by Anna Brooks
* * *
Later that night, we’re lying in bed, me on my back and her head on my chest. We ended up going out with Gio, and he actually thought the food was really good. Though the conversation was a bit forced because Paisley wasn’t herself.
I tried to give her time to talk to me about it, but even though Gio’s been gone for a few hours, she hasn’t broached the subject. So I will.
“Paisley?”
“Yeah?”
“You want to tell me what’s bothering you?”
She sighs, her warm breath gliding across my bare chest. “Nothing, I just…”
“Just what, babe?”
“Just… is it going to be like that with everyone?”
“Like what?”
I let go of her when she sits up and crosses her legs next to me, her knees resting on my thigh. “Like everyone wants to pull me away and punch you in the face.”
“I won’t let anyone touch you.” I don’t include the fact that if anyone wants to punch me in the face, I’ll be happy to return the blow.
“I’m not worried about that.”
I love that she feels that way, especially after what I let happen. “What are you worried about?”
“They’re going to think I’m a slut.”
“Nobody will think that,” I promise her. “Because you’re not, and it pisses me off that you’d even say that about yourself, so shut it.”
“But—”
I interrupt her, refusing to listen to any of this bullshit. “But nothing. I know who you are. You know who you are. We know who we are together, and anything that happens between us is ours. Nobody gets to take any of that away, understand?”
“I guess.” She lifts her shoulders quickly. “But Gio thought that we were… ya know?”
This girl. “If you want me to set him straight and tell him I haven’t fucked you yet, I’ll be happy to.”
“No. That’s even worse.”
“It’d be worse that he knows we haven’t fucked?”
“No. God!” She squeezes her little fists together. “I don’t know. I just don’t want them to think badly of me. They’re like… they’re family to me, and I hate that I’d do anything to cause a riff with anyone.”
She’s right; they are family. And her family is loyal. Unlike mine.
I sit up and brush her hair off one shoulder and rest my hand there. “Nobody will think badly of you. Even if we were, even if Gio was right and I was fuckin’ you, it doesn’t mean he thinks bad about you. If anything, he thinks badly of me. They’re all going to be pissed at me, not you. I can guarantee that.” It’s definitely something I’ve prepared myself for, and as much as I hate that I know it’s going to be a shitstorm when everyone finds out, she’s worth it. I’ll take my blows from them, but I won’t allow anybody to be shitty toward her because of me.
“That’s not fair.”
“It’ll be fine.” I slide my hand up to cup the back of her head and pull her to me. I give her a reassuring kiss before I rest my forehead against hers. “I promise you everything will be fine.”
Chapter 8
Royce
“I don’t want to use a condom.” I blurt out the words as we’re lying naked next to each other. It’s been almost three weeks of sleeping with her but not sleeping with her and I’m going crazy. I just went down on her and made her come twice, and she sucked me off so good I felt it down to my toes, and this time, she swallowed every last drop. “I need to know if you want me to ’cause if you do, I’ll get some. If you want me to get test results, I will. If you—”
“Do you need to get tested?” She panics, sitting up and grabbing a pillow to her chest.
“I’ve always wrapped up but—” I close my eyes, totally wishing I could take that back. “That came out wrong. No, I don’t need to. I have clean results from work, but it’s been a while since I had the tests done.”
She looks away from me and reaches down to grab her tank top. After she puts it on, she shuts the light off and pulls the sheet up to her chin. “Have you been with anyone since then?”
“No.”
“Then I, uh, I guess you don’t need to.” She’s on the pill, so we both know pregnancy isn’t an issue. But more so than that, it’s about her being comfortable with me going bareback. Because I don’t know how much longer we can wait. And I know when I sink into her, I don’t want a barrier. Never with her.
I get up and put on a clean pair of boxers, then go to the bathroom. After I take a leak, I get a wet cloth and gently pull the covers back. Tapping her knees, I tell her, “Open for me.” She complies, and I clean her up.
Once finished, I throw the rag on the floor and get in bed next to her. “I know it’s not a fun conversation to have, baby, but I’ll say this, and if you want to talk more about it we can. Otherwise, it can end here.” She nods. “You weren’t my first, but you’re my last and the only one who has ever mattered and will ever matter.”
With her back to me, I can see her head nod against the pillow. I tuck her close to me and kiss her neck. She doesn’t fight me, but there’s more distance between us than any other night.
“Night, precious.”
“Good night, Royce.”
Paisley
The final project for my photography class is currently drip-drying. I chose to go old school and developed in the dark room. Something is really unique and beautiful about watching a picture come to life in front of my eyes. Seeing the details become sharper and my vision a reality.
As soon as I turn this in, I’m going back to Royce’s until we head home to Cali.
I’m so nervous.
I’m afraid of what’s going to happen when everyone finds out that Royce and I are a couple. Especially Derik. But I’m more excited about Royce and I being a couple that I’m willing to push through that fear.
The outer door to the darkroom squeaks, and a second later, the other one opens. “I was hoping you’d still be here,” Chad says.
“Hi.” I point at my picture. “Just waiting for this to dry.”
He walks over and looks at the photo. “This is stunning.”
“Thank you.” I stand next to him and admire my work. Walking through the city, I saw a beautiful necklace on the ground. What’s so special about this necklace is it’s one of those friendship necklaces where the heart is broken in half.
The charm, with the letters BE and FRIE, lay flat on a pile of garbage, dirt and rainwater making the trash even dirtier. The simple piece of jewelry gives the litter a depth of beauty. It’s an amazing piece, if I say so myself. I used this instead of the sunrise at Times Square with film that I already had luckily.
“You’re welcome. Do you want to go grab something to eat when you’re done?”
“Oh, I can’t. Remember I told you I’m flying back tomorrow, so I have a bunch of things to take care of today.” I do feel bad that I wasn’t able to have brunch with him, but life happens. Chad is a nice guy, and I’m happy to have him for a friend, but things have been so busy, and I really wish he’d understand. And quite honestly, I’d rather spend time with Royce, which I also wish he would understand.
Instead, Chad’s almost gotten pushier the few times I’ve seen him.
“Come on, Paisley. We’re friends.”
“We are,” I agree. “Which is why I hope you understand that things are just crazy right now. I don’t have the time to go out to eat, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still talk over the summer. You have my number, but right now, I’m concentrating on Royce and what I need to do to make it work with him.”
He drops his head while nodding, then finally looks at me with a somber expression on his face. “I’m just going to miss you.”
I reach up and grab my photo. “I’ll miss you, too. This is ready.” I put the strap of my purse over my shoulder. “Take care, okay? We’ll talk soon.” I leave the room quickly and hand my final project to the professor.
“Thank you, Paisley.”
�
��You’re welcome. Have a good summer.”
“You do the same.” He nods at me, and I turn around, walking out of the room.
Royce waits for me outside, and I control myself enough not to run to him. Instead, I walk like a normal person. “Hey.” He tosses an arm over my shoulder and kisses the side of my head. “Everything good?”
“Yeah. Everything’s great.”
“Do you want to hit up that shake joint one more time before we leave?”
I pull back from him and cross my arms. “How long have you known me?”
“Five years.”
“In that time, have I ever turned ice cream down?”
“Point taken.” He rocks back on his heels. “Let me rephrase that. Let’s go to that shake joint you love so much one more time before we leave.”
Deciding to mess around with him, I cross my arms. “What’s that supposed to mean? Do you think I’m fat?”
His face actually pales, and he stutters, “What? I… no.”
“Just messin’ with ya.”
“You’re gonna get it now.” I jerk away from him at his playful expression.
“No!” I screech as he reaches for me, and then I run across campus and toward the street where he normally parks. He catches up to me just as I get to his vehicle, and he puts his hands on my waist and leans into me. My back is already against the door, so I have nowhere to go.
My heart gallops, and the laughter from teasing him dries up and wetness pools in my panties from the heated look he’s giving me. With gentle fingers, he brings them back and forth under the waistband. “I think you forgot something, precious.”
“What’s that?”
He smirks. “I know how ticklish you are.” Then he brings his fingers up to the one spot on my belly that’s super ticklish.
I try to push him away, but his strength is no match for me, and I get a cramp in my jaw from laughing so hard. “Okay, okay,” I wheeze. “You win.”
“Oh, I already won.” He brings his hands up to my face. “I have you, don’t I?”
I can’t resist kissing him, and knowing that I have the right to, that’s exactly what I do. Then he takes me to the shake place I love.
* * *
I don’t think he’s purposely tempting me as he works out, but I can’t peel my eyes away. Shirtless and in nothing but a pair of black basketball shorts, he’s sweaty while doing one-handed push-ups and twisty sit-ups. I lean against the doorjamb and just watch as his muscles flex.
I know how powerful those arms can be and how gentle his fingers are. His stomach is like a washboard, and his broad shoulders offer the perfect place to rest my head.
“You enjoying the show?” he asks as he wipes his face off with a towel.
I giggle like a schoolgirl because he caught me, then rush to the kitchen to make breakfast. We’re supposed to be leaving this afternoon, so my options are limited with most of the stuff packed already. He comes up behind me and brushes my hair to one side, kissing my shoulder. “I’m gonna hop in the shower.”
Oh, God… him naked. Wet.
Once the pipes give the squeak to signify that they’re on, I drop the cereal box and stand outside the bathroom door. I take the biggest breath ever and race to take my clothes off.
The room is steamy, and when I close the door, Royce wipes the condensation off the shower. His hand freezes midmotion. “You need something, precious?”
Ignoring his question, I walk to the shower and pull the door open. He devours me with his eyes, and I do the same to him. It’s too late to turn back, so I step inside and pull the door closed behind me. “Hi,” I choke out.
“Hey.” He takes pity on me and makes the first move. Pulling me to him, he finds my mouth, and I open so I can get more while giving him everything I possibly can. I scratch at his back, a longing for this makes me nothing but confident in my want for him.
He pushes me against the wall and lifts one of my legs and sets it on the small corner bench. A gasp flies from my mouth when his finger enters me. I drop my head at the current flowing through me and watch as he pleasures me.
“So fuckin’ beautiful, Paisley. Look how pretty you are.” Our foreheads rest against one another as he builds it inside me.
I want to see it happen, but when the pleasure becomes too much, my eyes close, and I grab his arm as I cry out. He shuts the water off and grabs my backside. My throbbing core hits his hardness, and we both moan at the contact.
He carries me to his bed and sits with his back to the headboard, leaving me straddling him. Wet strands of hair from both of us drip onto our bodies, and I slide up and down as he cups my breasts, massaging them and teasing my taut nipples.
“If we do this now, if you give me this, there is no way we’re getting on a plane in a few hours.”
“Good thing our tickets are transferrable, then.”
I want this. God, do I want him.
So I take.
I feel him at my entrance and take a huge breath, then just drop down. I cry out as pain tears through me but don’t move, hoping it’ll get better.
“Jesus, fuck. Fuck me.” He pants at my ear, and the muscles in his arms shake as his hands spasm around my waist. “Why the hell did you do that? Christ, baby, I wanted to go gentle with you.”
My throat is clogged with pain and every single other emotion I can think of. He gently strokes my back, and the sting from him inside me begins to lessen into a fullness that makes my belly flutter.
“Talk to me, Paisley. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I just need a second.”
“Take as much time as you need.” He brings my head down to his and gently parts my lips. “But hurry.” I kiss him back, melting into him and not regretting my decision at all. Being connected to him in this way, I feel all the way in my marrow.
And it feels good.
God, it feels perfect.
“I need to move, baby. Please tell me you’re good.”
“Yes. I’m good, please move.”
The grip he has on my hair is tight, but it feels amazing. The little bit of sting adds to the rest of the sensations overtaking my body. He rolls us over and frames my face with his hands as he glides in and out of me.
“I can’t believe you did that.” He smiles, while still pumping in and out of me.
“Me either.”
“Feel good?” He swivels his hips, and my eyes roll back into my head.
I open my mouth to tell him that yes, it feels fantastic, when he pulls almost all the way out and slams back inside.
“Yeah, it’s fucking amazing. God, you feel perfect.” He puts his head next to mine, temple to temple, and he keeps an even pace. Slow but steady, he thrusts his hips and fucks me like I’ve always dreamed.
“Faster,” I pant.
“Not this time.” He licks my earlobe and trails his tongue down my neck.
My back arches at the beautiful sensation, and he closes his mouth over my skin, and it shoots fireworks through my body. “Royce.”
“Fuck, baby. You ready?”
“Yes.”
He grunts but doesn’t speed up or slow down; he only does it harder, hitting the absolute perfect spot. “Fuck. Come with me. I need you to come with me, baby.”
And I do. He takes me with him, and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, this man was made for me. The years of waiting, the nights of fear I’d never get to feel my love reciprocated, the agony of feeling my heart falling apart when he wasn’t near—it was all worth it. All for this moment that will forever go down in history as my favorite moment ever. Because it’s right now that I stop dreaming and start living.
Chapter 9
Royce
Two months later.
“I don’t fucking care, Paisley,” I shout into the phone, yelling at her for the first time in my life. Knowing I’m about to lose my temper, I purposely slow my words. “We’ve been back for months. I’m not in fucking high school, and you’re a legal adult. I will not continue to hid
e this from him. And if you’re too embarrassed to tell your father that you’re dating me, then maybe you really aren’t ready to be in a big girl relationship.”
“No, it’s not that.” She sniffles, and it pisses me off that she’s crying. I want to feel bad, but at this point, I’m over it.
“I don’t care what it is. You’re either with me or you’re not.”
She doesn’t say anything right away, but after a second, she clears her throat. “I’m with you.”
“Good. Then prove it to me.” I’m tempted to hang up on her because it’s the same shit she’s said every day since we’ve been back home.
Plus, Erik gave me an out-of-town assignment next week since she’s back here. I’ll only be gone five days, but that’s five days away from her that I don’t want to take.
I don’t need her permission to tell Erik about us being together, but I want it. I want her to be excited to tell him and not afraid. It’s been sixty-two days of her not sleeping in my bed, and I’m about at my breaking point. I can’t take any more days of secret phone calls and hurried visits. She works at Ace part time doing reception work and stuff like that, and when I know she’s there, I avoid going in because it’s too damn hard… I’m always fuckin’ hard around her.
“Tomorrow,” she whispers. “We’ll tell him tomorrow.”
“Come over tonight. Spend the night with me and we’ll go over in the morning together.”
Normally, she just says she’s hanging with friends to spend time with me, and I fucking hate it. I’m trying to see things from her perspective, but there’s no way I can. Not anymore. I want Erik to know, and I want the guys to know she’s mine. When she’s at Ace, I want to be able to kiss her, and most of all, I want to sleep with her in my arms.
“Okay.”
“That’s my girl.” I smile into the phone. “I’ll see you soon.”
Except I don’t see her. She sends me a text at nine thirty saying she got stuck and couldn’t leave and that she’d see me tomorrow.
