by Aileen Adams
The road was blessedly empty that morning, winding as it did through a mostly uninhabited stretch of land. They were coming up on the Highlands soon, the peaks of the Grampians closer with every minute.
As far as he was concerned, they couldn’t reach Ben Nevis quickly enough. Would that he could take wing like one of the birds which flew overhead. Would that he could be rid of that which weighed so heavily on him.
Why was it so difficult to imagine admitting his love for her?
It wasn’t his place to do so, for one. While no one could have hated the fact that she was married to his brother more than he did, the marriage was a fact. They’d been wed in the eyes of God and the law. He no longer had claim to her affections.
A very pretty excuse, one which absolved him from the acknowledgment of his shortcomings. He ought to have ensured they had more than just an understanding when he left for training. He ought to have announced his intentions to her stepfather, to his father, with witnesses present to bear testimony if the time came.
He’d thought himself such a man, too. Such a wise, clever, worldly man. He’d known nothing of what the world could do, of how quickly a dream or a love could be struck down.
Yet even after he’d learned so much, after he’d witnessed the terrible suddenness and finality of death and the grave unfairness life could sometimes offer, he’d still expected her to be there, waiting for him. Untouched, unblemished, as though she’d frozen like the river in the deepest part of winter. Merely waiting for him to return and allow her to thaw.
Because Caitlin had always been and would always be the one good, pure, true thing in his life. The only thing. That which gave him hope. Even when she drove him to the brink of raving lunacy, she was the only woman he’d ever love. The only woman he’d ever allow to drive him to that point.
Would that he could give expression to these thoughts. Would that he could share with her everything she meant to him.
The sun was roughly halfway to the midpoint of the sky when Brice called out to him. Had he learned his lesson? Rodric certainly hoped so. If it hadn’t been for the rope tying Brice to Caitlin, he might have knocked his friend from the saddle.
He threw a look back over his shoulder to find the three of them coming to a stop.
“Wanted to water the horses!” Brice called out, cupping his hands around his mouth.
A wise decision. The heat was already taking its toll, and though the air was heavy with moisture, it didn’t do a hardworking animal much good. He brought the gelding around and trotted back over the ground he’d covered, leading the horse off the road and in the direction of a trickling stream which ran on the other side of a line of towering spruce.
It was cooler in the shade the trees provided, and between that shade and the refreshing water just a short way off, the spot seemed a paradise.
Rodric took the opportunity to drink deep of the clear, cold stream before dunking his head beneath the surface and using both hands to pour water over the back of his sweaty, dirty neck.
By the time he brought his head up, snapping it back to keep the hair out of his eyes, he felt refreshed—at least, in body. Perhaps not so much in spirit.
He wiped the water from his eyes and spied Caitlin a bit further downstream, delicately performing the same type of bathing as he. She wouldn’t dip her entire head beneath the surface but did pour water over her neck, beneath the thick braid of hair.
Oh, how he wished she wouldn’t. Or that he were a strong enough man to avert his eyes when the water trickled down her back and caused the tunic to stick to her body.
He wished she wouldn’t tip her head back, sighing softly in relief as the cool water refreshed her overheated skin. He gulped, mesmerized, knowing deep in his soul that he ought to look away but being completely unable to. If his life depended upon it, he wouldn’t look away.
Brice approached him, clearing his throat loudly and obviously as a warning. “Easy, now,” he murmured, his back to Caitlin.
“What do you mean?” Rodric challenged, standing to face his friend.
“I mean, you’re all but panting over her. I’ve seen dogs in heat conduct themselves better. I’d not mention it except for her sake,” he was quick to add. “The lass would like as not perish of mortification if she caught sight of the sign of lust that you’re sporting.”
Rodric wasn’t certain whether he should thank Brice or push him into the stream. He settled on a grunt and a nod. His inflamed sensibilities were already cooling off considerably.
“You seem to care overmuch for her feelings, truth be told,” he accused, eyes narrowing.
“Do not start a fight with me, Rodric Anderson,” Brice warned with a smile. “Just because the lass has you at odds with yourself is no reason to be at odds with me.”
“My only concern is for the nature of your affection toward the lass.”
Brice’s mouth fell open. He threw back his head to let out a deep, roaring laugh which seemed to come up from his toes and shake his entire body. Caitlin, visible just over his shoulder, looked over in surprise and faint amusement.
“You… you think…” A fresh wave of laughter overtook Brice until he was doubled over with it.
“All right, then,” Rodric grumbled, arms crossed over his chest. “You needn’t send yourself into a fit over it, man.”
“What’s the joke?” Fergus asked, joining them with a curious smile.
“He… thinks…” Brice shook his head, wiping away tears of mirth. “I’ll tell ye later, brother.”
“Why don’t you ride on now?” Rodric suggested. “I’ll take this leg of the journey with Caitlin tied to my wrist.”
“Aye, smart thinking.” Brice winked, laughter still bubbling out of him now and then. He was shaking his head as he went to his horse, gracefully swinging his massive body into the saddle. “Come, brother. Let us wait on the road and keep watch.”
Fergus shot a look of concern toward Rodric and Caitlin.
“I’ll tell you why I was laughing so,” Brice offered, jerking his head in the direction of the road.
Fergus, still lost, merely shrugged and followed suit, the pair riding through the trees to the other side.
Leaving Rodric alone with her.
“You’ll be tied to me now?” she asked with a smirk as she strolled toward him. “I do not have a say in the matter?”
He saw through her effrontery. She wasn’t nearly as brave as she pretended.
And suddenly, he was very tired of the dance they’d been locked in ever since they’d set eyes on each other again. Pretending to be something they weren’t, pretending they didn’t know what they were to each other. It was idiotic and a waste of precious time they could’ve spent loving each other, even in spite of her marriage to Alan.
“Caitlin. I’m going to be frank with ye, and I ask that ye listen and do not speak until I’m finished.”
Color rose in her cheeks. “Do not tell me—”
“What did I just ask ye? Do not speak. Just keep quiet for a minute or two! Is that too much to ask? Are you incapable of shutting your mouth and keeping it that way long enough for a man to get a word in edgewise?”
Her eyes bulged. “I’m not certain I wish to hear anything from you,” was her icy reply.
“Fine, then,” he blustered, throwing his hands into the air. “I give up. I quit entirely. Go back to Alan, back to being his slave or whatever it is he intends to keep ye for. Go on. Be stubborn and foolish and insist on your own destruction when it’s I who loves ye, I who wants nothing more than to be with ye as I’ve always wanted to be with ye!”
His own words shocked him into silence—and they did the same to her. Was that all he needed to do all along? Simply tell her he loved her in order to get a moment’s peace?
Her face softened, her eyes glistened. “You what? Did you say you love me?”
“I believe I did.”
“Because my heart is pounding so, I cannot hear very well.” She placed a hand on her chest.
/> “I did say it. Because I do love ye,” he explained, his admission emboldening him. “I always have, lass. For as long as I can remember. And we both know our intention was to wed as soon as I returned. I should have made it official with Connor and my father, but I was young and foolish and didn’t think it through. I didn’t know I’d be gone as long as I was, nor that my father would…” He broke off with a sigh, shaking his head. “I simply didn’t know, lass, and look where it got us both.”
Her face turned a deep red—for a moment, he wasn’t certain what she was about to do—before she burst into tears. “Oh, Rodric.” He caught her as she fell against him, holding her tight. She hadn’t lied about the pounding of her heart. He felt it plain against his chest.
“My Caitlin,” he murmured in her ear. “You’ve always been mine.”
“Always,” she whispered, burying her face in his tunic. “Oh, why did it have to be this way?”
“I do not know,” he admitted with a grimace. “I’m not certain why we’re being tested so, lass, but I know I wouldn’t trade this time with you for anything.” His arms tightened around her back, his body claiming her in spite of the protestations of his mind. She wasn’t his by rights, not truly, and he would not compromise her. The lass had already been through enough.
“I’ve loved you my entire life,” she explained, leaning back to look up into his face with a smile of pure joy. “It feels good to be able to say that at last.”
“Aye, it does,” he agreed with a smile of his own. “I suppose I’ve been a bit stubborn, but the situation…”
“I know,” she nodded. “I understand. We aren’t free, really.”
“No. We aren’t.”
“I thought you hated me.”
He laughed. “There have been moments when I have, lass. That’s the nature of us both, I suppose. We go from love to hate and back to love again in a flash.”
They leaned in, their foreheads touching. Her sharp, rapid breaths revealed the longing she felt for him, longing he shared. His entire body ached for her in ways he wouldn’t have believed possible.
“I swear to you,” he whispered, eyes closed, “that I will defend you to my dying breath, Caitlin. I will not see you returned to a man who doesn’t love you, to one you do not love. I’m taking you to safety, and I’ll do everything in my power to have your marriage dissolved.”
She gasped, pulling back so her eyes could search his face. “How can you manage that?”
“I do not know,” he admitted. “I hadn’t thought it through entirely, but I have an idea. If we could get the support of the Duncans and beseech the Church with their backing, we might be able to sway them. The fact that you ran so soon after the ceremony…”
“I know, I know. It was not consummated,” she finished on his behalf, knowing it was indelicate for him to mention it.
“That works in our favor, as well. I believe there’s a good chance, lass. But we have to reach the Duncans first. Everything else can come after that.”
She sighed as she reached up to stroke his hair, letting her hand trail down the side of his face. He turned it slightly, pressing his lips to her palm. “I want so much for this to be true. I want it to not be a dream. I want what you say to be possible.”
“It’s true,” he murmured, resting his face against her hand. “It’s possible. I’m certain of it.”
“I suppose we’d better move along, then,” she smiled. “We’re in a bit of a hurry now, aren’t we?”
Would that they could stay in that moment forever, holding each other as they did. But she had a point, and there was a storm threatening to bear down on them. It would be best to cover as much ground as possible before they were forced to find shelter.
24
It amazed Caitlin how quickly life could change. Just when she’d been most certain of Rodric having forgotten what they had once been to each other—tying her to one of his friends as though she were livestock being led to a pen—he confessed his love and everything seemed fresh and new.
If there was never any other good in her life, if everything went terribly wrong after that, she wouldn’t mind. He loved her. She would never need doubt it again.
It was obvious that Brice understood what had passed between them. The little smile and wink he favored her with said as much. She grinned, too happy to be embarrassed.
When he turned to Rodric, his smile disappeared. “We might have another two or three hours of travel at most,” he explained, pointing to the clouds which built up ahead. “It looks like this will be quite a storm.”
“And I’d so grown accustomed to riding over dry road, too,” Rodric replied with a roll of his eyes. “Well, we’re close enough to Duncan territory that we would’ve made it well before nightfall were it not for the storm. If it passes quickly, we might still be able to reach the manor house by the end of the day.”
They set out then, all of them riding with fresh determination. Knowing there was a plan in place, or at least the hope of a plan, renewed her energy and gave her confidence. Rodric thought highly of the Duncans, who she knew were a powerful clan.
If they thought as highly of him and agreed to provide support, she might just be able to escape her marriage, after all.
The thought made her smile in spite of her general discomfort. Riding for days had left her thighs with a constant ache, and the bugs which thrived in hot, humid conditions such as the ones at present swarmed incessantly around her head and that of her mare. The poor, pitiful creature snorted time and again, shaking her head almost constantly.
“I know, I know. The storm will send them away,” Caitlin murmured, patting the horse’s mane before waving her hand to shoo away another swarm of pesky insects. Sweat trickled down the back of her neck, running down her back and pooling beneath her breasts. It was misery.
But she was still happy inside. Glowing, in fact. He loved her. He wanted her.
They exchanged a look, then another, as they rode abreast. It seemed they couldn’t stop glancing in the other’s direction—each time their eyes met, they would smile.
Brice and Fergus, riding in front of them, exchanged a knowing look and rolled their eyes.
Suddenly, a blast of cool wind took them all by surprise.
Caitlin shivered, rubbing her hands over her arms, the sweat which had only seconds earlier made her skin crawl turning icy. The horses whinnied, prancing in place as the four came to a brief halt.
“There’s hail in that storm,” Fergus predicted. “It’s going to be difficult going.”
“Wonderful,” Rodric groaned. “As though we needed another turn of bad luck.”
“Don’t worry,” Caitlin murmured in an attempt to soothe him. “We’ll find shelter before the storm is upon us.”
She was beginning to wonder if they would, however, as the clouds built rapidly until it seemed the entire sky was nothing more than a mass of swirling, seething darkness. The sweat-soaked tunic went cold, her teeth chattering every time the wind kicked up. All around, the trees swayed, leaves and needles being ripped from their branches.
“Damn it all!” Brice shouted, shaking his head. “This is useless!”
“Aye! We had best get off the road,” Rodric agreed, and the four of them left the road in favor of going into the woods. The wind was not as much of a challenge once they were no longer out in the open, but Caitlin shivered harder than ever.
With Brice in the lead, the horses picked their way over the soft soil between the trees. If she hadn’t been so deeply chilled, she might have enjoyed the heady aroma of rich earth and the pines which dotted the otherwise thick clusters of birch, spruce, ash.
“Are you all right?” Rodric called back, riding just ahead of her while Fergus rode behind.
“Cold, suddenly, but all right,” she replied.
“You’re not accustomed to outdoor life,” Fergus pointed out. “It will affect you more strongly than it does us.”
“Aye,” Brice agreed. “Perhaps we ou
ght to ride ahead, Fergus and I, while you two wait here and try to stay warm.”
There was a note of laughter in his voice which she pointedly ignored, as did Rodric. They led their horses aside to allow Fergus to pass, and he rode away with his brother to search for shelter.
“Come down here.” Rodric dismounted gracefully, then held a hand out to her. She followed suit, tossing the mare’s reins over a low-hanging branch before seeking the shelter of his arms.
He was so warm, as though a fire blazed within him. He was brisk, efficient as he rubbed her arms and back. Warmth began to spread through her as though she were taking the warmth that was inside him and making it her own.
The temptation to rest her head against his chest was too great to be denied. He was firm, as unyielding as she’d imagined, the steady beating of his heart a welcome rhythm beneath her ear. His arms tightened, holding her fast, making it impossible for her to escape even if she’d wanted to.
She didn’t want to. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to sink into the comfort of him, the scent of his skin and sweat a pleasant combination because they were his scents. They were part of him, and she loved all of him, even that which drove her to distraction.
“The rain’s begun; smell the difference in the air?” he murmured, the side of his cheek against the top of her head.
She nodded a moment before a drop of water touched her back, then another. She heard drops hitting the leaves, those drops dripping off onto the ground, the wind driving the rain above the trees and creating a soft roar which she tried hard to ignore in favor of the bliss of being in his arms.
The sound of rustling leaves and snapping branches didn’t stir her from her reverie. She assumed Brice and Fergus had returned. Only when Rodric went a still as stone did she open her eyes.
To find the blade of a sword very near her face.
“So, Caitlin. I’ve found you at last.” She knew that voice, coming from over her left shoulder.
That sneering, nasty voice. It didn’t belong to her husband.
“So you have, Connor McAllister,” she spat, staying perfectly still for fear of the man holding the weapon. One of Connor’s men. She cut her eyes to the side in hopes of meeting his gaze, but he was just out of her line of vision.
