by PJ Schnyder
“I read up on my breed when they first told me they couldn’t change me back.” She told him, dragging her hand through her hair. “They’re not even panthers, not the way I’d thought about them. Panthers, to me, were all black.”
“A melanistic variant of jaguars or leopards.” He confirmed, glad she’d done research at all. But then, he shouldn’t have been surprised. Every action she’d made to date reflected her constructive and inquisitive nature.
“But southern peninsula panthers are a type of cougar, mountain lion.” Shrugging, she dropped her hands to her sides. “I don’t even understand why they’re called panthers at all. They’re usually tan or grey.” Memory glazed her brown eyes, pupils dilating in response. “Van was grey.”
“Cougars might not be jaguars, but they are big cats.” Adam stepped into her line of sight, bringing her back to the present conversation. “And you can find a place with this pride until you feel more comfortable with yourself, both as a human and a cat. Seeing the members of the pride in a relaxed atmosphere, like the bonfire, will be easier. I promise.”
“Even if families hurt right now.” The stubborn streak remained, but her voice dropped to a sullen mumble.
“I know you’re tired.” He understood, but he needed to get her around those who might give her the companionship to help her through her transition. With her father gone, she’d need contact from others.
Shapeshifters were tactile creatures, drawing comfort and balance from physical touch. Because of her trauma, Mackenzie shied away from touch, but her inner cat craved it. The conflict left her off center and more volatile.
The pride’s children would instinctively brush up against her, give her a chance to get to know them, and incidentally provide her cat with the contact she needed without any perceived threat an adult male like Adam might trigger.
But his beast ached to touch her, wanted to give her comfort. Giving in a little, he reached out to brush a strand of hair from her cheek. “But, it’s the way we heal, to be with our pride. The pride surrounds us, supports us. If you let us, we can do more than teach you, we can be there for you.”
Again the silence hung between them, but she gazed at him, waiting.
He tried for what he knew would get a response. “Maybe you’d prefer to sulk and hide in the guest house.”
Anger flashed in her eyes. Yep, he’d fanned the spark higher. “You sure I wouldn’t be a danger to the children if I did go?”
He grinned and pinched her chin in a lightning-quick move, not giving her the time to flinch or escape his hold. “Not with me there.” His pleasure increased even more as her temper sharpened enough to lighten those dark eyes to a cat’s gold. She didn't try to step away from his touch. “Other Sentinels will be there, of course, so we’re more than enough to control you if necessary, but I’m betting you would hurt yourself before you hurt any of the kids.”
“That’s a comfort.” She bit out each word. He watched the telltale sign of her clenching and unclenching her fists, but then her body language changed completely. She stood a little taller, her shoulders back and relaxed. “I suppose I should be grateful you’ll be there at my side?”
“A trusty buddy doesn’t hurt.” His attention sharpened with the change.
“And I can trust you?” Her eyes had become unreadable, her constant movement suddenly stilled. In one moment, even if she didn’t know it, she became all cat and hunting—motionless as she waited for his answer.
“Besides, it will give you the opportunity to meet pride members without actually being the center of attention.” He let his hand fall away from her chin and resolutely backed away from her unspoken offer. “I’m still looking forward to the stir you’re going to cause with the single males.”
Her eyes flashed with frustration, and maybe a little hurt. When her cheeks flushed, he could smell her embarrassment.
“In a hurry to pass me off to someone who wants my company more?” She choked a little on the words, looking away from him.
“You’re like a child.” He spoke to himself as much as to her. “You don’t know what you want. Every dominant male is going to attract you. You’re instinctively drawn to contact. It’s why I’m your guardian, to protect you from yourself until you learn to recognize what you really want.”
“Child?” The word slashed through the air, bitter and incredulous. “Great. Fantastic. I need a babysitter like I need a hole in the head. Wonderful.”
He watched her eyes change with her temper, the pupils narrowing to slits as the color lightened to fiery gold. Adam thought she would explode, strike out somehow, get rid of some of the emotional pressure trapped inside her. He hoped for it. Instead, she set her jaw and took a slow, steadying breath.
“I'd like a little time to cool my head.” Her voice controlled and so very contained, he thought she might strain something with the effort. “I'm going to walk on ahead.”
Lengthening her stride, she put distance between them. Adam let her go and something deep inside him knew more than physical space separated them. His cat didn’t want the gap. He couldn’t help but admit she had been the one to come out of their exchange on higher ground.
Mackenzie headed back to town, returning the same way they had come to get to the train station. She sensed Adam trailing along behind her, giving her space to cool her temper. Memories threatened to rise up around her in reaction to being followed, but he strolled out in the open, a respectable distance back in her wake. Somehow, he represented more an assurance of safety than a threat.
So, she found herself taking her time once her initial momentum had spent itself. She walked and looked at the world around her, holding her hands out to the sides. She brushed her fingertips lightly over the rough texture of tree trunks and trailed whisper-soft over delicate leaves.
Pausing, she closed her eyes here and there, deliberately expanding her chest as she took in a breath to consider the scents floating around her. Other times, she held perfectly still and listened to an unfamiliar bird call or rustle in the underbrush. The forest held more beauty than she’d ever imagined, once she had the time to soak it in. Everything about it was new.
“Dad's gone now, back to the city.” She murmured the words to no one in particular. Maybe Adam had a point or two in his comparison to her being a child. Not in the way he'd meant it though. She felt small and afraid, alone on her own. She was on her way, even if she didn’t know exactly where she could be headed and feared she might be lost, but anything would be better than the path Van had chosen for her.
Van. Her ex-boyfriend, her stalker. He’d killed her, in a way.
She didn’t know when it would become clear if she’d made the right decisions since the night he’d done it to her, but she knew she’d taken the important step to begin making her own choices again.
“But, now there’s no one.”
Melancholy clung to her and she couldn’t shake it. She’d felt a little lighter after the class and again at lunch earlier in the day. Learning to use chopsticks had been interesting.
But when her father had left, it hurt. She’d realized, standing there on the train station platform, she hated being alone. She couldn’t even blame Van for it. She’d always felt a deep, aching loneliness even friends, family and the bustling rush of the city could never fill.
Van’s charismatic presence had pushed the emptiness aside. He’d been a loner too. More so, it seemed to Mackenzie, because he’d been a shapeshifter away from his pride. He’d resonated with her on a level no other man had before. The romantic offers he’d given promised sweet darkness, like the purest of chocolate. They had been a rich seduction to Mackenzie’s soul.
And then the seduction had torn her soul to shreds.
“You lied to me, Van. You lied to me and then you ended me, killed me with your claws and those freaking promises.”
She wanted a day when she could be free of the memory of him, when she could overcome her fears born of him.
But being
alone, loneliness had been there all along.
Her inner cat told her a pride held the answer. One jaguar in particular had her inner cat’s interest, making his following her even better.
Mackenzie shook her head, knowing no one would hear her. “I guess we'll see where things lead me, because damned sure, I’m not going back.”
As they came to the edge of the forest at the road leading into town, Mackenzie paused for Adam to join her.
He decided to break the awkward moment hanging between them. “What did the snail say when he rode the turtle's back?”
She sighed. “What did the snail say?” Her tone carried exasperation, but a smile teased at the corner of her mouth, if he could coax it the rest of the way out.
Adam raised his hands above his head, fingers spread wide. “Wheeee!”
“Oh, good grief.” But the moodiness had been replaced by reluctant amusement. He'd take it. Thankfully, she wasn't the type to stay negative for too long, quick to blow up and quick to get over it.
“Into town?” He grinned at her and nudged her with his shoulder.
Her dark brown eyes were neutral as she glanced up at him. “I’d like to pick up a couple of things from the grocery.”
She held her body stiff, the careful distance obvious in her tone. Apparently, she hadn’t quite forgiven him for his earlier assertion, indicating she didn’t know what she wanted. But she didn’t sulk either, so he pressed onward instead of dwelling.
He started at a brisk walk towards the communal kitchen and store again. The town streets bustled with more bodies than there had been earlier as people ended their work days and in town running errands.
“There are more humans here than I expected,” she commented, watching people as they traveled up the main street.
He shrugged. “Not a lot of humans prefer to live outside of the city, true, but more than you’d think are attracted to River Gap Territory. There’s a decent tourist business on the outskirts of the territory.”
“Tourist?” She turned to look at him with a single eyebrow raised. “Recreation and vacations for my family had always been in other cities or at one of the indoor resorts. We never visited places outside city limits.”
“Remember, the Conservation is responsible for the well-being of the wild and the wild things, including us.” He used his best teacher voice. “Part of the reason humans destroyed natural resources before the Cataclysmic Wars was because people didn't truly understand how intrinsic to the survival of everyone the wilderness had been until too late.”
Nodding as she followed along, she didn’t seem to mind the lecture. She even prompted him further. “The wars were devastating to all of us, human or shapeshifter.”
“But, if one good thing came out of all the death and destruction, it represented the chance to start over and restore the balance between nature and technology. The Conservation has established educational programs on wilderness recovery and energy conservation so we don't go back and repeat history.” He waved his arm in the general direction of town. “There’s a few lodges where humans come to, to go on day hikes or to participate in weekend seminars. A lot of them finish up here in town.”
“Just day hikes and weekends?”
“Most only stay for a short time,” he admitted. “The few who want to stay longer make the request to the pride for permission.”
They paused as she continued to watch people. She didn’t ask another question, so he continued.
“There are several engineers and their families living on the outskirts of town. We work with them to develop and design ecologically friendly power generators and water systems. In exchange, they are allowed to live in the territory for the term of their contract and their children attend school with ours.”
“For how long?”
“Two year cycles, usually.” Internally he cheered. He’d caught her interest and the shadows cleared from her eyes. “Most want their kids to return to the mainstream schools in the cities before long. Not too many really feel comfortable so close to the disorganized wild.”
He didn’t bother to hide his grin as she shot him a look.
“So most of the buildings around the guest house are temporary,” she guessed, her narrowed eyes relaxing and her nose scrunching up as she considered it. “It all had a sort of prefabricated feel, like city apartments.”
He couldn’t help reaching out and tugging a lock of dark hair. The silken strands slid through his fingers.
“That’s for the comfort of the families staying there.” He bent to the ground to scratch out a rough diagram of the layout of the territory. “And it provides a buffer between the town, with its train station and helo pad, and the main territory of the pride. The shapeshifter families make their homes beyond the buffer, close to the school but far enough away for some privacy. Homes for pride members are custom-designed to the family's specifications. There are a lot more features built into the houses to accommodate the needs of big cats.”
Bending close, she looked over his shoulder at the drawing. “Like really big scratching posts?”
She'd meant it as a joke, but Adam nodded as he stood, grinning at her surprise. He didn’t miss the way she gave ground, resisted the urge to step after her. “Climbing trees and logs for sharpening claws are some features. Jaguars have powerful shoulders and forelegs, sometimes it's nice to have something to sink your claws into for a firm grip and get a good stretch.”
“And deeper in the wilderness?” Watching him, her stillness returned.
First to look away, he cleared his throat. “The more dominant shifters who need more privacy and are more territorial prefer being out in the wild where there’s space to breathe.”
“I would have thought the families would have been at the center.”
He could almost see the thoughts turning over in her mind. “Not a bad assumption.” Happy she tried to see things from a shapeshifter perspective, he pressed forward with more. “But it’s a balance with convenience too. The kids need to get to school and it’s good for them to socialize with humans and other shapeshifters. They don’t need the solitude as much. Plus, families take turns watching the kids. It’s easier to be near other families and closer to the school and the amenities in town. The Sentinels rotate watches to make sure the town is secure around the clock.”
“So, the town is the central hub of activity.” Once she said it, tiny muscles in her face seemed to relax, as if some niggling thought had finally settled into place. The realization hit him—she’d been struggling to find a similarity to the way she’d grown up.
“It’s a social center,” he encouraged, “without being overcrowded. And, there’s wide open space to let your beast run nearby. It’s a good mix of the things shapeshifters need.”
“And how well stocked is the grocery store?” Her eyes tracked slowly over the rows of goods as they entered.
Handing her a basket, he took another in case she’d need more supplies than the one could carry. “It has all the basics plus some fresh meats and vegetables you might not find in the city. Some of the more specialized, refined items might not be here, but if you ask at the main counter they could order it in for you.”
Absently, she nodded as she began to browse the aisles.
“If it’s fresh game you want, we could always go catch it ourselves, too.”
The suggestion got her to turn and look at him, her eyes widened in alarm.
His grin held a touch of feral. “You’re a big cat now. Even kittens need to cut their teeth sometime. We could get you a fat rabbit or two to try out.”
She swallowed, a little pale under the tawny gold of her skin. “You run down rabbits?”
“Me?” He shook his head. “I go for bigger game. Deer, mostly.”
A pause and he thought she might still be too city-soft to rise to his bait, but she exceeded his expectation.
“I’ll give it a try.” She spoke slowly and he saw her eyes lighten a shade as her cat came closer to
the surface. “It’s not like I haven’t eaten the meat before. I’ve never had it quite so …fresh.”
Leaving it there, she turned and started her shopping with maybe a little too much enthusiasm.
Quick and efficient, she moved along the aisles without hesitating or looking around in confusion. Relieved, he followed along. He didn’t like shopping with females who took forever to decide what they wanted. When her basket filled, he took it from her.
“No worries.” Waving off her protest, he lifted the loaded basket easily. “Get what you need.”
“I won’t be much longer.” And she wasn’t. But at the last moment, she stood undecided as she studied a shelf full of chocolate.
“Can’t find something?” He leaned over her shoulder to see what she found so fascinating.
“Well,” she hesitated, still studying the shelf. “There’s chocolate for baking and then there’s chocolate for comfort. I can’t decide which to get.”
There were differences in chocolate? He liked a good chocolate chip cookie as much as the next person, and shapeshifters savored the pleasures of desserts for sure, but he’d never thought about differences in chocolate specifically.
Glancing up, she must have seen his confusion. She started to explain, pointing at a bag. “There’s semisweet chips, which are really good in chocolate chip cookies.”
Her words echoed his thoughts from a moment before and Adam decided to pay close attention.
“Then there’s dark chocolate, really dark chocolate.” He could almost hear the purr in her voice. “It’s the best for comfort.”
He didn’t think comfort accurately described it as he studied the heavy-lidded look on her face. Suddenly, she became a much more sensual adult than he’d ever seen her.
