Chris laughed and threw a shop rag at me. “You're such a dork.”
“Takes one to know one,” I giggled.
Chris was reluctant about the company because he wasn't sure what he wanted out of life yet. Though he loved the shop, enjoying his fond relationships with both the customers and employees, not to mention the work itself, he just wanted to be sure about things. He didn't want his dad to go to the expense of changing ownership if that wasn't what he really wanted. I didn't blame him. It was a big decision.
Though I understood Chris's concerns, I sympathized with David's feelings as well. The shop had been a labor of love. It was the company he'd started with his late wife, Laura. They had opened the shop the year they were married with hopes to one day pass it down to their children. In some ways, it was hard for David to separate his feelings for Laura from the business they'd built together.
Chris sobered up quickly, which drew my attention more intensely. He turned the power of his thoughtful gaze fully on me and asked, “What do you think we should do?”
Stunned, my mouth opened in speechless wonder as to how I found my way to this moment. I felt pressured and I didn't like feeling put on the spot, but I knew he valued my opinion. I knew he was asking because he wanted it to be our decision as much as his since it was our potential future at stake.
“I know it's not fair of me to ask, but I am. I am asking,” he told me, walking closer to me. “What do you want our life to be like?”
I took a deep breath in. This was a big and complex decision and I wasn't sure I was well suited to answer it. Honestly, I didn't want the responsibility of influencing his life choices, but that shipped had sailed already. We were in this together, so I needed to just “suck it up and walk it off,” as my dad would say.
“I think you love this company as much as your dad does. I think this shop holds a connection to your mom for you, just like it does for your dad.”
“Wow,” Chris whispered. “You really do see more than you let on, huh?”
“I don't know about that, but I do know that I see you,” I replied.
“And what do you see, love?”
“I see a man afraid of letting people down, not realizing there's no way that can happen,” I told him, placing one of my hands on his shoulder and the other against his face. As I did so, Chris gently, casually grasped my waist in his hands.
“I don't want to do the wrong thing. I don't want to mess up my dad's dream and I don't want to force you into something you might not want because I feel obligated to fulfill my parent's wishes,” Chris told me bluntly.
“Okay,” I looked at him sternly. “The only obligation you have to your parents is that you do what makes you happy. That being said, I think this place makes you happy.”
I gestured around the shop in order to emphasize my statement. Chris followed the motion of my hands and then returned his gaze to me. I gave him a moment to collect himself, allowing my words to sink in before I continued.
“I would love to see you take the business over, allowing your dad to retire,” I said. “Of course, he would still come here to help you because, well, that's just your dad.”
Chris laughed at my estimation of his father. David would be there, as he always was, to either help Chris with the workload, to brighten his day by stopping in with donuts or a surprise lunch, or by offering to help us with childcare. If Chris took over the company, it would really just give David more time to focus on Chris… and me.
“If it's me your worried about – don't.”
Chris looked at me with concern. “I want you to be happy. I don't want you to settle.”
“What makes you think I'd be settling?” I asked him. “Chris, you make me happy.”
“You know what I mean,” he defended his stance as he began to pace. “I want you to have the future you've always dreamed of, too.”
“So are you saying you've always dreamed of taking over ownership of the shop?” I asked him, hoping I interpreted his words correctly.
Chris stopped dead in his tracks, his back to me. After a moment's pause, he turned slowly around to face me again. “Yeah, I guess I kind of have.”
“Then it's settled,” I said easily, moving to wrap my arms around his waist.
“Just like that?” he asked.
“Yep, just like that,” I reiterated. “Chris, I love Minnesota; it's home. Plus, I can get my degree and then find a position at the University to build my own career.”
“I guess,” he said uncertain as to whether I was just saying what I thought he wanted to hear or what I really meant.
“Look at me. Look at me,” I told him, forcing him to meet my eyes with his. “I don't care where I am in the world as long as I'm with you. We have a good life here and our families are here. I think this is a wonderful plan for a blessed future.”
“Really?” I could see the hope rising in him.
“Really,” I reassured him. “I grew up coming to this shop to spend time with you. I love it and I love you. This is the right decision, I think.”
Chris smiled in relief and acceptance. “Yeah, I think it is, too.”
“So you're taking over the shop then?” David asked from behind me.
Chris and I turned our attention to his father, surprised to be caught unprepared. Then Chris looked back at me, smiled, and rested his forehead against mine.
“Yeah, dad,” he said, sounding content. “I think we are, but later. I want time to enjoy college and to see if I can run this place the way it deserves to be run. I don't want you rushing out to make any changes.”
“No problem,” David said. “Whatever makes you feel more comfortable.”
“I want to give Dakota a chance to get through graduation and time to figure out what her major will be. I don't want to commit to things and thing find out that her work will demand her to go somewhere else in order to succeed.”
I could tell that David was pleased to hear Chris even considering accepting his offer. As I leaned against Chris, I had an inkling that I was somehow more endeared to David for my part in encouraging Chris to accept his inheritance. Of course, I hadn't done anything more than support Chris in what I knew would make him happy; something he still wouldn't fully accept yet.
“I totally understand, son.”
“Chris -” I began.
“Don't try to tell me no, Dakota. I know you,” he said. “You're selfless enough to do whatever I want, but I'm not going to force anything on you. I want you to be as certain about things as I am or we're not doing this.”
“I'm happy to wait,” David beamed. “There's no hurry. No hurry at all.”
Chris looked back to his father and said, “Thanks, dad. Really. I just don't like to rush into things.”
“Sure, sure,” David agreed whole-heartily.
“So,” Chris offered. “I propose that we wait and while we wait, I will take some classes at college and begin to take over more of the managerial duties here. If I start to slowly take over more of the day-to-day managing needs, that will give you more time, dad and it will give me a more realistic view of what I need to learn yet.”
“Uh-huh, sure,” David was beside himself with joy though he was trying to contain it, as to not pressure Chris or me into anything.
“When Dakota graduates and we get married, if she still wants to live in Minnesota, then we will take over the shop. Deal?”
Chris looked between David and I, assessing out reaction to his plan. I nodded in agreement.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Yeah?” Chris asked me directly, making sure he wasn't pushing me into anything.
“Yeah,” I repeated with a genuine smile. “Sounds good.”
“Yeah,” David agreed. “I think that is fair and sensible. Good idea, son.”
“Thanks,” Chris smiled.
I could tell that both David and Chris felt relieved to have this agreement. It wasn't a definite yes, yet, but it was far from a no. Chris had time to start
moving into running the business so he'd be able to decide with a complete understanding as to what ownership would entail and David was happy that the dream he and Laura had was probably going to be fulfilled.
I couldn't help thinking how weird it was, the way people saw the future. How we planned and manipulated an unknown concept, placing so much time and energy into trying to control the uncontrollable. No one knew what tomorrow held for them, but it was our hopes that propelled us forward. It was our dreams that motivated us and guided us so that we'd shape today in anticipation of that uncertain tomorrow.
Chapter Nine
The cool thing about our hidden and secluded neighborhood was that you didn't get a lot of traffic. The traffic that did travel through was mostly people who worked for the Federal Aviation Administration (F.A.A.) or the Metropolitan Airport Commission (M.A.C.). Some consisted of people going to the Naval Reserve or attending business at the historic building that once served as both the first airport terminal and original air traffic control tower after the grounds had been converted from a race track to an airport.
Common traffic included the coming and going of our neighbors or their guests. Those vehicles moved across the front of the house that faced South 28th Avenue, the main road through our area. The only other road that ran along our house was East 59th Street and that was a dead end. It was cut off by the fencing that marked the airport property and only served as an access to the alley ways that ran behind the houses on our street. It was unusual to have any traffic pass that way.
When I heard the vehicle turn onto the dead end road, I had a moment of anxiety. I knew that other people had access to this street, but usually the only traffic belonged to us or the neighbor on the other side of it. My tensions only increased when the car slowed and stopped on the side of our house. I heard the engine go silent, followed by opening and closing doors and muttering voices.
It was evening, just past dinner time so we were all home; my parents, my sisters, and me. I knew that Rae was working tonight and Chris was out to dinner with David and Travis, so I knew it wasn't them. The voices alerted me that the visitors were male, but we weren't expecting anyone.
My father got up from the kitchen table and opened the back door to see who was there. When dad shot a worried look back at us and disappeared outside, prompting mom to follow, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach; something was terribly wrong! I raced my sisters to the kitchen window for a better look.
I knew the minute Carolina saw the officers because she turned white as a ghost, almost instantly. If Georgia hadn't lent her a hand, I knew Carolina would have hit the floor. Thankfully, Georgia got Carolina safely to her chair at the table then kneeled in front of her for support. I just watched, feeling disconnected and numb.
I didn't know what to think when the officers entered the room with my parents. My mom positioned herself behind Carolina's chair, placing her hands on my sister's shoulders. I recognized this as both a posturing for support and for helping Georgia keep Carolina secured.
As the uniformed mean introduced themselves, Carolina just looked blankly at them, as though she were someplace other than in the room. There was no doubt in my mind why these men were here and it was apparent that Carolina knew without words as well. Every fiber of my being buzzed with terrorized anticipation.
I had seen reenactments of this very scene play out on the television. Somehow, it didn't make this any easier. If anything, it added to the dream-like aura that the whole situation had taken on. I understood what was happening just as well as everyone else in the room, but I had no idea what to do about it. What could I do? Nothing. I could do nothing to help change what was happening.
The two military clad men had come to tell Carolina that Roger had died in the line of duty. They were in their Class A uniforms as a sign of respect and it was a surreal experience. It didn't seem real, but unfortunately, it was.
“Ma'am, we regret to inform you that your husband, Specialist Roger Unger of the 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Armored Division has been killed in action,” the first soldier said sullenly.
Carolina just seemed empty. There was no response in her at all. I kept diverting my attention between the officers and my sister, uncertain what to say or do. I felt drawn to Carolina, but I was frozen where I stood.
“Ma'am?” the second officer said. “Are you okay?”
The second officer was a clergyman; I knew from the emblem on his uniform. I knew he would be sent here to help ease our pain and to offer bereavement support. That was actually very touching, though Carolina seemed unreachable.
Carolina seemed imprisoned inside herself from the moment she laid eyes on the men, her expression infused with fear and devastation. When they gave her the news about Roger, Carolina had simply slumped over, like someone had cut the strings that supported a marionette. It would take a moment before her tears broke the shield of her shock. Her suspecting Roger's death and receiving the confirmation of it was just too much.
With the news delivered and the blow dealt, my father received the official papers sent for Carolina and gathered all the information we needed about my brother-in-laws death. Then he walked the servicemen outside to their vehicle, reassuring them that we would handle things without them. Carolina never spoke a word to either of them.
Georgia and our mom couldn't seem to get Carolina to reengage with them. She refused to speak, but eventually Georgia was able to coax her out of the chair and assist her to Georgia's room. I thought that was smart of her since Carolina's room was upstairs and laced with Roger's touch no matter where she looked.
I respected Georgia's bravery and her ability to act. I had no idea what to do, especially once I heard the crying begin. The sound of my sister's agony was heartbreaking and it shredded my soul. I was amazed that Georgia seemed to know exactly how to help comfort and console my sister because I was still emotionally frozen myself.
I wanted to do something, anything, but I just sat down, feeling weak and pitiful. I felt confused, flooded with emotions I had no words to describe. I knew this was going to damage Carolina beyond repair because a vital part of her was now gone forever.
My mother sat across from me at our kitchen table. She seemed to be staring at me and I wasn't sure why. I thought she'd have gone to be with Carolina, but she just sat there, watching me. I wondered what she saw. Certainly, she saw nothing strong and beautiful as Georgia or selfless and tender as Carolina. No, I was a selfish coward who was too upset to be any use to my family.
The tears threatening to fall stung, burning my eyes as I fought to contain them. I wanted to be strong; to fix things, if I could, though I knew I couldn't. I wanted to handle things so that I wouldn't make the situation more difficult for Carolina. She deserved better than I was capable of giving her; acknowledging that made me feel sudden exhausted from disappointment in my own self.
I tried to imagine what Carolina might feel like, hoping it would pull me out of my funk so I could be of some use. Instead, it struck me with pain so intense it took my breath away. If it hurt that much for me to even consider losing Chris, how much worse was it for Carolina to have lost Roger? How did a person get through such a loss? How did they live past that devastation?
“I don't know what to say to her,” I admitted to my mother. I struggled against the tears, determined to stay strong. “I feel like everything I say will just make things worse.”
“It's not really about what you say, sweetheart,” my mom reassured me. She reached out and squeezed my handle gently. As she continued to hold my hand, she said, “It's enough that you're there for her.”
I looked up at my mother with quivering lips. I drew in a jagged breath and the tears started to fall. My mother got up from the table and folded me in her arms. It made me feel better, but it also spurred the guilt in me.
“Why are you worrying about me?” I questioned. “Carolina needs you – needs us!”
“We all need each other,” my mother cooed into my hai
r. “We all have reason to mourn.”
“But Carolina…” I choked out.
“Shhh,” my mother soothed, stopping me from trying to finish my sentence. “Carolina has lost a husband and her best friend, but we have also lost a son and a brother.”
“Georgia isn't acting like a baby. She's in with Carolina, like we should be,” I pointed out. When I tried to get up out of my chair, my mother gently pushed me back into place.
My mom knelt next to me and took my face between her hands. She looked me directly in the eyes and told me, “Georgia deals with things her way, just as you and Carolina deal with them in yours. There is no shame in giving into your sorrow and just because Georgia isn't yet showing her sadness, it doesn't mean she doesn't feel it just as deeply.”
“I…” I tried, but the words eluded me.
“You just need a moment,” my mother told me as she took my hand in hers again. “Once you have a moment to tend to your loss then you can help your sister with hers.”
My mom was so wise and so understanding. I wished that I were more like her, the way Carolina was. They were both so kind and loving, so generous with their time, talents, and spirits. Their charity was endless and it was impossible not to adore them. Their gentleness was a striking contrast to the strength my dad and Georgia had, but no less admirable. I was nothing like them and I felt ashamed for my lacking.
I wasn't sure how I fit into the picture; into the family. I was compassionate, but not unselfish. It seemed I cared enough to feel for Carolina, but just enough to draw my mother's attention away from her and onto myself. I was tough enough to deal with the realities of life just enough to worry about how I felt more than my sister. I was pathetic. None of this was about me; it was about Carolina and Roger. My mother should be with Carolina and not contending with my emotional needs.
In that moment, I finally found my composure and I drew my emotions into myself. I would follow Georgia's example and I would keep myself in check for the benefit of my sister, Carolina. Though I knew I'd never be the tower of strength Georgia was, I wasn't going to be so weak that I left Carolina without support. She deserved better; they all did.
A Ripple of Fear (Fear of Dakota #1) Page 14
