphan.”
“But your mother,” I said. The little I knew about Eve’s past had to do with her mother being the previous Finder. Eve was carrying on the family business. I had always assumed Eve was all grown up when her mother had been killed.
“I was eight,” Eve said, answering my internal questions.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” I said, instantly feeling awful.
“It’s not something I talk about.”
“You’re talking about it now. Why?”
“Because…” She trailed off. Seemed to rethink whatever it was she was planning to say. “Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe I’ve needed to talk about it for a long time but just never found the right person to discuss it with.”
“And I’m the right person?” I had to admit, I felt some tingles knowing she’d entrusted me with such personal information.
“You’re…a good listener. And you don’t lie or try to manipulate others. I haven’t met many people as pure as you, Sam Ryder.”
Pure was most definitely not a word I would choose to describe myself, but who was I to argue with a woman as experienced as Eve? “So after your mother passed away, what then? You became the Finder as an eight-year-old?”
“Pretty much. The Three were actually really kind to me. Well, maybe not Persepheus. She’s always been a cold-hearted—or I should say cold-not-hearted—bitch. But Min and Air were like replacement moms. They told me I didn’t have to Find until I was ready. They told me I didn’t have to Find at all if I didn’t want to. Those times were different, less desperate. They still had hundreds of life points on their meters. Because of my mother’s efforts, we had a decent group, more than a hundred Warriors with plenty of Protectors and Seekers too. The ward shields were solid. Despite the monster-infested world we lived in, life was sort of okay.
“When I was nine, I felt the itch. It was just in me, probably because of my mother. I wanted to help the cause, to do my part.”
I hated to interrupt considering how interesting all of this was, but a question gnawed at my curiosity. “Why don’t the Three Level up a bunch of other Finders? Then we could get hundreds of recruits every week. We could have an army in no time.”
“Are you always strategizing and trying to make things better?” she asked.
“Sorry,” I said. “Old habits. I’ve always liked improving things. Even when I was a kid I would play video games over and over again to see if I could get a higher score by changing my strategy.”
She nodded. “I think that’s what I sensed in you the first time I met you. That drive to be better.” I liked the sound of that. “But to answer your question, unfortunately the act of Leveling up someone to Finder requires a ton of the goddesses’ life points due to the fact that they need to give the person the ability to travel between worlds. That’s why there can only be one Finder at a time. In their current state, they’re simply too weak. Frankly, I was surprised they moved me up a Level within the Finder role. I told them it was unnecessary, but they insisted.”
A pit opened in my stomach, because I could read between the lines. “What happens if…” I couldn’t finish the thought, but knew Eve was perceptive enough to get the gist of my question.
“I don’t think they have enough power right now to Level up another Finder,” she said. “So I can’t die. Not until Airiel recovers anyway. Then maybe we can do exactly what you said. Level up multiple Finders. Create an army.”
“That would be awesome,” I said. I had a million other questions, all about how Eve’s mother had become a Finder in the first place and whether Eve was fully human or a mix of races and how old she really was considering she’d alluded to being the Finder for decades already. She looked no more than twenty-five, her cheekbones high and her skin as taut as pulled Saran wrap.
But I didn’t get to ask any of my questions, because up ahead the marmot trail spilled into a massive clearing in the forest.
~~~
The full-grown marmot made the juvenile that had dislocated my shoulder and broken my nose look like Bambi. (And I mean the tragic Disney fawn, not some stripper getting singles stuffed into her thong—get your mind out of the gutter.)
Hell, they made Vrill’s dragon look like a baby goat at a petting zoo. Their legs were as thick as actual trees, big ones, so wide around it would take at least four or five people with their arms linked to surround the entire perimeter. Their legs needed to be thick because their bodies were like blimps, except filled with muscle and bone rather than air. If they were feeling playful, they could roll over and commit genocide if enough people were in their way. Their eyes were narrow black slits that never seemed to blink, a pair of commas over the long exclamation point that was their bladelike trunks. Their trunks had to be fifty feet long, starting wide but gradually angling to a point that looked as if it could be driven through a stone wall. And yes, they had long, sinewy tails that were thrice the length of the one that had beaten the crap out of my nose. Getting hit by one would likely cause traumatic brain injury.
“We’re supposed to bring back one of those?” I said, unable to hide the incredulity from my tone.
“Hence this will be our only stop on this Finding mission,” Eve said. “It’s going to take most of my life points.”
“Most? Or all? Are you sure this is safe?” I was suddenly feeling pissed off at the Three again. They used us like playthings without regard to whether we lived or died. I took a deep breath. That was Vrill’s way of thinking, and though it may have been true at one time, and might be presently true of Persepheus, Min and Airiel weren’t like that. Airiel had come to save us at the top of the Thousand steps, after all.
Yeah, to save her own heart, the skeptic in me said.
