“Fine.” He pulled on the leather jacket he had draped over his arm. “I’ll make sure your brother gets back to your house.”
He had already taken several long strides down the hall when I murmured, “Thank you.”
I made my way to the girls’ bathroom and turned scalding hot water on my palms, rinsing caked blood off the now-closed cuts. Steam rose around me as I gripped the sides of the basin. When grief’s attack subsided, I walked slowly back toward the commons, pausing frequently to listen for approaching footsteps or voices. When I neared the double doors, I ducked behind a row of lockers and waited, my forehead pressed against the cool steel.
After what seemed like hours, but I knew had only been minutes, I heard the doors swing open. I peered around the row of lockers and watched Logan walk away in a smooth loping gait. When he’d disappeared around a corner, I left my hiding place. Once through the doors I paused, forcing myself to move with care.
Smoke tendrils twisted through the air, a heady mixture of cloves and tobacco. Mason sat in the center of the room. He leaned forward, his elbow propped on one knee, hand covering his eyes. A slender black cigarette burned in the fingers of his other hand.
I took slow steps forward and Mason lifted his face, smiling wearily. He slouched in the chair and took a drag of his cigarette.
“Hey, Calla.” He tilted his head back, blowing rings of smoke into the air.
I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat closed. Mason watched me inch across the space between us. When I was close enough to touch him, I hesitantly stretched my hand toward his shoulder. I jerked back when he jumped to his feet, stepping out of my reach. He dropped the cigarette and crushed it out with his foot.
“Let’s get out of here.”
He swept past me and through the door so quickly I had to run to catch him.
“Mason.” I at last found my voice.
“Don’t say anything. It’s not worth it.” He stopped in front of his locker, rapidly turning the dial.
“Tell me what happened.”
He swore as he missed a number in the combination and had to start over again. “Nothing happened. Not yet.” The lock clicked and he flung the door open.
I took a deep breath, but my relief was quickly replaced by anger. “What did he want from you?”
A low sound, half laugh, half growl, emerged from his throat. “What do you think? He’s Efron Bane’s son.”
“No.” I closed my eyes, leaning against the locker next to his. “I just can’t accept it.”
He slammed the door shut, turning to face me. “Neither can I, Cal. Logan’s had his eye on me for some time, but I didn’t know if he’d make an issue of it. Now I have my answer.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked, hating Logan and Mason’s inability to disobey him.
He threaded his arm through the strap of his messenger bag, keeping his eyes averted. “I don’t know. But I think I bought myself some time.”
“Time?”
He ran his hands through his hair, pausing to rub his temples. “Logan might be inheriting our pack, but he’s still young . . . and he’s afraid.”
I couldn’t imagine any Keeper being afraid. “Of what?”
“Of his elders, especially his father. I said that if he pushed me, I’d get Ren to tell Efron about it.”
I picked at the scab on my hand, ignoring the stinging it brought to my still-tender skin. “You think that will make a difference?”
“It will,” he said. “This is the one time where the Keepers’ ‘traditions’ might work in my favor.”
“Traditions?” I frowned.
He struck the locker with his fist, leaving a dent. “It’s a nice way of saying ‘bigotry.’ Until he has more power, Logan is still under the close watch of Efron and the other Keepers. Taking our pack on is like a trial for him—to see if he’s worthy of the post. If I keep reminding him of that, I think I can stop him from
. . .” He couldn’t finish.
“You have to stop him. You can’t—”
“I won’t.” He finally looked at me. “The Keepers tolerate a variety of tastes, but only in a recreational sense. Logan would never admit to his father or any of the rest of the Keepers that he’s gay.”
I bit my lip. “Mason, why didn’t you tell me?”
“About me and Nev?”
I kept my eyes down. “You don’t trust me.”
He put his hand on my shoulder. “It’s not that, Cal. I do trust you.”
I raised my eyes to his, balking at the sadness I found there.
“But you’re one step away from the Keepers,” he continued. “Who I am, who I love . . . they’d never accept it. Neither would the elders in the pack, not my parents. No one. It would be the end for me and for Nev. And not just for our relationship. It would be the end.”
He seemed so calm, I couldn’t stand it any longer.
“How long can you stall Logan?” I blurted. “How long will you be safe?”
He pulled out his cell phone and sent a quick text. “What makes you think I’m ever safe, Calla?”
“Maybe I could talk to Lumine,” I said.
“Don’t go there, Cal,” he murmured, reaching for my hand. “If you do anything, try to interfere at all, Logan will make an example of you. What good would it do any of us if you were handed over to a wraith? Or to Efron? You don’t have a choice. None of us do. This is who we are. Guardians serve.
Right?”
I couldn’t answer, so I just gripped his fingers tighter.
For a moment, his voice trembled. “It isn’t your fault. I’ll be okay.”
Then he pulled his hand from mine and walked away.
THIRTEEN
I SLID DOWN THE LOCKER AND TUCKED MY legs beneath me.
Why is this happening? Isn’t becoming the pack’s new alpha supposed to make me stronger?
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting there when I caught the scent of unfurling leaves and clouds heavy with rain.
“Calla?”
I looked up. Shay stood a few feet away.
“Are you all right?” he asked, but didn’t come closer.
I shook my head, not trusting my voice, certain if I tried to speak, I’d snarl at him. It wasn’t Shay I was angry with. Not anymore.
He crouched so he was at my level.
“What are you doing here?” I managed to ask without growling.
“A hike sounded better than class,” he said. “But I still need to grab my homework.”
“Oh, okay.” I started to rise, suddenly desperate to get out of the school, but in my haste my foot caught on my bag and I stumbled.
Shay darted forward, taking my faltering as a sign of imminent emotional breakdown. “Calla, what happened to you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, feeling my outrage boil up again.
Shay’s grip on my arms tightened. “Did someone hurt you?”
I shook my head, watching him, running my tongue over my lips. What if I didn’t get mad but got even?
Shaking away the slight pinch of guilt, I took advantage of his assumption that I was ready to cry and let him pull me into an embrace.
“Can’t you tell me anything?” he asked. “I’d like to help you.”
I rested my forehead against his neck, knowing that what I wanted from him wasn’t help. The cool scent of his skin soothed my temper, but I heard his heartbeat jump when I touched him. It only made me want him more. I let myself press into him, reveling in the way the tensing of his muscles ignited my skin.
“Want to take a walk?” he murmured into the crown of my hair. “I haven’t been through the school gardens yet.”
“Sure.” I stepped out of his arms.
We left the building, crossing the parking lot to reach the Mountain School’s collection of manicured hedges and flower beds. A few steps into the gardens, we surprised two boarders, a boy and girl, tangled up in each other’s limbs beneath a vine-covered archway. They
vanished like spooked deer.
I watched their retreat, wondering what it must be like to steal moments of desire and hide them from the world.
Shay walked beside me in silence. I turned my palms over. The scabs and puncture marks had disappeared.
“I’m sorry I was rude to you at school today,” I said, reaching for his hand.
A mocking, crooked smile pulled at his lips. “You’re always nicer without your bodyguard around.”
“Who?” I frowned.
“Tall, dark, and rabid,” he muttered, twining his fingers through mine.
“You mean Ren?” I didn’t drop Shay’s hand but wondered if I should.
He didn’t answer, but his jaw twitched.
“How I acted had nothing to do with him,” I said, unable to completely curb my temper. “I was angry at you.”
“Whatever.” He shook his fingers from mine. Apparently I wasn’t the only angry one.
“Let’s go this way.” I turned down a small path. Unlike the others, this was untouched earth, not paved by round river stones like most of the garden’s walkways. The trail passed beneath towering evergreens that filtered the late-afternoon sunlight. I stopped when we reached my favorite spot in the gardens, walked to the edge of the pine-ringed clearing, and dropped down, sitting half hidden among the tall ferns.
Shay paused to take in his surroundings. “Very nice.”
“Yeah.” I stretched my arms toward the sky, letting the sun warm my skin. “I come here when I want to be alone.”
“It feels safe,” he said, crouching near me. “Private.”
The hem of my dress had inched up when I settled among the ferns and I caught Shay’s eyes tracing the line where my skin disappeared beneath the fabric. I leaned toward him.
“Kiss me.” It sounded like an order, and his shoulders tightened. “Please?”
I didn’t know it would be so hard, asking for something I wanted. I wasn’t used to making requests.
Just this once, screw the Keepers and their laws. That’s what they got for ordering me to spend time with a boy this beautiful. My first kiss should be mine.
Shay stood up. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Calla. It’s not that I don’t want to.”
“You want to?” A rush of heat chased by emptiness swept through me. But you won’t.
“Yeah, of course.” His arms were folded across his chest, making the muscles of his forearms taut. “But you’re upset and I’m not really sure why you just asked. Or whatever that was.”
I pulled the hem of my dress down. “Never mind.”
“I’ll help you with whatever’s made you so upset,” he said. “But this morning you blew me off and I’m not going to kiss you today just so you can tell me to go to hell tomorrow.”
An unsuspecting fern took the brunt of my humiliation when I pulled the plant up roots and all.
“I know, I know,” I said, tossing leaves and dirt away. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s going to be dark soon.” He stretched his hands toward me. “You might have wolf night vision, but I don’t.”
“Sometimes I forget about your flaws.” I clasped his fingers in mine.
“Flaws, huh?” When he jerked me up, I was smiling again, surprised by how Shay’s easy manner made all my irritation fade. Once I was on my feet, he kept pulling until my fingertips rested on his chest. His hands released mine and slid around my back, pressing between my shoulder blades so my body molded against his.
I could feel every contour of his chest, the press of his thighs against my hips. I lifted my chin and his lips were on mine. The light touch speared my body and exploded deep within me. I shuddered and took his lower lip between my teeth, biting gently. He groaned, digging his fingers into my back. His lips parted mine, exploring, lingering.
My eyes were still closed when he pulled away.
“I thought you weren’t going to,” I whispered.
I looked at him and he smiled shyly. “I couldn’t help myself.”
“I’m glad.” I lifted my fingers to touch the throbbing pulse at my neck. “I didn’t know it would feel like that. It was amazing.”
“Wait a sec.” He rested his index finger under my chin, turning my face up toward his. “That wasn’t your first kiss, Calla. No way.”
I retreated to the shadows of the circling pines, wanting to hide the hot flush in my cheeks.
He didn’t follow. “Come on. What’s wrong?”
“It was my first.” I brushed dirt from the back of my dress. “That’s all. Just drop it.”
His hand followed the curve of a tall fern. “I’m having a hard time believing that. But if it really was your first, I’m glad it wasn’t a disappointment.”
“No.” I could still feel heat pouring off my limbs. “No disappointment.”
He started toward me, but I held up my hand. “But not something we can do again.”
“Excuse me?” His eyebrow shot up.
“That was my first kiss,” I said, “because I have to follow different rules than other girls.”
“Kissing rules?” He looked ready to laugh, but when I nodded, he swore, kicking the ground with the heel of his hiking boot.
“I’m not telling you to go to hell.” I came back to his side but didn’t touch him. “But I’m not like other girls, Shay. I can’t be selfish.”
“And kissing me is selfish?” He stroked my cheek.
“Very.” I turned my face, brushing my lips against the inside of his palm, reveling in his warmth, his scent.
“What if I want to kiss you again?” he murmured.
“Don’t.” I pushed his hand away from my face, wishing I didn’t have to. “If you really want to help me, don’t.”
“I do have something that I think you might be interested in seeing.” He reached for his backpack, unzipped it, and pulled out a book. “Something I found.”
“You want to tutor me?” I glanced up at the darkening sky. “Remember that whole lack of night vision issue?”
“This will only take a sec.” The book he held was thick and very old; its spine looked on the verge of crumbling. “I wanted you to see this.”
“A book?”
“My excuse for trespassing on your mountain.” He turned the front cover toward me.
The moment I caught sight of the title, black letters that looked as if they had been branded onto the front cover, I shifted into wolf form without thinking and backed away from him, wary, hackles raised. Shay stumbled backward, gaping at me. The book lay on the ground where he’d dropped it.
“Calla, Calla.” He spoke my name like a chant, low and resonant. “What is it? What did I do?”
I kept my eyes locked on him, canines bared.
“Please turn back.” His voice began to shake. “Whatever it is, I’m sorry.”
I sniffed the air for the presence of others, signs of a trap. But there was nothing; we were alone. I scrutinized him, finding no hint of treachery in his fearful expression. With some reluctance I shifted forms. He let out an explosive breath, stepping toward me. I jumped back.
“Stay where you are.”
He froze.
“Calla, what’s going on?”
I shook my head. “My questions now.”
He nodded quickly. I let my gaze fall on the book, pointing at the thick volume with a shaking finger.
“Who are you, Shay? Who are you really? And where did you get that?”
“You know who I am; I’m just me. I haven’t lied to you about anything.” A guilty flush crept up his cheeks. “And I got the book from my uncle’s library.”
I kept my hands outstretched, ready to hit him if I had to. “Your uncle doesn’t mind you borrowing his books?”
He toyed with the zipper of his coat. “Not exactly.”
I looked at him and saw how much he hated that he’d frightened me. I lowered my hands and crouched near the ground, my fingers moving over the soil in the hopes that the touch of the earth might calm me.
“What do you mean ‘not exactly’?”
“Bosque gave me the run of his house but asked me not to go into the library. He’s a rare book collector. He implied that a teenager might not take proper care of them.”
“Like that?” I glanced back at the abandoned tome that lay on the soil. He grunted and snatched the book, brushing away dirt.
“That wasn’t my fault. You scared me.” He pulled the book close to his chest. “I usually take very good care of books. I wouldn’t have taken it out of
Bosque’s house, but I wanted to show you. And I thought his ban on my use of the library was unfair.” He rolled his eyes. “He even keeps the door locked.”
“If the door is always locked, how did you get the book?” I traced my fingertip over the bark of a nearby tree.
An impish smile darted over his lips. “I don’t read just philosophy. I went through a rebellious phase when I was pretty young and decided I wanted to be a professional thief. I was reading a lot of Thieves and Kings at the time.”
He watched my eyebrows lift and he laughed. “It’s a comics series. But anyway, I taught myself how to pick locks. I’m still pretty good at it. It was great to sneak in and out of my boarding school dormitories whenever I wanted to.”
Despite my roiling nerves, I giggled at the image of Shay slipping out late at night from the sleepy halls of an elite prep school.
“But why would you move?” I asked. “If you were already at a boarding school . . .”
“That’s what you’d think, right?” He began to pace through the clearing. “My uncle said familiarity breeds sloth, claimed I needed to see more than one part of the world. I think I’ve seen more than my share.”
“Sounds like,” I agreed.
“But moving is tough. I have no roots. No real friends. So I think he kind of owes me,” Shay mused. “I also hold very strong personal convictions against censorship. I don’t believe in forbidden knowledge.” His words were so self-assured I felt queasy. He had no idea what thin ice he stood on.
“So you’re a big fan of Eve?” I asked.
“She gets a bad rap. I’d take the Tree of Knowledge over Eden any day.” He grinned. “I’ve been to Eden. I thought it was overrated.”
“I have a feeling the original was better than Efron’s version,” I muttered, half shielding my body behind the tree trunk.
Nightshade Page 13
