Foretold Fate (Sisters of Danu Series Book 2)
Page 11
As far as goals were concerned, that was an easy enough mental list to create. He wished only to convince Una to marry him and raise their child together, to be a real family. Why was that so hard for her to agree to? He knew the answer, and he knew how to remedy it, but the reality of admitting his feelings to her was daunting. He had only just today admitted to himself that he was in love with Una.
But sharing his emotions openly with women was not something he was used to doing, nor had he ever cared enough about a woman to necessitate such confessions. He still feared that his earlier behavior had ruined any chance of gaining her affections. After the way he behaved, she had said she hated him. Whether those were words spoken in anger or were her true feelings, he did not know. Usually not knowing was better than the hard truth, but not in this situation.
He took a deep breath, squared his wide shoulders and straightened his back. Nothing would be resolved until he approached her calmly and shared his true feelings with her. She was too stubborn to ever speak first and if he continued to play the role of her aggressive guardian, she would never open up to him. Deciding that the time had come for him to risk all and profess his love, he guzzled down the last of his bitter ale and stood up abruptly.
His head was spinning, but he shook it off and steadied his body as he regained his balance. He would not soil his confession of love by appearing to be inebriated and having her question his judgment. He walked slowly out of the hall and saw the rain falling hard from the dark sky. It hadn’t been raining when he left, but by the sizable puddles littering the gravel pathway, it must have been raining for hours. He had been in the hall longer than he expected and a twinge of guilt sparked his conscience as he thought about Una stranded at home alone dwelling on his poor behavior, while he was soaking his sorrows away in ale. “I really am a brute,” he mumbled to himself. “Nay wonder she hates me.”
He had to make this right. He would go home, apologize profusely for his horrible treatment of her, and confess his undying love until she agreed to marry him. Then, they would make love until the morning. He could see it all clearly in his dizzy mind. It was a perfect plan. The world kept spinning around his head, but he stepped carefully around the puddles. He adjusted the sudden stiffness in his trousers as he thought of Una’s naked body pressed against his. He must make it home and seek her forgiveness before he could seek her warmth in his bed.
He swung the door open, hands leaning on either side of the frame with a quirked-up brow when he saw the fire was dangerously low. Only small embers of wood continued to glow. Una never let the hearth fire die. “Una?” he called playfully, but, when no answer came, his lower lip popped out in a mild pout as he realized she was probably asleep in her chamber.
Quietly creeping down the corridor, he saw her curtains closed and he silently pushed them aside with a smile on his face. Hoping to see her soft brown curls as she lay peacefully in her bed, he took two careful steps inside, but saw no sign of Una. Her bed was perfectly made. Confusion set in, but then a smile spread across his face with a new thought. She must be waiting in his chamber for him, missing him as much as he missed her. His heart started to thud as he proceeded to his own chamber. To his chagrin, his bed was also perfectly made.
With growing ire, he swiftly walked back into her room, searching every corner. “Una?” He saw her clothing chest cracked open, looking vacant in the shadows. He walked over to peer inside. It was completely empty. Every dress, including bed dresses, had been removed. “Una? Where are you?” Panic sank in in earnest as he strode into the living space. No stew was boiling. No bread was baking and no tea was brewing.
Had someone abducted Una while he was away? The most horrendous thoughts of Una being in danger started swarming through his mind while his hands shook and his mind spun. His brain was too addled to comprehend the situation, but he quickly ruled out an abduction. No abductor would have given her time to make the beds and pack her clothing, he decided as he rubbed the stress away from his aching temples. So, where could she be? Certainly, not at the hall. He had just been there. He would have seen her…would he not? He had been too deep into a jug of ale to notice aught else and he began questioning himself.
With his head pounding and fists tightening, Brocc fled the house, determined to track her down. He would start at the hall. As he began to storm back the way he had just come, he noticed foot tracks in the mud-caked ground beneath him. He saw his own muddy trail he had created walking home from the hall, aye…but there were more.
Two sets of prints led away from the house. One set was large and deeply sunk into the earth, clearly created by a large man. The other prints, however, were quite small. Small enough to be…Una. There was no sign of struggle. These prints walked side by side. A bit too close together Brocc decided as he clenched his jaw and felt rage boiling within his veins. Collin. It had to be. Who else would Una willing leave the house with? But why? And why was she still not home?
He had made it quite clear to Collin that he was to stay away from Una! How could that meddlesome bastard have the nerve to come to his house and walk away with his woman, the mother of his unborn child? Brocc could feel all the cool reserve he had worked all night to possess melt away as the fury blazed inside him like an inferno. There was no way he was going to stand back and allow Collin to impede on his life in this manner. He would follow these footsteps, and if they led back to where he thought they would, Collin was a dead man.
He strode past the many granaries and round shaped houses with thatched roofs, single-mindedly following the tracks as he was pelted by the rain. People passed by and stared, but his eyes never shifted away from the direction of his destination. Collin’s farm was on the other side of the village, in a more secluded area where not many people passed. Good. The more privacy he had, the better. He had no control over his anger now and had no wish to attempt to control it. He was unleashed and Collin would suffer.
Turning the corner into the alcove that led to Collin’s small farm with white washed walls, Brocc took a deep breath as he pounded ceaselessly on the door with his balled up fist, never stopping until he heard the bar lift on the other side. It swung open with a creak. He heard a few sheep bleat at him from their byre, clearly unhappy that he had disrupted their quiet evening.
Collin’s smug face and ocean blue eyes glared into Brocc’s furious features, the tendons straining in his neck. “Relax Brocc. I haven’t defiled her…you’ve done a good enough job of that, yourself.”
“What!” Brocc growled and pushed Collin aside as he forced his way in. “You bastard! Where is she?” He looked swiftly around the house, eyes stopping on the bed and feeling a deep relief that it was vacant.
“I’m over here,” he heard her obstinate voice coming from the other side of the house as she stepped out of the shadows. Looking in her direction quickly, he turned to face her, scrolling up and down her length to make sure she was unharmed. Once he had established that she was not injured, his concern morphed instantly back into a boiling rage.
“Want to tell me what this is about, Una?” His voice was shockingly level and low, not betraying the burning sensation that was consuming his body. “I came home to apologize to you, and you were gone. Why would you leave without speaking with me? Why are you here?”
She placed her hands on her hips and tapped her foot with annoyance. “I did wait, Brocc. But you were gone for so long that I assumed you were not going to return tonight. You had nay problem leaving me, so why should I feel bad for leaving you?” Her voice choked as if straining to hold back tears, but she swallowed and lifted her chin with pride. “I am curious. Exactly which offense you have come to apologize for?” Seeing his eyes widen as he looked over at Collin, she scoffed, “Should Collin know how you treated me this afternoon?”
“You know exactly what happened and why it happened! And aye, I did mean to apologize to you for it!” Brocc turned to Collin and strode over swiftly, but Collin did not flinch as he got into a fighting stanc
e, prepared to protect Una’s honor if necessary. “Did she tell you that she is carrying my child?”
Collin crossed his arms and nodded his head. “Aye. She told me, and it matters not. I am in love with Una. I came over to ask her to be my wife. It was clear to me how unhappy she was. I offered her an alternative, and she accepted.” He squared his shoulders and squinted his eyes at Brocc, daring him to strike first.
“Is this true?” Brocc spun on his heels and looked imploringly at Una. “You accepted his offer of marriage?” Of all the wounds Brocc had been dealt in his life, even those caused by the slash of a sword, this one cut him the deepest.
“N-Nay!” Una croaked. “I have accepted his offer to stay here, tis all. I need to be away from your constant pressure to marry, so I might sort out my feelings! I need to be certain I am marrying for love, not necessity. Can you not see that?”
She struggled to sound confident, but her chin started to quiver as she wrung her hands in distress. So, this was heartache. The very day Brocc decided to willingly give his heart to a lass, she had instead torn it out of his chest and stomped on it until it lay in a bloody mess upon Collin’s inferior earth-packed floor. At least she would not have to scrub his floors. The thought would have made him laugh if he wasn’t so broken inside.
“I’m sorry you felt my offer of marriage was so distressful that you needed to escape me, Una. I certainly do not want you to ever feel pressured into marrying a man you do not love.” He stared as tears welled up in her emerald eyes, threatening to spill over.
He wanted to reach out and gather her to him, to place his palm against the slight roundness of their babe and inhale the scent of roses in her hair, to plead with her to come back to him. But she had made her choice and he must harden his heart against the one woman who had the power to destroy him.
“As for myself, I do not want a wife who does not want me. I am tired of trying to convince you to marry me, Una. If you truly wanted to, you would not feel the need to escape. Suddenly, I grow wary of it, so I will make your decision easier. I retract my offer of marriage. Now you only have one to consider.”
Without making further eye contact with Una or Collin, Brocc calmly left, feeling as if his entire life had just been torn away from him and lay within the confines of Collin’s walls. He trudged through the rain and mud, back to his empty home. But nothing could be more empty than his heart.
Una lay silently under the soft wool blankets of Collin’s extra bed, watching the shadows move across his quiet house as the fire flickered ominously. She had spent the remaining part of her evening sitting in silence and brooding over Brocc’s obvious pain over her leaving, and subsequent retraction of his proposal. Nothing at all felt right in her life. She had wanted to escape from Brocc’s constant pressure to marry, but now that she had, she felt an overwhelming emptiness seeping into her soul, leaving a heavy ache in the pit of her stomach.
Brocc had appeared quite distressed, even heartbroken if she dared to believe it. Mayhap it was his bruised ego, her dark thoughts taunted. Nay. She shook her head in denial. What she saw was more than a hurt ego. What had she done? Did Brocc truly love her?
Collin had made her tea and sat down next to her shaking body after Brocc left, but she was unresponsive, seeing nothing but Brocc’s broken face in her mind as she closed her eyes and choked back tears, her throat stinging with repressed emotions. This was her decision and though she already regretted it immensely, she must not let either man know. How was she to care for her child when she was inept at caring for herself?
Her mind wandered as she dwelled on the two marriage offers she had received and suddenly wondered what was worse: marrying a man who loved her, even if she did not love him in return, or marrying a man who she loved with her whole being, even if he did not love her in return. Neither seemed ideal and a wave of grief shot through her as, once again, she was reminded of the bitter truth that whichever decision was better or worse no longer mattered. Brocc would no longer have her.
Eventually, she had mustered up the strength to tell Collin she would retire and climbed the ladder to the second story loft where the spare bed awaited her. Pulling the green curtains that hung across her bed to a close, she finally allowed silent tears to run down her temples and soak into the line of her hair. Feeling that all her night clothes were far too sheer and remembering Collin’s gaze as he caught her off guard earlier that day, she decided to remain in her lavender dress. Within the hour, she heard Collin climb into his own bed downstairs and the house went silent.
Rolling over onto her side, Una curled herself into a tight ball as she gripped at her chest, desperately trying to stifle the ache in her heart as another wave of tears dripped down the tip of her nose and silently landed on the soft furs. Once she was convinced that Collin was asleep, she climbed out of her confining bed, no longer able to stay still. She carefully pulled the curtains back from her bed and gasped as a pair of blue eyes beamed down at her. “Collin? Why are you here?”
“I wanted to check on you…you have been crying all night. I could not ignore it any longer.” He reached out and pulled a few tendrils of wet hair away from her tear stained face and brushed his finger slowly over her lips and down her long neck. “Are you really so unhappy being here with me?” he asked softly as his eyes connected with hers.
“I’m very sorry, Collin. Tis not that. I just feel awful for abandoning Brocc the way I did. He has not been cruel to me. He is quite kind and has taken care of me ever since my mother died. I feel ashamed and ungrateful.” She wiped new tears away from her face with her purple sleeve and looked up at Collin’s face. There was a combination of sympathy and desire in his eyes and a feeling of unease crept up her spine. Had she misjudged Collin? Would he force himself upon her?
“Are you afraid of me, Una?”
“Of course not,” she lied, feeling her anxiety rising in her chest. “I am just very tired and confused. I wish to lie down.”
Collin leaned in and smelled the wildflowers in her hair and kissed her forehead. “I am not that sort of man, Una. I will not take you against your will. But I do long for you…” He brushed his lips against hers tentatively, gauging her response. She hesitated, but when she did not pull back, he wrapped one arm around her back, pulling her closer.
“Collin...” She mumbled against his lips.
“Hmmm…” His tongue slipped into Una’s mouth briefly, then trailed down her throat.
“Collin, I do not think—” She felt him nip her earlobe and a shiver ran up her neck from the sensation. It felt wondrous, and yet so terribly wrong.
Brocc’s heartbroken face from earlier suddenly flashed in her mind. The hurt in his hazel eyes. The downturn of his lips; those lips that had burned like fire against hers the day they created the child resting between her and Collin now. Nay. This was wrong. So very wrong. Panic took over as her limbs began to quake. She shoved Collin’s chest as tears blurred her vision. “S-stop, Collin! This is wrong! I cannot do this!”
Collin immediately released her. He was breathing hard as he looked up at her and she could see sadness wash over him as he realized the truth. “There is only one reason this would feel wrong to you, Una…you love him,” he said in a defeated voice.
“N-nay.” She was nervously wringing her hands together as her body shuddered, overcome with chills. “I am not certain…” She was certain. Absolutely certain. Yet the admission of it would gut her completely. How could she ever admit to loving a man whom she had pushed away? The truth stung far worse than she could bear. It was entirely her fault. She had pushed him beyond the limits any man could tolerate. What self-respecting man would want a woman who repeatedly rejected him?
“Och, Una!” Collin exclaimed abruptly. “I know you needed time to sort out your life, but I did not think it would take less than a night! I think tis rather obvious who you love.” He put his head down and turned away from her.
“Collin, I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You are a wo
nderful man and I am obviously attracted to you. I could easily love you, if only—”
“If only you were not already in love with Brocc.”
Hot and cold waves of emotion flowed through her body as hard reality came crashing down on her like an avalanche of fresh snow. “Oh, gods! What am I going to do? He does not love me! He does not even want me anymore!” She wrapped her arms around herself tightly, balling up again and sobbing into the bed furs.
“You do not believe a single word of that, do you?” Collin replied as he ran a comforting hand up and down her spine. “Nay man gives up on a woman like you. His pride was hurt and he was trying to give you what he thought you wanted.”
“I do not believe so.”
“Well, I do. And on the morrow, you need to go back over there and sort this out. At first light,” he said confidently as he leaned over to wipe golden brown tendrils away from her tear-streaked face. She looked up at him wearily and he gave her a wavering smile, belying the pain within.
“Oh, Collin…why are you so good to me? I really do not deserve you.”
“Nonsense. You deserve to be loved the way I love you. And, even though he does not share his emotions so easily, I am certain he does love you. Some men hide behind their pride, never realizing what they will lose until it is lost.” A low whistle escaped his lips as he chuckled, “I cannot believe I am actually convincing you to go back to him! I just want you to be happy, if not with me, then with the man you really love.” He closed his eyes and turned away from the look of pity on her face.