by Barbara Gee
She shrugged. “You never know. She’s a really nice lady.”
“Oh, but I do know,” he said. “I’m definitely not interested in her personally. I don’t need to go to her house for dinner to determine that.”
Izzy took a drink of her lemonade, hoping he couldn’t tell how ridiculously glad she was to hear that. “Well, then, I guess you just tell her you don’t want anything other than a working relationship.”
“Do you think Molly is the type to hold that against me? Will it affect our working relationship?”
After thinking about it for a bit, Izzy shook her head. “My guess is no. If you explain to her you aren’t sure how long you’ll be here, and you don’t want to develop any ties, I think she’ll understand.”
He put his fork down, his gaze thoughtful. “So what happens when she finds out I’m spending a lot of time with you?”
Izzy swallowed, her throat feeling thick. The silence was charged and she couldn’t look away from him. “You can tell her we’re just hanging out,” she said finally.
“Is that all we’re doing?”
“So far, yeah.” She looked down at the table, fiddling with her own fork. She wanted to be open with him, but it was a gamble. If she revealed how she was feeling, he might run for the hills. At the same time, if he was going to run, better now than after she fell even harder for him.
She slowly raised her eyes to his. “I admit I’m definitely in danger of developing some…..ties,” she told him bravely, her heart pounding painfully as she waited for his response. Even though she hadn’t asked a question, her statement pretty much required him to tell her whether he was at the same place.
His shoulders rose and fell on a sigh. “I can list a dozen reasons why I should discourage that. Maybe more.” He closed his eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. “But the sad truth is, I was hoping you felt that way, even though it’s selfish and totally unfair to you.”
“It’s not—”
He held up a hand and interrupted her. “I’m not saying I’m going to act on my feelings, I’m just acknowledging they’re there. I haven’t decided what to do yet.”
She chewed on her lower lip as she digested that. It sounded a little too analytical for her taste, but she thought maybe she understood. Not knowing what came next was hard for him, and he didn’t want to encourage her if he didn’t see any way for it to work out.
“What are your options?” she finally asked.
He sat forward now, leaning his forearms on the table. “Good question. I’m coming up with four possibilities.”
“Four? Wow. Care to share them?” she asked hopefully, her whole body tensing in anticipation.
He nodded slowly, drumming a couple of fingers on the table as he formulated his response. “Okay, so the first one is I can leave the ranch now before things go any further.”
“Yeah, well, I hate that one,” Izzy said quickly, making him smile. Oh man, she would never get tired of that smile.
He went on with the list. “Number two, I can tough it out and not let things move beyond being friends and neighbors. Three, I can indulge my attraction for as long as I’m here, then bid you a fond farewell and leave with pleasant memories.”
He stopped there, and Izzy cocked her head, her eyes narrowing. “I don’t like any one of those so far,” she said bluntly. “I hope option four is better.”
His dark eyes searched hers and she held her breath, wondering desperately what he was going to say next.
“Option four is me asking my boss for permission to come clean with you, so you know exactly who I am and what I do. Then you can make an informed decision about whether you still want to…develop ties to me.”
She took a slow breath. “And if I do?”
He looked at her, his dark eyes showing regret. “To be perfectly honest, Izzy, I doubt that will be the case,” he said gently. “There’s just so much you don’t know. I won’t blame you, I promise. I just hope I don’t lose you as a friend.”
She shook her head. “I wish you wouldn’t judge yourself so harshly. Whatever it is you do, it certainly hasn’t ruined you. You’re a good man, I see that every time we’re together.” She leaned across the table and put her hand on his arm. “I want you to talk to your boss. I choose option four.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice low and a little rough. “Maybe you should take some time to think about it. I actually intended to wait a week or so before raising that possibility.”
“Why?”
He lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “To see if things kept progressing, I guess. Or maybe it was just a way of putting it off. It’s not a pretty picture, Izzy.”
She could relate to that. “I don’t have an especially pretty picture to paint either. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of.”
“But that’s in your past, which isn’t the case with me. I’m still not a pretty picture. I feel almost like I’ve been dishonest with you, not showing you the real me.”
She suppressed a shiver at his ominous words. “You seem pretty real. It doesn’t feel like you’ve been acting.”
He looked down and took her hand in his, slowly lacing their fingers together. “It’s different here. The ranch brings out a different side of me. A side I haven’t seen in a while.”
“Maybe that’s your true side. Maybe you don’t have to be the man you don’t want to talk about.”
“I do, though,” he said quietly. “At least for a while.”
She was more confused than ever, but she knew he couldn’t say more until he talked to his boss. “I still say you’re a good man, Tanner. I don’t think there’s anything you can tell me that will change my mind about that.”
“A big part of me hopes you’re right.” He squeezed her hand. “I’ll talk to Special Agent in Charge Luther, then I guess we’ll see.”
“Thank you,” Izzy said softly. “Talk to him soon, okay? I want to get it over with.”
“I will.” His eyes crinkled at the corners as he looked at her. “But right now I’m feeling like some dessert. Is that cherry cobbler ready yet?”
Izzy’s mouth fell open, then she glared at him. “How did you know?”
“I work for the FBI, sweetheart. Nothing gets past me,” he teased.
“But I had it hidden, and there’s no way you could’ve seen me put it in the oven.”
He chuckled. “I saw you slip it into your grocery cart yesterday when you thought I wasn’t looking, and now I smell it.”
She huffed out an annoyed breath. “So much for my surprise.”
“I love your surprise, and I love even more that you wanted to do it.” He leaned his chair back and reached his arms skyward in a long stretch, then dropped his clasped hands onto the top of his head. “It’s been a long time since anyone has wanted to give me a nice surprise.”
“I doubt you’ve given anyone the chance.”
“Hmm, you could be right about that.” He got up and picked up both of their empty plates, carrying them to the sink. “Do you have ice cream, too?” he asked over his shoulder.
“Of course.” Izzy went to the toaster oven and peeked in. “Ten more minutes,” she announced.
“Just enough time for me to do the dishes.”
“You don’t have to. It’ll only take me a second once you’re gone.”
“You’ve fed me three times now,” he said. “The least I can do is start helping with the dishes. Heck, I’ll gladly do them all by myself. You go relax.”
“That’s not gonna happen. I find it impossible to sit when others are working.” She took care of the leftovers while he washed up the few dishes. He was efficient and thorough, and even thought to wipe down the table. Izzy liked seeing the big, manly man looking at home in her tiny kitchenette. She imagined his own home was immaculate. He’d have it no other way.
“You’re good company and good help,” she told him as he wrung the dish cloth and laid it over the side of th
e sink. “There are some small bowls in that cupboard,” she said, pointing. “They’ll work for the cobbler.”
He set them on the counter and she took the dish from the oven. The cherry filling bubbled around the buttery topping and Tanner let out a low, appreciative groan.
“That looks like pure heaven,” he said.
Izzy chuckled and went to the fridge for the ice cream. “When did your obsession with cherries begin?”
“I have no idea. I’ve liked cherry stuff as long as I can remember. My favorite childhood treat was a fried cherry pie at McDonald’s. Remember those?”
“I do. I liked them too. I hope this is as good, although granny would scold me for using a box mix.” She put a large portion in one bowl, and a much smaller one in the other. Pulling the ice cream toward her, she looked up at him. “How many scoops?”
“Three.”
She obliged, then stuck a spoon in his bowl and held it out to him. “Go sit down and enjoy.”
“You’re going to join me aren’t you?”
“Yeah, but I’m going to get a pot of coffee going first.” She measured the beans and ground them, glancing over at Tanner as she filled the carafe with water. “How is it?”
“Perfect. Your granny might scold you for using a mix, but mine would say you’re a gem for making this for me.”
She poured the water into the coffee maker, then picked up her bowl and joined him on the loveseat, kicking off her sandals and getting comfortable. “Tell me more about your grandma. Sounds like the two of you were close.”
He nodded. “She pretty much raised me. My dad was a cop, killed on the job when I was twelve. Mom had already been sick for a few years with a disease similar to multiple sclerosis, and that limited her physically. She couldn’t even get in and out of bed by herself. Then after Dad died, she fell apart mentally, too, and was never able to put herself back together again. Grandma saw how bad it was, and knew I needed her. She packed Mom and me up and moved us from California to Montana, where she worked as a cook and housekeeper on a large ranch. Thankfully her boss was fine with us being around, and pretty soon I was spending as much time in the horse barns as I was in our little staff house.”
“So that’s where you learned to speak the language of horse,” Izzy said, trying to imagine what it would be like to lose your father at the age of twelve. It was no wonder he’d gravitated toward the horses. They’d no doubt been a good distraction for the young, grieving boy.
“I don’t speak to them, not like a real horse whisperer. I can’t really explain it, all I know is I get them, and they get me.”
“How long did you live in Montana?”
“Until I left for college. That’s when everything changed again. Grandma died three weeks before I left, and Mom went to live with her sister. She ended up dying four months later. Her funeral was the day after Thanksgiving.”
“Oh, wow,” Izzy said softly. “That was a rough start to your college years.”
“Grandma’s death was by far the most traumatic. Mom was just a shell of a person by then, and didn’t even know me anymore. I felt guilty for not feeling much when she died, but that’s the way it was. It was almost a relief.”
Izzy’s heart ached for the young man he’d been. “I would guess losing your dad was the worst of all. Especially because you lost your mom as you knew her then, too.”
“I was definitely in a fog for a while,” he agreed. “Being at the ranch, with the horses, helped bring me out of it. I threw myself into helping in the stables and doing well in school. I was in a lot of clubs, and of course sports. I played football and basketball all the way through high school. The busier I was, the happier I was.”
Izzy put her bowl on the coffee table and turned to face him, drawing one leg up and linking her hands around it. “I suspect you’re still like that. Down time doesn’t seem to be your thing.”
“You suspect right. It doesn’t seem to be your thing, either.” He ate the last few bites of dessert, then put his bowl inside hers. He grinned at her, patting his flat stomach. “That was great. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. You can take the rest home with you, or finish it after dinner tomorrow.”
“So I’m invited again tomorrow?” he asked hopefully.
She nodded. “You have a standing invitation, at least until I get my house. Once I take possession, my evenings will probably be spent getting that ready instead of cooking. I’m already thinking of paint colors.”
“I hope you get it,” he said, “and I’m a pretty good painter.”
She grinned. “We’ll see how fast the deal can get done. Hopefully you’ll still be around.”
“Hmm, yeah, that’s still the great unknown.” He reached over and grasped her ankles, pulling her legs straight until they laid across his lap, resting his forearms across her shins.
It wasn’t an intimate touch, more like he just wanted some type of contact while they talked. However, she was deeply aware of his strong thighs under her calves, and his warm hands above, one thumb idly stroking along her shin bone. She lost all train of thought and only realized she was staring at him blankly when he raised his brows and asked if she’d heard him.
“I’m sorry, what?” she managed to say.
“I said it’s time to tell me about Izzy Harding,” he repeated.
“Oh. Well.” She tucked a curl behind her ear and tried to collect herself. “I guess I’d have to say Isabella Beth’s childhood was pretty routine, compared to yours.”
“Izzy-B, huh?” he teased. “I like it. And believe me, I would’ve loved a routine childhood.”
“Yeah, I’m not complaining,” she said quickly. “It was pretty great.” Until she’d left home. “Um, okay, I guess I might as well start at the beginning. I grew up in Topeka, Kansas with loving parents, two big brothers who tormented me relentlessly but didn’t let anyone else mess with me, and of course a doting Granny and Papa nearby. Dad was a science teacher, and got promoted to principal of the high school right before I got there.” She smiled. “Which might explain why I never got into trouble during those years.”
He chuckled. “I would think so.”
“Mom worked part-time as a receptionist at a doctors’ office. She was always home before us kids. We ate dinner together almost every night, went on vacation every summer, and got together with extended family almost every holiday.” She winced. “I feel bad telling you all this. It doesn’t seem fair.”
“I wouldn’t want anything less for you,” he said sincerely. “I’m glad you grew up happy, but you’ve hinted things didn’t stay so rosy. What changed?”
Just like that, Izzy had a decision to make. She swallowed hard, feeling a little frantic. Was she ready for this? Could she admit to him how far off the path she’d strayed? He seemed to like the steady, principled girl she was now, so how would he feel about her once he found out she hadn’t been kidding when she said God had drastically changed her life?
He seemed to pick up on her inner turmoil and his hands tightened on her legs. “You don’t have to tell me,” he said gently, “but I’d like to know what made you into the woman you are now. ’Cause you’re pretty great, Izzy. Your road might not have always been smooth, but it seems to me you’ve navigated it pretty well.”
She cleared her throat softly. “I’ve managed to get to a good place,” she agreed hesitantly. “I don’t dwell on my not so good years anymore. Not often, anyway. I figure if God can forgive me, I should be able to forgive myself, right? The worst thing is the impact that period of time could have on my future.”
“What do you mean?” he asked. “You’re one of the happiest, most contented people I’ve ever met. I don’t think the past has the power to change that.”
She looked down, twisting her hands together. “What if I meet a really great, fantastic man who only wants the wholesome, settled down Izzy, and can’t handle knowing I wasn’t always like that?”
“Then that fantastic man isn’t so fantast
ic after all.”
She looked at him, surprised by his quick, emphatic answer. “It’s that simple?” she asked curiously.
“Pretty much. You dump him and move on. It’s not worth trying to stay with someone who holds the past over you. I knew a guy who was in a relationship like that, and it just about destroyed him.”
She tilted her head. “Have you ever fallen in love, Tanner? With either the right or the wrong person?”
“Nope.” He gave her a warning look. “Now stop trying to get me off track. Tell me all about Izzy-B, the good and the bad.”
She laughed. “No one’s ever called me that before. It’s definitely a step up from Dizzy.”
He raised a brow at her obvious stalling attempt.
“Okay, fine. It’s just—I just don’t want you to see me differently.” She smiled nervously. “I kinda like you, if you don’t already know, and I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed in me. I had some really questionable years.”
“If I was pure as the driven snow, you might have reason to worry.” His dark eyes locked with hers. “I’m not,” he said bluntly.
“That’s good to know. The part about me not having to worry, I mean.” Izzy sighed and rested the side of her head against the back of the loveseat.
“Start with high school, Izzy,” he prompted. “Those seem to be the hard years for most girls.”
She chuckled. “Not for me. High school was a breeze, and a good time. I was an odd mixture of extrovert and nerd. I played soccer and ran track and spent a lot of time with my friends, but the academic side of things was my passion. I took every AP course I could, and did well in them. I had more than a semester’s worth of college credits by the time I graduated.” She bent her leg and poked his thigh with her toe. “My abilities aren’t comparable to yours, of course, but I did okay.”
He smiled and wrapped a hand around her ankle, pulling her leg back straight. “Don’t even start. And just so you know, beautiful, athletic nerds were always my biggest weakness. If we’d been at high school together, I would’ve followed you around like a love-sick puppy.”
“Shut up, Tanner,” she said, her lips curving into a reluctant smile.
