She shook her head slightly. "And I'll be damned if I let someone make me a victim again."
"Saheli, what are you saying?"
She exhaled. "I don't know. I'm rambling. But I want to be able to protect you. I want to become someone who you don't have to worry about. I'm not going to be a goddamn damsel in distress ever again. If this guy wants to come after me, then he'll have to go through hell to do it. I don't know how I can make that happen just being a plain old engineer, but I'll find a way."
Kamala came to her side, touching her shoulder. "Are you sure? It happened so suddenly and it's only been a couple of days. You may feel differently later, after you've been through therapy."
"Maybe. I just know I can't put you through this ever again. You don't deserve it. Neither of you."
Faye took a deep breath and stepped back a little, lifting her chin. "So...I assume Jack told you what happened between us."
Kamala crossed her arms. "Yes. He did."
Faye almost smiled. "Well, you're not exactly the violent type, but I'll hold still if you want to slap me or something."
"That would accomplish nothing."
"Might make you feel better."
Kamala shook her head. "What kind of monster slaps a woman who was just kidnapped?"
"Point taken."
Kamala walked over to the breakfast nook and flattened her hands over the counter top with a slow sigh. "I'm disappointed in you. In him. I thought we were on the same page, but the two of you are chapters ahead of me and I'm playing catch up right now. It's not a good feeling when the two people most important in your life hide something from you. It's worse when it's something like this. I keep trying to tell myself that it was just a kiss, not sex, but somehow I still feel the same either way."
Faye shuddered at the distant tone in her voice. She'd wanted Kamala to yell, to scream, to beat her small fists against her chest or something, anything but this quiet anger. "I'm so sorry, Kam. You know I would never hurt you on purpose. I wish I could take it back. I wish I had been stronger, more disciplined."
"He said you two had been drinking that night, after the hitman came for you. Is that true?"
"Yes."
"You were scared. Lonely. Could that have been why?"
Faye balled her hands into fists. She wanted to lie. She wanted to tell her it was just the whiskey and the adrenaline. "No. We weren't drunk. And yeah, I was so scared it made me sick, but that's not the truth."
Kamala turned, her honey eyes hardening. "Then what is the truth, Faye?"
"I don't..." Faye pushed a shaky hand through her messy golden hair. "I don't know, Kam. This would all be easier to deal with if I could just spit it out, but my brain doesn't work that way. It's just some kind of...thing. When I get around him, I act a certain way. I don't do it intentionally. He just has this way of winding me up and after a while I'd gotten used to the rapport that we'd built and maybe it became too familiar and I started to rely on it and maybe that's why I kissed him. Jack, he's...ridiculous and annoying and stubborn and I want to punch his lights out half the time, but he made me feel safe that night. Kam, you know me. I'm a lot of things, but secure is not one of them. Then he comes along and he doesn't care about my sleeping around and he doesn't care that I'm beautiful and I can't get away with shit around him like I can with other men. He calls me out. He challenges me. For God's sake, I offered him sex with no strings and he said no because he's in love with you, and that just somehow made it worse, knowing that in spite of how much he drives me crazy, he's a good man under it all. And that made me, just for a second, want to be good enough for him."
She wiped her cheeks, realizing there were frustrated tears dripping down her face. "I don't know why it didn't matter to me that he was with you. I care about you, Kam. So much. I'd rather shove my foot in a wood chipper than hurt you. I knew you first. You're important to me. I'll do whatever the hell you want me to do to make this right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry that I hurt your relationship with both of us."
Kamala stared her down for a long while, her voice soft. "That's probably the most honest you've been with me since the night James McGruder hurt you."
Faye only offered a weary shrug in reply. Kamala dropped her eyes to the carpet, mulling over things in her head for a while. "You were honest with me. It is only fair that I am honest with you."
She lifted her face. "I'm pregnant."
Faye's eyes widened. "W-What?"
"It happened during our first time, over a month ago. The baby is healthy and we're going to keep it. But you understand now why we can't just wipe the slate clean. Jack is going to be a father. And right now, he does not know what he wants. Neither do you."
"God, Kam, I..." She swore. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"We weren't ready yet," she said. "And that's what makes everything harder to figure out. If it were just the three of us, we could reach some kind of common ground, but now there are four of us. I must do what is right for the baby above all. Going to Aokigahara showed me that I cannot be led by my heart any longer. I have to do the right thing for my child first and foremost."
Something set inside Kamala as she spoke those words. She shut her eyes. "I think that we shouldn't be roommates any longer. After all, in eight months, I'll need to have a room for the baby anyhow. I certainly have no right to make you leave our place, so if you'd like to keep it, I'll find somewhere else to go. As for Jack..."
She shook her head. "I don't know. We haven't talked about what happened yet. Once he has made a decision, then we will move from there."
Kamala lowered her arms. "I'm not saying we can't be friends any longer, Faye. I am here for you if you need to talk. Always. But for now, I need time to figure out what my future is and who that will involve."
She glanced down as her phone buzzed, checking the text message. "I have to go pick up Jack."
Kamala headed towards the door. Faye called out to her. She stopped with her hand on the doorknob. "Yes?"
Faye swallowed hard. Tell her. Tell her the truth. Don't leave it like this. Her lips parted.
"I..."
She wrapped her arms around her stomach, lowering her head. "I'm glad you're okay."
"Thank you, Faye."
Kamala left.
Faye collapsed to the carpet on her knees, her heart broken.
* * *
Jack stared at his phone. He'd already called Kamala to pick him up, so the staring had nothing to do with her. Rather, he was trying to make a difficult decision. A risky one.
Finally, he let out a long, slow breath and hit the Call button he'd been hovering over for the last ten minutes and lifted the phone to his ear. He heard a click and then soft breathing.
"Hey, Ma."
"Rhett," Edie Jackson said. He winced at the removed, emotionally void tone. "Need something?"
"No, I...just wanted to hear your voice."
An awkward pause followed. Jack cleared his throat. "How are things?"
"Same old, same old," she said with a sigh. "Family's banging down my door on both sides asking what's up with you. I spent pretty much the last day on the phone calming them down. Your granny's going to stick her cane up your butt the next time you see her, just FYI."
"Thanks for the warning," Jack said. "I'll make sure to avoid it. Maybe I can butter her up at Thanksgiving and she'll cut me some slack."
"Your granny?" Edie snorted. "Don't forget she's your father's mother. She'll hold a grudge until the Apocalypse. She still never forgave your aunt for getting a tattoo on her 18th birthday and that was all the way back in 1980."
"Point taken. Stubborness runs in the family, it seems."
Again, Edie didn't take the bait. Jack forced himself to keep going. "I'm sorry for how I left things with you. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"There's nothing left to say, Rhett. You're a grown man. You make your own choices."
"I don't want you to think I just ignored you or that I didn't care," he sa
id, running a hand through his already-mussed hair. "This isn't some kind of rebellion. I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing."
"And now that you're back with a hole in your side, do you still think you did the right thing?" she asked sharply. "That's a permanent scar to add to your collection. I could have been arranging your funeral right now, Rhett. Do you expect me not to be upset?"
"You have every right to be upset. I just..." He massaged his aching sinuses. He'd be happy when that particular injury would go away. It throbbed and stung at random intervals, though suspiciously more when he was stressed out. "I wanted to talk about this like an adult with you. I don't want you avoiding me because you're angry. That's what happened when I was in high school and I'm not going to let it happen now."
"You were lying to me then," she said. "And it nearly ripped this family in half when the truth came out. Your father and I still in counseling right now. I've said all I need to say to you."
"So that's it, then? You don't want to know any details of what happened or why I believe what I believe? You don't even want to hear my side of it?"
"I'll sleep better if I don't know. You went there, you handled it, and you came home. That'll have to be good enough for now."
"I never wanted this to happen. I didn't want to make you worry about me again. You've got enough on your plate."
"You're my son. I will always worry about you. But you've shown me that I'm no longer a factor in your decision making process and it's time I accepted it."
"Ma, it's not like that--"
"Rhett, stop it. If you want to quit feeling guilty, then forgive yourself. I'm not going to do it for you. I don't have a magic wand that I can wave so you feel better about yourself for going to that forest. This is the path you chose. I love you and I will support you no matter what, but I can't say truthfully that I agree with what you did. You've invited forces into your life that are more dangerous than you know."
"Then I'll just have to become strong enough that I can face them. I didn't make this phone call to point fingers. I love you. I just want you to know that I love you and I was thinking about you. If you need time to come to terms with everything, fine, I'll give you that. If you need to be angry with me, be angry with me. Doesn't change the fact that I love you."
He heard her falter for the briefest second. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I just need time to cool off. Your father's more level-headed, at least in this instance. Call him and let him know how you're doing and he'll relay it on to me."
Jack almost smiled. "Go chop some firewood. Helps you blow off steam."
Edie let out a short laugh. "What do you think I was doing before you call, boy?"
He glanced up to see Kamala's Volkswagen veering around the bend towards the front of the hospital. "I gotta go. I'll give you some space, but I won't wait forever. Sooner or later, we're gonna have to continue this conversation."
"Guess we will. Take care of yourself, son."
"I will. Love you, Ma."
"Love you, Rhett."
The day wore on as if it had no end, but maybe it just felt that way to the two exhausted scientists. They attended each of the required meetings and got up to speed on both what had happened in Aokigahara's aftermath as well as where they were in the current project. The diamondback dragons they had bred were doing well. Pete had been slowly getting less aggressive with the veterinarians as well as Matt while being left in their care. The press conference had been set for that evening so that the world would be up to date on whatever facts would be release into the public. Naturally, Jack and Kamala had made headlines and their faces were plastered all over the news channels as well as half a dozen magazines. The reception seemed mixed so far. A lot of people were angry and worried, but others were sympathetic and happy that Baba Yaga hadn't been destroyed when they captured her.
"Easy, easy," Kamala said, lowering her partner into his bed. He tried not to groan as his back hit the pillows stacked up against the wall. The painkillers did their job, but certain angles did him no favors. He was sore all over and his ribs still ached occasionally even with the medication. The doctors had assured him it would pass in a couple of weeks. He couldn't be very active during that time as he waited for his body to heal, and that bothered him more than a little.
"Thanks, Kam," he sighed. "I'm sorry you have to put up with this. I know it's a pain in the ass. I can hire someone for this sort of thing if you want."
She snorted. "There is no hourly rate high enough for dealing with your nonsense, Jack."
"Point taken." He licked his lips, risking a glance at her. "How come you didn't want me to go see Faye earlier?"
Kamala sat beside his long legs. "I didn't think she's ready to see you. She needs time to process everything. I don't want to upset her any more than I already have."
He swallowed past the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. "So you...talked to her about the...you know?"
"Yes."
Jack's ribs played ping-pong with his heart for a few seconds. "And what did she say?"
Kamala stared at the Dragon Age: Inquisition poster on his wall, her voice low. "She's confused. She's not sure why she kissed you, but she thinks that maybe she's hung up on you because she's never had this kind of relationship before. She's never had a guy in her life who is supportive and cares for her on a deeper level rather than a superficial one. I mean, we've been roommates for over two years. I've seen them all come and go. You're different. You treat her differently."
"Kam--"
"And I don't blame you for that, Jack," she said, meeting his eyes finally. "There is something about you that just naturally attracts people. You may be awkward, but you always mean well. You always try your best to do the right thing and you make sacrifices to ensure that it happens. I can see how she would find that hard to resist. Faye dumps guys the second the word 'girlfriend' falls out of their mouth and they just accept it instead of chasing after her. You haven't run off on her. She's not used to that sort of thing and she acted on impulse. She told me that you made her feel like she wanted to be good enough to deserve you."
"Deserve me?" Jack sputtered. "Who the hell am I? She's a whole person. I'm not even a quarter of one. I'm no prize. I'm just a stubborn asshole."
"You're not an asshole," she said. "You'll never be one. You care too much. You would do anything for me, for this baby, for Faye, for your parents, for anyone who needs it, and you wouldn't think twice about it. Not every man on the planet would walk into a dragon's den to save people he never met. Of all the things I want you to take away from this conversation, I want you to know above all that I respect you more than anyone I've ever met, Jack. Anyone."
He reached up, hesitant at first, and cupped her cheek in his hand as he noticed the tears brewing in her eyes. "What are you trying to tell me, Kam?"
She touched his wrist and pressed her cheek into his palm, silent for a bit. "I think we moved too fast when we decided to become a couple. I think that the pressure of this relationship got to you. Faye is uncomplicated. You knew upfront who she is and what she needs. I admit that I also didn't think of the consequences of our actions. I was so wrapped up in you and how you made me feel that I didn't consider how you might be feeling."
"Kam, who gives a damn about how I feel?" he whispered. "I kissed someone else. I don't want you to consider my feelings because I screwed up. I want you to tell me how I can make this right. I hurt you. I broke your trust. I made you feel like you weren't the most important goddamn thing in my life when that's exactly what you are. The whole time I was alone in that godforsaken forest, the thought of you kept me going."
"I know. I know that you love me and you will love our child as much as you love me, if not more." She sighed as the tears trickled out from beneath his fingers. "But you need to be sure. You need to be sure that this is what you want for the rest of your life. We have eight months to figure it out before the baby is here. I think you should start by...by..."
She l
owered his hand to the bed. "By spending time with Faye."
He gaped. "What?"
"Jack, she..." Kamala wiped her eyes. "She doesn't have anyone else. Her parents are in town right now, but they'll be gone in a week or so. She and I need time apart to work things out. I can't help her heal. I'm too hurt and I don't want to say or do something that will make it worse between the two of us. She's in a fragile state. She'll need someone kind and understanding."
She looked at him then. "She needs you more than I do."
"Kamala, please, you don't need to do this," he said. "You don't need to take all of this on your shoulders alone. Isolating yourself isn't going to help."
"I won't be alone," she said. "I'm going to see my mother for a few days. Matt's handling the project in the meantime while we try to get our bearings again. I would like you to spend some time with Faye and figure out whatever is between you two."
She started to rise, but he caught her wrist. "Kamala, look at me. Please."
Kamala steadied her breathing and met his eyes. She saw how deeply wounded he'd been by all of this, by everything that had happened, by his actions, and by hers. Her heart wavered.
But her mind did not.
"Kamala, I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for violating your trust. I don't have an excuse and I never will. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. All I can say is that I don't want you to go. I love you."
Kamala blinked away tears as she turned and cupped his face in her hands, kissing him gently, savoring the softness of his lips. "And I love you, Rhett. But love isn't enough sometimes. You need to find out who you are before we can be together. You are lost. When you find yourself, you might find me as well."
She ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing it down, touching their foreheads together. "I'll call you when my flight lands. Please consider what I have said. Regardless of what you choose, you will always be a part of my life and our child's life as well. Please, get some rest, Jack."
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