by T. L. Haddix
“Okay, I’ll send her over now.” Hannah hung up and reached for a piece of paper. “Connie will be glad to see you. I’ll write the address down.” Adding in the owner’s phone number, she handed it to Beth. As she told her how to reach the small complex from the B&B, she grinned.
“It’d be nice to have you as a neighbor. I’ll bet Connie would even teach you how to cook if you wanted. She’s retired and thinks mothering all of her residents is her job now.”
Beth laughed as she thought about her lack of skills in the kitchen. “She would more than have her work cut out trying to teach me how to cook. I’ll head on over there now. Thanks for the info.” She shrugged into her coat and hurried to the front door with Hannah following close behind her.
“What about breakfast?”
“I’ll pick something up. I’m not really that hungry this morning, anyhow.”
With a happy wave, she headed out to the Beast, eager to see the apartment. Even with the heavy morning traffic, it only took ten minutes to reach the small, U-shaped complex. Located in a cul-de-sac off a quiet street, the complex was small, only twelve adobe units. They were all one story, and the parking lot formed a courtyard in the middle.
After parking in an empty spot in front of the unit Hannah had specified, Beth got out. The quiet struck her immediately. The units themselves were very well kept, each apartment having its resident’s individual stamp. Walking to the front door, she rang the bell and waited. Within a minute, the door was opened by a tall, older lady of indeterminate age.
“Connie? Hannah sent me over. Beth Hudson,” she said as she held her hand out.
With a quick smile, Connie shook Beth’s hand with a firm grip and invited her inside. “I need to grab my coat and shoes, and I’ll take you over. You aren’t from here, are you?”
“No, I’m from Indiana.”
Ready to go, Connie led Beth across the courtyard toward the first unit in the complex. “Long way from home. How long have you been in Santa Fe?” They reached the apartment, and she unlocked the door. She pushed it open and let Beth go in first while she followed behind and flipped on lights.
“I’ve only been here a week or so.” Looking around the apartment, Beth was pleased with what she saw. The unit was small but tidy, opening into a small hall with a half bath immediately on the left. She walked straight ahead into the combination living/dining room, and glanced into the kitchen on her right. As Hannah had thought, the unit did contain a washer and dryer, tucked into the pantry on one end of the kitchen.
“How long are you planning on staying?”
“I’m not really sure. At least a couple more weeks, but probably longer. Hannah mentioned that you might consider renting month-to-month?”
Connie nodded. “Yes, but it’s more expensive than if you sign a six-month lease. Plus, I require an extra deposit in addition to the security deposit, if you’re wanting month-to-month. That’s non-refundable.” She named a figure that was more than fair in Beth’s estimation. “Water, sewer, and garbage collection are included. You’re on your own as far as electricity and cable are concerned.”
“Do you have high-speed Internet available here?”
She assured Beth they did. “What brings you to New Mexico? Work?”
“No. Life, I guess you could say. I needed to spend some time on my own, and this is where I ended up. Bedroom through here?” She pointed to the short hall that led off the living room.
“Yep, and full bath. Go ahead and look.” The mattress and box spring were missing from the bedroom. Connie followed her into the room and explained.
“The tenant who was renting this apartment had one of those fancy, special-order mattresses with all the bells and whistles. The rest of the apartment is furnished, but you would have to provide your own bed.” She watched as Beth walked to the window, pulled the curtain aside, and looked out at the view of the mountains.
“How soon could I take it?”
“You could move in today as far as I’m concerned,” the older woman said. “I’ll have you do an application, and I’ll run a quick background check on you. If you get me the deposits plus first month’s rent, it’s yours. The electricity is already on, but you’d have to call and have it put in your name. Cable and phone are up to you.”
They walked back out into the living room and Beth smiled. “I’ll take it, but I’d like to do month-to-month if that’s okay.”
“Whatever makes you happy. Come on back over to my apartment and I’ll get you that application.”
As she locked the door, Beth stood on the small covered stoop and drew in a lungful of the fresh air and let it out slowly. It was still cold, but the sun was shining, and the sky was a deep blue that made everything underneath it seem bigger. There was something about Santa Fe that called to her, and she was determined to stay as long as she could and give the serenity a chance to work its magic.
~ * * * ~
To her surprise, her mother took the news about the apartment in stride, instead of responding with the concerns Beth thought she was sure to have. When she asked Jackie about her change of heart, she assured Beth she was still waiting for her to return home.
“I have every hope that you’ll come home someday in the not too distant future, but I can hear the change in your voice, read it in your articles and on your blog. You’re healing, and I am not about to argue against anything that brings my daughter back to me.”
Chapter Fifty
As January slid into February and Beth settled in at the apartment, she realized her mother had been right in her assessment - she was healing. Along with her enjoyment of life returning, she managed to acknowledge and deal with the anger and hurt she felt, pouring out her pain in letters she would never send. It was a therapy technique Sharon had recommended, and Beth found it to be very cathartic. She wrote several letters to Ethan, some filled with love, some filled with anger and loathing. At the end of the week, she would sit next to the small fireplace in her apartment and re-read each letter, opening her emotions and laying them bare without fear of reprisal. It was a ritual that usually required a good portion of a box of tissues, and afterward, she burned the letters one by one. As the smoke rose from the chimney, she let her demons go with it.
Her friendship with Hannah grew quickly. It served as reminder of how much she missed Lauren and Annie. The three friends kept in touch via phone and email, but it wasn’t the same as being able to sit down and talk over a pint of ice cream. Hannah’s six-year-old son, Paulo, had quickly captured Beth’s heart, and Hannah swore Beth had done the same to him. He was a dark angel with black hair and eyes, a ready grin, and a laugh so contagious that strangers smiled when they heard it. On a handful of occasions when Hannah had been running late and Paulo’s regular babysitter had been unable to keep him, Beth had gladly stepped in to watch him.
She was honest enough to admit to herself that the boy made her think of Ethan and of the child they might have had, but she loved Paulo for himself and not because he represented a nebulous what might have been.
Additionally, Connie had indeed endeavored to teach her to cook, much as Hannah had said she would. Beth was not yet a master in the kitchen by any means, but she was learning to make simple dishes well, and Connie assured her that competency would come with practice.
Although the apartment had come furnished, there were a few essentials Beth still needed. Good cookware was one of those, now that she was using the stove for more than heating water for tea or ramen noodles. Connie had impressed upon her the importance of carefully selecting quality tools for the kitchen, and the three women had turned the quest for housewares into a shopping expedition. Beth had also needed to supplement her meager wardrobe, and the ladies turned her on to several excellent thrift shops and used clothing stores.
For the first time since the shooting, her appearance mattered to her, and she quickly started adding key vintage pieces to her closet from the shops she now frequented. Her hair had grown out into a s
leek bob that brushed her shoulders, and she decided the new style suited the personality she was growing into. She had finally acknowledged that she would never be the same person she had been before the shooting, and to her surprise, she was okay with that.
Her uniqueness was still there - the flair for vintage clothing, the quirky sense of humor, and the love of a good debate, but she had matured. Her sharper edges had been smoothed down, and she found herself becoming much more introspective than she ever had been.
In the past, she had been a restless soul, always looking for the next story and not really taking time to enjoy the place where she was. Now, most of that restlessness was gone, tempered into a strong curiosity that afforded Beth the ability to sit back and relax, living in the moment.
Chapter Fifty One
Hannah’s birthday was at the end of February, and Connie decided to host a small party in her apartment to celebrate. Several of the complex’s other residents attended, and the party was a blast. Even though it was a Friday night, all the guests had left by eleven o’clock, leaving Hannah and Beth at Connie’s with the leftover cake and wine, and absolutely no desire to call it a night. Paulo was at a sleepover, and by mutual decision, the birthday party became a girls’ night in.
As Connie passed around an exceptional bottle of local wine, tongues loosened and secrets came out. Beth learned that Connie was a lesbian and had been in a long-term relationship with the love of her life until three years ago when the woman had died.
“She left me a substantial amount of money and this apartment complex. I’ve hidden here ever since.” They fell silent as they thought about her situation.
“Have you thought about another relationship?” Beth asked gently. “Getting back into the dating scene?”
Connie shook her head. “Not really. I was with her for nearly thirty years, and I loved her with everything in me. I don’t want that with anyone else. It would feel wrong. We did everything together, and we had fun doing it. It didn’t matter what the rest of the world thought about us, because we knew we had each other. I still wake up at night reaching for her.”
Hannah, who had stretched out on the couch, gave a wistful sigh. Her arm was across her closed eyes, and her words were just a little bit slurred. “See now, that’s what I want. Someone who’ll mourn me after I’m dead and gone. Someone who’ll cherish me while I’m here, who doesn’t just see me as a warm body and a cook. Maybe I need a woman,” she mused as her voice faded away.
Connie burst out laughing. “Sweetie, you know you could never have that sort of relationship with a woman. You’re as straight as they come.”
Moving her arm back behind her head, Hannah turned her gaze to Connie. “I know, but it sounds nice.”
“You didn’t have that with your husband, I take it?” Beth asked in a cautious tone. She knew that Hannah’s husband had died in prison, but Hannah had never spoken about their marriage other than to say she was glad it was over.
“Not even close, Indy,” she replied, using the nickname Paulo had given Beth. “I met the sad sack, married him, and got pregnant, all before I was eighteen. Paulo was two weeks old when his father hit me the first time, and if he hadn’t gotten sent to prison for dealing drugs, I would have either wound up dead or in jail for killing him. I wasn’t about to let any man use me for a punching bag.”
Connie studied her. “Did you divorce him?”
Hannah shook her head. “No, there wasn’t time. He was arrested the same week he hit me, and it was an automatic trip back to the slammer for him. I didn’t even know he was on parole, but apparently he’d just gotten out of prison when we met. He was older than me, and I romanticized him. After he went back in, I had a newborn to take care of and no one to help me, and by the time I got around to seeing an attorney, someone had taken care of him in the showers.” She turned to look at Beth. “Your turn. What’s your tragic story?”
“Nothing like either of yours.” With a rueful smile, she told them about Ethan and their long history. “You both know the rest - I got shot, and here I am. Trying to figure out where to go from here, what the rest of my life is going to be.”
Connie laughed outright at that, and Beth raised her eyebrows at the older woman. “Oh, honey, I don’t mean to make light of what you’ve been through. It’s just as tragic as what we’ve had to endure. It’s just that you still think you have a say over the rest of your life. None of us have that control. We’re at the mercies of the fates, the gods, whatever you want to believe in. Do you still love this Ethan?”
Beth considered the question carefully before answering. “I don’t know. I wish things had turned out differently, but I can’t say whether that’s the same as still loving him.”
Hannah sat up and faced Beth. “Do you want to go back to Leroy? Or are you still feeling the need to run away?”
“I haven’t thought about going back. I’ve deliberately shied away from that. I guess I’m afraid to find out. What happens if I can never go back? Where does that leave me?”
Hannah reached a hand over and touched her arm, patting it gently. “We haven’t known each other for very long, but I can tell you this - I know you aren’t the kind of person who just settles. You’ll find wherever it is you’re supposed to be. You don’t have the constitution to accept anything less. I think you’ll be able to go home someday, maybe sooner than you expect. How many times have you rushed over to show me something new or exciting from the paper? That town gets your blood going, and I’d be astonished if you didn’t go back. Shoot, I might go with you when you do leave.”
Connie chimed in, agreeing. “When you go back, if you find that you still want Ethan, don’t settle for friendship. March right up to him and tell him how you feel. Take the bull by the horns and get what you want. If he isn’t willing to give that to you, move on and find someone who will. Life is too short to waste on people who don’t love us.”
~ * * * ~
In the days after the birthday party, Beth’s mind kept going back to what Hannah and Connie had said. As much as she loved Santa Fe, she couldn’t help feeling as though she were living in limbo, waiting for her life to catch up to her. When Chase called her the first Thursday in March to tell her Ruby’s trial was almost ready to start, she realized it had.
Chapter Fifty Two
A few days later….
It was late in the evening when Beth slipped back into Leroy. She headed to the farm via the back way, not wanting to go through town and be seen.
She had sworn Chase to secrecy. “Don’t you tell a soul that I’m on the way home.” She’d been unsure she would actually be able to return, and didn’t want to make a commitment she couldn’t keep.
When he had called a week earlier to tell her the court was ready for her official statement in the case against Ruby, he had offered to fly out to Santa Fe with someone from the prosecutor’s office to take her deposition, but Beth had rejected the idea.
“I’ve been thinking about coming home. Let me sleep on this, and I’ll call you tomorrow, give you my decision.” After spending a very restless night considering her options, she had made up her mind that it was time to return to Leroy. She called Chase, and then she started packing.
Connie and Hannah had been saddened to see her go, but they understood. Paulo, on the other hand, was heartbroken, and his obvious distress had nearly broken Beth’s heart, as well. Before leaving, Beth made sure they all knew they would always be welcome at her home, wherever that might be. She also dropped a bug in Hannah’s ear about a manager’s position at one of Leroy’s finest bed and breakfast inns that had just been posted in the Journal. More than once, Hannah had said that Beth’s descriptions of Leroy made it sound like the perfect place to raise a child. Beth knew Hannah wasn’t really happy in Santa Fe, and she hoped her friend would pursue the job. As a precaution, she also sent an email to the owner, whom she knew well, to let her know that Hannah might be applying.
Fingers crossed that she was making the
right decision, she had said tearful goodbyes to her new friends and pointed the Beast toward home. It was over fifteen hundred miles to Leroy from Santa Fe, several days’ worth of driving, but she made good time, growing more excited the closer she got. When she crossed the bridge from Louisville, Kentucky, into Indiana, she felt tears well in her eyes as the sense of homecoming nearly overwhelmed her. Despite the cool temperatures, she rolled the windows down and took in slow, deep breaths. Under the smell of the interstate was the unmistakable smell that was uniquely Indiana - a blend of river water, early spring air, and good, clean soil. She had hoped to be able to stop and see Joely at school in Louisville, but it was spring break week, and her sister was in Mexico on a sunny beach.
She pulled into her parents’ driveway just at dark, thrilled to see Chase and Jason’s vehicles in front of the garage. When she had known she was close enough to make it home that evening, she’d called Chase to let him know.
“I’ll get everyone to the farm. I’m not going to tell them you’re coming, though. Are you excited?”
Beth had laughed. “There are no words, brother mine.” Now, as she got out of the Beast, a pizza delivery car pulled in behind her. The driver’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect. She grabbed her purse, dug out some cash, and intercepted the boxes. After handing him two twenties, she waved away his offer of change and was rewarded with a dazzling smile.
As she walked up on the front porch, she realized just how nervous she was. Her heart felt like it was going to race out of her chest, and a thousand butterflies had set up residence in her stomach. Counting to ten, she rang the doorbell. When she heard footsteps closing in on the other side of the door, she bit her lip. The porch light came on, and the door swung open to reveal Jason.
