by Jessica Loft
Her stomach tightened so fast and hard, she almost threw up right there. She spun on her heel, arms crossed, and gave him a murderous glare.
“You’re married! And you have a son?”
He held up a hand. “Now, just—”
“How could you do this?” Her voice was shrill and the tears were already in her eyes. She realized then how much she’d started to really like him. She was sad to be losing him. “I can’t believe you! Cheating on your wife this whole time. How many other girlfriends do you have? I am so glad I never slept with you. This is exactly why. I didn’t know you well enough. Apparently, I didn’t know you at all!”
He stepped forward, close enough to take her hands as she waved them around in anger. “Just stop.”
“I’m glad you can be so calm about this. You lying, cheating—”
“Katelyn!”
She saw the flicker of pain in his eyes and it stopped her short. Her mouth closed, and she stared at him.
“They’re dead.”
“What?” she whispered.
“I was married. I had a son. They’re both dead now.”
Her hands fell to her side and the tears finally spilled over as she gawked at him. Dead? The feeling her stomach changed abruptly. And now she also felt like an idiot.
“I may be a lot of things,” he said. “Including a liar. But I’m no cheat.”
She turned her head to inspect the large photo again. The boy looked the oldest in this photo and as she looked closer, she noticed that X did indeed seem several years younger. The slight tightness around his eyes were gone, his face held just a hint more roundness, and a lot more softness.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“It’s kind of personal. Like you said, we haven’t known each other long. Not many people know.”
“When? How?”
“We don’t need to talk about this.” He took her hand and led her back to the kitchen. “I want to try this cake. I’m starving actually. I didn’t eat yet.”
She looked back over her shoulder, but went with him to the kitchen. There, he pulled her into a hug and kissed her.
“Now that that’s over, I’m glad you’re here.” He smiled at her and kissed her again.
“Happy birthday. Now that I’ve yelled at you and called you names.”
He pulled his mouth into a half smile. “I kinda liked it. You should call me dirty things more often.”
Her face grew warm and when he kissed her, she felt the level of passion increase. They kissed harder and his tongue moved against hers, sending warm tingles through her whole body. It was getting harder and harder to say no to him. Every time they were together, he tried to sleep with her. Now, though. Now she felt like she’d seen into his life in a new way. Even if he hadn’t really planned to, he’d let her further in.
She squeezed her arms tighter around him and ran her fingers along the bare skin of his back, feeling his muscles tense as she went. He pressed his hips into her and she almost gasped at how stiff he was. Like he had a long rock in his thin shorts. She could feel so much of him through the thin nylon.
She hesitated for only a moment, then reached down and squeezed his dick through his shorts. He let out a deep moan.
“You’re either going to have to leave now, or come with me upstairs,” he breathed into her hair. “Otherwise, I’m going to throw you down right here and take you whether you want me to or not.” He bit along her neck and kissed her roughly.
“Then I guess,” she said between hard breaths and kisses, “you better give me the full tour.”
He picked her up and swung her legs around his waist, then carried her up the stairs and to the bedroom. The room was mostly gray and black. Here, there were no photos. There wasn’t much of anything except a shirt on the floor and a huge bed. He dropped her onto the bed and climbed over her.
She quivered under his touch. She was a little fearful of sleeping with him, even as badly as she wanted to. He’d likely be rougher than she was used to, but also, her body wasn’t what it used to be and she wished it was a little darker in the room.
As he pulled her shirt over her head, she closed her eyes. But whatever reaction she’d been waiting for didn’t come. He kissed down her neck to her breasts and reached behind her to unhook her bra. Then he took a nipple into his mouth, sucked, and bit gently. She gasped, at both the slight pain, but more at the burst of pleasure it gave her.
“Oh, you like that, do you?” He pinched her other nipple and made her cry out.
He kissed down her stomach to her jeans, where he paused to unzip them. But instead of pulling them off, he teased her. He squeezed her crotch over her pants until she moaned.
“Do you want me to take these off?” he asked.
“Yes.” She gripped the sheets as he pulled off her pants and rubbed his thumb over her damp panties.
“Do you like that?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me.”
She wasn’t sure what to say exactly. “I like it when you touch me like that.”
He moaned and yanked her panties from her, then slid a finger inside her slowly as he flicked his tongue over her clit. She cried out again and he moved faster and harder. Just as she was getting close to going over the edge, he withdrew his finger slowly, like torture, and came to kiss her.
“Do you like the taste of your juices?” He rubbed his nose against hers and kissed her before she could answer.
He slid his own shorts off and she reached down to stroke him. He allowed it for a minute, then pulled out of her grip. “I am going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before.”
He put just the head of his cock inside her, teasing her again. She pressed against him, trying to force him deeper.
“Tell me you want it.”
“I want it.”
“No.” He growled and tugged a fistful of her hair. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want your cock deep inside me.”
He thrust hard into her, the sudden fullness sending a rush to her head that made the room spin. She cried out and dug her nails into his back.
Then, abruptly, he pulled out. He flipped her over on the bed and yanked her hips in the air, toward him. He entered her again, pulling her hair with one hand while he reached around and rubbed her clit with the other.
It didn’t take long for him to push her over the edge. She cried out and told him, “I’m cumming.” He slammed harder and faster until he, too, moaned loudly, then went still.
They fell flat on the bed and she could feel his dick throbbing inside her with his every heartbeat.
“That was so good,” he said and slid from her slowly. “Oh fuck.”
She turned to look at him, at his regretful look.
“What?”
“I’m sorry, I got so caught up.” He shook his head.
“What?” she repeated.
“Forgot to use a condom.”
“Oh.” She relaxed back into the bed. “It’s fine.”
He raised an eyebrow at her.
“I mean, I won’t get pregnant or anything.”
“Birth control?”
She nodded.
He broke into a grin. “Even better.”
He laid down beside her and held her in his strong arms.
“Will you tell me about them?” she asked softly after their breathing had calmed.
“What do you want to know?”
“How long has it been? And how did they die?”
“It was a car accident. A few years ago. It was fast, they said, so I’m glad for that. They didn’t suffer. And they’re together.”
“But you’re all alone.”
He nuzzled his nose into her neck. “No, I’m not.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Mmm hmm.” He kissed her neck and reached around to cup her breast. Then his stomach rumbled and gave him away. He laughed. “Let’s go eat some cake.”
Back in t
he kitchen, Katelyn took out a knife and cut the cake, then set it on plates for them.
Xavier took a bite and smiled at her. “This is really good. It’s been a long time since I had anyone make me a cake.”
“I’m glad. I mean, not that no one hasn’t made you a cake in so long, but that you like it.”
He chuckled and put his arm around her. “Thank you. You made this an awesome birthday.” He set down his fork to hug her fully.
She pulled back to kiss him, but stopped when she saw tears in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Ryan,” he said.
She waited for him to explain.
“That was my son’s name. That’s why the hunter is my favorite constellation. His name is Orion. My son loved to play with this little Nerf bow and arrow he had. So I look at those stars and like to think he’s up there, watching over me, with his mom by his side.”
She put her palm to his cheek and kissed him gently. “I’m sure he is.”
Chapter 4
The next night, X picked her up and they rode his bike to his favorite bar. This was their original plan to celebrate his birthday, even if yesterday had turned out to be a much better celebration.
They walked inside, where the guys in his bike club waited for him with a full pitcher of beer. They held it up and cheered.
“Hey old man! Is that a gray hair?”
They heckled him and poured him several beers. Then the shots came. Katelyn watched him down shot after shot as the night went on.
“Just do one little shot,” he said to her, slurry his words into her ear.
She shook her head. “At this rate, I’ll be driving you home on your bike.”
He laughed loudly. “I could teach you to ride if you want.”
“Sure, but maybe when you’re sober.”
“Good point.” He threw another shot back into his mouth.
She was somewhat dismayed by his drinking. There had been a time in her life when she drank, but never like this. How would they get home? He was already beyond the point of being able to drive safely, and being on a bike worried her even more.
Then, her worry magnified. One of the guys in his club was shouting at another man. X got up and went over to them.
She heard him say, “Then you better come outside right now.”
She watched in horror as the three men walked out the door, followed by a few others. She didn’t want to sit there alone, so she got up to follow, hanging back away from the men.
Outside, they gathered into a small circle. X and the man he’d been yelling at stepped into the center. Then the guy punched X. He had ducked, but the edge of the man’s fist connected just enough to make him step back. Then fists were flying back and forth so fast, she could barely tell what was happening or who was winning.
But finally, the other guy stumbled back and fell into one of the guys who’d been watching. He held up his hand when X stepped closer.
X spit on the ground at his feet. Then he and three guys from his club turned to walk away. He saw her standing there, and swept his arm around her to pull her back inside with them.
“You need to get cleaned up,” one of the guys said.
X shook his head. “Can’t drive yet.”
“I’ll take you.”
He looked at her for confirmation and she nodded. They followed the guy to his car, and she slid into the backseat beside X.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, this is nothing.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just wish we hadn’t done this after I drank so much. My head is spinning.”
They were dropped off at his house and she helped him to the bathroom. He was stumbling and sat on the counter, squeezing his eyes closed.
“Do you get in a lot of fights?” She dabbed at his cuts to get the blood off.
“Sure. We all do. That’s just the lifestyle, I guess. We ride bikes, we fix and build bikes, we drink, we fight.”
She nodded and put antiseptic on the cut over his eye. Dread spread through her. Since the moment he’d gotten up and starting yelling at the man, she sensed this moment was coming. Now she held back tears as she dabbed ointment in place.
“Do you have guns?”
“Of course. Guns, knives. We all do. You don’t have to be afraid. I can protect you.” He reached up and took the hand that was putting a small bandage in place over his eye. He kissed the top of her hand. “You never have to be afraid when you’re with me.”
She wasn’t afraid. Surprisingly, the whole night, she hadn’t even thought to be afraid for herself. She was worried about what X was doing. She thought back to the first time she met him, how his anger had raged and his eyes were cold. Bikes, drinking, and fighting. That was his life. But that wasn’t her life. And she didn’t want it to be.
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She kissed him back for a short time, but the tears started to come and she pulled back.
“What?” he asked. “Did it upset you? The fight?”
She nodded.
“It’s okay. I’m okay.”
“No, I know. It’s not that.” She stepped back to look at him. “I can’t do this, X. I never should have gone out with you. Ever.”
His face dropped and he looked at her with hurt indignation. “Then why did you?”
“I liked you. You’re really hot. But this whole… bikes and drinking and fighting thing. I can’t be that girl that sits at the bar all night, watching you beat people up, worrying about how I’m going to get home. This isn’t me.”
He slid down off the counter. “How nice of you to wait until now to tell me this.”
She closed her eyes. He was right. She shouldn’t be doing this now, while he was still drunk and was hurting and technically, it was still his birthday. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your birthday. Last night was so great. I don’t regret it. I really don’t. You made me feel so good. But I don’t want to get to know you more and fall for you if I’m not okay with your lifestyle. And I’m not.”
He set his jaw and crossed his arms. “Then why are you still here?”
She wiped away her tears. “I’ll go.”
Katelyn hurried down the stairs and grabbed her purse, running outside to call a cab to take her home.
Chapter 5
When the cab stopped outside of her building, she paid him and ran up to her apartment, collapsing onto her couch, crying.
For a long time, she let the tears come hard, racking her shoulders and chest. She could hardly breathe, it hurt so badly. She’d gone too far. She’d spent too much time with him before she really knew him. She shouldn’t have slept with him.
It felt like her nightmare of the few months before she’d met X were happening all over again. Before meeting him, there’d been another guy. She’d fallen too fast and slept with him too soon. She hadn’t known him well enough and it all fell apart very quickly. Now, they didn’t even speak to each other. And the same thing was happening with X.
She sat up suddenly, and her tears stopped. The realization had just hit her. Slammed into her like he had last night, except this brought pain instead of bliss. She loved him. From the first time she saw him, she was attracted to him, and when she saw the glimpses of his inside life, the one where his wife and son lived, she wanted more. She wanted all of him.
But knowing this, feeling this, made her cry even harder. There was a knock at the door, and she almost didn’t hear it through her wails.
No. Who could be here now? If this was a neighbor or even her mother, they had to go. She was not going to sit and deal with anyone right now. She wished her peephole wasn’t so grungy that she couldn’t see out of it. Useless.
She unlocked the door and peeled it open just a crack. There, with his cuts still covered in the bandages she’d put on hours ago, stood Xavier.
She shook her head. “You have to go. I can’t do this.”
He pushed the door hard. She had to step back as he forced his way inside.
/> “X! You can’t do this!” She covered her face as the tears flowed.
He wrapped her tightly in his arms and said nothing as she cried. After a long time, he led her to the couch, where he still held her, and she still cried, but now she was in his lap, cradled against his chest like a child. The last place she should be.
“Don’t you think,” he said in almost a whisper, “that if you’re this upset, it’s for a reason?”
“Obviously there’s a reason,” she said through hitching breaths.
“Don’t do this to me, Kate, please. I have real feelings for you, and I haven’t felt anything like this in a long time. Not since… Not since my wife.”
“That’s why I had to end it now. I can’t be what she was. I’m sure she loved your bike and your club and everything. But I can’t be worried that every time you go out, you’ll come home all bloodied. And what if you get arrested? Then what?”
“Why are you so worried about all this? Just stop. I’m not going to get arrested, and even if I did, I’d get out and do my community service time or whatever. It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s a big deal to me. I can’t just think about myself. I have other responsibilities.”
“What do you mean?”
She’d said too much, but she could cover it up. “I want a family someday. And I can’t have someone who lives such a hard, violent life for the father of my children.”
Saying this, out loud like that, gave her fresh determination. She got to her feet and wrapped her arms around herself. “You should just go. Please.”
He came to her and hugged her, but she didn’t hug him back. “I can be what you want me to be. I want a life with you.”
She shook her head and knew then, there was nothing left but to tell him. “I’m pregnant, X. Almost three months. And I can’t have this lifestyle. I can’t. I have to figure out how I’m going to work and live and raise this child on my own, because I don’t think my mother will be very much help.” The tears returned and made her throat thick. She hadn’t said all this to anyone. “She thinks I’m making a horrible choice having this baby and that I’m going to ruin my life.” She chuckled a little, humorlessly. “Actually, the day I hit your bike was because I was so distracted by arguing with her that I didn’t see your bike. But that’s why, X. I’ve already fallen in love with you, so I have to end it now, long before this baby comes. I can’t put a child through multiple break ups and men coming in and out of his or her life all the time while I try to figure out what I want out of life. And it’s not fair to you, anyway. You didn’t sign on to take care of someone else’s kid. And after Ryan, maybe you don’t even want kids. But I just—”
