“No.” A quiet laugh escaped his throat. “Maybe later.”
“Fair enough.”
He turned to face me, his eyes worried but kind. “What do you want to do?”
I shook my head. “I have no idea. I can’t just leave my pack.”
“But you can’t stay here,” he countered.
“Shay, who are the Searchers?” I had more questions now than I’d ever had in my life.
“I don’t know.” He walked across the room, kicking chairs out of his way. “It’s clear they allied with the Guardians who revolted way back when and they helped Ren’s mother; both times they paid the price for plotting against the Keepers, but I haven’t figured out exactly who the Searchers really are or what they’re after.
“But I don’t think they’re your enemies, Cal,” he said. “They’re the Keepers’ enemies, not yours.”
“Right now I’m not sure that means anything.” I shuddered. “I’ve killed a Searcher. The Keepers’ enemies have always been mine. Maybe it’s too late for anything else.”
“It’s never too late.” He brought his fist down on a table. It splintered under his hand. “There must be answers in that book! I need to figure out the last section. It seems to indicate mutability, change. I think it’s the key.”
I could see the shadow of his wolf form swirling around him like a cloak.
“We’ll keep trying.” I put my hand on his chest, smelling the way his wolf scent mixed with his sweat. “You need to breathe, Shay. Push back the wolf.
You’re too close to changing.”
“I don’t know how to stop it,” he growled.
“Just breathe.” I laid my head against his neck, waiting for both our hearts to slow. “Today and tomorrow. I’ll come to your house and work with you.” His hand stroked up and down my spine.
Why can’t it always be like this? Just us. Nothing else to shatter this stillness.
“And after that? What about the union?” His question made my chest ache.
“I don’t know.” I didn’t feel like I knew anything anymore.
I steeled myself as I walked into Organic Chemistry, angry, frustrated, wanting desperately to control some aspect of my life. My new and terrifying knowledge about the Guardians and Keepers changed every feeling I’d ever held about my place in the world. Knowing what had happened to Ren’s mother, how we’d all been lied to, I couldn’t bear the thought of hours alone with him before the union. How can I hide the truth from him? I didn’t think I’d be strong enough.
“Review session today,” Ren said, indicating the notes that lay before him. “Ms. Foris is feeling benevolent, or else she doesn’t want to lose any more lab equipment to your fury.”
He grinned at me and I wondered if I’d be able to go through with my plan after all. Then I remembered his teeth digging into my neck.
“Ren, I have to change our date tomorrow night.”
“How so?”
I laced my fingers together so he wouldn’t see them tremble. “I can’t have dinner and go early to the ball with you. There won’t be enough time.”
He turned to face me, eyes wary. “What do you mean there won’t be enough time? Our time is whatever we want it to be.”
“Bryn is really excited about helping me get ready. It’s a girly-girl thing that she’s pretty invested in. My mom too—you know how she gets.” I produced a weary sigh. “I just think it’s going to cut too much into the time we could be at the dance with the others.”
“You want to just go to the union with the rest of the pack?” His fingers curled around his notebook, slowly tearing the paper.
It took all my will not to cringe as I spoke, flailing for a legitimate excuse. “Can I just meet you there? You live all the way on the other side of the mountain, so it’s out of your way to come pick me up, and I’m supposed to work at the library with Shay after school anyway.”
Ren’s lips drew back. “You’re meeting him right before the union? Instead of going to dinner with me?”
I made my tone as plaintive as I could. “I’m sorry, but Logan said I have to keep the boy happy and he was pretty devastated when I turned down his invitation to go to the ball. I thought if I agreed to spend time with him beforehand, it would keep the peace a little better.”
He paled, eyes flashing as though a cold, silver fire had been ignited within them.
“He asked you to be his date for Blood Moon?” Each word was so low I could barely hear what he said.
I realized my incredible miscalculation a moment too late. My bones seemed to hollow and then fill with ice. Ren had pushed away from our lab station and was at the front of the room before I could open my mouth to answer. I heard the crash and shrieks from students around the class as I turned.
The stool that Shay had been perched on rolled away from his lab station. Ren leaned into Shay, pinning him against the tabletop. I couldn’t hear his words, but I saw the alpha’s lips moving rapidly as he bent over Shay. His two human lab partners were huddled in the corner of their station, crouched low to the ground as if trying to avoid attracting Ren’s attention. But they stared at Shay with wide eyes, seeing his strength, sensing the dangerous animal that lurked beneath his skin. They knew. If I didn’t do something immediately, they wouldn’t be the only ones.
Ms. Foris stood by her desk, paralyzed by terror. Her hand covered her mouth, eyes bulging, as her chemistry lab devolved into a battle arena. A few human students bolted from the room. The Keepers exchanged worried glances, leaning across their tables and whispering to one another.
I ran toward the station. My breath faltered when I saw how close Ren was to losing control. His wolf form, dark gray, hovered like an aura all around him. His sharpened canines flashed as he gripped Shay’s shoulders, holding him down. Shay’s fingers dug into Ren’s upper arms; he didn’t look afraid, only outraged. The shadow of his wolf self slid over the table, stretching the length of his body. I held my breath, hoping Ren was blinded by rage enough not to notice. It was only a matter of seconds before they would both be wolves tearing at each other’s throats.
“Ren, no!” I lunged forward, wrapping my arms around his chest. It took all my strength to pry him from Shay.
Shay leapt to his feet, his fists clenched. His lips curled back and I saw the glint of his sharpening canines. I sucked in a quick breath, desperately shaking my head at him. If he lost control and shifted into his wolf form, we were done for.
“Do not move,” I hissed. “You have to calm down.” His muscles twitched and his neck bulged, but he remained in place. I watched him struggle to hold back his fury.
I turned Ren in my arms, keeping his body locked against mine. His heart beat at a tremendous pace, and a steady, menacing growl rumbled in his throat.
“Please, Ren. Logan, you have to remember Logan.” I pulled him tighter against me, pressing my cheek against the hard muscles of his chest.
Ren snarled once before going still. I felt his breath ease, his heartbeat slow.
“Let go, Lily.” It was only the sound of my nickname that convinced me his fury had ebbed.
I released my locked arms from his body. My muscles shrieked in painful protest; I’d gripped the alpha so fiercely that every fiber ached as they slowly unwound.
Ren looked down at me, his dark eyes resigned. The slightest tug lifted one corner of his lips into a smile. Without looking at Shay again, he walked swiftly from the classroom.
I drew a long, shuddering breath.
“What a nice guy,” Shay said.
Suddenly I was furious with him. This was all his fault. My world had made sense until I’d saved his life. Now everything was falling apart.
The slap made a sharp cracking sound. His eyes widened; his fingers touched the bright red print of my hand that had appeared on his cheek. Without speaking, I turned and followed the path of Ren’s flight from our class.
I found no sign of him in the halls, nor was he in the commons or cafeteria. It appeared th
at he’d abandoned school. Shaken and sorrowful, I wandered to my locker with the faint hope that he might reappear to join our pack for lunch. When I reached my destination, I found a folded note shoved between the vents of the steel door. I bit my lip as I opened it. It was clear how angry he had still been from the hard press of the pen against the page; he’d nearly torn the paper as he wrote.
Calla. I won’t be around today or tomorrow. I’ll see you at the union.
I dropped into a cross-legged position and leaned against the cool steel, remaining there until the bell rang. I dragged myself to the cafeteria without bothering to collect my lunch from my locker.
Lunch had gone on without disruption for about ten minutes when Ansel frowned and glanced around the table.
“Hey, where’s Ren? And Shay?”
My mood had been so dark I hadn’t noticed that both boys were missing. The rest of the pack shifted in their seats, suddenly uneasy, as they also took in the absence of their alpha and our regular human companion. I looked around the cafeteria. Shay wasn’t among the humans. The Keepers had bunched into a tight circle, heads bowed and close to one another, though I didn’t see Logan in their midst. The young Keepers had been acting strangely since Logan and Efron went to investigate Haldis. The acrid scent of their anxiety filled my nostrils whenever I passed them in the halls or my classes.
Not finding Shay anywhere in the room, I glanced at Ren’s packmates, expecting that he would have called Dax to fill him in on the incident in chemistry.
But the hulking senior’s expression was as blank as those of the other wolves around the table.
“There was a problem,” I said quietly. “They got into an argument in class this morning.”
“About what?” Ansel frowned.
I fought a rising, hot discomfort in my chest and throat.
A low whistle sounded from across the table.
“Damn.” Mason leaned forward, his lips flat and drawn. “So that finally happened, eh?”
Dax glanced from Mason to me, laughing as he reached into his pocket. “Well, it’s about time. I owe you ten bucks, man, he made it a lot longer than I guessed.”
“Hang on.” Mason grinned, looking at me. “Did Shay lose any fingers? Or an arm?”
I shook my head.
“You owe me twenty, Dax.” Mason stretched his hand toward the now-glowering senior. “Your alpha has more self-restraint than you thought.”
“No way, that’s just what I said I would do if it were me, not what I thought Ren would do. The bet was ten.” Dax pulled a crumpled bill from his jeans, slapping it into Mason’s palm.
Fey ran her fingers through Dax’s cropped hair. “Too bad. I thought you’d win.”
“What’s going on?” Ansel’s confusion heightened as he watched their exchange.
Dax cracked his knuckles. “Ren taught that cub a lesson. Shay’s been panting over Calla ever since he got here.”
Ansel cast a worried glance at me. “What happened?”
“Ren found out that Shay asked me to Blood Moon, and he didn’t take the news very well.” I lowered my voice. “He slammed Shay across a lab station and I had to pull him off.”
Dax and Fey erupted into laughter. Cosette paled, inching her chair closer to Sabine, who put her arm around the younger girl.
“Shay asked you to the formal?” Bryn murmured. “What did you say?”
“She said no, of course!” Sabine glared at her and then at me. “What an obstinate, foolish boy. Calla, how did this happen? I warned you. Did you keep leading him on?”
“Sabine, you were there when Logan ordered me to spend time with Shay! I didn’t want any of this. He asked and I explained to him that I was already going with Ren.”
Sabine rested a spiteful stare on me. Cosette watched her reaction and then imitated it. I slumped in my chair.
Ansel slowly turned an apple in his hands, looking at it but clearly not seeing it. Fey and Dax had abandoned their laughing fit in order to debate the terms of Mason’s original bet.
“I still think you owe him the other ten.” Neville was flipping a guitar pick in the air like a coin. “You definitely implied that limbs would be lost when Ren took Shay on.”
“I knew I could count on you.” Mason wrapped his arm around Neville’s shoulders.
“Knock it off.” Dax bared his teeth at them. “The bet was ten.”
“What if we put them in a room together again without Calla there to interfere and then saw if Shay could keep his arms?” Fey rested her fingers on
Dax’s biceps. “Maybe you’d like the sight of him bloodied up so much you’d just give Mason the extra ten dollars.”
“What is wrong with you?” I brought my fist down on the table, nearly tipping it over. “Don’t you realize how serious this is? Ren attacked Shay in the middle of class and now he’s left school. He could get into serious trouble with Logan for this!”
“Yes,” a silky voice said from behind me. “He could.”
I slowly turned to face our master. Logan’s smile sliced through me, cutting my gut into ribbons.
“Calla.” He turned slightly, beckoning someone to stand beside him.
I gripped the sides of my chair when Shay stepped forward.
“I was quite concerned to hear about the incident in your class this morning,” Logan said. “As you can imagine, word reached me very quickly since
Shay’s uncle is a good friend of my father’s.”
I nodded, tightening my hold on the chair. The wood creaked in protest.
“According to Shay, the fault is solely his. Apparently he insulted you in such a way as to provoke Ren to defend your honor?” Logan tilted his head at me. “Nurse Flynn reported something similar about an argument between Shay and yourself that would have contributed to this . . . unpleasantness.”
Shay’s attempt to cover for Ren surprised me, but I nodded, masking my feelings. “Yes, that’s what happened.”
“I see.” Logan nodded at Shay with an expectant glance.
Shay cleared his throat. “Calla, I’m so sorry that I lost my temper this morning. I was out of line. I don’t blame Ren at all for coming after me when he heard about it. I hope you can forgive me.”
Logan smiled, turning his eyes on me.
I barely glanced at Shay. “Thank you. It’s fine.”
Our young master’s gaze moved over the rest of the wolves. “Quarrels between friends are so unfortunate and best quickly forgotten. It’s been so heartening to see you welcome Shay. Let’s not change a good thing. I’m certain Ren will find it in his heart to forgive him, as should all of you.”
The pack’s murmured agreement was barely audible.
Logan’s cold smile reappeared. “Very good. I’ll leave you to your reconciliations, then.” His eyes lingered on Mason for a moment before he turned away.
“Do you want to sit down?” I asked Shay.
“Not today,” he said. “Another day, I hope.” He put his hands on the table and leaned forward, looking at my packmates.
“I realize this is a bad time, but I do want you to know that I’m sorry. I understand that by provoking Ren, I placed each of you in a really tough position.
You’ve become my friends, and jeopardizing that friendship is the last thing I want. I’ll be back here tomorrow, if you don’t object.”
There was no answer from the group, but I gave a brief nod.
“Thanks.” Shay walked away and I put my forehead down on the table.
“That was decent of him. Maybe he’s not such a cub after all,” Dax grunted. He and Fey had begun to arm wrestle. “So long as he knows his place, I don’t mind him being around.”
Fey gritted her teeth. “I’d still like to see them fight.”
Neville and Mason had turned away, whispering quietly to each other.
Sabine’s narrowed eyes burrowed into me. “He seems to understand an awful lot about how our relationship to Logan works. More than he is supposed to . . .”
> I had opened my mouth to fend off her speculation when Ansel’s nervous response cut in.
“I don’t think that’s a big surprise, considering he sits with us every day. He’s probably just picked up on the group dynamic. He’s a smart guy.”
He didn’t look at Sabine as he spoke and he tried to give a casual shrug, but the movement was more of an awkward jerk. His fingernails tore into the skin of his apple.
I frowned at him for a moment but then looked at Dax. My mind was back in chem class, remembering the defeat in Ren’s eyes before he left. “I’m worried about Ren. He left a note saying he wouldn’t be around today or tomorrow. I have no idea where he’s gone.”
Dax glanced in my direction. The moment he was distracted, Fey slammed his arm to the table.
Dax rubbed his elbow, unfazed. “I’ll track him down, make sure he hasn’t killed off the entire deer herd. It should be fine. The guy has a bad temper but usually doesn’t stay pissed off for that long.”
He cast a sidelong glance at Fey. “Wanna help me find him, in case he’s still in a bad mood and decides to take it out on me?”
“Cut our afternoon classes?” She flexed her fingers like talons. “Sure, I could use a good run.”
“I want Ren found, but you shouldn’t cut classes,” I argued. “The Keepers don’t approve when we miss school. We’re already in enough trouble.”
Fey banged her fists on the table. “Screw that; I say we go now.”
Dax gave me an unfriendly look before grinning at Fey.
“Let’s go.” He grabbed her arm. She twisted out of his grasp, driving her elbow into his side. He winced as Fey laughed and dashed from the cafeteria.
With a playful growl, Dax chased after her.
TWENTY-NINE
SHAY WATCHED AS I STRETCHED OUT ON HIS bed.
His eyes moved over me like a tentative caress. “What made you change your mind?”
“No questions,” I murmured. “Just kiss me.”
He smiled and lay beside me; his hand trailed over the curve between my hips and waist.
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