by Calia Read
One by one, she lost each her family members until she had no one. Why would Oliver not protect Nathalie accordingly? And allow her name to be smeared as the unhinged woman who lost her mind? He was supposed to love her. When you love someone, it’s through the good and the bad. It’s in the darkest moments you truly discover who you’ve committed yourself to, and if you can weather the storm, you’ll be stronger for it.
I know Serene and I are better for our trying experiences. I’ve discovered Serene is remarkably stubborn, and when she’s hurt, she only knows how to show anger. It’s her shield from the world and caused me to better understand her. These attributes added more layers to a woman I didn’t think I could love more.
Turns out, I was wrong.
I believed I was leaving Nat in capable hands. I was well aware Oliver wasn’t the love of her life, but I trusted she would grow to love him. I thought Oliver had enough love for both of them.
Turns out, I was wrong.
And when I hired Samuel Clark as vice president for Lacroix Shipping Company, it was a thorough decision that I took seriously. He was older and wiser, but he had the fervor to adapt to the ways our economy was changing. I was confident he was the correct man for the job.
Turns out, I was wrong.
I place a hand on Serene’s hand, stopping her from unbuckling her seat belt. She shifts in her seat and focuses on me. “Do we have any other choice?” I murmur.
“Not really.”
I know she’s right. If Serene’s year of birth being removed from her family tree isn’t a sign that we’re losing time, then I don’t know what is.
“Then yes.”
The moment we step out of the car, the wind slams into us like a giant wall. The powerful gusts peel Serene’s hair back from her face. Her palms land against the car door. I hurry around the car, curling my hand around her elbow.
“I’m good,” she reassures.
Perhaps it wasn’t the wisest decision to visit Belgrave so late at night, but after seeing my brother’s house and speaking with the genealogist, I have a litany of questions that continue to loop through my head and won’t stop until there are answers.
This is the only choice.
As we walk toward the winding driveway of Belgrave, Serene and I link our fingers together. The two of us are quiet, both lost in our thoughts. When I arrived in the present day, one of my greatest concerns was leaving the life, and having to face the wreckage from the past. I have to see if there’s a possibility I can put the pieces back together.
There was once a black wrought-iron fence surrounding the perimeter of the Belgrave property. I’m not surprised to see it’s gone. What’s startling is the overgrowth of weeds and grass where the fence once stood.
Stepping closer to the driveway, I shake my head. The brick pillars are still there. I can see the mortar has chipped, and in some areas, the bricks have fallen off. The gates are still connected to the pillars with heavy vines intertwined through the wrought iron.
The state of disrepair is tragic, and we haven’t even stepped foot on the property.
“My God.”
When Serene glances my way, I realize I uttered the words aloud.
“Are we certain we want to do this?” Serene asks.
I stop walking and tilt my head to the side. “Just to be sure, how many times are we going to ask that question tonight?”
“Until I’m positive you’re not lying to me.”
“You think I am?”
“You think you’re doing a good job of hiding it?” she counters. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. The hotel sex last night?” Serene winks at me. “Pretty hot. Not gonna lie. But you’ve been awfully tense since we landed in Charleston.” My carefree, gorgeous Serene sobers up. “What’s going on, Étienne?”
With my arms crossed, I look toward where Belgrave once was. “I’m conflicted. I have you—my fiancée, the love of my life. And the baby …”
Beside me, Serene’s entire body tenses. “What about the baby?”
“I was at your doctor’s exam. I saw the care you received, and I know you won’t have that available in my time. I can’t give that to you or our child.”
“Étienne.” My name escapes from her mouth in a soft sigh. “You’re talking as if we’re time traveling right this second. I know you like to take care of everything around you. Believe me, I know. But surely you realize this is one thing you’ll never be able to control, right?”
“I know all too well.”
“Then we’ll continue to take this slowly. No matter what we do, it’s going to feel as though we’re walking on landmines. But we have to try because we’ll hate ourselves if we don’t,” she says in earnest.
“I’d much rather not try and stay together than try and be ripped apart,” I confess, my voice rising.
“I completely understand. However, Belgrave will always be a part of you no matter the time era you’re in. And you’re always going to wonder what-if if you don’t take this chance.”
I’m not convinced but standing here idly certainly isn’t helping matters.
“Very well,” I say. “Let’s go.”
Footsteps upon gravel have never sounded so ominous as they do now. I’ve slept outside with Livingston and Asa when we were children. Livingston once accidentally locked me in the cell in the basement, and I was there for hours before he told our parents, yet I wasn’t this apprehensive. Perhaps I knew, even at those moments, that everything was going to be all right.
Right then, the wind gathers speed. The weak limbs on the live oaks lining the drive bow down, and I imagine if Belgrave was still standing, the interior shutters would be rattling. I watch as Serene’s hair slashes across her face, momentarily covering her eyes. She’s undeterred, but I feel the weather’s warning us. It’s telling us to leave while we’re still safely ensconced in the belief nothing will tear us apart.
Once we’re at the halfway point of the driveway, I turn to Serene and link our fingers together. “If I feel the pull back, I will hold on to you,” I vow.
Serene suggested this visit doesn’t guarantee we will time travel again. But with Serene, I’ve disciplined myself to hang on to her as tightly as possible. No matter the case, the cost, or time.
She looks up at me and then squeezes my hand. “I’ll hold on to you. Surviving trace, right?”
I nod. “Surviving trace. Our love holds time together.”
We begin the trek toward the empty space in front of us. My eyes have adjusted to the dark, and I can see the overgrown grass. It’s hard to reconcile that Belgrave is gone. Is the basement still there, or is it covered by dirt?
Beside me, Serene sighs wistfully. “The first time I came back here, Belgrave was in disrepair, but they were trying hard to renovate the plantation.” She makes a circle with her index finger. “All around the property was a new wrought-iron fence. Security was fairly tight. But now …”
“Now there is no need,” I supply.
Serene nods.
We continue walking, the gravel crunching beneath our shoes. Though there’s a significant chance this is all my imagination, I am positive the ground is pulsating. After all, this is my childhood home. The only place I was lighthearted before the reality of life struck.
In my mind, I was envisioning the Belgrave I grew up in. I haven’t quite accepted the largest plantation in the South is no longer standing.
“What are we searchin’ for?” I ask.
“Nothing and everything at the same,” Serene replies. “Once we get closer, I think we can turn on our flashlights.” She’s silent for a moment. “You know, I still have flashbacks from the first time I snuck into Belgrave. A security guard almost caught me.”
My eyes widen. “Truly?”
She nods. “I made it through the gates and thought I was in the clear when the guard spotted me. I ran like hell and hid in the woods. He gave up, and shortly after, I found the tree where I carved my name.”
I look around, t
rying to spot the very tree she speaks of, but it’s too dark to spot. “Do you think the tree still stands?” I ask.
“I’m positive it does,” she states confidently.
At last, we reach the clearing with disappointing results: no Belgrave to greet us. I stop for a moment and heavily exhale. Serene turns on her flashlight, so I follow her lead, and I almost wish I hadn’t. The light showcases the unkempt and barren land. I make broad strokes with my flashlight, trying to absorb everything in front of me as quickly as possible before settling on the driveway in front of me. Or what’s left of it. Weeds have extended their hands into the rocks, erasing the outline of the circular drive.
We stand where the fountain once was with the wind striking our faces, causing my eyes to water.
“What are you thinking?” Serene asks.
“That all my hard work was for naught. I was merely buildin’ castles out of sand.”
Serene turns toward me and tugs on my wrists until I give her my attention. “That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it, though?” I gesture toward the now empty space in front of us.
Nothing Serene says is going to put my mind at ease, but I know she’s going to try. I knew it would be difficult to stand on this land, in the very place where I’ve been a hundred times before, but I never imagined it’d be this arduous. I’ve felt the heavy duty of keeping the legacy of Belgrave and my family’s lineage alive starting at a young age, but I never felt such pressure more so than I do now.
My eyes close as I take a deep breath.
Serene holds my arm and leans into me, her head briefly resting against my bicep before she wraps her arm around my waist. When I open my eyes, I can see her attempting to read my expression even in the dark. I look away. If it were anyone else, I’d be confident they’d never know what I was thinking.
However, this is Serene. Sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself.
“Is this part of the reason you were digging your heels in about coming here tonight?” Serene asks quietly, tipping her head toward the empty lot before us.
“Of course. My parents entrusted me to take care of my siblings and Belgrave.”
“And you did,” she replies. “I have every belief they were incredibly proud of you.”
Serene speaks vehemently and with passion as though she’s had personal conversations with my parents. She’s so convincing that I, myself, almost believe her.
“Thank you,” I say gruffly. “I appreciate that.”
She tugs me forward and points in front of us. I look down at the ground where the path leading up the front porch of Belgrave used to be. The once trimmed grass is overgrown, reaching to my calves. I can’t tell the color, but I’m certain the plush green shade has been replaced with a dead, listless brown. The concrete steps are so close. My legs are twitching to move forward—one foot in front of the other—but I can’t.
“Do you want to walk up there?” Serene asks.
I shake my head. “No. What would be the point? It leads to nowhere.”
Serene says nothing and looks around. With the house gone and every barn razed, where is there to go next?
I walk away from the porch steps, keeping my head down the entire time. If I do that, I can envision Belgrave is still there, and my family’s legacy still stands.
The uneven, narrow pathway is almost identical to the one that led up to the porch steps. The overgrowth nearly threatens to camouflage the walkway, but I’ve walked this path a million times. Serene could put a blindfold over my eyes, and I’d still find my way to the gardens.
My childhood was spent running back and forth down this path. Playing games with Livingston, hiding from Asa and Pleas, and at times, chasing Nathalie and her best friend, Rainey.
“This is making me nervous,” Serene says from behind me. She keeps a death grip on the back of my shirt.
A short laugh escapes me. Out of everything tonight, this was the very last situation to give me anxiety. “Why?”
“Because we’ve been walking for a while, and the grounds haven’t been taken care of. If I trip on a broken tree limb and twist my ankle, I’m going to be so pissed.”
“I promise that won’t happen.”
To our left is the garden in the backyard. It was a private oasis for our family. One that my mother tended to herself and took great pride in maintaining. I hear Nathalie’s laughter, and the French doors repeatedly shutting, and the patter of kids’ footsteps. The sound of my mother’s voice warning us to stop pulls me out of the memory. I haven’t heard her voice in so long. Lifting my gaze, I shine my light in the direction of the garden, but there’s no one there. Just more overgrown grass, trees, and the live oak that once had a swing for Nathalie. Now, all that’s left are frayed ropes swaying in the wind.
Serene and I continue past the former gardens and toward what once was the carriage house. Contrary to Belgrave, no fragments of the building remain. Or any of the barns that once belonged to the plantation.
On we go, past the empty land.
“Okay. Are we going to keep walking all night?” Serene whines.
“Why do you have so little faith in me? I know where I’m goin’.”
Sure enough, after a few minutes, I see the graves rising out of the ground ahead of us. I stop and shine my light on the collection of tombstones. “Look.”
Serene walks ahead of me, shaking her head. “A gravesite?”
“I didn’t know if this would still be here,” I say, awe coating my words.
“Probably because no one knew.”
Slowly, I walk forward. The tombstones in the far back tilt to the side. More than likely from time and then vandals. In the very front are the most recent deaths in the Livingston/Lacroix family. Last one being Livingston. He was interred next to Julian and our parents. The only person missing is Nat. She would’ve wanted to be buried here. I know my sister. Why didn’t Oliver allow her that?
I keep that question to myself and count the tombstones. Twelve in total. “As much as it pains me to see the graveyard so neglected, in a way, I’m glad. No one was able to besmirch their final restin’ place.”
“How many Lacroixes are buried here?” Serene asks.
“This isn’t the Lacroix burial plot. This is for the Livingston side.”
“Oh yeah, that makes sense.”
“Belgrave became as deeply embedded in my father’s life as it was for my mother’s. He asked to be buried here after they were married,” I explain.
“What do you think your parents would’ve thought of me?” she says after a few seconds of silence.
That was not what I was expecting to hear. “Pardon?”
Serene crosses her arms and examines the tombstones as though we have all the time in the world. “Your parents. What do you think they would’ve thought of me?”
Rocking back on my heels, I smile. “Ah, now that’s a good question.” I pause for a moment. “My mother would have found you to be quite scandalous.”
“In a good or bad way?”
“Truthfully? Most likely bad. The two of you come from different eras with different sets of rules. She was a gracious and lovin’ mother but incredibly steadfast in her beliefs. My father …” I sigh. “He’s a different story. He wouldn’t be able to figure you out, and when he doesn’t understand somethin’, he won’t stop until he has all the answers he needs.”
“That sounds familiar,” Serene says softly.
I smirk and continue. “In the end, I know he would have seen how happy you make me, and I’m certain my mother would’ve come around, but it would have been a difficult path for the two of you.”
“I don’t think I’d have it any other way.” Serene rests her head against my arm. “Thanks for taking me here. In a bizarre way, I’m glad I got to see it.”
“I’m glad I saw it too.” I look behind us in the direction where we came from. “Shall we try to find the tree with your carving?”
“It’s worth a shot.”
The walk back to the drive is far quicker than the walk to the graveyard. By the time we reach the driveway, Serene’s steps quicken to the point where she’s taken the lead with her flashlight going in every direction.
She mutters to herself about certain pathways being too wide or small. I let her because I was the guide on the impromptu expedition to the graveyard. She’s the guide for this trek. After a few minutes, she abruptly stops and points her light left, then right.
“It’s this way,” she states confidently.
The former path is long gone, causing us to wade through the tall grass. It crunches beneath our feet as we move at a much slower pace than we did on the gravel. Even with the flashlight, the cluster of trees makes it impossible to tell where we’re going. Together, the two of us scan the trees until I come upon it.
“It’s right here.”
Serene’s by my side before I can finish my sentence, shining her light on the tree bark. “I knew it’d still be here!” she whispers victoriously.
Placing her flashlight on the ground, she traces the engraving. After a few seconds, she closes her eyes. Frogs sound in the distance and crickets chirp. The wind grows stronger. But time doesn’t alter.
She places a second palm on her tree. All her concentration is being poured into this moment, but I think it’s all for naught. I’ve had the opportunity to time travel. I know how the energy shifts moments before it happens, and the pain that hits your body.
“Come on, come on,” Serene murmurs and hits her palms against the tree.
Still nothing.
I clear my throat and step forward. “You’ve given this wonderful effort. However, I don’t think it’s goin’ to work.”
“But—”
“Serene—”
She whirls around and faces me. “It worked last time.”
