“If you choose to walk away you will never know. Can you live with the thought of never knowing?”
Could she?
Could she walk away and forever wonder what if? What if she had taken the chance? What if she had dared to love no matter the consequences?
“The choice is yours, Hope, and now you must decide,” Faith said and waited.
Hope sighed, lowering her chin and closing her eyes. If she shut out the world would she have to answer? Could she make her problems go away by not facing them? She was too intelligent to believe she could hide from her precarious situation. She understood that by lingering at Shanekill she had created her dilemma and now she had to address it.
But what to do?
Did she run or did she take a chance?
She raised her chin and squared her shoulders. “What do you suggest?”
“First,” Faith said with such confidence that Hope felt her own courage soar, “you must not lose hope no matter what happens. You must remain confident and determined as Harold always does.”
“I sometimes think that Harold possesses more courage than Hope. The lad has a way of getting away with things that Hope could never dream of doing.”
“But she has, has she not?” Faith said with a certain laugh.
“I have so enjoyed myself,” Hope said enthusiastically. “I wanted to see and do so very much and I have done more than I could ever have imagined. I have fond memories to recall of this time.”
“And fonder memories to create.”
“Then I suppose I should begin.”
“Aye, that you should.”
The two huddled together, making preparations, determining the wisest course of action and the possible outcomes. When all was set, all plans confirmed, Faith looked to Hope and placed a gentle hand on her arm. “If at any time you wish to reconsider your decision you need only to step away and carry it through no further.”
“And if I do, then what?”
Faith understood her concern. One way or another Colin would learn of her identity, but which way was it to be? “I will make certain that you are escorted to Croom Abbey immediately.”
“Thank you for being a good friend when I need one the most.”
“I will always be your friend,” Faith said and stood spreading her arms out in a gesture of welcoming friendship.
Hope wasted not a moment, hurrying into Faith’s comforting embrace with tear-filled eyes and silently praying that she was making the right choice.
Hope left Faith’s bedchambers just as the Devil entered.
He gave a curt nod to the hastily retreating lad.
Hope returned the brief nod and fled in fear of the Devil.
“You could have smiled,” his wife scolded with a pleasant smile of her own.
He walked straight to her, taking her into his powerful arms. “The lad can hold his own. He is a bold one for his age and size.” He kissed her cheek. “You feel well?”
She laid her head on his hard chest. “The babe tires me today.”
He scooped her up gently in his arms and carried her to their bed. “Then you will rest.”
“I have rested,” she said anxiously. “There is much for me to do.”
He went down on the bed beside her, keeping her in his embrace. “What is there for you to do?”
She had spoken without thought, so anxious was she to set all plans into motion.
“Is there so much for you to do that you cannot remember it all?” He ran a lazy finger down the side of her face. “Or is my wife keeping something from me?”
She could not and would not lie to him, but she could avoid the subject. “The evening meal requires attention.”
“Mary will see to it.”
“But she is also with child,” Faith protested earnestly.
“And has much help thanks to you,” he reminded her. “And I will ask Bridget to help her as well.”
She had not counted on that. She had hoped to have Bridget aid her in this scheme. She was a trustworthy friend.
Faith ran her loving hand along her husband’s chest. “I think Bridget has other plans.”
The Devil slipped his hand down along his wife’s rounded belly and stroked gently. “Do those plans include you?”
He knew she was up to something and there was only one way to distract him, and she did so enjoy distracting him. Slowly her hand roamed down his stomach, over muscled thighs to finally cup him solidly in her hand. He hardened instantly.
“I thought you were tired.”
His concern always touched her heart and she felt a tinge of guilt for misleading him, though not for wanting him. She looked up at him. “I am never too tired to love you.
He kissed her softly first and then it turned quick and hungry. She responded with her own hungry need and when his hand slipped between her legs she moaned with a heated passion she ached for him to satisfy.
Clothes were hastily discarded and with an equal urgency the Devil and his wife came together in a loving that left them both breathless.
“You are so beautiful.” He stroked her damp skin with the tender touch of a man who loved deeply.
She sighed and smiled in contented pleasure. “You make me believe it is so.”
“It is,” he said as if declaring it a proclamation. “And you will not deny it nor can you hide it.”
“Anything can be hidden, my lord; one must only desire it to be so.”
They both knew she spoke of the scar she carried from a vicious attack and how she had managed to keep it hidden from him. But her words gave him a different reason to pause.
“And where is the perfect place to hide that which we want hidden?”
Faith still lingered in the aftermath of their lovemaking and answered without thinking. “Where it can be seen.
“And no one would see it, for it is not really hidden… merely disguised.”
Clarity hit Faith like a splash of cold water and she wisely held her tongue.
“I must say I admire her audacity and courage not only to attempt such a feat but to succeed at it.”
Faith remained silent, allowing him to continue.
“It was all so obvious. She could not risk discovery nor could she travel about freely without some type of protection. And what better protection than a disguise, and what better place to hide than in the home of the one who searched for her.”
Eric jumped out of bed and paced the floor naked with a joy that was hard for Faith not to smile at. Then, of course, there was that magnificent body of his to focus on, a better focus than the fact that Hope was about to be discovered by the Devil himself.
“I cannot believe that I did not realize this sooner or that Colin was so easily deceived. He knows women so well. Why did he not see through Harold’s disguise? Why did not anyone know that—”
He stopped abruptly and stared at Faith with a potent glare that chilled and forced her to take refuge beneath the bed covers.
Eric approached the bed and slowly leaned down over his wife, his hands braced on either side of her face.
She pulled the covers up to below her chin and smiled.
“You knew that Harold was Hope and said nothing?”
“She asked me to keep her confidence. If you had asked I would have told you. I would not lie to you.”
Eric knew without her saying that the truth was always spoken between them. “And you carefully avoided the subject.”
Faith touched her husband’s face gently. It was a familiar touch that told him how very much she trusted and loved him. “Hope needed time to think and to understand her feelings.”
“Feelings?”
Secrets could no longer be kept. Two lives were in danger of losing a special relationship and Faith took the chance and confided all.
Eric stretched out next to her and took her in his arms, her head resting on his chest. “You think this Hope is good for Colin.”
“Aye, I think her strength matches his in many ways and she
searches for a forever love, as does Colin.”
“How do you know so much of what Colin searches for?”
“I listen when he speaks and hear what he does not say.”
“I do not want Colin forced into a marriage. I want him happy,” Eric said, planting a firm kiss on his wife’s forehead.
“Can we really force Colin to do anything he does not wish to do?”
Eric gave that thought. “Nay, he is much like me. If I had not wished to wed you when your father ordered that I do, I would not have done so.”
Faith snuggled against him. “You wed me because you wished to wed me.”
“Aye, that I did. I lost my heart to you and dared not admit it to myself.”
“As I did to you, and if given an opportunity I think Colin would lose his heart to Hope.”
“But he thinks her a lad and he will think her deceitful.”
“Will he?” Faith challenged. “Or will he want to come to know the woman he once thought of as a lad and felt the need to protect?”
“I will not force him to wed her,” Eric said firmly.
“And I told Hope that if she chose otherwise she need only walk away.”
Something in her voice made Eric ask, “You do not think she will see this plan through?”
“She fears Colin will think her deceitful.”
“A good possibility.”
“But one she needs to face.”
“As you did with me?” He hugged her to him.
“If I had not we would never be.” Her own words upset her.
“But you did and I am forever grateful for your courage.” He kissed her gently. “You made me understand love and gave me a gift I will cherish forever—your unconditional love.”
Tears stung her eyes. “I want Colin to have a chance to love as we do. He deserves it.”
“What are you asking of me, Faith?”
“I worry that Hope will change her mind and walk away without ever knowing if Colin could love her.”
“And what will she do then?”
“I told her that I would provide protection back to Croom Abbey where she could contact her uncle. Then she would wed the man of her uncle’s choosing and forever think of Colin and what might have been.”
Eric agreed. “Aye, her stubbornness matches Colin’s.”
“Another reason they would make a fine pair.”
Eric laughed. “You are determined.”
“I wish them both to discover the love that I know is there.”
“Her uncle Shamus wishes her happy and would not object to a marriage of her choosing; he has told me this.”
“Then there would be no problem.”
“Unless Hope runs off before giving it a chance,” Eric said, shaking his head.
“I have been giving that thought,” Faith said with the grin of a child at play.
Eric laughed and hugged her to him. “Tell me of these thoughts and we will see what we can do.”
Chapter Twenty
Hope doubted herself. She wanted to take the chance—Lord how she wanted to take the chance—and see if Colin could love her. But in her heart she was not comfortable with deceiving him. And she wanted no marriage based on deceit.
When the great hall filled for the evening meal and she saw that Colin’s tankard was forever being refilled she knew then that she could not see this plan through.
She left the table where she sat with Stuart and approached the dais. Lord Eric was deep in discussion with Colin. Borg was busy speaking quietly with his wife Bridget and Faith sat contentedly beside her husband. It was a good time to tell Faith that she could not go through with their plans and that she would be prepared to leave tonight for Croom Abbey. If for some reason Faith did not help her then she planned on traveling alone. Well, not entirely alone, since Lady would be with her, though separating her from Rook was going to be a problem, a problem Hope completely understood and empathized with.
“Harold, you are enjoying yourself?” Faith asked with a knowing smile.
“Much, though I grow tired,” she said, leaning on the table. “I think it is best I retire early… .” And on a softer note added, “Get away.”
Faith’s disappointment was evident in the slow nod of her head. “As you wish, but are you certain?”
“I feel there is no other way.”
Faith nodded once again and Hope did not see her slip her hand beneath the table to rest it on her husband’s leg.
Eric casually turned his head, a smile adding to his handsome features. “Harold, join us for some wine.”
Hope had had a glass or two already. She wanted a clear head when she departed the keep this evening. “I am tired, my lord… another time.”
“Nonsense,” Eric’s voice was firm. “Share one drink with Colin and me.”
Colin filled a goblet and motioned Hope to come around the table and take the empty seat beside him.
Hope had no choice in the matter. Eric made it a command and she dutifully obeyed. She promised herself as she walked to the end of the dais and around the long table that she would take but a few sips and be on her way.
“Sit,” Colin said with a slap on the seat of the chair, “We will share adventures.”
Hope could see that Colin had been enjoying his wine and she thought of her plan to get him drunk and drop him in bed, then climb in beside him. He’d wake in the morning and discover that Harold was not a lad but a woman, the very woman he searched for.
Hope sat in the chair and took the goblet Colin pushed in front of her. After careful consideration she came to the conclusion that her plan was flawed and much too full of deceit. She could not bring herself to see it through.
Would she always wonder over his reaction if he had found her such? Aye, the thought would forever haunt her. But haunt her it would, for she could not place him in such a difficult position. Instead she would leave and never know what might have been.
Hope sipped at the wine to ease her anguished musings. She would get through this night. She would spend these last moments with Colin and forever remember his face, his smile, his laugh and remember how much he had cared for Harold.
“Drink and smile,” Colin ordered, raising his own glass. “Tonight we make merry, for tomorrow we begin our search once again for the elusive Hope. Will you join me, Harold?”
Hope raised her glass.
“Nay,” Colin said shaking his head, though he more tilted than shook it. “Join me in the search.”
She stared at him oddly.
Colin placed a heavy hand on the lad’s shoulder. “Your wit is sharp, your wisdom sharper and your company pleasant. I would enjoy having you join me and the men.”
“I think it is a good idea,” Eric said. “You will learn much at Colin’s side.”
Hope smiled pleasantly and nodded at the crazy idea of going in search of herself. But had not that been her intention in the first place?
“Good,” Colin said, his hand falling off Hope’s shoulder to reach for his goblet. “Tomorrow when I speak with Hope’s uncle you will be at my side.”
The Devil’s smile sent a chill through Hope.
“Another good idea,” Eric said, slapping Colin on the back. I think Shamus will like the lad.”
“And this time,” Colin said, sounding determined, “Hope will not be able to hide from us.”
Eric leaned closer to Colin. “Hide, that is the clue to finding her. She hides well and we must learn to think as she does. Where would a pint-sized woman hide and not be noticed? What say you, lad?”
Eric spoke low but in his deep voice was a strength of command that could not be denied.
Hope took a generous swallow of wine before answering. I know not how a woman such as her would think.”
“Aye,” Eric said as if the lad had given him the answer for which he searched. “That is what we must remember. She does not think as you and I and, therefore, we must think as she does.”
Colin agreed after downing more w
ine. “True, Eric, I failed to consider her own reasoning or perhaps I failed to realize this Hope is much more intelligent than anyone suspects. She would do what one least expects instead of the obvious.”
Hope found herself asking, “Why think you that?”
Colin answered easily. “She is not the ordinary woman.
Eric seemed in agreement. “Aye, she possesses a skilled mind.”
“You both speak as though you admire her,” Hope said, another sip of wine following her words.
Colin responded. “She evades skilled warriors who search for her and survives the hardships of the road on her own. For a privileged woman this is a rare accomplishment. And while I wish to find her, I also admire her fortitude and endurance. She is not an ordinary woman by any means and her husband will do well to keep his eye on her.”
“Tame her, you mean,” Hope said curtly.
Colin paid no heed to her testy remark. “Nay, to tame such a free spirit would be wrong. To encourage, guide and share her enthusiasm, though possibly difficult at times, would be the wise choice.”
“One not many men would make,” Hope said adamantly.
“You speak with admiration for her as well,” Eric said.
“Respect,” Hope corrected.
“You do not think of her as spoiled? Wanting her own way and behaving improperly?” Eric asked as though he suspected she had the exact answers for which he searched.
Hope answered with caution, another sip of wine preceding her words. I cannot say with certainty for I know nothing of this woman but what I have heard. I can only wonder why one would think so of her when she took off on her own not worried about her safety or wellbeing but adventurous in thought and action. If she were spoiled would she not have made certain that she had run away with the amenities she was accustomed to?”
“I have thought the same myself,” Colin said. “Why, when she had everything, did she choose to go off with nothing?” He shook his head. “Strong of character or very foolish.”
“With both of you beginning to understand her I would not be surprised if you find her faster than you think.”
Eric’s remark disturbed Hope, as did his broad smile. She downed the last of her wine and had no sooner placed it on the table than Eric refilled her goblet. She was too late to protest, for he went on to add more to Colin’s goblet and his own.
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