by T. L. Haddix
“My lips are sealed,” the editor told her. “I wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall for that conversation, though.”
Beth sighed as she opened the door and headed out into the hall. She looked back and grimaced at him. “I don’t particularly want to be there, either.”
Chapter Forty Four
Thanksgiving morning arrived with a brisk cold snap, a heavy frost coating the outdoor world with its glistening brush. Joely had driven up from Louisville the night before, and she, Beth, and Jackie had stayed up until the wee hours getting dishes ready for the big meal the next day. They had had a blast, the three of them giggling and gossiping about anything and everything. Several times Richard had poked his head into the kitchen just to see what all the hilarity was about, only to be shooed back out.
As Beth let herself into her parent’s kitchen on Thursday morning, she was surprised to see that Chase and Sampson were already there. Her brother saluted her with his coffee cup as he went to the pot for a refill.
“You guys are here early today. Dinner isn’t until two o’clock, and it’s barely nine.”
“Your mom called us early this morning, said to get dressed and come over,” Sampson told her, seeming a little perturbed. “She said something about wanting to get a jump start on getting the Christmas decorations up.”
Surprised, Beth looked to her brother for an explanation. All Chase could do was shrug. “Beats me. You look a little ragged. Didn’t you sleep well?”
Beth shook her head and went to the cabinet where the mugs were kept. She elbowed him out of the way and poured herself a cup of coffee, adding enough sugar to make Chase wince. “We were up until three thirty making food. I didn’t get in bed until nearly four o’clock, and Mom wanted me back over here by nine thirty or so. It isn’t that I didn’t sleep well, it’s that I didn’t sleep enough.” Moving to sit beside Sampson, she stirred the coffee, took a small sip, and grimaced at the taste. With a knowing smirk, Chase handed her the carton of cream. She poured some into the sweet brew and thanked him. “Where is everyone?”
“Joely’s taking a shower, and your parents are arguing in the attic. Jason doesn’t get off until noon, so he’s off the hook. Lucky him,” Sampson muttered into his mug.
She smiled at his words, but her amusement didn’t last long against her concern over her mother’s odd behavior. Family tradition had always been to decorate the tree in the evening after dinner, an event only dire emergencies would justify missing. “Why is she pushing the decorating?”
Sampson shook his head as they heard voices coming down the hall. “Ask her.” He pushed his cup across the island toward Chase. “Refill it please, son. I have the feeling I’m gonna need it.”
When Jackie and Richard entered the kitchen, the frustrated tension between them was palpable. Jackie’s face bore the look she got when her mind was set on something, and it was clear from the hunted look on Richard’s face that he had been trying to convince her to change her mind. She gently shooed Chase back around to the opposite side of the island and greeted Beth warmly, if somewhat distractedly.
Richard, still in pajamas, shot Sampson a speaking look and shook his head once, clearly aggravated. With a yawn, he ambled toward the booth at the end of the kitchen. He slid in and rested his head on his arms without a word to anyone. Chase followed his lead and sat down at the table, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It didn’t take long.
Jackie smiled brightly. “So we’re decorating this morning. Chase, you and your father will bring the boxes down from the attic. Beth, you and Joely will help me move things around down here.” They all exchanged glances, but no one dared to contradict her.
“Guess that means I can go home and get some more sleep,” Sampson said as he started to stand. When Jackie shot him a look, he sat back down with a sigh. “Or not.”
“I need you to test all the lights, make sure everything is in working order, Dad.” She reached for an apron and tied it around her waist, then got the turkey out of the refrigerator and ready to go into the oven.
“Um, Mom, why aren’t we waiting until this evening to decorate? Shouldn’t we wait for Jason?”
Richard muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like “don’t go there,” and Beth was astonished to see her mother shoot him a nasty glare. They could all see her struggling to contain her impatience before she turned to Beth.
“No, we need to get the tree up and decorated as soon as we can, honey.” Joely walked in then, still half asleep. She stumbled past Beth and stole her coffee on the way. Beth let her take it, her attention focused on her mother.
“Why, Mom?” Beth asked quietly.
Jackie’s movements with the turkey slowed for an instant before they jerked back to normal speed. She answered without looking up. “Because I need to decorate the tree this morning instead of this evening, young lady. That’s all I’m going to say on the matter.” Putting the turkey in the oven with a satisfied nod, she efficiently cleaned up the mess that had been made from getting the bird ready. She washed and dried her hands, then took the apron off and looked up to see several pairs of concerned eyes gazing back at her. She nodded and headed through the door into the hall.
“Come on, everyone,” she called back down the hall. “The tree won’t decorate itself.”
As one, they all turned to Richard, who had sat up and was rubbing his face. He shrugged. “She had a dream last night that disturbed her, and that’s all I know. I think we’d better just go along with her, and maybe she’ll calm down.”
Amid muttered grumblings, the family shuffled out the door and into the hall, going to their assigned stations. Jackie was already at work in the living room, moving furniture around to accommodate the large tree they always put up.
“Dad, I’ve got you a spot ready there in the foyer. I’ll have them bring you everything you need.”
Sampson headed for the chair and sat down, muttering under his breath about daughters who weren’t too big to be punished. He shook his head as she turned back to the girls and gave them their orders. It was going to be a long day.
~ * * * ~
By the time noon rolled around, they were all ready to wave the white flag of surrender, but the house was decorated. There were just a few small touches left, and Jackie agreed to take care of those over the next few days. Excusing himself, Richard headed upstairs to clean up. The rest of the family headed for the sunroom en masse. They lost Joely in the kitchen as Jackie pulled her aside to help with dinner preparations.
Blatantly ignoring her groans, Beth, Sampson, and Chase went into the sunroom. They each picked a comfortable piece of furniture and collapsed onto it. After glancing back over his shoulder to make sure his mother couldn’t hear him, Chase spoke.
“I’ve not seen her like that in a while. The last time was probably when Grandma died. What do you think is going on?”
Beth shook her head. “I don’t know, but I was just thinking the same thing. Maybe it’s just that everything has caught up to her. Poppy, any ideas?”
Sampson had claimed one of the couches and was stretched out with his eyes closed. Without opening them, he answered. “No, not really, unless it’s just what you said, Beth. I can’t see a simple dream causing this, no matter how disturbing it was. Maybe she’ll talk to one of us now.” He fell silent. They didn’t speak, no one wanting to be the one to volunteer to confront Jackie.
With a weary sigh, Beth stood. “I’ll go talk to her.” As she headed toward the kitchen, her sore muscles protested each step. Stepping inside, she saw that her mother had sent Joely to the dining room to set the table. Beth moved to stand beside Jackie, but didn’t say anything, just watched as her mother arranged pecans across the top of a dessert. When she reached a stopping point, Beth leaned against her and wrapped her arms around Jackie’s waist.
“Mom, what’s wrong?” She felt Jackie tense at the question. “Talk to me, please? You’re worrying me.”
Patting Beth�
�s hand, she moved away. “I’m fine, honey, just busy. Why don’t you take a break and rest? I’ve almost got things finished here.”
Beth crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter, refusing to move. Jackie turned and saw her, and frowned to find her daughter still in the kitchen. She made a gentle shooing motion with her hands, and Beth just raised an eyebrow.
“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”
“Elizabeth Grace, I told you, nothing’s wrong. Now kindly move out of my way so that I can finish my work.”
When she saw that her mother was not going to budge, Beth threw her hands up in frustration. “Fine, but I’m here if you need me.” She headed into the dining room to see if she could help Joely. Given her mother’s strange mood, Beth dreaded having to break the news that she was leaving town even more than she had. She wanted to wait until after dinner, so as to not disturb the holiday too much. That being said, given the way things had already gone today, she knew that all she could do was hope for the best.
~ * * * ~
Despite the way the day had started out, Thanksgiving dinner itself had turned out well. There had been lighthearted joking and teasing all around and several more serious, heartfelt moments. Everyone realized that this dinner could have been a much different affair, and that despite the challenges they had faced, they had a lot to be thankful for. After the meal, when all the food and dishes had been cleared away, the family congregated in the living room. Beth decided to go ahead and bring up her plan.
Getting their attention, she spoke. “I have something I’d like to tell you all. Where to start?”
Richard’s smile was encouraging. “The beginning is usually a good idea, honey. Whatever it is, lay it on us.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sure you are all aware that I’ve been struggling with - well, with everything. I’ve been keeping my appointments with Sharon, and they’ve helped, but I’m just not making the kind of progress I need to make. Someone recently made a suggestion to me about doing something about that, and I’ve decided to take their advice.” She stopped when she saw the confused and concerned looks on her family’s faces. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve decided to leave Leroy for a while.”
There was a shocked silence as she finished speaking, and then everyone started talking at once. Sampson waited for a moment and then whistled sharply, stopping the cacophony.
“Let the girl talk, please. Go ahead.”
She sent him a grateful look and explained. “Everywhere I go, everything I see, everyone I meet - all I can think about is what happened to me. I can’t get far enough away from my past to heal from it, do you understand?”
Jason shook his head, clearly shocked. “Where are you planning on going? Any destination in mind?”
“Not really, no. I’ll probably head south first, maybe to the Carolinas. I haven’t really decided. I kind of figured I’d just go until I stopped, then figure out what to do next.”
Jackie was shaking her head, angry. She crossed her arms and stood. “This is utterly ridiculous, Elizabeth. What about your job and your responsibilities? Whose harebrained scheme was this? That counselor’s?”
Beth stood and opened her mouth, but before she could answer, Sampson spoke up. “No, daughter, it was mine.”
Jackie scoffed at him. “Running away has always been your answer, hasn’t it? Now you’re encouraging my daughter to risk her life, head out to God knows where, and do what? Drive around the country?” Her voice rose. “Well, I won’t have it. I tell you, I won’t have it.” She took Beth by the arms and shook her gently. “I won’t let you leave me, too, damn it.”
Beth pulled Jackie into her embrace, letting her cry on her shoulder as the guilt intensified to an almost unbearable level.
Richard came over and wrapped his arms around both of them for an instant, then pulled his wife into his arms. “Give us some privacy?”
Everyone stood and hurried out, moving to the sunroom without speaking. Beth sat beside Sampson on the couch with her hands clasped around one of his. She looked at her siblings and met each of their gazes.
“I have to do this. I knew Mom wouldn’t be happy, but I didn’t expect her to react like this.”
Chase sat down on her other side and gave her a hug. “When were you thinking about leaving?”
“This Sunday,” she answered hesitantly.
“So soon?” Jason asked. “Can’t you wait until after Christmas?”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t think I can. Every day that goes by, I’m losing more and more of myself. I have to do this. I hope you understand that.”
Jason sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He moved to stand at the glass and gazed out into the yard. “That doesn’t mean I have to like it, does it?”
“No, it doesn’t,” Beth answered as Joely came to sit on the coffee table in front of the couch.
“How long will you be gone?”
Beth shrugged. She reached out and smoothed down a spike of her sister’s hair. “I don’t know. As long as I need to be gone, I suppose.”
Joely searched her face. “You aren’t planning on coming back, are you?” she whispered.
Beth smiled, but it wasn’t a reassuring expression. “I don’t know.”
After a few minutes of silence, Jason finally spoke. “What a fricking mess.” He turned to face Beth and spoke bluntly. “Is this about Ethan?”
Not certain of how to answer him, she hesitated. “Yes and no. It’s only a matter of time before I run into him in town, and I’m not looking forward to that, but he isn’t the main reason I’m leaving. This isn’t about Ethan, it’s about me. It’s about what I need, and no one else.”
They all turned as Jackie and Richard came into the sunroom, walking to the loveseat, where they sat down. Richard kept his arm around Jackie, running his hand up and down her arm with a soothing motion.
“You’re determined to do this, aren’t you?” Jackie asked. She cleared her throat to steady her voice. “Aren’t you?”
“Yes. I want this, Mom. I didn’t realize how much.”
For several minutes they talked about Beth’s plans, what equipment and belongings she would be taking with her, how they would stay in contact. Finally, the questioning wound down, and no one had anything else to say.
“If no one objects, I’m going to head over to the guest house, take a nice hot bath. I think we all could use a little time to think,” she said as she stood up.
Richard walked to the door with her. “You’ve certainly given us a lot to think about. I’m sure we’ll have more questions.” He drew her in for a fierce hug. “We’ll see you later?”
“Of course. I’ll probably go straight to bed after my bath, so don’t worry if I don’t come back over tonight.” With a wave, she let herself out the door. As much as she loved her family, she needed to be alone for a while.
~ * * * ~
There was a heavy silence in the sunroom as they watched her go.
Jackie closed her eyes. “I have the most horrible feeling that we’ll never get her back if she doesn’t do this, and I’m afraid that if she leaves, she won’t come back.” A lone tear made its way down her cheek and dripped unnoticed onto her pant leg. “How in the world do we let her go?” She jumped as her father laid his hand on hers.
Sampson’s eyes were full of concern and grief. “It’s simply the only choice you have. If you ever want the girl back, you have to let her go now. She said it herself. If she stays here, she’ll never heal.”
For a moment Jackie wanted she might argue, but then she accepted that her father was right. She nodded.
“She tied up everything in Ethan, whether she’ll admit it or not,” Jason mused. “She has to learn to live without him before she can go forward. That’s really what this is about, isn’t it? Beth learning who she is without Ethan?”
Jackie agreed. “They both have to learn to live without each other. It’s almost enough to ma
ke me feel sorry for Ethan, but not quite. Is it true that he’s left town?”
“Yeah, he’s been in Texas with his grandparents for the past few weeks,” Jason said. “He’s supposed to be back tomorrow, though.”
“I wonder how he’ll react when he finds out Beth is leaving,” Sampson mused. “That boy doesn’t realize they’re each half of the same person. If he had, all this could have been prevented, and we’d be planning a wedding now instead of getting ready to send her off to God knows where.”
“Ethan deserves whatever he gets, Pop,” Chase said. His anger with the man who had been his friend was still obvious. “He brought all this on himself.”
“I don’t know, Chase. I think Ethan’s probably paying a higher price than he ever thought he would,” Richard surprised Jackie by saying. “Can you imagine knowing that you’ve lost the woman you’ve loved half your life because of your own stupidity? I do feel sorry for Ethan. I’m not ready to forgive him yet for the role he played in all of this, but I most definitely pity him.”
Chapter Forty Five
It seemed to Beth that Sunday morning rolled around before she had time to blink. She intended to get up early and be on the road without seeing any of her family, but that plan had been soundly voted down. Instead of letting her say her goodbyes the night before, her family had insisted on seeing her off. Jason and Chase spent the night at the farm, and everyone made a concerted effort to keep their composure.
Jackie packed a basket full of food, including what felt like half the candies and cookies she had made for Thanksgiving. “You’re sure you have enough money? Clothes?” she asked as she smoothed Beth’s hair back off her face.
Beth grabbed her mother for a long, close hug. “I’m fine. I’ve packed for cold and warm weather. I have my laptop, and I have my bank card. I’m carrying petty cash in the safe in the Beast, and I’ve even got my entire music collection in MP3s. I’m actually looking forward to this.”
