“That is why I ask this question of you. Do you wish this marriage?”
“An honest answer would be that I am not certain. Part of me is angry at the deception she played on me and part of me admires her audacity.” Colin sighed, frustrated. “At least I realize why I felt so protective of the skinny lad; perhaps something inside me knew but was unwilling to accept. And even now I find myself wanting to protect her from her own obstinacy.” He shook his head. “Am I making any sense?”
“About as much as I did when I met Faith.”
“You sound confident that Hope is a good match for me.
“I cannot take all the credit. Faith had a strong hand in this.”
Colin sat forward with a look of disbelief spreading across his handsome face. “You mean to tell me that Faith knew Harold was Hope and never told you?”
“I never asked,” Eric said, as if the few words explained all. Yet they did make sense to Colin. Faith would not lie to the Devil, but then she would offer no information that was not asked of her.
“Then Faith thinks that Hope is suited for me?”
“I think what she feels is that you both should at least give it a chance and see what happens. If four days is not sufficient time, we can extend the marriage date.”
“I gave my word,” Colin said.
Eric understood. A man’s word was his honor and one did not give it lightly. “Then I suggest you become acquainted with your soon-to-be wife.”
“I feel as if I know her and yet I do not.”
“You know her as a bold, stubborn lad full of pride and tenacity. Those qualities and flaws do not change. Now, though, you must come to know the woman within.”
“You know me well, Eric, and know that I enjoy women and the challenges they present. What troubles me is her deception. Which brings up a trust issue.”
“You need to ask yourself why she went to such lengths to deceive and why you were so tenacious about protecting the lad. Also, you must know that Hope did not wish to deceive you last night. At first she had considered it but in the end she told Faith that she could not deceive you and requested help in leaving Shanekill immediately.”
“She intended to leave here without telling me?” The thought angered him more than the deception.
Eric answered with a nod. “It is my understanding that she did not wish you to feel foolish over her own foolish actions.”
“If she had thought more carefully over her foolish actions she would never have found it necessary to worry about making fools of anyone.”
“She never purposely made fools of anyone. She actually attempted to avoid such errors, keeping her distance from the men as much as possible while she was here.”
“Though not from me,” Colin said. “She seemed to be around whenever I was—”
He stopped suddenly and frowned, which caused Eric to smile.
“Whenever you were what?” Eric asked.
Colin rubbed at his chin. “Of late whenever Kathleen and I attempted to find time alone either Harold—I mean Hope—or Lady would haunt us.”
“Why do you think she did that?”
He shook his head and then dropped it back against the chair with a groan. “Damn, I spoke to Harold about women and sex.”
Eric laughed. “That must have been an enlightening conversation. Were you as detailed in your explanation as you are in your liaisons?”
Colin grinned. “Very detailed.”
“How did Harold react?”
His grin quickly faded. “He asked questions and seemed intent on answers.”
Eric’s laughter echoed off the stone walls. “For a skinny lad Harold possesses a large pair of—”
“Enough,” Colin said with a grimace. “Harold is Hope, a woman and a bold one at that, and I will do well to remember it, as should you.”
“I admire her,” Eric said more seriously. “She has much courage and the strength to stand for her convictions. She refused marriage to you though it would mean her reputation. She will not be forced and it makes me wonder what plans she has to make certain her word is taken seriously.”
Colin jolted forward. “Do you think she would run away again?”
“I suppose since she did it once and survived she would have no trouble doing it again, and probably with more confidence this time.”
Colin stood in a rush. “I will thrash her if she attempts to run away from me.”
Eric enjoyed another laugh. “You would never raise your hand to a woman in anger.”
Colin settled his turbulent emotions and leaned one hand against the stone hearth. “Aye, you are right, though the hand I raised would certainly have her surrendering to me fast enough.”
“Then perhaps that is the hand you should use with her and see what it brings.”
“First I must accept the fact that Harold is a woman. Now when I look at her I can see distinct signs of femininity. She is quite lovely.”
“Is it her features that delight you or is it really what lies beneath that fascinates you the most?”
“She is far different from any woman I have known and she is—” He paused in silent thought.
“A challenge,” Eric finished for him.
“Life would not be boring with her. She will keep a husband alert and always interested, though he may get gray hair faster than other husbands.”
“But he will have a story for every gray hair he suffers,” Eric said with a chuckle.
Colin stood away from the hearth to stand tall, his shoulders back and his smile disarming. “I think it is time for me to speak with Hope.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Hope felt odd in women’s garments. The many weeks she had lived as a boy had given her a strong sense of herself and her strengths. Now in feminine attire, she felt vulnerable. As Harold she could say and do as much as she pleased, but now a certain behavior was expected of her. The short taste of freedom she had experienced made her realize she was no longer the same person—nor did she want to be.
She paced the small confines of the healing cottage knowing that she would soon be expected to make an appearance in the great hall and dreading it. She would not be able to hold her tongue if ordered to wed Colin, and then what choice would she have?
A convent?
The door creaked open and she did not bother to turn around. She had been waiting for this moment, waiting for Colin to appear and demand answers… answers she often wondered over herself.
“We need to talk, Har—Hope.”
Hope turned and her heart jumped. He wore a charming smile and stood with such ease and confidence she thought to surrender there and then, whether he loved her or not. Would her love not be enough for them both?
She knew the answer and it made her task all the more difficult.
“There is naught for us to discuss,” she said firmly and with a defiant toss of her chin. “I will not wed you.”
“If you so choose,” he said much too calmly and approached her slowly, “though I wished to speak of Harold.”
“I am Harold.” She could not keep the obstinacy from her voice, though it did not seem to bother him. He kept his approach steady and slow.
“True enough, though I would like to know what made you choose such a disguise?”
“A man’s world is freer than a woman’s. I could not hope to see the things I wished to see and experience life by remaining a lady. But a lad?” She smiled and her face lit with delight. “A lad would afford me entrance to places a woman could never hope, dare or wish to go.
“And these places interested you?” He stopped a few feet in front of her.
“Places, people, life itself. I had the urge to explore. My world seemed so narrow and confined. How could I ever make a good wife or mother if I did not know life?” She did not add that she had hoped to learn about love along the way. He did not need to hear that.
“So Harold was born.”
“Aye.” Her smile turned tender. “Harold made my adventure poss
ible, and I will be forever grateful to him.”
“So will I.”
She looked at him oddly. “Whatever for?”
“He possessed an undaunting courage that I admired and sharp wit that challenged. He stood strong for his convictions and that is to be respected in a man.”
“And a woman?”
“Harold taught me that those same qualities are possible in a woman. Rare, but possible.”
She shook her head. “You admire and respect Harold but are angry with Hope?”
“Strange as it may seem, aye,” he answered. “I suppose I feel that if Harold trusted me as a friend then so could Hope, and that trust could have allowed her to confide in me.”
“You were a good friend to Harold.”
“And to Hope?”
She looked away. How could she admit the truth? How could she tell him that Hope loved him and wished to learn more about him? She could not, so she had held her tongue and remained disguised as the lad. She turned wide eyes on him and asked a question of him that she could not answer herself. “What would you have done if you had known me to be Hope?”
Colin spoke honestly. “I would have seen you returned safely to your uncle.”
“And my adventure would have fast come to an end.”
“You were starving when we first met,” he reminded and took another step toward her.
“I found food.” She stood, confident and strong.
“You could have gotten yourself killed.”
“I survived.”
“Pure luck.” Another step and he was only inches away from her.
“Pure determination,” she recounted and folded her arms across her chest.
It was a puny protective shield at best and one Colin knew he would have no trouble penetrating. He reached out and she stood firm, showing not an ounce of fear. He tugged gently at her hair. “I never thought a woman would shear her hair so.”
“The reaction I expected from a man.”
“And one that kept you safe in your disguise.”
“Of course, who would expect a spoiled woman to cut her hair and don male garments? Nay, they searched for a female and completely ignored a skinny lad with a large cowardly dog who fit Lady Gwenth’s character perfectly.”
“And where and when did you plan for your charade to end?”
“The time and place would be of my own choosing.”
“Was your choice made last night?”
She defended herself. “I did not choose this ending, but I will see that I have my way.”
“Nay, no longer will you have your way,” he said adamantly. He ran a tender finger along her jaw and faintly across her lips. “You will be my wife in four days’ time and—”
“I will not wed you!” She raised her voice and refused to pay heed to the way his gentle touch stimulated her senses.
“We will wed and I will make you a good husband.”
She stared speechless at him. At that moment she realized that he planned to do his duty, wed her and play intimate with her as he did with the many women who sought his bed. There was no love in his eyes, though she did feel he admired and respected her, but that was not enough. She wanted him to love her.
She was calm when she announced once again, “I will not wed you.”
Hope moved to walk past him and his hand reached out, grasped her slim waist and swiftly drew her up against him. She attempted to protest, an unwise move, since it left her mouth open and vulnerable.
His mouth descended on hers quickly.
She had never been kissed and often wondered how it would feel. She had never imagined the taste to be so potent and had never thought to lose her senses so quickly. She could barely keep a coherent thought. His lips, his tongue worked magic, casting a spell that enveloped her entire body and made her want to melt against him.
But then he was an expert lover.
The thought was like a rush of water dousing a fire. She returned instantly to her senses and pulled away from him.
His smile irritated instead of charmed. She wanted deep, genuine emotions and he was giving her surface feelings. She would have none of it.
“I will not wed you.”
“We shall see,” he said confidently.
She refused to be manipulated, dictated to or seduced. She had done well on her own and would continue to remain independent, no matter the demands made upon her. And when she married? She answered her own question out loud.
“When I wed it will be because I love my husband. Because I want his hands upon me, because his touch thrills me and because our love will be long-lasting. I will not doubt his love nor will he doubt mine. If you cannot offer me this, Colin, then do not insult me and take my hand in marriage.”
She turned and walked out of the cottage, her head high and unshed tears rushing to sting her eyes.
Colin was stunned by her words and even more stunned by their implication. Was she implying that she loved him? And that she wished that love returned?
He grew agitated. What did she know about love? She was a mere naive child when it came to such strong emotions. She knew nothing of the depth or breadth of love and its consequences.
He stormed toward the door, his footsteps heavy. She would do her duty as her uncle directed and she would obey her new husband. He would see to that.
He slammed the cottage door shut behind him and stomped toward the keep.
Hope entered the great hall and took her usual seat beside Stuart at the long table in front of the dais. All eyes settled upon her and conversation hushed.
Her uncle glared at her, his mouth hanging open in bewilderment.
Faith was not surprised by Hope’s rash action, and she was pleased by the way her husband handled it.
“Lady Hope, please join us,” he said, standing and extending his hand in invitation for her to take the empty chair beside the one she knew to be Colin’s.
Hope answered sweetly. “Thank you, Lord Eric, but I prefer to sit here.”
Her uncle shook his head in dismay but remained silent, allowing the lord of the keep to handle the potentially volatile situation.
Eric spoke more firmly and directly. “I am certain that Stuart enjoys your company, but your place is beside your soon-to-be husband.”
Colin entered the great hall at that moment and remained standing near the door listening.
To everyone’s surprise Hope went to battle with the Devil.
“You must be mistaken, my lord; I intend to wed no one.”
Shamus shook his head harder and Faith smiled.
“Then join me so we may discuss your objections,” Eric offered, his hand remaining extended though his tone took on a note of authority.
Hope remained steadfast. “I see no need for discussion, my lord. I have made my decision.”
Faith held firm to the chuckle that tickled her throat and offered her husband a comforting pat to the hand he had extended in invitation that now lay fisted at his side. It was obvious that he was irritated.
“There is always room for discussion,” Eric said with a firmness that raised brows and caused a rush of whispers to circle the room.
Hope thought differently. “I think not. I am content with my decision.”
Uncertain how to proceed without creating a scene, Eric looked to Colin and smiled, seeing that he was bearing down on his future wife with intentional strides.
Eric extended his offer for the last time. “Are you certain you will not join us, Lady Hope?”
“Nay, I—”
Her arm was seized in a tight grip and she was propelled off the bench in a flash.
“My Lord Eric, Lady Hope will be only too happy to join you,” Colin said pleasantly but firmly.
Hope attempted to free herself. It was a useless endeavor, his grip being much too tight and she, of course, lacked the physical strength to combat him. The only weapon to defend herself, therefore, was her mouth. “I possess the intelligence to speak for myself.”
Colin’s whispered response was for her ears alone. “Then speak wisely or not at all.”
She returned the whisper. “Is that a threat?”
“To be more precise, a promise.”
Words were ready to spill forth from her anxious lips when Colin rested his cheek next to hers.
“I always keep my promises.”
His warm breath tickled her cheek and drifted down her neck, sending a shiver racing through her. She could continue to battle or withdraw and save her strength for a more important encounter. She chose the wiser course of action and acquiesced.
“I would be pleased to join my lord and lady.”
A collective sigh could be heard circling the room as she walked with Colin to the dais.
Hope took the seat beside her uncle who sat beside Lord Eric, and Colin took the empty seat on her opposite side, effectively trapping her between them. If they thought to keep her well in hand they were wrong. They could not keep a constant eye on her. She had learned too well the artful art of dodging.
Conversation soon developed around her and while she answered questions that people asked, she did not voluntarily join in the conversation. She preferred to listen.
Colin leaned in close when he spoke, making it seem that he was an attentive and caring husband-to-be. “I have watched the lad react like this before. Harold would often grow quiet and contemplative and I realized he was taking in much. Is that how you learned to fool those searching for you?”
Hope was in the mood to battle. “It was not hard to fool the foolish.”
Colin’s jaw tensed and Hope instantly regretted her rash remark. He and his men had been far from foolish. They had cared for the lad and she did not wish to belittle their treatment of him.
Colin made ready to enter the skirmish when Hope spoke in a hushed voice. “I never counted you and your men among the foolish. You saw to Harold’s care and protection and for that I am grateful.”
“Not grateful enough to confide in me.”
His annoyance was obvious and Hope attempted to alleviate it. “It would have made for a difficult situation if I had done so. I chose to continue my charade so as not to disappoint or make it more difficult for those around me.”
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