My door opens wide. I can see the front of Passages better now and I can’t see Johnathan yet but I know he’s right inside that glassed front door. I haven’t spoken to him since last Wednesday and I’m so nervous. Between my hearts aching, my palms are sticky and on the verge of breaking down in a massive crying spree. My lungs feel like I can’t get enough air. I know I’m border lining an anxiety attack. Which if you’ve never experienced one they are the furthest thing from fun.
“Come Emily.” James says offering me a hand. I take it and step down out of the truck. Now I’m very happy I was smart enough to wear flats. Being short and getting out of a suburban in heels while pregnant would have been a disaster in the making.
Stace and Davis are already on the stone stairs waiting for us.
“Wait!” I stop right at the first step and run my fingers through my hair and rub my face. I’m so damn finicky.
“What’s up sweetie?” Stace comes down and stands by my side slinging his arm over my shoulder.
“Why don’t you three go in and I’ll wait right here until you get him into a room to tell him. I can’t look at him now knowing what I know without losing it. I know as soon as I see his face I’ll cry. My eyes are already burning with tears. So please just go inside and send out an employee or somebody to stand with me if you have to and they can walk me in once you are all locked into a room.”
Stacy looks to James and then over to Davis. They all give a manly nod.
“Okay.” Stacy says and kisses my temple. My hands are shaking already. The pain in my chest is worsening. I can barely breathe.
I stand on the rocks at the bottom of the stairs. They all collectively walk up side by side. James holds open the glass door and all three men duck into the facility.
This is not what I wanted to do with my Monday. If I’d never started working for the band none of this would have happened. Not involving me anyhow. Oh, shut up, Em! Get a damn grip! I guess if there was no Johnathan then there would be no baby A and baby B. Which now in my life I couldn’t live without. They are the only things making me hold on. That and the fact that I have the best support system on the entire planet. God! I’m terrible. I have Stacy, my mom, my dad, James, and Claire. And who does Johnathan have? No one except for us and the guys from the band. He has no family. That’s not entirely true he has a sister but apparently they aren’t close or talk at all. I shouldn’t be this down when the only family Johnathan has is a sister who doesn’t speak with him. I always wanted a sibling but my parents tried and I’m the only one they got. Then Stace came along and I got the brother I never had. But I will never be alone in my life again. I will be a mom in March. I will have two babies to love and care for and cherish. I will do the best mom I can to provide for them and make sure they grow up to have the childhood I did. Not like Johnathan’s or Stacy’s.
“Miss. Bronwyn they just moved him into a room. You can come with me now.” I look up and see a dark haired woman talking to me, dressed in all white scrubs.
“Okay great. Thanks.”
I slowly make my way up the stairs. Each step is like another center block piled onto my already fragile shoulders. Forcing myself up the short stairs and into the building is taking me forever.
“It’s not far.” The woman says opening the glass door for me to enter. The place is just how I remember it. Luxury and five-star quality all the way around. Marble floors, soothing colors and clean enough that I could eat off any surface. The nurse is escorting me down a small hall that is lined with doors. Each labeled ‘office’, ‘janitor’s closet’, ‘nurse’ and the list flows on.
“They are right inside here.” She says waving her hand towards a door labeled ‘meeting room three.’ “You’re welcome to stand or there’s sitting area.” She points to a small space with two beige couches and a few chairs. The coffee table in the middle is littered with books and a waxy plant with long waterfall arms that look like tentacles of an octopus.
“I’ll stand thank you.”
“As you wish. If you need anything I will be down the hall.” She says, eyeing her location should I need her.
I nod and she dismisses herself back to her duties.
I lean against the wall next to the door. I can hear mumbling inside but I can’t make out what’s being said. Not that I want to.
Oh God! Why is this happening? Right now I feel worse for him than I do myself. He is going to be stuck with three damn kids. Going from none to one is enough. But three. Poor man. I can only imagine the look on his face. He’s going to be hurt and angry. Shit! He doesn’t need this from anyone, especially not some one-night stand like me and Cassandra. Maybe I should quit and move far far away. He wouldn’t have to deal with this at all. He can go back to being sex god Johnathan Striker who fucks women and sings for Stricken. I bet by the end of the day he’s going to wish he could do that. Tell me that everything with me was a big mistake even though he promised six weeks ago he was going to get clean and try to be with me. That’s stuck with me a lot. Maybe that’s why the pain hasn’t been that bad? Maybe I’ve come to realize that I want that too? Fuck! I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. Neither does he, not after today at least. Why didn’t I make him wear a condom? Why didn’t Cassandra make sure he pulled out or that the condom was on right if he wore one at all? So many ‘why’s’ and not a damn thing to show for them.
I rub my face. Tears are just starting to trickle. I knew this was going to happen. The tightening in my chest is worse and sweat is starting to form in tiny droplets on the back of my neck. I should have worn my hair up. I wish I didn’t have to come at all actually. But I’m the only one who can sign him out. He should have had Stacy be his P.O.A, not me. I don’t deserve it. I’ve been lying by omission to him for weeks. And I would continue to do it forever if Deacon never found out. The rest of those who know about the babies would never have ratted me out. They love me too much to do that, even James. He and I have a special bond. He’s like my attractive older brother.
I turn my head a little closer to the door. The sounds are getting louder. The conversation inside must be heating up. He has a temper so that doesn’t surprise me. Nothing like ruining one of the best days he’s supposed to have. Isn’t getting clean and leaving rehab supposed to be a jolly celebratory day? Not today. Today’s the first day of the rest of Johnathan’s miserable life walking into the unknown with sobriety under his belt and soon to have three children.
“Fuck this shit.” I think I just hear coming from the room. Then a “Calm down” somebody barks. “This is fucking ridiculous Stacy!” I hear Johnathan roar plain as day.
My stomach clinches. I lean against the wall allowing it to support my weight. My breathing accelerates. This is not good for a pregnant woman. This is so not good for the babies. Shit!
The door to the room fly’s open and crashes into the meeting room. I freeze, holding my breath, warm tears cascading down my cheeks from my swollen eyes.
“I don’t give a fuck Stacy! I already said this is bullshit!”
“Johnathan I didn’t do this to you. I’m trying to help.” I hear Stacy try to reason with him.
“Then make it go away!” Johnathan screeches so loud it hurts my ears.
Oh fuck! Here it comes. The bawling. Shit! My face scrunches up. I cover my face with my hands and I lose it into my palms. Tears pour like a faucet. I pray he doesn’t see me.
Please Johnathan turn the corner and go the other way.
I choke back a sob.
“Oh fuck!” Johnathan yells and I can feel his gaze burning into me.
I can’t look. I can’t take my hands away from my face! Not now. Not ever.
“What?” I hear Stacy say angrily and I can hear him moving too.
I cough and the tears keep coming, my eyes burning fiery hot. My chest is fighting for air. This can’t be happening to me. Not now, not now!
“Oh shit. Emily what are you doing out here. I thought you were going to wait elsewhere.” S
tacy says softly. He’s close but no one is touching me.
My body starts to quake and I slide down the wall onto the floor. My heart is gone. My body is hurting. I can’t believe this! Why me! Why does all this have to happen to me? I can’t look at him. I can’t face him. Johnathan’s angry I can hear his breathing over my cries.
An arm lands on my shoulder I flinch. “Do-on-n’t touch me.” I sob trying to get the hand off of me. They pull away. I don’t care who it is. I want to be left alone. Forever.
“Why did you fucking tell her?” Johnathan demands grunting loudly.
“She was there when I found out.” Stacy answers solemnly.
The crying continues, my face hurts from bawling so hard. Snot is running down my face. Yuck! I keep my eyes closed but I swipe the snot away quickly and smear it on my dress. I don’t care. I rock back and forth. Bile is burning my throat. I swallow hard to get it back down.
I can hear a bunch of movement around me. No talking, just breathing and shifting.
Two hands land on my legs. I try to move them away but they won’t let go.
“Emily. Calm down baby.”
Oh, fuck! I know that voice. I know that touch. It’s Johnathan. He’s touching me. Make him go away! Make him go away now! Oh, the pain! I think I might have a heart attack. I’m freaking out.
“Here, let me give her a sedative.” I hear somebody say.
“Will it calm her?” Johnathan asks whoever the female is.
“Yes. It’s quick.” The woman says.
RED ALERT, RED ALERT! No needles! No shots! THE BABIES! NO! Stacy please says something. You’ll hurt my babies!
“Okay.” Johnathan agrees calmly.
I can feel the air shifting. Stop being a pussy, Emily! Your babies are at stake! Get up! Get the fuck up now!
I fling my hands off my face and stand quick, backing myself against the wall. A little blonde nurse has a needle and she’s closing in on me. Get her away from me! I start to walk away moving slowly against the wall. My eyes stay on her and that scary needle. If she comes any closer I’m going to beat her ass.
“Ma’am, I am going to give you this to calm down.”
I shake my head rapidly, eyes wide. I can’t breathe.
“Ma’am, you’re hyperventilating. This will calm you.”
Oh my God! Why isn’t James or anybody helping me? They’re retards. Don’t they know this could hurt the babies! Of course they don’t, they’re dumb asses! I’m going to kill them after this! I back away. She moves forward. Everyone is staring at me.
“Baby, take the shot.” Johnathan coaxes.
“Sir, I can have someone hold her down.” She turns and says to him.
The fuck she can!
I glare at Stacy and James and I can’t catch my breath, they aren’t doing a damn thing. Why are they doing this to me?
“Stacy!” I croak out of my throat. Finally! A word.
“Take it, Emily, it will help. You need to calm down.” He says gently.
What the hell is wrong with these men! Are they fucking morons?!
She comes closer.
I take in a deep breath and wipe my eyes that are still flowing with warm salty tears.
“Listen, lady” I swallow hard my voice shaky. “You can’t give me that.” I glance at the shot breathing faster. Not enough oxygen. I need more. My body is shaking, sweat pouring down the back of my neck. My hands moist. Dammit.
“Ma’am, you’re a danger to yourself, you are having an anxiety attack” She speaks carefully and warmly.
“If you give me that shot it will hurt my babies!” I screech staring daggers at her and cover my belly protectively. I’m like a fucking mother lion I will eat this bitch alive if she touches me. I swear to god!
She stops immediately. Johnathan’s eyes widen and so does the rest of the group. This is so not how I wanted this to come out.
I fall to the ground. Stacy and James are over next to me in a second and Johnathan falls to the ground right where he stands.
“Oh shit, Emily, I’m so sorry.” Stacy says worried. “I didn’t think.” He smacks his head. “Please forgive me.”
“I can’t believe you!” I yell at him and smack him on the arm “Or you!” I smack James too.
“You motherfuckers almost allowed my babies to get hurt!” I sob and hit them both again.
The nurse makes her way over to me slowly. I tense up and push against the wall. I have to get away from her. “Don’t you fucking touch me.” I heave acid between breaths, eyes wide, my hands clinched at my sides. I will hit her if I have to.
“Ma’am, I’m very sorry I did not know you were pregnant.” She says grief saturating her words.
“It’s okay, it’s our fault.” Stacy says glancing at James. “You can go.”
I peek around Stacy’s body and see Johnathan on the floor his hands on his face.
I take in a few deep breaths and wipe my eyes.
“You two go clean up the mess you made.” I snap and point to where Johnathan is balled up on the floor.
I can’t move. I suddenly feel very sleepy. I need a nap. No what I really need is coffee…Oh, that delicious caffeinated drink that I haven’t had in seven weeks. I could really use one of those right about now. Or a whole bottle of tequila. Which I can’t have either. So I guess I’m fucked.
“I’ll take care of him.” Stacy says and stands from his kneeling position. His knees creek as he walks over towards Johnathan. James sits down beside me his back against the wall.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about the babies.” He says softly and pats my leg. I put him on ignore. I’m still angry with him and Stacy. This isn’t how Johnathan was supposed to find out.
“Johnathan.” Stacy says. He doesn’t move. “Johnathan, look at me.”
Johnathan removes his hands from his face. His eyes are red, and he’s crying. He wipes his tears and looks up at Stacy.
“It is yours?” he whispers, his voice hoarse.
“Is what mine?”
“Emily’s baby.” He chokes and tears trickle down his face from his puffy eyes. I knew this day was going to be bad but I didn’t realize how bad. My heart shatters and aches for him. I know this has to be so hard. It’s hard for me. But for him, I can’t imagine how hard it is.
Stacy turns and stares at me, like he doesn’t know what to say.
“Tell me Stacy, I can take it.” He sobs.
I get on my knees and I crawl on the floor over to Johnathan he is watching me the whole way. I sit down beside him and put my hand on his thigh. Oh, he is still so gorgeous, even with red eyes.
“Short Stack?” he whimpers.
“Yes, I’m here.” I whisper rubbing his thigh.
“I got clean baby. I got clean to be with you.” He mutters and then sorrowfully coughs and swallows hard as tears slowly trickle down his cheeks.
I give him a soft smile. “I know you did.” I pat his leg. “It’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.”
He chokes back another cry. “No, it won’t. I did this for you. To show you I love you baby. I love you so much. I couldn’t stop thinking about you the whole time. You’re all that matters to me. Now you’re having Stacy’s baby. And you’re not going to want me anymore. Are you? I want you so much.” He pleads.
I can’t believe this man think’s they are Stacy’s and would still want to be with me. He is amazing. No wonder I love him.
“Johnathan you are going to be a daddy to Cassandra’s baby. Isn’t that enough to deal with today? Let’s get past that right now, first.” I say gently. I just want him to take one thing at a time. He’s not thinking rationally.
“No, I waited six weeks to be with you. You’re going to let me love you if I have to tie you to a chair.” He says with a dark smile and his pain in the ass personality is coming back. Thank heavens!
“Well I’m pregnant, so you can’t tie me to a chair. I’d pee myself in an hour.” I tease and he smiles crookedly at me.
“I don’t care if you’re pregnant or whose baby that is as long as I get to be with you. It can be Don Juan’s or Deacons or Stacy’s I don’t care as long as you promise to be mine.”
My heart soars. This man does love me! Butterflies are going pitter pat in my tummy.
“Well I guess it’s a good thing they’re yours.” I say with a big smile.
He snatches me up and drags me into his lap his body crushing me into a sideways hug. I turn into him and press my face against his upper chest right under his neck.
“Are you serious the baby is mine?” he pants, his voice laced with excitement.
“You don’t listen when I talk do you?” I tease inhaling his scent. He smells of laundry soap, spicy cologne and it’s just him. The cigarette scent is gone though. I don’t think I’ll miss it.
“Huh?”
“I didn’t say baby.”
“Okay?” he sounds confused.
“I said babies. As in plural.”
“Oh my God!” he screams happily and holds me tighter.
“Let go.” I choke out. I can barely breathe.
He lets up. “Oh, sorry. So were having more than one baby?”
“Two. I’m not having a litter.” I kiss his chest. Oh, how I’ve missed him.
“I can’t believe I’m going to be a dad!” he screeches.
“Is that okay? I know it wasn’t planned. I didn’t know how to tell you. Or if I wanted to. And you’re going to be a dad to two different women’s babies. Three kids. That’s a lot.”
“HER BABY. IS NOT MINE.” He says sternly with hatred in his voice.
“I think it is.” I whisper into his warm chest.
He grabs me gently by the arms and pulls me away from him. I look into his beautiful green eyes that resemble mine. They sparkle and have this beautiful blue haze right around the pupil. Mine have orange.
“Baby, I used a condom with her and I didn’t come. There is zero way that baby is mine.” He states, staring lovingly into my soul.
“How do you know? Pre-come has some sperm and you pre-come a lot if I remember correctly.” I shoot him a sly smile and James coughs.
Stricken Rock Series: Complete Box Set Page 31
