by Mindy Hayes
Not everyone had made it back home.
The three of us waited below Declan’s home for a couple hours. The only sound was Allura muttering to herself as she paced. I made out little snippets here and there as she spoke faintly. “He’ll live … Even is he doesn’t … I’ll take care of him … He’s my only reason …” I saw a tear escape her eye, but she wiped it away before it fell any farther.
It was then that something clicked. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t figured it out before. I had a feeling, but it never surfaced completely. But it was so clear now. Clear as the wings on my back. Allura was falling apart over Declan, not his father. I knew there was a connection between them before, but I didn’t know how deep that connection ran. I knew now. Allura was in love with Declan. Of course she was.
With my epiphany, I tried to tune her out to give her privacy and moved to be near Kai. He stood off to the side with his hands tucked in his front pockets, staring up at the sky. I noticed he hadn’t moved for a while. I didn’t want to bother him so I stood silently just to be close to him.
His low voice broke through the stillness. “Declan’s dad had become a second father to me after my dad passed on.” I looked up at him with wide eyes, surprised he was opening up to me. The evening sky heightened a darker blue in his indigo eyes. “I hated him at first for it. I knew he meant well, but it felt like such pity. And he wasn’t the same as my father.” Kai lifted a hand and ran it through his dark locks. I wanted to know what that felt like. What might it feel like for him to run his finger through my hair? “He took care of me and my family,” he continued, “watched out for us and our needs until he disappeared.”
Kai gazed down at me. The intensity of his stare clenched my chest. He was so vulnerable. I had only seen him this vulnerable once before, in the forest with Favner when Favner confessed to killing his father. I didn’t know what to say. There were so many things to say and yet nothing that my brain could compute and put into words for me.
“If we lose him again, Declan won’t be the only one affected,” he sighed, but kept eye contact.
I reached up and rested my hand on his shoulder. The warmth of his skin radiated through my fingers. I just wanted to touch him, to comfort him, and let him know I wouldn’t abandon him. He smiled softly, a ghost of a smile that almost didn’t seem real as he reached his hand to my cheek. The smallest gesture, the lightest of touches, and my body zinged to life. When Cameron had touched me I thought that life made sense, that I could never want anyone else to touch me the way he did. But here, now, with Kai’s hand cradling my face I felt—
“Calliope,” Kai gasped. His eyes narrowed as he let his hand drift down my cheek to my neck. His fingertips stroked my tender skin, and I knew what he must have seen. “You’re bruising.” He sucked in a breath of air and brought his other hand to my neck, tilting my head gently from side to side. His hands lightly cradled me as his eyes focused on the color changing skin.
I watched with wonder as he took care of me, healing the bruising with his touch. His eyes closed briefly as if to hide the pain before he gazed back into my eyes. “I could kill him,” he whispered.
“It wouldn’t do you any good.”
“At least it would give me a peace of mind to know he was no longer alive to ever do this to you again.”
“You think he’d ever even get the opportunity again?” I tried to give my voice a lighter tone as I smirked at him.
He chuckled humorlessly. “I’d kill him if he even got within twenty feet of you.”
Declan’s muffled cry startled us. Kai let go; we looked to Allura, and all at once the three of us looked up into the trees.
Kai bent his knees, preparing to leap when Allura stuck out her palm to stop him. “Please let me.”
Kai nodded and then she disappeared into the branches.
“Do you think …” I said quietly.
Kai’s turned down eyes peered over at me. I saw it there. I knew what he knew. The sun had descended behind the grove casting a dark purplish red glow across the sky. Allura was still with Declan, and I knew his father was gone.
In the distance I heard a delicate, melodic voice drift with the breeze. I turned toward it, reverence emanating through the forest. It was the sweetest thing I’d ever heard as the aria weaved through branches.
Kai exhaled. “Oliviana.”
Chapter Sixteen
“What?” I took a step toward the sound. Her singing was so peacefully enchanting I had to be nearer to it.
“Oliviana starts the Fallen ceremony. For those that have passed on, we gather in the clearing to mourn our fallen,” Kai said solemnly as he came to stand by my side.
I looked around the woods and watched as faeries reverently followed her melody with small balls of light in their hands. They emerged from their homes and wandered down from the trees.
I felt Kai’s eyes on me. “We haven’t had a ceremony since before Favner. He didn’t allow it.”
Of course he didn’t. A funeral would have been proof that the fae cared for someone other than Favner. Such a blasphemous thought.
“Should we get them?” I nodded up to Declan’s hut.
“They will hear her, and they will come. You’ll need to be there to let the mourning begin.”
I turned to Kai. “What am I even supposed to say?”
“You just have to say a couple words.”
“But …”
“It’ll come to you,” he assured. I was beginning to think they just told me that to give me confidence.
Two quiet thumps sounded behind us. Allura and Declan stood hand in hand. Allura shook her head while Declan looked at us then bowed his head.
“Declan, I’m sorry.” My words sounded insignificant, but I had to say something to him.
He nodded without meeting my eyes.
The four of us silently followed Oliviana’s voice to the meadow where my Dawning had taken place. Everyone kneeled as they arrived, facing the castle, huddled in groups. Kai ushered us to the front, right outside the castle entrance.
I saw Oliviana because she was the only one still standing. Her white dress flowed to one side as she stood off to the side underneath a willow tree. She had thick blonde hair—so blonde it was almost white—braided down one side over her shoulder. What struck me most were her eyes, so brightly pale yellow they were almost white. The woman practically glowed.
Fae filed down from their homes into rows and rows until everyone was present. Once it was all still, Oliviana closed her enchanting melody and kneeled down with the rest of them.
“It’s your turn,” Kai whispered in my ear.
I looked at him, afraid I wouldn’t know what to say. But he only nodded encouragingly and motioned for me to stand and step forward.
I inhaled deeply, scanning the bent heads of the fae. Some looked to me, but most kept their heads down, which helped a little bit. It was difficult looking into the many faces of so much sadness. The combination could have swallowed me whole.
I cleared the lump in my throat and reverently began. “Tonight, as we all gather here for the fallen it may seem that nothing will ever be the same. That’s because it won’t.” Some heads began to lift their eyes to me. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad sign.
“Losing those close to us isn’t easy. It isn’t a feeling that can be described. And it won’t be a feeling that will easily be overcome. But what is important for us to remember is that we won’t be the same because we knew these fallen fae.” I hastily moved on. “I realize I didn’t personally know any of those we lost, but I do know what it is like to not have someone important be a part of your life anymore. It won’t be painless. Life will be different. But the critical thing to reflect on is who we are now because they were a part of our lives. They will never be forgotten.” I wiped a tear from my face that escaped without permission. “May the fallen rest in peace.”
I knelt back down next to Kai. Declan and Allura knelt together on the other side of Kai.
“Thank you,” he said quietly, lifting his eyes to me shortly before gazing back down at the ground.
“Is it over?” I whispered. Everyone remained where they were in a silent fog of emotions.
He shook his head “Now it’s Cavan’s turn and then we stay here in silence all night out of respect for the fallen.”
“We will sleep here?”
He nodded.
Cavan’s gentle voice addressed the fae. “May it be known to all fae that our fallen did not die in vain. Our hearts will forever remember and hold them dear.”
My chest tightened when I heard an uncontrolled cry from the gathering. I’d never lost someone close to me before, but tonight I felt like I was connected to everyone’s pain. Kai reached out and brushed a tear from my cheek. I shifted my stare to meet his, and he was looking at me like he wanted to take away the pain. He took hold of my hand and grasped it tightly. I drew strength from his grip and took a deep breath before turning back to Cavan.
“As we lay them to rest, our brothers and sisters,” he continued, “we lead them to the Fallen Fae. Like embers falling from the night sky, may they become one with the earth.”
He bowed his head reverently before he walked down the steps to join the rest of the fae.
“Time to get comfortable.” Kai let a smirk crawl across his face before growing serious again. He let go of my hand and stretched his arms behind him, leaning back with his chin to the sky.
I looked to the other side of Kai at Allura and Declan who were huddled together. Declan leaned forward over his bent knees, his head resting on his forearms. My heart ached watching his hunched figure. Allura draped her arm across his back and nestled her head on his shoulder. They looked as though that was exactly where they belonged. It suddenly made perfect sense. When he thought he had lost her that day, because of Favner, it hadn’t really hit me. But Declan and Allura needed each other—more than I think even they knew.
When I returned my gaze to Kai, he was watching me carefully. As if I was an open book he read me page by page. He peered over at them and looked back to me. He had to know what I had just figured out. If it was possible his eyes grew more solemn. Neither of us had to speak a word. Sorrow, fear, understanding—all passed between us—if anyone else were to discover what we already knew. I finally understood how Declan and Kai had communicated with just one look. Kai was so hard to decipher when he didn’t want to be understood, but when he did, his eyes were like a key to his mind.
We didn’t speak for a couple moments. I had nothing to say, and I think he knew that, but he didn’t look away in our silence. He kept me in his sight, watching as I began to fall a part little by little in front of him.
“Are you all right?” he whispered. He must have seen something in my eyes because tenderness touched his liquid indigo gaze, a type of tenderness that I had only seen him use with Violet and Allura.
I shook my head in response. There were too many emotions I couldn’t explain to give him anything more than that. I wanted him to comfort me—to feel physical contact I had rarely received since I left my parents and Cameron. It never occurred to me how a simple gesture like a hug could make such a difference. Would it be too weird if I just rested my head on his shoulder? I didn’t need anything more than that. I just needed the simple reassurance that someone was here for me, too.
“Lay down.” Kai gestured beside him. “Get some rest. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
I peered down at the grass between us and curled on my side, facing him. After a few minutes passed he gradually shifted to his side and faced me. There were sad smiles exchanged, and then we closed our eyes. We fell asleep that night to muffled cries and the quiet natural sounds of the forest—to the sounds of a broken Faylinn.
• • •
The next morning I awoke much more comfortable than when I had fallen asleep. I realized then it was because I had a pillow, a solid warm pillow. My eyes opened and rested on a tan chest mere centimeters from my face. His snug arm wrapped around my shoulder, securing me to his body. When I took a deep breath I smelled Kai—fresh, woodsy Kai.
A few things ran through my head in that moment. First, I did not want to move from this extremely cozy position. Second, was he aware of the position we were tangled in, or had I woken up first? And third, had anyone else seen us?
The sun was just beginning to rise, the meadow swathed with a soft mist. I decided then that though I did not regret waking up this way, it would be in my best interest if I got up before the entire kingdom saw their Queen in the arms of her personal Keeper.
As delicately as I could, I untangled myself from beneath Kai’s arm, which was not an easy feat considering my wings kept getting in the way. I was hoping if he hadn’t noticed yet that he wouldn’t wake up, but I had no such luck. His body subtly jolted as soon as I lifted my body from his chest. I sat by his side, our hips still touching and dared to look back at him. What I didn’t expect to see was a crooked smile that slowly formed on his lips with his squinty morning eyes.
“Nice hair,” he mused softly.
My eyes grew wide as I tried to pat it down in place. I could only assume that I looked like Quinn. But it was definitely a less fortunate look for me than it was for her.
“Shut up,” I hissed and staggered to my feet in my crinkled dress, scanning the rest of the fae. Most were still asleep, but others were stirring and some had already begun their duties for the day. Fabulous. We hadn’t gone unnoticed. That would surely cause some juicy gossip for the kingdom to spread.
“Don’t worry, Your Highness,” Kai mumbled as he stretched out a yawn, sitting up. “This little secret is safe with me.” He winked then peered around at the other fae who were already awake. “And Fawn and Rose and Raina,” he prattled off, pointing them out one by one.
Was he not even a little bit affected by the fact that we slept next to one another all night and somehow ended up cuddling during the process? Waking up with me didn’t confuse him even a little bit? He just dove right into his snarky remarks like nothing even happened. I didn’t know if I was more offended or relieved.
With nothing left to say to him, I rolled my eyes, sighed out my irritation and began my walk of shame back to the castle gates.
“Are you ashamed?” Kai popped up next to me with a bounce in his step.
“Ashamed isn’t the word I would use.” I pulled my curls to one shoulder, trying to tame it the best I could.
“Disgusted? Embarrassed? Turned on?” I could just hear the smirk in his voice as he matched my hurried steps.
I darted a death glare in his direction, which had my eyes been made of lasers would have melted his flesh. “No, I’m confused, Kai. Go track down your Dahlia or something. I have to get things ready for Sakari.”
He stopped then so I turned to face him, ready to ream him for being so flippant about the situation. Instead, he had the audacity to look hurt. He lifted his chin and set his jaw. “I was trying to keep the morning light after what happened yesterday,” he disclosed quietly. “And I realize we woke up in a minor compromising position, but it obviously didn’t mean anything. My intention wasn’t to make you angry or confused. And she’s definitely not my Dahlia.”
It surprised me that it stung so fiercely to hear him say it didn’t mean anything. “Well, of course it didn’t mean anything,” I spat back. I wasn’t sure why that was what I responded to out of all thing I could have said.
He grunted and shook his head, frustration drowning his eyes before he turned and strode away as if he had a purpose to fulfill.
“Running off as always,” I muttered. “Figures.”
“No,” he grunted and strode back toward me. “Enough with the muttering under your breath. You don’t think I can hear you? Incredible hearing over here in case you forgot.” He pointed to his ears. “And your obnoxious comments under your breath are getting old.”
“My obnoxious comments?” I snapped. “Pot calling the kettle black much?�
�� His irritated and confused expression only frustrated me more. I shook my head, but didn’t explain. “Your retreating is getting old.”
“I think you’d prefer my retreating as opposed to what I really want to say to you.”
I internally recoiled and prayed it didn’t show on the outside. “Please, Kai. Enlighten me. I’d love to know everything you’ve been dying to say and never had the guts to say before. You don’t think I can take it?”
His voice lowered. “I think it’s wise to keep the Queen-Keeper relationship as professional as it should be. Go ahead and take care of all the things you have to do before Sakari gets here. Everything must be perfect. I’ll be at my post when you need me.” He folded his arms and stared coolly at me.
I tried hard to match his unemotional gaze. “That’s it?” He kept his mouth shut, waiting for me to make my exit. “Fine. I’m tired of arguing with you, Kai,” I sighed. “Enjoy a day off.”
“I don’t really think it works like that, Your Majesty. Your safety isn’t really something that we can take a break from. Especially right now.”
My eyes nearly rolled into the back of my head. “I think Declan can handle one day without you.”
“You’re not going to give him a day to recuperate after he lost his father?”
My stomach cringed. How had I already forgotten? I let Kai have such an effect on me that I had forgotten why I was so drained in the first place. “No, you’re right. I guess you’ll just have to suffer through today without him.”
Chapter Seventeen
Kai escorted me from my room to the dining room in silence. I started to realize how awkward it was going to be with him hovering in the corner while Sakari and I ate. Not only because we weren’t on speaking terms, but we really didn’t need a third wheel.
