by Anne R. Tan
17
Kill the Messenger
Raina spent the rest of the day dragging out boxes from the attic. She made three trips to donate vintage clothing, eight-track tapes, and several tubs of Christmas stuff. How did one person collect ten Christmas trees? It wasn’t like her grandma put up more than one at a time.
By the time evening rolled around, she was beat. She took a quick shower, threw on some clothes, and drove to her Uncle Sain’s restaurant for the Chinese New Year’s Eve family dinner. With a family the size of theirs—sixty members just from Ah Gong and Po Po’s branch alone and another rotating dozen of second cousins and family friends—the Wongs were lucky to have access to a banquet room normally reserved for weddings and birthday parties.
When Raina stepped into the restaurant, she felt the electric buzz of family gossip fill the air. Her cousin, Jung-yee, flittered from grouping to grouping like a hummingbird, dipping into every conversation long enough to impart her news. Mom beamed at the ongoings and surrounded by her sisters-in-law. Hudson was in a similar group filled with her uncles.
Po Po had decorated the restaurant with her daughters-in-law all day. Red tablecloths, gleaming glassware, and bouquets of flowers on the round tables. The music was festive, playing the traditional Cantonese songs for the holiday. The uncles’ pockets and aunts’ purses bulged with red envelopes filled with five-dollar bills. They passed the envelopes out to the children, who wished them a prosperous new year. The room looked good, but her grandma would have a fit if she knew the place screamed of engagement party.
Raina’s heart sank as her mind processed the situation. She couldn’t believe Hudson proposed after he said he wasn’t ready for a commitment. The liar. And apparently the news her mom was broke didn’t matter. Could this be love? Or the thought of Po Po’s purse strings widening to welcome him into the family?
She grabbed her sister Cassie’s arm and dragged her away from discussion on dress styles for a spring wedding. “We need to talk. It's about Mom.”
“Oh, did she tell you already? I’m so happy for her,” Cassie said. She held out a red envelope. “What you do say, little sister?”
Since Raina wasn’t married, traditionally she was still considered a child even though she was in her late twenties. “Gong Hey Fat Choy.” She rushed through the happy new year blessing and pocketed the envelope. “Hudson is broke. He either believes Mom still has money in her trust fund or Po Po would support the two of them,” she whispered, feeling like dirt for raining on everyone’s parade. Why couldn’t she just be happy for the couple?
The smile slipped from Cassie's face. “But he inherited the family business from Uncle Martin—”
“Which he ran to the ground. How many Chinese families do you know use his services?”
“Sh—”
“We need to do something. If he’s looking for a sugar mama, Mom is the wrong person. Imagine waking up one morning to Mom, Hudson, and Win at your doorstep.” She pinched her index finger and thumb together. “Po Po is already this close to kicking Mom out on her butt. You really think she’ll welcome a bum for a son-in-law?”
“What do we do?”
“Have they announced their engagement yet?”
“No, but Jung-yee is making great strides to letting everyone in on the secret. I think they are planning to announce it before the Longevity Noodles come out from the kitchen.”
Every dish for the Chinese New Year’s Eve dinner was symbolic of well wishes for the upcoming year. Longevity Noodles were extra-long noodles meant to represent a long life.
“I guess we'll just have to bust up their plans before then,” Raina said.
“My gosh, this is such horrible timing. She'll never forgive us. To have a broken heart for the rest of the year...” Her sister shuddered at the idea.
“Would you rather they announce their engagement, be congratulated by all our family and friends over the next few days, and then break up after the Chinese New Year celebrations?”
Cassie grimaced. “That would be even worse. Okay, so when are you going to tell her? I'll keep everyone out of your way. I’ll even have Lila create in a distraction, if it helps.”
“Me? Why do I have to tell her? Why not you? You're her favorite.”
“You’re the one with the firsthand information. What I have to say is hearsay. You should do it.”
Raina grabbed a flute of champagne from the passing waitress. She downed it in one gulp. “This will only make her hate me more.” Her relationship with her mom was tenuous enough as it was, but this would be the final blow. Her mom might never speak to her again after this.
“Mom doesn’t hate you. Stop being so dramatic.” Cassie smiled and exchanged words with a passing cousin, pretending like they were discussing the weather for all the emotion she showed on her face.
Easy for her sister to say. She was the golden child who could do no wrong in their mother's eyes. And to top it off, she was married with a grandchild, while Raina was still treading water as far as their mother was concerned.
The cousin left, and Cassie re-focused on Raina. “Uncle Anthony is calling for us to take our seats. You better grab Mom before dinner starts.” And with that she returned to her husband’s side. What moral support.
Raina had meant to drag Mom away from the crowd but somehow ended up sitting across from her and Hudson at the large round table. There was no way she could have a word without either shouting across the table or getting out from her chair. Now what?
With Jung-yee at the table with her new boyfriend, Po Po and her cousin, Win and his girlfriend, Raina was the only unpaired person. The empty spot next to her shouted her singleness. Why did she even show up?
“What happened to your boyfriend?” Jung-yee asked, her voice dripping with sweetness. “Is he running late?”
Raina held out her wineglass to Hudson, who was busy making sure everyone had alcohol for a toast. “He can't make it tonight.” She hadn’t invited Blue, but the family didn’t need to know this.
Jung-yee smirked. “Oh, that's too bad. What about Matthew? He rarely misses our family dinners.”
Raina downed half the Chardonnay in one gulp. “He’s taking care of his grandma.” Her ex-boyfriend and his grandma were pseudo members of the Wong’s extensive family. Not only had Raina grown up with him and later dated him, but she also saw him at various family functions throughout the year. Her life was a series of awkward situations that amused everyone else but her.
Hudson leaned down, whispering something in Mom's ear, causing her to giggle and casting her eyes away from him in mock bashfulness. Raina caught her eye, and Mom raised her glass.
She did the same and downed the rest of her wine, reaching for a refill. Win moved the bottle and handed her a can of 7-Up instead. Party pooper. He frowned, but returned to his conversation with his girlfriend.
The alcohol was already doing its magic. The Chinese music blaring from the hidden speakers jangled and pealed, setting an upbeat mood for the room. The stomach churning turned into hunger, and she salivated, watching the plates of food sail out from the kitchen.
Plates of noodles for longevity. Steamed catfish in soy sauce for surpluses or savings. Dumplings shaped like ancient silver ingots for wealth. Golden brown egg rolls for bars of gold. Every dish required a cryptologist to decipher its secret meaning for the hidden blessing of wealth, good fortune, and health. The Chinese community was a superstitious lot all right.
Raina soon lost track of the dishes coming from the kitchen. She ended up with an emptied beer bottle in front of her, and when she glanced at her brother suspiciously, he was the one to wag a finger like she should stop drinking.
With a full belly, a slight buzz that blurred the talons among her family, and no engagement announcement, the tension on her shoulders melted. Her head became heavy, and she floated above the conversation.
Tink. tink. tink.
Raina jerked awake and glanced around. Hudson towered in front of her, ban
ging his chopstick on the glass in his hand like a gong. The conversation eventually died down.
She glanced at all the beaming smiles, and Cassie gave her a look as if to say “do something.” Po Po was nowhere in sight. Probably hiding out in the restroom so she wouldn't have to say anything. Her grandma only liked public confrontation when the subject didn't matter, and she wanted to be a contrarian.
Hudson cleared his throat, pulling at the collar of his shirt. Her mom gazed up at him, the picture perfect blushing bride-to-be. They were a handsome couple. Distinguished and carefree since neither worked a day in their lives. Some people even might say they were well suited.
Raina choked on the last of her wine. Glasses were being refilled as Hudson held his glass in front of him to prepare for a toast. Geez, why did she always have to be the bad guy? She stood, swaying and held up her empty wineglass. “I have something to get off my chest. Ya’ll could be my intervention.” Her words slurred a little, but it rang loud and clear across the room. If the room wasn’t quiet before, she could hear a pin drop now.
Hudson blinked as the attention shifted away from him. “Um…” He glanced at Mom. “Are you sure it can’t wait?”
Win tugged at her arm. “Sis, you should sit down.”
Her mother's eyes were huge, a hint of fear shone from behind the trembling smile.
Raina jerked her arm away from her brother. The time to sit it out was long gone. “Ah Gong left me the three million dollars so I could send it to his secret family in China.” She continued with the details of how she came to be the secret keeper in the weeks leading up to his death. By the middle of her tale, Hudson slid back into his chair, probably guessing now wasn’t the appropriate time for his announcement.
She glanced around at the familiar faces. They were a sea of confusion, anger, and disbelief. She almost laughed at the open gaping on her cousin Jung-yee’s face. Her brother-in-law, Benson, had a calculating look, as if he wondered how to profit from this news.
By the time she finished, the only sound that could be heard was the noise coming from the kitchen. Even the wait staff held their breaths by the entryway into the banquet room, afraid to interrupt the family powwow with more food and drink.
“I'm sorry I've kept everyone in the dark for so long, but I want to start the Year of the Monkey off right. Thank you and good-night,” Raina said, saluting for some stupid reason.
As she lowered herself into the chair, her glance strayed to the threshold leading to the restrooms. Po Po stood frozen, a horrified expression on her face. A flash of heat raced up Raina’s neck and the air went out of her lungs, and she crashed into her chair. It tipped, spilling her onto the floor. She laid still, struggling to breathe. By saving her mother, she had destroyed her grandma instead.
* * *
The next morning, Raina nursed a steaming cup of plain black coffee by herself at the kitchen island. The rain outside pounded against the house in time with her throbbing head. Her eyes were swollen from crying herself to sleep. She wished she were home so she could commiserate with her BFFs—Ben and Jerry. A little Cherry Garcia would go a long way to helping her welcome the Year of the Monkey.
She could blame it on the alcohol, but it would be a lie. The desire to let the secret out had been threatening to spill for weeks now. She’d tried to convince her grandma it needed to come out, but it fell on deaf ears. Did she do it to thumb her nose at Po Po?
Win strolled into the kitchen, took one look at her, and said, “Where’s breakfast? I’m starting to have expectations with you home and in the kitchen.”
Raina shot daggers at him. “You’re funny, baby brother.”
Win got a box of eggs out of the refrigerator. “Aw, come on. Make me something. You always feel better after fiddling around in the kitchen. And punishing yourself with plain black coffee is just stupid.” He popped a hazelnut k-cup into the brewer.
As the aromatic scent filled the kitchen, Raina admitted her teenage brother was more perceptive than she gave him credit for. “Thanks for the ride home last night. Sorry, I cut your evening short with your girlfriend.”
He slid the hazelnut coffee in front of her. “Not a problem, as long as you feed me.”
She took a sip, inhaling deeply. “Fine. Get me the cutting board.”
For the next few minutes, they worked in the kitchen companionably. Her brother was the perfect helper, doing the wash-up in between runs to the refrigerator. The egg sausage muffin pizzas came out of the oven piping hot with a light crunch. Each bite made her feel better.
“So what’s wrong with Hudson?” Win asked, rubbing his stomach and pushing the plate aside.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’ve kept Ah Gong’s secret for years, what’s another day? And yet, you chose the moment when Hudson wanted to announce his engagement. There’s no way he can top a bomb like that. So why don’t you want him to be our stepfather?”
“Are you sure you’re only seventeen?”
“What can I say? I’m mature for my years.”
She told him about her conversation with Joley Mok. “Hudson said he wasn’t interested in marriage when I asked him about it at the Japanese Tea Garden. I wonder what changed his mind. He knows Mom has no money of her own.”
“Maybe it’s really love.”
Raina gave him a sideways glance. He was still young enough to never have a broken heart. She didn’t want to burst his bubble—their family was cursed in the relationship department. Look at their grandma, Mom, and older sister. “You could be right.”
“Or you can ask Brandi? She’d give you the dirt on her brother. They take sibling rivalry to a whole new level.”
“I might just do that.”
“What are you going to do about Po Po?”
A lump formed in Raina’s throat. She blinked rapidly at the tears behind her eyes. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “This is the second time we fought about how I dealt with Ah Gong’s secret. She begged me not to say anything…”
He patted her hand. “I wouldn’t choose such a setting, but Chinese New Year is the time to clear old debts and skeletons.”
As she clutched his hand like it was a lifeline, a tear rolled down her face. She had done nothing to cause her ancestors to punish her by taking away her relationship with her beloved grandma.
No, she needed to have faith everything would work out. There was a lesson here, and she had to learn it to break this cycle in her life…now if only she knew what this lesson was.
18
Dancing Fool
Raina dug in her purse for her cell phone. Her fingers brushed the pack of firecrackers and she held it up. “We should light this after dinner tonight. You better move it if you want to get to school on time. I can clean up the kitchen after I talk to Brandi.”
She called the rehab center, listened to the selections on the automated service, and prayed punching zeros would get her connected to a live person. The phone rang and she got a receptionist. “I would like to speak to Brandi Rice, please.”
“Sure, hon,” said the cheerful voice.
There was a click and then the phone rang. Several more rings and she got disconnected. She dialed the main line again, going through the same song and dance with the automated service. When she got the receptionist again, she asked, “Could you check on Brandi Rice to make sure she’s okay?”
“I’m the only one at the reception desk right now. I’ll call the nurse station to see if someone is available. She will call you back within an hour,” said the friendly voice in the phone line.
“An hour?”
“The patients should be in their morning counseling session right now. If Brandi isn’t in her room, then she’s in a session. We wouldn’t want to interrupt her treatment plan, would we?”
“No, of course not. Please call me back.”
Raina left them her cell phone number with little hope she would get a return call. She glanced at the hole next to whe
re the lucky cat once hung on the drywall. She should get someone to get the wall repaired. She called her best friends instead.
Eden picked up on the second ring. “Hey, girl, how are you doing?”
She cradled the phone with her shoulder, taking all the red envelopes out of her purse. “Counting all the red envelopes I got last night.”
“I wish I could have made it to dinner. Did you score big?”
“I could get a couple tanks of gas.”
“Gosh, it must be nice to be considered a child.”
“Actually, it wasn’t a fun evening,” Raina said. She told her friend about the miserable dinner with her family. “What if I jumped to the wrong conclusion about the money situation?” She swallowed the catch in her voice. “Do you think I did it deliberately to punish Po Po?”
“No. Don’t even go there. You’re both victims here. Don’t let this secret tear the two of you apart. Focus on restitution and with time, your relationship with your grandma will repair itself.”
“I don’t even want to deal with investigating Martin’s murder anymore. What’s the point? My mother will not thank me.”
“So you need her approval to get on with things now? Do you need her to wipe your bum and kiss your boo-boo, too?”
Raina chuckled. Yeah, tough love was exactly what she needed at the moment. “Thank you. I’ll see you by the end of week.”
“Oh, good. I can’t wait to introduce you to my new man. He’s a keeper,” Eden said. Every guy had been a keeper according to her friend.
They said their goodbyes and hung up. Before she could return her phone to her pocket, it dinged, indicating a text message.
