by Liz Lovelock
“What? So, I have a kid out there somewhere?” He breathes hard, and his gentle stare turns to anger. This is the reason I didn’t want to tell him—his hate would break my heart.
I shake my head, and the tears come harder, a sob ripping from my chest. “I lost the baby a couple of days after.” Kane shifts his weight, and he’s gone. An emptiness fills me. I bring my hands to my face, and I can’t control the breakdown, each sob tearing strips from my already bare heart.
Why would he walk away from me?
I curl into myself, not wanting to look and see if he’s still here or gone. The bed feels cold without him. All of a sudden, my body shifts as the mattress dips on the opposite side of me. Strong arms scoop me up. Kane sits me in his lap and pulls the blanket from the bed and wraps it around my body as I pour out my emotions. I turn into his chest. His strength engulfs me.
“I thought you’d left,” I say, lifting my head from his shoulder. I take him in. Tear tracks run down his face.
“No, I’m never leaving you. I’m so sorry. I wish you had told me. You went through all that pain on your own?” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat as though he’s attempting to stop himself from crying. Each crease on his forehead is full of concern and worry.
“I was coming to tell you that I was pregnant, but you ended it. I didn’t want to tell you after that and force you to stay with me. As it was, you would’ve left, anyway, because I ended up losing the baby not long after.” My words are gentle.
“Still, you went through all that pain on your own. I get why you hate me now.”
“I don’t hate you, Kane. Well, I did for a long time but not anymore.”
“Is . . . is it my fault you lost the baby? Like the stress or something like that?”
I shake my head. “No, these things happen sometimes.”
His face drops to my shoulder. “I can never forgive myself, Jojo. I’m so sorry for the unforgivable mistakes I made back then. Having you with me now has shown me how stupid I was. I lost all those years with you when I could’ve had you by my side.”
“Would you feel like this if I hadn’t told you about the miscarriage?” I can’t help but think he’s only pouring out his feelings to me now that I’ve revealed my most-held-onto secret.
He appears hurt, and the way his dark eyes cloud over is like a stab to the chest. “I told you last night I only wanted you. Why is it so hard for you to see how much I’m in love with you?”
My jaw drops. I quickly snap it shut and chew my lip. Did he just . . . or am I hearing things? “Why would you say that? You don’t know me anymore. I’m not the same girl you walked away from.” I scramble up from his lap, tugging the blanket to keep covered.
“What?” he asks, his voice raised.
“How can you sit here and say you love me when you hardly know me? You probably only said it because I told you my sad story and cried on your shoulder.” I must sound and look like a crazy person.
Kane’s hand pushes through his hair roughly. Then he stands. “That was my kid, too, and you kept all that information from me.” His words are gentle, but there’s so much force behind them that it causes me to flinch.
“Excuse me? Don’t talk to me like that,” I snap back. “You made your decision the day you ended things. Why would I have wanted to force a baby on you when you were a flight risk? You wouldn’t have stuck around. You clearly had other plans for your life.” I stab a finger into his chest.
One minute we’re a loved-up couple, and all because I’m too afraid to let him love me, I’ve lost my mind. Dropping the blanket, I pull the clothes that I had on last night back on. The flow of tears is hard and unstoppable.
“Wait, where are you going?” Kane asks as I rush out his bedroom door and into my room to grab my suitcase and handbag.
“I’m going home,” I state the obvious. “I’ll order an Uber,” I say as I pull my phone from a pocket in my handbag.
“No, I’ll drive you.” He sighs and turns to leave.
“It’s fine. I’d hate to put you out.” This time, it’s all my fault. I’m not ready to trust him with my heart. Working with him is going to be so much harder now.
“I don’t mind,” he says and exits the room. Anger ripples off him as his heavy footsteps make their way into his room. I head downstairs and wait by the front door.
The drive is excruciatingly painful. His silence is more hurtful than anything else right now. I wanted this to be a moment we could get through and talk over, but he had to go and bring love up, and I can’t take that. This isn’t supposed to be real. It’s fake. That’s what I signed on for.
He pulls up out front. Now is the time for that box to be unlocked. “Can you come up please? I have something I’d like to give you.”
He says nothing and climbs out. We walk together into the building and up to my apartment.
I walk inside, and the place feels foreign to me as though I don’t belong here anymore. “Come in, and I’ll grab it for you.”
“It’s okay. I’ll wait here,” he stays, standing in the doorway. I wish I knew what he was feeling.
Racing to my room, I go straight for the little white box in my closet. After placing it on my bed, I grab the old ultrasound photo I’d had done when I was about eight weeks. It wasn’t long after that when I lost the baby. I also take out the photo of Kane and me from back in college. We were such fresh, baby-faced people. Now, the lines on our faces tell our stories of pain, love, loss, and so much more. I do love him. I’m not ready to commit to him in case he hurts me again, though. And there are still a few hurdles in our way.
I also grab an old bill of my mother’s from the countertop. I’m all paid up, so it doesn’t matter if he takes this. With the small stack of papers, I head back to Kane, who hasn’t moved.
Holding out the photo of us and the ultrasound picture, I say, “I want you to have these. I’ve held onto them for a number of years.”
He takes the photo and stares at it, pain evident in his shining eyes. Clearing the thickness from my throat, I continue, “You say you love me, but you don’t know my full story. This is the final piece of me that not many people know about, and the only reason I became your fake fiancée. This is what you’re signing up for when you tell me you love me.” I hand him my mother’s last bill.
He must catch the logo as his head comes up and meets my gaze. “Your mom?”
I nod.
He pushes a breath of air through his lips. “You pay for this by yourself?”
“Yes, and it was the reason my boyfriend of three years left me. He didn’t want to pay for her bill every month or a wife who may end up with possible mental issues. So there. You know all my deep, dark secrets now. I’ll let you think about them.”
Kane steps back, and I shut the door in his face, hoping that it won’t be the last time I see him. I have one thing left to do to make this entire situation right.
Chapter Thirty
Jolene
He’s going to hate me. Sitting in the waiting room to see Keith Taylor, my anxiety is causing me to feel ill. I need to make this right. No more secrets. And if Kane still wants me after the whole thing is out in the open, then the love I have for him will be enough to unite us forever. But, I have to keep it close to my heart for the moment.
“He’ll see you now,” Keith’s assistant says as she holds the door open for me. I slip off the couch and chew my bottom lip as I come face to face with Kane’s father.
He greets me with the warmest smile and stands from his large wooden desk before coming around it to give me a hug I don’t deserve. “Jolene, it’s lovely to see you. What can I do for you?” His cheerful voice tugs at my chest. I’m about to ruin his day.
“I need to talk to you about something.”
He gestures to one of the seats in front of his desk, and, instead of going back behind it, he takes a seat beside me. He pulls his suit jacket forward so it’s comfortable. It’s the same kind of move I’ve seen Kane do
on a number of occasions. “Shoot.”
I swallow my pride and start. “I guess it’s easier just to rip the Band-Aid off. What’s going on between Kane and I isn’t real. He came to me and asked me for help to prove to you that he’s not a player anymore. If it’s any consolation, I don’t think he’s the person he once was . . . in fact, just this morning, he told me he loved me. I, of course, lost it and possibly ruined the one good thing in my life. Well, apart from my mother.” My throat swells, and the remaining words get lost in a sob.
Keith says nothing. Instead, he reaches into his suit pocket and produces a small blue folded handkerchief. I take it and dab the tears that fall.
“Jolene, I had some idea there was something more to this rushed engagement. I’ve been around the block a couple of times. But I have to admit that you’re right. I think Kane is a different person since you’ve come back into his life. As his father, I’ve noticed it.” He holds my gaze and shifts slightly in his seat. Leaning forward, he takes one of my hands in his. It’s warm and comforting.
“Are you mad? Because I’m so sorry.” I force the words through my closed throat.
“Jolene, how can I be mad when you’ve come to tell me? Your honesty is all I want. So, there’s not going to be a wedding?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. I can’t love him back unless he takes me as I am. My mother is in an assisted-living facility as she’s attempted to take her own life before a few times. I pay that bill every month for her, so if he wants me, he has to be willing to take on that as well. I can’t ask him to do that. I’m not after a handout . . . well, not anymore. I was at the start of this charade, but it was all for my mom.”
“I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Kane always spoke highly of her back when you were together in college.”
“I know. I bet he never said that to you.”
He chuckles. “He can be stubborn like his old man sometimes. Not one to wear emotions on our sleeves.” It brings a smile to my face.
“What should I do?” Adele would surely have some hard advice for me, but I’m not ready to talk to her.
“Leave it with me,” he assures me.
“Now, about my job . . .”
“If you don’t want it, that’s okay. I can get your job back if you want. If you stay, I can make sure you’re taken care of with a good health-care package to suit you and your mother. I wasn’t just bringing you into the family business . . . I’d heard you were one of the best and most attentive stewardesses to your guests on your flights. I want that in my business. I’d love to still have you onboard if you want.”
“I’d really like that, especially since I’ve finished up at my previous workplace. Do you think Kane will mind that I stay?” My fingers fiddle with the blue handkerchief underneath Keith’s hand.
He stands, removing his hand. “Trust me, Jolene, he will be fine.” He smiles.
“Here, I was scared out of my brain thinking you were going to tear into me.” I chuckle. Standing, I meet his bright gaze.
“Kane will be on the receiving end of that.”
I bite my lip. Good luck, Kane.
Chapter Thirty-One
Kane
The black and white image of a little person holds my attention. My baby. I wanted to be angry at Jolene for keeping this from me, but she’s probably right. I might have walked away. My heart ripped in two when she told me she was pregnant. Her sobs caused me a new type of pain, one I’ve never experienced. The love I had for her exploded, and she blew it right back at me, not wanting it.
I blink furiously to keep my threatening tears at bay. My father would know what to do if I went to his office crying. He’d probably tell me that I need to get over it and move on. He’s such a stubborn man.
“He’ll see you now, Kane.”
I pocket the picture in my slacks and walk through my father’s office door. He’d called me an hour ago and was adamant that I come as soon as I could. I’m really not in the mood for him to give me a lecture over whatever it is he needs to talk to me about.
“Hello, son,” Dad greets. He stands from his desk and gestures to the empty chair in front of his desk, and then, to my surprise, he comes around and sits with me.
I give him a sideways glance. Have I time-warped to a different space-time continuum? “Uh, Dad, what’s going on?”
“I had a visit from Jolene earlier, and she told me what the story was with you both.”
Shame fills me, and I hang my head. Here we go.
“Do you love her?”
“I do. I’ve told her so,” I say, clearing my throat. “She doesn’t love me, Dad. I broke her long ago, and now I’ve ruined it.” The trembling words rush out.
“Kane, she does love you. She told me about her mother.” This kind of conversation never happens with the hard businessman in front of me. Why is he being so loving?
I sigh. “Yeah, she told me about her as well. I don’t care about the bill. I’d pay it every month if she wanted me to. The guy she was with before me dumped her because she didn’t tell him about her, and I understand her reasons for not telling me sooner. I tend to walk away and break things.”
Dad raises an eyebrow.
I continue. “When I broke up with her back in college . . . she was pregnant but lost the baby. I only found out today.” I stand and pull the picture from my pocket, handing it to Dad before taking my seat again.
Dad’s hand rubs over his chin. As I take in his features, his eyes have welled up. Before I can analyze it any more, he shuts them for a moment, then clears his throat and says, “I think you need that girl in your life, and you’d be stupid to let her go. It took guts for her to come to me today, and I promise I won’t tell your mother or sister. This is between the three of us unless you both decide not to go through with the engagement. I know you’ll make the right decision, son.”
“She’s a smart, sassy, and loveable woman. I love her, Dad. I’m not sure how to prove myself to her, but I’ll do it for as long as it takes.”
He reaches over and lays his hand on my shoulder. “Go get her, son. Don’t let her slip through your fingers a second time. I want grandbabies before I’m too old to play with them.” He laughs.
The heaviness which sat in my stomach has lifted. Now, I need to try to show Jolene how much I love her.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Jolene
“Have you heard anything from him?” Adele asks, her voice loud and chirpy through my phone.
“Nope. This is one big mess. I’m still wearing the ring, Adele. When do I take it off? I’ve become so used to it.” I rub my temple as the traffic passes me by while I wait for my Uber.
“I think you need to talk and stop this pussyfooting around each other waiting to reach out.”
She’s right. It’s been three days since I last saw Kane when he dropped me home. I’ve not heard a peep from him. I thought for sure that after laying everything out for him, he’d be willing to come and discuss things with me. “I’ll send him a message after we get off the phone. I promise.”
“Fine, then. Well, I’m heading off so you can get the ball rolling. I do hope you guys stay together because you’re such a great couple. That’s why I pushed so hard for you both.”
I sigh. “Yeah, I know you did. We’ll see what happens. I’ll talk to you later. I’m just going to see Mom.”
“Cool. I hope to meet her one day soon.”
“Yeah, totally.” We end our call as my lift pulls up. Time to bite the bullet and get the talking happening.
Me: Hey, how are you doing? When can we talk about all of this? I don’t think I’m ready to let you go, but I understand if you don’t want to take on my dirty laundry.
I chew my nails. I wait and wait. Nothing comes through during the entire drive to my mother’s home. Of course, he’d ignore me—a little payback for all the years I kept our baby a secret.
“Hello, Jolene,” Margaret greets me as I step through the doors.
�
�Hey, Margaret. How is she?”
“Oh, she’s been great. Her visitor has really made her happy. She has even been up and about, taking a walk in the garden.”
“Ah, who’s the new person?” Panic grips my stomach.
“Oh, there they are.” She points out through the doors and into the garden.
I have to do a double-take. “Kane?” I breathe, not really believing what I’m seeing. My mom is laughing and smacking his arm playfully.
“We haven’t seen her this lively in a while now. The television was her best friend. This guy has her gushing like a little girl. It’s lovely to see.”
Tears spring to my eyes.
“I’ll let you go catch up to them.” She gently touches my arm and walks away. Her shoes are silent on the floor—not even a squeak.
Finally, my feet manage to move forward through the door and out to where they stand looking over a little water feature. “Hey, Mom,” I call out. Both heads turn toward me.
“Oh, honey, look who it is.” She grabs Kane’s arm and drags him in my direction. He is laughing. I smile at the scene.
“I can see who it is, Mom.”
“It’s Kane. He just showed up two days ago and has been coming back every day. Always bringing my favorite Burger King meal.”
My eyebrows shoot up.
He shrugs. “She grilled me about not bringing it the first time I came. I haven’t forgotten since.”
This makes me laugh.
“Oh, and he tells me that you’re getting married.”
My breath catches in my throat. I turn my gaze to Kane, who beams at me with such brightness, it’s blinding.
“You still want me?” I ask hesitantly, and my heart hammers against my rib cage. It’s possible it’s going to bounce right out of my chest.
Kane comes closer and wraps his arms around my waist, claiming my mouth. My head spins, and my knees become weak. He still wants me.
