He thrust these thoughts aside when Meg answered the phone. The sound of her voice hummed through his body, somehow managing to arouse and sooth at the same time.
"Hello?"
"Meg, it's Zane. I just wanted to let you know that I talked to my mother and she's coming to the city for the baby shower next week."
"That's great. I'm sure Erin will be happy to have her grandmother there." She paused. "You haven't told Erin anything have you? Jane was really hoping to surprise her."
"No, of course not. I just told her that her grandmother was coming for a visit."
"That's good."
Silence crackled through the airwaves. Zane remembered how she'd looked the last time he'd seen her, her shoulders slumped with the weight of the world, her eyes flat and defeated. He wished he could go to her now and hold her in his arms. He wanted her, and not just for sex. Somehow she had wormed her way into his heart and soul.
"How are you, Meg?"
"I'm fine." She sounded surprised by his question. "How are you?"
"I'm okay." Liar, he told himself. He hadn't really been okay since the moment he'd met her.
"That's good," she whispered.
"I meant what I said before. Whenever you want to talk, I'll be here to listen." If she wanted him to just be her friend, then that's what he'd be, no matter what it cost him.
"I appreciate that, Zane, but I don't know that I can."
Disappointment burned through him once more. "It's okay."
They said a hurried goodbye and Zane carefully hung up the phone. He sank into his favorite chair, leaning his head against the buttery leather. Why did all the women in his life keep secrets from him?
* * * *
Meg stood on the doorstep of Zane's house and looked around before she rang the doorbell, shifting the bag of groceries she'd brought for Erin's cooking lesson from one hand to the other. The front yard of the house was beautiful and immaculate, the shrubs and flowers lined in precision and the grass perfectly groomed.
Too perfectly. Zane didn't strike her as the gardening type, but she did know he was the type of man who looked after what was his. She assumed he had a lawn and garden service take care of the grounds. She daydreamed a moment, taking in the spacious property. If this were her yard she'd plant something other than the slightly boring petunias that edged the front flowerbed, something a little more interesting. On the wide front steps she'd have pots of flowers that overflowed with wild abandon and dazzling hues. She'd want more color and vitality, something that looked as if it were growing wild instead of lining up with soldier-like precision. She shook her head to dispel the daydream. This wasn't her yard and never would be. She turned and faced the door once more, then pushed the doorbell with a determined poke.
Erin answered her ring after a moment or two. Her face lit up when she saw her, and Meg was instantly glad she'd made the effort to come over. She held up her plastic grocery bag.
"I brought a few more things. Are you ready to start?"
Erin grinned. "Absolutely."
She led Meg into the kitchen, and turned eagerly to face her. "So what are we making today?"
"How about a chicken Caesar salad? You can make it in a variety of ways from simple to complex and it's delicious and nutritious."
"Terrific. Let's get started."
Meg grilled a couple of boneless chicken breasts while Erin mixed up the ingredients for the dressing. She showed Erin how to fry the bread cubes in garlic flavored butter for the croutons, and then washed the romaine lettuce while Erin crumbled bacon and sliced chicken. The young woman was enthusiastic and eager and a joy to be with. For dessert they made a simple brownie that Maria had taught her to bake years before and had been Tommy's favorite since kindergarten. At last they mixed all the ingredients for their salad and sat down together at the table.
Erin inhaled deeply. "This looks so good. I am just famished."
Meg grinned. "Go ahead and dig in." She poured each of them a glass of milk and sat down to eat her own lunch.
She looked across the table at Erin and felt an outpouring of maternal longing. This is what it would be like to have a daughter, she thought. Despite the circumstances of his birth, she couldn't imagine her life without Tommy and she wouldn't trade him for anything. But for one moment she wondered what it would be like to have another child, a girl this time, one who was wanted and loved by both parents right from conception. The thought made her sad because she knew it could never be.
Erin polished off her salad and drained her glass of milk. "That was so good. Tommy's going to be blown away when I make this for him."
"He sure is."
"What are we going to make next time?"
The young woman's enthusiasm amused her. She shook off her earlier sadness and smiled. "How about spaghetti and meat sauce, and for dessert chocolate chip cookies? They're my absolute favorites."
"Sounds great. Can you show me how to make garlic toast to go with that? That's my absolute favorite."
Meg grinned. "Absolutely."
They cleaned the kitchen and washed the dishes together, Meg washing while Erin dried and put away. They discussed their favorite foods and ideas for other dishes they planned to make. When the counters were wiped and everything neatly put away once more, Meg turned to Erin and smiled.
"I'd better get back to restaurant." On impulse she hugged Erin and kissed her cheek. "This was a lot of fun. Take care of yourself, sweetheart. I'll see you in a couple of days."
When she pulled away, Erin continued to hold on to her hand, her brow wrinkled in concern. "Wait. There's something I'd like to ask you if you have the time."
"Of course." Meg steered Erin to a kitchen chair and made her sit down. She pulled out a chair for herself and moved it close to her. "What is it?"
Erin took a huge breath before speaking. "I've been doing a lot of reading on pregnancy and nutrition. I've read about the delivery and I've even seen it on television, but I've never been able to ask anyone what it's really like."
Meg stared into Erin's eager blue eyes. So this is what it's like to have a daughter, she thought again, this time with a touch of irony. A daughter made you face the tough questions about being a woman.
"I wouldn't ask you," Erin quickly added when Meg didn't immediately respond. "But I have no one else. None of my friends have babies, and my grandmother is too far away. I don't want to talk to her about this over the phone. And my Dad, well, he's a real smart guy and I love him dearly, but I don't think he could help me with this. Actually I think he'd probably get all nervous and upset if I talked to him about the delivery."
"What would you like to know?"
Erin lifted frightened eyes and looked into her face. "Is it going to hurt?"
Meg took her hand and smiled. "Yes. There's no getting around the fact that childbirth is painful, but I know you'll be able to handle it. If it gets to be too much, the doctors have medication to help you. You don't have to be afraid. Tommy and your dad and I will be with you all the way. We won't let you face the delivery on your own."
Erin released a breath and nodded. "Okay. Will you stay with me when I'm in labor?"
"Of course I will." Meg's throat clogged with emotion. "There's no way I'd miss this."
She thought back to Tommy's birth, and the terror she'd felt as an inexperienced fifteen-year-old. Her mother hadn't explained what was going to happen to her, and she'd been terrified when the pains started. Paul had taken her to the hospital and left her there alone, not wanting to be involved. She asked for her mother but her father refused to let her come. Tommy had come into the world surrounded by strangers, and Meg had never felt so alone in her life. She vowed Erin would never feel that way.
Erin smiled and let out a breath suffused with relief. "Thank you, Meg. Dad and Tommy have been wonderful, but talking to you has made my pregnancy so much easier. It's almost like having a mother."
"You must miss your mother a lot."
"No, not really. It's
hard to miss a person you never knew. She died when I was very small. My Dad's always been really great so most of the time I didn't feel as if I was lacking for anything." She grinned. "Except when it came to things like buying my first bra and dealing with my menstrual cycle. That's where Grandma came in." Her face became serious once more. "I guess it's the idea of a mother that I miss now."
She got to her feet suddenly and went to the other room, returning a moment later with a framed photograph in her hand. She handed the picture to Meg. "This is my mother, Anna Sloane Martin. She was about twenty-six when this picture was taken. She died about a year after that, in a car accident."
Meg looked into the face of an incredibly beautiful young woman. Her long blonde hair shone with life and vitally. Her fair skin was flawless. Everything about her was perfect, from the oval shape of her face and the delicate bone structure, to the large blue eyes framed by thick lashes. Even her pert little turned up nose was perfect.
But Anna's lush mouth remained unsmiling. The photograph caught a sullenness, perhaps even a defiance in her expression. Anna had not been a happy young woman.
Meg shook her head. Was she reading too much into the picture? She handed the photograph back to Erin. "She's beautiful. You look so much like her."
Erin sighed. "Yeah, that's what everybody says. I wish I could remember her. I was nearly four when she died but I have no memory of her. Isn't that strange? You'd think I'd remember something."
"I don't know, honey. You were very young," Meg said, but privately she wondered as well.
"Dad never likes to talk about her. He says the old memories make him unhappy."
Meg didn't respond. She imagined it had been difficult for Zane to come to terms with the death of his beautiful young wife. Had he loved her so much that he couldn't bear the thought of being with anyone else? Why else would he have remained unmarried all these years?
She glanced at her watch and got to her feet. "I really do have to be going now. The early supper crowd will be at the restaurant soon." She took Erin's hand once more. "If you need anything, or just want to talk, call me anytime."
"I will." Erin got to her feet and gave her a hug. "Thanks for everything, Meg."
She left Zane's house and hurried to her old Pontiac. As she backed out of the driveway, she knew one thing for certain. Whatever happened between Tom and Erin, she would always love Zane's daughter as if she were her own.
Chapter Seven
"Surprise!"
For a moment Erin stood frozen in the hallway just outside Meg's apartment door, surprised by her friends' enthusiastic greeting. Then she squealed and laughed, happy tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Oh, I can't believe this," she said. She turned and gave Meg a hug. "Thank you."
Meg hugged her back. "You're welcome, honey. But it wasn't all me. Maria and Jane are my co-conspirators."
Erin put her arm around Jane and kissed Maria's cheek. "You guys are the best. Did you bring cake?"
They spent the evening with Erin's friends from high school and university, along with Erin's grandmother. Emily Martin was an attractive, energetic woman in her late fifties. Meg realized that she would have been about Erin's age when Zane was born. It must have been incredibly tough being a single, unmarried mother in a small town forty years ago.
After playing silly games, opening gifts and pigging out on sandwiches and the enormous cake that Maria had made, Erin's friends made their way home. Maria and Jane helped clean up some of the mess, promising to come back the next day to take down the streamers and balloons. They hugged Erin and said goodnight.
"Would you like a cup of coffee or tea, Ms. Martin?" Meg asked after they left.
"Please, call me Emily. Yes, I'd love a cup of coffee, if you're having some."
Meg smiled. "I am. How about you Erin? Would you like anything to drink?"
Erin touched a tiny knitted bootie. "Just a glass of water, please." She pushed herself off the sofa and came into the kitchen area. "Just feel how soft this is, Meg. Everything I got was so cute and it was so good to see my friends again. I haven't seen some of them for a while."
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, honey." Meg turned the bootie over in her hand, examining it. "This is beautiful. I think it's handmade."
"Grandma knit the booties and a matching sweater," Erin said proudly.
"I'm working on a matching blanket, but it's not quite ready yet," Emily said with a smile as she entered the kitchen.
"If I know you it'll be ready by the time the baby comes in six more weeks." Erin turned to smile at her grandmother, but her smile turned to a wince as she rubbed the back of her neck. Meg put down her coffee pot and went to her.
"What's wrong?"
Erin waved off her concern. "It's nothing. Just a bit of a headache. It's nothing to get excited about."
Meg and Emily exchanged a look of concern. Maybe she was being an overly protective mother hen, but Erin's headache worried her. She had to remind herself that Erin was young and strong and healthy and had been taking excellent care of herself and her baby. She was over seven months pregnant. Naturally she was going to have a few physical complaints. Meg steered the girl towards the sofa. "Well, how about humoring me by sitting down for awhile. Have you been getting a lot of headaches?"
Erin shrugged. "A few."
"What does your doctor say?"
"The last time I saw him two weeks ago he said I was great, and the baby was great." She smiled for Meg. "I feel fine, really. The only thing that really bothers me is all the weight I've gained the last couple of weeks."
"It's natural to gain weight with your pregnancy," Emily said. "You'll lose it once the baby is born."
Erin rolled her eyes. "I sincerely hope so. I'm starting to feel like Shamoo the whale." She held up her hand. "Even my fingers are getting fat. I thought I was being so careful about what I ate."
Meg thought so too. She'd never seen Erin overeat, and most of her food choices had been healthy, not counting the two pieces of cake she'd eaten tonight. Maybe it was just a part of being pregnant and nothing to worry about.
She settled Erin on the sofa with a pillow behind her head and her feet on the coffee table before going back into the kitchen area to finish making coffee. Emily followed her. "Can I help with something?"
Meg looked into her face. It was open and honest, with little laugh lines extending around her mouth and eyes. Rather than make her look older, the lines simply succeeded in making her look more accessible, like a friend a person could count on. Emily's eyes, Meg noted, were the same deep blue as Zane's, but on her they looked less intense.
"Sure. There's a pitcher of water in the fridge. Could you get a glass for Erin?"
"Of course."
A few moments later they were seated comfortably around the sofa sipping their beverages. Meg brought Erin a cold cloth which she pressed against her forehead.
"I talked to a lady who runs a licensed daycare for infants in her home," she said. "I checked out her references and they were very good. I'll need a good babysitter when I go back to school in the fall."
"You don't have to rush yourself," Meg said. "You could take off a year. A lot of women do that when they have a baby."
"I want to finish my degree, so I can get out to work." She frowned, and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. "I don't want to get behind all my friends either. Seeing them all tonight makes me realize how much different my life is going to be from theirs."
"When your baby comes you'll see how rich your life is," Emily said quietly. "It won't be easy but the love you'll feel for your child will make up for all the hardships."
"Is that how it was for you and Dad?" Erin asked.
"Yes, we've always been very close," Emily replied with a smile. "The two of us against the world. In those days unmarried women didn't often keep their babies, especially in a small town."
Her smile disappeared. "It was especially tough on Zane. He had to put up with a lot of small-mindedne
ss and abuse. I've always regretted putting him through that."
Erin took her grandmother's hand. "He loves you Grandma. He doesn't blame you for that."
Emily smiled and patted Erin's hand. "If I had it to do over again, I would have moved away after Zane was born. But my mother had a stroke and my father couldn't look after her by himself. I honestly thought living in a small town would be good for him. But it wasn't."
"You did what you thought best for him, for everyone," Meg said. "You shouldn't beat yourself up about it." But she knew how much Zane still harbored the resentment of his childhood.
"What about you?" Erin asked, turning awkwardly to look at Meg. "It must have been really hard for you after your husband died."
This was territory she rarely ventured into, even by herself. She answered cautiously.
"It was difficult. I had to learn very quickly how to look after a baby and how to support us. But things got better when I came to Winnipeg and started working for Joe and Maria." She explained how the family had unofficially adopted her and Tom.
Erin laughed. "It just occurred to me what the three of us have in common. We're three generations of single mothers."
Emily raised her coffee cup. "To the three of us, and to fallen women everywhere, I salute you."
"Fallen women?" Erin laughed. "I don't think I've heard that expression before."
"Oh, I certainly heard it a lot," Emily said with a sigh. "People tended to blame the woman for any unplanned pregnancies, as if the man had nothing to do with it. And of course nice women couldn't associate with you just in case some of that wantonness rubbed off on them."
"That's crazy, Grandma."
Emily sighed again. "I know, honey, but it happened. Sometimes it was very lonely being a fallen woman."
Meg smiled at Erin. "But you don't have to worry about being alone because you've got your Dad and your grandmother and Tom and me to help you. You and the baby are going to be well looked after."
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