It was up to Zara to save them all.
“I’m not getting in the water for anything,” she declared.
He growled. Frustration made his hands clench. “How can you turn your back on your son?”
“I’m not.” She stared him down. “The water is your domain. On land, we have laws. Police. The ancient covenant can’t touch us here. Especially if we go far, far away from your city.”
“On land you cannot claim your ultimate power.”
“I don’t need it.” Even if such a thing existed, which she was pretty sure it didn’t. “I’m not going in the water, and that’s final.”
“What if you have no choice?” He set his feet. “For Zain will you not try?”
Red tinted across her vision with fury.
“No,” she snapped. “And if you ask me like that again, this conversation is over. I will drive you to Border and Immigration tonight, and that’s the last you’ll see of me or Zain, forever.”
He stared at her in shock.
That was right. He wasn’t using her own son against her. And it was out of character for him to try.
She nailed her finger in his chest. “What are you really hiding?”
His eyes flared in amazement. He looked so shocked, and then guilty, like she’d caught him.
“Why will you not simply believe?” he begged. “I have told you everything you need to know.”
“That’s clearly a lie.”
His shoulders sagged. The darkness deepened. He covered his mouth. A strange, twitchy desperation made him hunch over as if she were backing him into a corner. “You already hate me for failing to protect you.”
“If I already hate you then you have nothing more to lose.”
“You will hate me more.”
“That’s a chance we both have to take.”
He covered his face. “I refuse.”
“Hiding doesn’t work for you, Elan.” She faced him head-on. “Neither does lying. It’s dishonorable.”
He shot to his feet and slammed his palm against his chest so loud it made her jump. “I am dishonorable!”
Elan’s fury was savage. Unsettling. Like nothing she had seen before.
“You are right, Zara. I am not the male you knew. When you know what I have done — what I have been forced to do —then you will run away. Far, far away. And carry Zain with you.”
This was the male she loved. The one she couldn’t stay away from. The one that, as her final gift to him for all he had done for her, she gave a second chance.
Elan stared at his empty, scarred hands. “Before my dishonor poisons your souls.”
She set her feet and braced herself. For whatever was coming. For however much it would destroy their hopes. “Tell me the whole truth. Right now.”
He stared at her without seeing her, utterly lost. “I went to Atlantis. I saw these queens.” His gaze blackened. “And then I tried to kill them.”
10
Elan’s answer sat heavily on the still air.
I tried to kill them.
Zara would hate him. Her face would turn from stiff distrust to horror and then disgust. And then she would order him out, knowing he was irredeemable. Nothing he did now made up for the horrors he had committed.
She was supposed to be a queen. Queen or bride, Zara was a female, and all females must be protected. Honored. Respected.
And he had tried to destroy them.
Zara remained silent. In shock? He didn’t dare to look. He, a fearless warrior who had once held the highest honor in his city and the respect of his warriors, could not bear to see the disgust reflected in his wife’s eyes.
“I tried to kill the queens more than once,” he said, emphasizing how dishonorably he had behaved. “Do you not hate me now?”
“Tell me everything,” she said again.
Not hating him. Not judging him. Not sneering or dripping in disgust.
No, she issued an order. A simple order. Tell me everything.
His heart lifted.
Even now, Zara looked to redeem him.
But there was no redemption.
She waited, hands on her full hips. Gorgeous, dark hair mussed and dark eyes snapping. Uncompromising.
Her goodwill had to end. The wish to reunite, which had kept him going these last days, would end within the first hours on the shore. He would hold nothing in his hands but sand.
“Kadir’s vision — Atlantis — gained strength.” Elan swallowed the harshness in his throat. It had never hurt so much to breathe. “His queen defended Atlantis from raiders using legendary powers. News of them caused great disturbances across the bottom of the ocean.”
“You heard?” she repeated.
He nodded.
“So you didn’t see these so-called powers.”
“Not at that time.” He sucked in a deep breath. “I was First Lieutenant of Dragao Azul, locked to the city, as you said. Then, representatives of the All-Council came to us.”
As First Lieutenant, he had led their honor guard into the city. A highly decorated representative, proud commanders, and well-fed warriors wielding glittering tridents. These powerful males had reached the highest positions of honor to enforce the rules of the All-Council. They were just, and wise, and worthy of respect.
Or so he had thought.
“The All-Council raised an army to fight the blasphemers. Because Dragao Azul had produced both Kadir and Soren, Atlantis’s King and its First Lieutenant, it was Dragao Azul’s responsibility to lead the destruction.”
She studied him without judgment. Yet. “So they conscripted you to be the General?”
How could she guess? Yes, that was exactly what had happened.
“Dragao Azul had to force me to be the First Lieutenant. Certainly no warrior would volunteer to become General. But the king could not refuse. The All-Council threatened to test their army on our Life Tree.”
Faced with the destruction of the Life Tree, his king sent Elan. And Elan went. To the very city he and Zara had once dreamed of escaping to, Elan had set on destruction.
Zara would never have turned against her old allies. Not even to save her own life. She would have fought to the death. He was the failure.
A silence fell.
Finally, Zara spoke. “I assume your people also threatened Zain.”
“Yes. If I did not go to war, I could no longer see him.”
“No visitation? I would have expected something worse.”
He tilted his head. “What could be worse?”
“That if you refused, he would suffer.”
“Suffer? You mean an injury?” Horror filled him. He recoiled. “Of course not! No warrior would ever harm a young fry.”
She frowned.
“This threat was a brutal punishment,” he assured her.
The cruelty had shocked all the warriors. Even the elders. But no one had protested.
Not aloud.
They’d gathered at the edge of Dragao Azul’s territory and, instead of singing battle songs for success in warfare, they’d hummed the requiem for sending a fallen warrior on his final journey into the blacknight sea.
They knew his king had sent him off to die.
Zara studied him pensively.
“I went to kill Kadir and Soren,” he repeated, because she seemed confused.
“I get it.” She shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t blame you.”
“You do not?”
“I wanted to kill Kadir for his pointless preaching. I certainly would have killed Soren the night he forced me to the surface.”
Her words tingled against his chest like a balm. She didn’t hate him. Yet.
He ruthlessly crushed his hope. “I led the army, as ordered, but not whole-heartedly. So, not only did I betray my allies. I also failed in my duties as a warrior, a mer, and a male.”
“Shocking,” she said dryly.
“It was dishonorable and unkind. Most warriors were dissenters, like myself, forcefully conscripted.”
The All-Council orders broke the first rules of honorable combat — to treat every warrior like a brother demanding respect — and this was yet another knife into Elan’s soul.
“That sounds hard for you.” Zara eased her weight from one foot to the other. “When’s the part about the queens?”
His deepest shame.
“One day, on reconnaissance, I saw Soren’s bride.”
“He got a bride?” Zara’s brows leaped for her forehead. “Him?”
Elan had felt the same. Only his had been tainted with bitter shock and rage.
Certainly Soren deserved a bride. Once, Elan had wished for the imposing male’s happiness. But to see him enjoying the closeness Elan couldn’t slammed his grief at losing Zara full force, turning his vision cloudy and twisting his self-loathing to blind fury.
“I attacked recklessly. It is,” he sucked in a deep breath, confessing the worst moment, “the least honorable act I have committed in my whole life. His bride could have been injured or killed.”
“But?”
“But she used her queen power to push me back. She shielded herself and Soren from my attack.”
Zara raised one skeptical brow.
“If she had not done this, I would have committed an unforgivable act,” he finished.
“But you didn’t. Nothing happened.”
“I attacked—”
“Yes, you blindly attacked Soren while his queen was nearby and she repelled you. So nothing happened.”
She understood nothing. “I broke all rules of honor, warfare, and the code of the mer.” He explained slowly as to a newborn young fry. “I attacked a warrior in the presence of his bride.”
“Yes. Honor. Sorry, my mistake, I forgot the point.” She rubbed her brow. “And so the other times you attacked also failed?”
“Only because the queens used their powers to—”
“They prevented it?”
“—prevent it, yes.” How strange. He’d expected Zara’s judgment to hurt, but confessing lightened the weight crushing his soul. “During the final battle, I escaped to Dragao Azul.”
Abandoning warriors in battle also broke multiple rules, but by then, Elan had felt he had no honor left.
“And you were welcomed back as a hero,” she guessed dryly.
“I preferred my enemies — and allies — to believe I had died in the battle. I snuck into Dragao Azul for the sole purpose of bringing Zain to you. And I was caught, but the supervising warriors pitied me and allowed us to escape.”
“They let you go?”
“We all felt the injustice. The All-Council is supposed to ensure treaties are upheld. Yet they broke nearly all treaties in their attack on Atlantis.”
Dragooning Elan at trident-point was only one example.
Sacrificing honor to enforce the ancient covenant was like breaking an arm to distract from the pain of a scratched fin. Zara never seemed surprised at such hypocrisy, but the mer were rightly shocked.
“Now you know,” he said. “Everything.”
Her gaze narrowed slightly. “Hmm. I just have a few questions.”
“Ask.”
Details about the battles, Elan’s role in the attacks, and small issues of no importance filled her mind. Like, did Atlantis have a Life Tree like Dragao Azul? Did he actually see the queens with transformed fins? Had he led any attacks or fled at the first moment?
After his final answer, the silence, in the absence of the rain and wind, felt absolute. Now Elan’s fate would be decided.
And she was studying him with … well, with unhappiness. And consternation. As though she wanted to hate him, but didn’t feel justified. The only thing more important to Zara than protecting others was justice. Even though he had described a clear picture of how wrong he had acted, she did not revile him.
Finally, he asked. “You do not hate me?”
Her lips squinched to one side. “No.”
Shock jolted him. Was it possible? He moved forward, reaching for her, needing the proof in her touch, her pliant body in his arms.
“Stop.” She held up her hands. “Don’t be hasty. I’m still processing.”
His arms dropped to his sides. Processing meant she had not decided. When she fully comprehended, then she would change.
Her expression softened. “I understand you’re traumatized. But based just on what you’ve told me tonight, I don’t think you did anything really wrong.”
The hope in him rekindled. He tried to snuff it. She hadn’t processed. She wasn’t certain. He had done many really wrong things since their last parting.
“You asked me why I came here.” He swallowed and faced the truth. “Once, I offered you a noble castle in a well-established city and myself as an honorable warrior. Now, I have nothing. No castle, no city, no honor. I am an exile. I have nowhere to go.”
“So you came to me,” she snorted.
“Yes.”
She sobered.
“I have come to my end. My only desire was to bring you Zain. You will keep him safe where I failed. You have a power that can drive off an army. You must capture it for all our sakes.” He let out his final sigh. “This is as far as I go.”
She frowned. “You talk like you’re about to die.”
“The All-Council cannot allow a mer who has committed such betrayals, even an exile, to live. They will find me. And then, they will kill me.”
Her mouth drew into a flat line.
But he was not trying to manipulate her. He eased forward. Gently, softly stroking her taut arms. “Because of this truth, I want to spend my last hours with you.”
She frowned. Processing again, still.
He should not wish for too much. But still, he wished for all of her.
In the bathroom, Zain made a lilting noise.
Zara moved instantly to the doorway of the bathroom. Zain had rolled upright and looked at them, awake but sleepy. He lifted his hands and made the noise again. “Oo?”
Zara started forward and then stopped and curled her hands into fists. She gestured at Elan. “You go.”
His heart ached. She was still afraid of hurting Zain with her ragged desire.
Elan stepped forward, collected their son, and rocked Zain in his arms until the baby closed his eyes once more and collapsed over Elan’s shoulder. He resettled the baby in his cool, damp seaweed. Zain curled his fingers in ropes and sighed, encouraged back to sleep.
At the doorway, Zara ducked away.
His heart squeezed.
She had finished her processing and would run from him now. His actions had sparked her hate. She would never have lead an army against Atlantis, not even—
“I’m sorry.” She stopped and took his hand, teased her fingers around his. “I accused you of leaving me alone as if that were your choice. It was a long year apart for both of us.”
His throat went dry. Elan nodded, afraid to speak. He didn’t want to break the spell.
“You look exhausted.”
He coughed. “I do not remember the last time I slept.”
“Come here.” She tugged him to the wide couch, made him lie down, and spread a thin blanket over top. “Sleep. You’re safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
He did not know whether sleep would be possible. Alone, in a human room, could he escape the dark memories that had kept him awake in the sea?
She sat on the edge of the couch and removed her sandals.
He startled.
She glanced over her shoulder and raised her brow. “Problem?”
He shook his head violently.
“Scoot back.”
He shoved deep into the seam of the couch.
She eased against him, her back to his chest, her cool, soft derriere pressing against his stiffening manhood. Her voice smiled. “Still not satisfied?”
“I am very satisfied.” He couldn’t help his body’s reaction. Her nearness calmed the raging in his chest and the self-loathing choking him with recriminations. She real
ly did forgive him. His chest shuddered. His breath ran away. He could cry. “Very.”
His thigh suctioned against hers. She stroked his hard muscle soothingly. “You haven’t slept in a long time, right?”
He cleared the choke from his throat, but his answer was still ragged. “No.”
“Sleep. We’ll talk more in the morning.”
There would be another talk.
Since the alternative was her never speaking to him again, he collapsed into exhaustion. He should have appreciated the soft, delicious form of his wife pressed up against him. How many more opportunities would he have? And after he’d promised himself so many times to savor her, too…
11
Elan awoke alone. Late morning light warmed his couch. The house was empty.
Had Zara reconsidered her feelings and slipped away? She was justified to fear such an honor-less, dark-souled male.
He walked through the rooms, desperation and nerves building.
His sense that they were not within the house was correct. Zara was outside sitting on the terracotta. Beside her, Zain wore another human outfit. This time, a brown onesie with two soft, rounded ears on a hood. Some kind of gentle, plush creature.
She wore a fresh pair of beige long shorts with red bow ties, a fluffy red shirt that displayed the attractive mounds of her full breasts, and a wide-brimmed white hat.
“You slept soundly,” she noted in greeting, her smile unguarded in the sun.
Her smile struck him in the chest. Unguarded after the previous night? Then, something had changed.
“You did not attempt to wake me?” he asked, focusing on anything but the throat-squeezing change. “You are becoming closer to Zain.”
“He still cries when I pick him up. Milly brought him out here before she went to class. But he doesn’t mind if I sit close like this. I can even touch him.” She placed her palm on the small of his back. Zain’s soul light flared, matching hers. “So long as it’s not picking him up or hugging him.”
His chest ached.
“He is reacting to your soul light,” he said. “You are calm and bright now. But you become dark when you pick him up.”
She scowled. Her light darkened.
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