Thankfully, the government officials were able to overcome the resistors and break in to free those held captive in the compound. Since they accomplished this by killing some of the key faction members, this only energized the odd debate about rights and boundaries of government restriction and authority.
I just couldn't understand the situation at all. Yeah, we should all be allowed to have our opinions and live our lives without persecution or censorship, but there were still necessary limitations. I mean, the rights of the sect leaders weren't greater than those they oppressed. There had to be a balance between individual freedoms and policing behavior that hurt or abused those personal freedoms.
As the story faded, the debate raged on. It seemed everyday brought a new incident that just compound the mood of America. From where I sat, I could see how people were turning the people's fears into profit and it sickened me. Instead of adding to the paranoia and panic, why wasn't anyone trying to ease tensions?
I felt disappointed with the state of the world and our country in particular, but I tried to remain optimistic. I tried to focus on the blessings, one of which was my status as graduate. I was grateful to realize that I had technically, if not officially, graduated from high school at the end of the holiday season.
My parents offered to throw me a party in celebration, but I didn't want that. Instead, I asked for a simple dinner as a family that included David, Chris, and Rae. I just wanted to be surrounded by the people I loved most, knowing they loved me in return.
I knew my parents planned to have a big graduation party at the end of the school year, when I actually walked in the ceremony for everyone to see. I figured that was why they accepted my refusal to have a party now, but I really didn't want to have anything. Since I lay in that interim state of existence, it felt like the moment for parties had passed. It just wasn't important to me anymore, if it ever even was.
My mother said that was all the more reason to have something big, but I continued to tell her not to do anything. I think dad was finally starting to understand my point of view, but he wanted to please my mom too. I think she was sort of struggling because she wanted to respect my wishes, seeing the logic of my reasons, but she felt bad. My sisters had big graduation parties and she didn't want me to have anything less.
I really appreciated that sentient. I thought it was really cool that my parents never showed affection or concern for one of us girls more than another. Though they connected with each of us differently, being closer to each of us in a unique way, they definitely held us as equals. My mission now wasn't to convince my mother not to have a party, as much as, it was to reassure her that I didn't feel like I was getting treated as less for not having one.
Chris, Rae, and I also celebrated in our own way. We went for a hike at Fort Snelling State Park and picnicked along the banks of the Mississippi River. The serenity and companionship we shared together made me feel completely at peace and thoroughly happy. It was perfect and I was thrilled I didn't have to deal with crowds of people or endless chit-chat with people I barely knew.
My eighteenth birthday came with the decline of winter and the rise of spring. It was weird to think of myself as a legal adult. I didn't feel any different than I had before and nothing really changed for me. I still attended school and performed all the normal daily things I had as a teenager, so I didn't grasp the significance of the event. Despite the efforts of my family to pamper me with our traditional gifts of funding a tree to be planted in my name and giving a $50 dollar donation to the charity of my choice, it was just another day to me. Albeit, one with cheesecake!
“Do you like your birthday gift?” Chris asked me after I opened the small box he'd given me.
The sight of his thoughtful gift sort of choked me up. I had to clear my throat before I could answer.
“It's perfect,” I told him sincerely.
“It was my mother's,” he informed me. “Here, let me help you put it on.”
Chris reached into the little box and withdrew the beautiful little gold cross from the box. I absolutely loved the eloquence and sophistication of the necklace. There was nothing ostentatious or pretentious and the simplicity was one of my favorite parts about it.
“I know you aren't really one for wearing jewelry, but I wanted to give you something of hers,” Chris told me.
“This is too much, Chris,” I said trying to stop him from clasping the chain that bore the simply cross from around my neck.
“It's not,” he ignored me and continued to decorate me with the cross his mother had once worn.
“You shouldn't give me things that belonged to your mother,” I pouted. “What if you wake up one day and decide you don't love me anymore? What then?”
Chris shook his head at me and said, “Impossible.” He kissed me in a romantic gesture to support his statement and then added, “I could never stop loving you.”
“You might be wrong,” I fretted at the idea of losing Chris more than the necklace. The necklace was only important because it represented his mother; one of the few things he actually still had that had been hers.
“I won't,” he replied with such confidence that I struggled to continue with my objection.
“There's nothing special about me and -” I tried to tell him that one day he was going to realize just how plain and ordinary I was. His delusions about my beauty and kindness were manifestations of his love. He loved me enough to be blinded to my flaws and ignorant of my failings.
“Dakota,” he asked, demanding my full attention. “How do you feel about me?”
Well, that was not what I had been expecting at all. Where had that question come from; didn't he know that he made my life worth living? Couldn't he see that no matter how much I loved someone, it paled with how much I loved him? How would I be able to put into words the way I felt about him?
My piss-poor attempt at representing my incredible feelings for Chris ended up with me lamely saying, “I love you.”
Chris smiled at me. He had anticipated me saying that very thing. I could tell by the pleasure in his expression that I had answered his question the way he had hoped.
“And do you think you'll ever stop loving me?” he asked.
Every fiber of my body answered that question, “No!”
“Why?” he pushed for me to elaborate.
Why? That was both complex and simple all at once. I knew I'd never stop loving him because I couldn't – wouldn't – imagine life without him! The idea of waking to a world I no longer shared with Chris stripped me to the bone and made my chest tighten in pain. I felt like I couldn't swallow and like the world was growing dimmer. Chris was my first thought every morning and my last thought every night.
“Because you make me alive,” I answered, and then rushed to try to explain this comment more completely. “You're the purpose for the life that flows through me. Without you, I'd be an empty shell, voids of all that makes me who I am.”
Yeah, yeah that was what it felt like. I knew God was my creator and the strength and drive of my life, but I also knew that I felt closer to God because of my relationship to Chris. My love for Chris made me understand unconditional love in a way I hadn't comprehended before. His love gave me passion and energy.
Chris's existence made me understand why people said a man and a woman are bound and united; he was truly my other half. He filled the missing part of me that I hadn't known was absent until I found him; he completed me. He made me better than the person I had been and encouraged me to be more than I was.
“I don't think I said that well,” I said sadly, frustrated at my inept ability to express the depth of what I felt for this man.
“You said it perfectly,” he whispered and kissed me with such passion that the world ceased to exist around us. I melted into him and found I'd have been content to say melded with him for eternity.
Chris pulled back, exposing our heavy breathing. As my heart tried to calm its racing beat, Chris asked me, “Do you know why I
asked that?”
“I think so,” I replied breathlessly. His presence was still holding me captive, pulling me towards him like a beacon.
“Tell me.”
“You were trying to make me understand how you feel about me,” I answered with my eyes closed, inhaling his scent and feeling the comfort of his warmth.
“Exactly,” he replied. “So now when I say that it's impossible for me to stop loving you, do you believe me?”
I knew in my heart or hearts that he'd always love me, but I wasn't sure that he'd always be in love with me. There was a big difference between the two and I lacked the confidence to fully accept in the belief that he was mine as much as I was his.
“I'm trying to,” I said honestly.
“Good,” Chris said. “It's enough for now, but one day, I hope you'll see just how special and beautiful you are. Until that time and beyond, I'll be here to remind you of it, every day.”
I didn't know what to say. My heart was filled with love that was bursting and my spirit was reaching out to touch his. I knew why I loved him and it was easy to love him. I just couldn't wrap my mind around why he'd love me. Still, I was thankful that he did. I prayed he was right and that he'd never stop.
“That is your greatest gift to me,” I replied and he kissed me again.
Chapter Eleven
The tension in our city was a scaled down version of the mood of the overall nation. People were barely over the passing of the Mayan Doomsday expectation of December 21, 2012 when we started to hear more about various astronomical events. These events were said to currently be happening or that they were expected to happen within a short time frame from the present. The apocalyptic programs on television made sure to jump on the “destruction from the sky” bandwagon; anything to make money, even exploiting people's fears.
The whole “end times” concepts and doomsday prepping had the nation spinning. The web bot predictions, recalling of ancient prophesies (like the Mayans and Hopi legends), and fears about modern plagues just fueled the fires of worry. When you added in the increasing information regarding near-Earth objects, solar flares, and geomagnetic pole reversals, things grew more volatile.
People were freaked out! Terrorist activities enflamed the discussions and concerns about biological warfare. The flaring of various illnesses such as new strains of influenza, like the Bird Flu, or infections that appeared to be growing an immunity to previously effective medicines plagued people's nightmares. Even the failing of vaccinations, like the one for Whooping Cough or the lack of enough supplies to treat the masses was causing panic and being blamed on the first of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”, Pestilence!
Everywhere you looked, it seemed like there was another promise of impending doom screaming out. If you weren't still riding the tails of the “global warming” campaign started by Al Gore around 2006, there were plenty of other campaigns to sign on to. The whole organization of it all made me cringe. No matter how well-meaning some might be, others were poisoning their efforts for personal gain or entertainment purposes.
People were waiting for the age of enlightenment and the advent of extraterrestrial aliens. The whole “ancient aliens” concept instilled both intense consternation and jubilant expectation. Movies like, “Knowing” with Nicolas Cage gave hopes to some that a superior alien race was going to rescue us all from the impending doom. People saw signs everywhere.
Of course, others were waiting for the second coming of Jesus Christ. Every natural event was being analyzed as religious scholars and being interpreted as something found in Revelations from the Christian Bible. Others feared the tensions in the Middle East as the signs that the end was near and that the rebuilding of Solomon's temple was soon to come. It was an interesting mix of ideas, but one that just seemed to pull our nation and our world a part.
I had been taught that “knowledge is power,” but this power seemed corrupt. Instead of using our technology in a way that bettered our world and our species, it was like it was being used to target us. We were being conditioned for fear and controversy, but why? Why perpetuate the chaos and the underlying hostility that seemed ready to burst?
If that wasn't bad enough, people were facing terrorist threats and losing faith in our government. People didn't feel like the government was stable, let alone able to fend our people. This caused strife and discord, increasing political tensions. Conspiracy theorist relished at the chance to claim fame to whatever suspicions frightened them and it weakened our nation further.
As more and more people struggled with economic slumps, government scandals, and uncertain futures, the American mood grew more apprehensive. I worried when I thought about what my dad had said about how “it only takes a spark to inspire an inferno.” His words seemed more prophetic by the day and that was where my terror came from.
Local officials were trying to keep the populous calm, but they had limited resources. Our military had been reduced and minimized and the bulk of our troops were deployed in foreign arenas, adding to the stress of the country. The homeland posts and bases were practically at minimum manning for military personnel; most of the positions were out-sourced to civilians.
The military wasn't the only organization feeling the pinch. Police forces were short on personnel and those working in law enforcement were over-taxed with the work they faced. The constant uprising and clashes between emotion-charged counter groups was drawing the limited resources to them, affording too many other crimes to go unchecked. The result was a dangerous world with even more uncertainty.
Though I was frustrated, I continued on with life as normal as possible. I didn't really see the point in freaking out about “what could be” because I wanted to keep faith that things would get better. Looking through history, there were always ups and downs in all aspects of life. Like my mom always said, “You can't live your life in fear or you're not really living at all. The point is to be prepared and self-efficient.”
The problem was that I wasn't sure if I knew what I needed to be prepared for. How did you ensure you were self-efficient if you weren't sure of the conditions you'd possibly face? This line of thinking only distressed me, so I tried to apply my energies to other, more constructive, outlets. That seemed to help me cope.
“Did you hear about the RZ53 asteroid heading towards Earth?” Rae's little brother, Zach asked.
Zach was twelve years old and wicked smart. He loved to watch the NASA channel and, like Georgia, followed the news religiously. Though he was a charismatic personality, like his sister, Zach was more quiet and serious. It was interesting to see Rae's personality reflected in Zach, but in a subdued state.
“No, I hadn't heard,” I answered.
Rae rolled her eyes. “See, this is why were never spend any time at our house. Geez, Zach.”
“What?” Zach was offended, but moved past it just as quickly as Rae would have. They just didn't hold grudges or let things damper their moods for very long. Besides, Zach was used to his sister's irritation at his obsession with all things “space.”
I smiled and winked at Zach, who shot a friendly smile back at me in return. “I don't mind. I think it's interesting.”
“Thanks, Dakota,” Zach beamed with delight.
“Ugghhh,” Rae groaned, holding her hands at an angel outward from her body. Her hands turned into skyward-facing claws and she huddled down into herself slightly; an expression of her frustration for sure. “Don't encourage him!”
True to his family's direct nature, Zach retorted with, “And don't try to hold me back!”
Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. Rae promptly escorted Zach to the door, expelling him from her bedroom. They didn't spat over Zach's eviction from the room, but the faces they made at one another were hilarious. I burst out in laughter at their interaction.
“Sorry about that,” Rae apologized, though I knew she loved her brother and his supposed “interruptions.”
I gestured indifferently then asked, “Do yo
u know what he was talking about?”
“Not really,” Rae told me as she finished packing her overnight bag. She was going to stay at my house for spring break. “More crap to ramp up the end of the world frenzy.”
I chuckled lightly at her look of exasperation. “Right?! I'm getting pretty tired of the whole 'gloom and doom' shit myself.”
“Tell me about it,” Rae openly shared my sentiment on the matter. “My mom is so stressed that she was practically hysterical last night when Zach told her that this stupid asteroid was barely seen until it was almost hitting the earth.”
“Is that true?” I asked surprised.
“Does it matter?” Rae asked.
I pondered her question for a moment then said, “No, I guess not. I mean, what could we do anyway, right? After all, it does no good to live with one foot already in the grave.”
“That's what I'm saying,” Rae told me. “What's going to happen is going to happen. I mean, if Yellowstone's super volcano erupts, what can we really do about it? Nothing, that's what.”
“Yeah, no sense in worrying yourself sick over it.”
As we got ready to leave, Rae hugged and kissed her mom. Her dad, Timothy wasn't home from the auto insurance agency yet, so she asked her mom tell him she loved him. Before we walked out the door to head over to my house, Rae walked over to her little brother and ruffled his hair playfully.
“Stop that,” he mildly complained, more for the show than out of real annoyance.
“You know I love you, right, ass bag?” Rae inquired.
Rae's mom huffed in irritation. “Don't call your brother that, Rae and please, please stop swearing during daycare hours.”
Rae, Zach, and I all smiled in amusement and Rae holler back, “Sorry, mom.”
A Ripple of Fear (Fear of Dakota #1) Page 17
