by Ivy Asher
As Sutton’s name leaves my mouth, Zeph shoots off the bed, and a deep growling starts in his chest. I take a challenging step toward him.
“She attacked me without warning or provocation. She made it personal when she told me to stay away from Ryn and that she dreams of my death. I responded to her challenge with the same level of force that she would have if the roles were reversed. This was absolutely about dominance, and you stuck your beak where it didn’t belong and probably just made things worse for me.”
Zeph opens his mouth to say something and suddenly pauses. “What do you mean probably made it worse for you?”
“You think she’s going to come for me head on now like she did today? No. That sneaky parrot will attack when I least expect it. And who the fuck knows when that will happen, but I can’t watch my back around all the fucking people here who hate me, so she’ll probably win. Are you going to step in and save me, Zeph?” I mock.
Zeph runs his hands through his long black curls and huffs. “I’ll talk to her.”
I snort a humorless laugh. “Good thinking. That’ll definitely solve the problem.” I drop the bag of food from my shoulder onto the ground discreetly, but Zeph’s gaze immediately zeros in on it.
“What is that?”
“Nothing,” I lie.
He breathes in a deep inhale, dousing my hope that he’ll take my word for it. “Why do you have a bag of food?”
I watch his face morph into understanding as the question leaves his mouth. And he closes the distance between us. “Where the rut do you think you’re going?”
“I’m going home. I don’t belong here, and I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Pain flickers in Zeph’s amber gaze, but it’s quickly replaced by anger. “You told Ryn that you would stay here until he was back. You vowed,” he accuses.
“No, I didn’t, I just said I would, now I’ve changed my mind. I want to go home, and you promised you’d take me. So take me. I’m ready to leave.”
“Your word means so little that you would say something and then go back on it just like that?” Zeph looks at me like I’m something gross he stepped in. Since he’s practically been doing that since I met him, I remain unfazed by it.
I raise my eyebrows and give him my best pot calling the kettle black side-eye. “You’re one to talk. Didn’t you say something along the lines of when we get back here, you’ll take me home?” I throw my hands out to punctuate my point. “And yet I’m still fucking here.”
“That was before,” he yells at me.
“Before what?” I yell back over all this cryptic bullshit all the time.
“Before you told Ryn you would wait.”
I release a frustrated growl and push him. I have no Pigeon backing me up, so my efforts result in Zeph staying exactly where he is.
“Why do you fucking care? Why does Ryn fucking care?” I ask exasperated. “You hate me. Your people hate me. They spit on the ground as I walk by. They look at me like I’m the person solely responsible for all of their problems. You and Ryn avoid me at all costs unless the drive to get your dick wet is upon you. I mean, I get that, I really fucking do, but he can fuck some other chick in my absence. I’m certain it will make very little difference in the long run. This is just some fucked up powerplay with you guys. Some weird ass game of let’s hatefuck the Ouphe tainted.”
Zeph snarls at that, but I cut him off. “Oh please, did you not think I knew what was going on? I’m not stupid, and honestly, I don’t fucking care. I got a good fuck out of it, but enough is enough. You and Ryn can tag team some other bitch. I’m done.”
Zeph pulls me into him and grabs the back of my neck roughly. He brings his face down to mine and then rubs the scruff of his cheek against me as he nips at my earlobe.
“This has nothing to do with hatefucking or powerplays. And you are stupid if you believe any of the nonsense you just spewed. You have no idea how this world works or what’s at stake.”
I growl as I push away from him. He allows me to pull far enough back that I can look in his eyes but no further. “If I have no understanding of what’s going on, it’s because you’ve made it that way. You know where I come from and that I had no idea what I was or that this world even existed until you attacked me. But I don’t see you filling in the gaps for me. I’ve had no lessons. No tutors to explain how gryphon life and this world works. You want me in the dark. Let’s not pretend otherwise.”
Zeph smashes his lips to mine, and I get lost in the feel of his brutal kiss for way too long before I boob punch myself and come to my senses. I try to push Zeph away, but he’s not having any of it. He grabs my ass and tries to pull me up to straddle him. I fight to keep my feet on the ground, my head clear, and my senses free of Zeph and the molten effect he has on me.
“Zeph, stop.” My protest is swallowed by his lips as he tries to coax me to open up to him.
Fuck, I want to. Maybe just one more night of orgasms, and then I can leave tomorrow. As that thought flashes through my mind, anger surges through me. The fucker’s doing this on purpose. I bite his lip hard, and Zeph pulls back with a hiss.
“Stop,” I demand, ignoring the fire and want in his eyes.
He leans forward, hell bent on ignoring my command.
“Tamod, Zeph!” I shout in his face. “I’m not trying to set up another round of catch-me-if-you-can rough sex. I’m serious. I can’t fucking think with you kissing me and rubbing up on me,” I scold, exasperated.
I register the frozen look on Zeph’s face, and confusion flickers through me for a moment. I pale, and my blood runs cold as I realize that I just let that word fly out of my mouth like it’s something I say every day. Zeph morphs from shocked to enraged, and I watch as all the affection he just had for me evaporates into nothing. His features shutter and harden, and I panic.
“Fuck, Zeph, I didn’t mean…” I trail off and reach up to cup his face, needing him to feel in my touch as well as see in my face that I didn’t mean to let that word slip out. My stomach drops when he flinches away.
What the fuck were you thinking, Falon? What the hell did you just do?
20
I stare into Zeph’s betrayed gaze, and I instantly wish I could snatch that word out of the air, light it on fire, and eradicate its existence. I have no fucking clue why I said it. Maybe it was the echo of the dream I had this morning fucking with my good sense, but as I watch Zeph’s eyes go from shocked to furious, I know this is a fuck up of epic proportions.
“How in all of the stars do you know that rutting word?” Zeph demands, his voice low and measured as he slaps my hands away from his face.
“How the fuck do you not know the meaning of stop and no?” I snap back, defensive.
“You like to fight me and then fuck me, Falon. I thought it was just more of the same.” There’s a deadly calm to him now that sets every hair on my body on end with alarm. He takes a menacing step toward me, his stare filled with fury and betrayal.
I want to deny what he just said, but I can’t. It’s true.
“Who are you?” he snarls at me, grabbing me by the arms and shaking me like he thinks if he does it hard enough, the truth will fall out at his feet.
“You’re hurting me,” I protest on a growl and try to shove him away.
“Good,” he snaps at me, his eyes narrowed and filled with promises of more pain.
“How do you know that word?”
“My dad taught me,” I confess on a shout, and his glare turns even more bitter.
“How sweet, your Ouphe father taught his little girl how to enslave and control the masses. What fun you two must have had.”
“Fuck you, Zeph! I haven’t said that word since I was little. You wouldn’t stop—”
“So you thought you’d make me? Is that it?” Zeph accuses, cutting me off.
“No,” I insist, but Zeph dismisses it with a hate-filled look.
“You forget, little sparrow, that I’m not Avowed. There’s no magic running through my blood tha
t would force me to obey you.”
“I wasn’t trying to force you,” I defend, but the statement tastes bad in my mouth.
Was I?
“It just slipped out,” I offer weakly, not even sure if I believe myself.
“It just slipped out,” Zeph repeats, his hands shaking with the rage that suddenly surges through him.
“They used that word on my mother to keep her from moving while a group of guards forced themselves on her. They used that word on my father and older brother so they would have to stand still and watch. I was too young for the vow and the mark, too young to understand what was going on, but the screaming...” He trails off, his voice dripping with pain and buried emotion. “My mother was screaming, and they wouldn’t let me go to her.”
I’m horrified by what he’s telling me, and I watch as the mountain of a gryphon in front of me melts away and leaves a traumatized little boy in his place. His eyes grow distant, and I fucking hate the memory that must be replaying in his mind right now. I want to rip it out of his mind and then rip the vocal cords from my throat so I can never speak another word that could ever conjure any remnants of what happened to him again.
“I’m sorry,” I lament, and I step into him to try and offer comfort. I want him to feel the apology in every fiber of my body, and I want to rescue him from the brutal shadows that are haunting him right now.
He flinches back from my touch and rounds on me.
“Are you?” he challenges, and the question feels like a slap across my face. “Are you sorry that they cut her throat and then his? All because he spoke out against the vow and the highborn leaders who were abusing it. Are you sorry that my brother’s mind broke, that he never came back from that night? That he wasted away to nothing and then died in my arms? Are you rutting sorry as you spew that word out so casually, as if my pain and my body are yours to command?” I flinch back as Zeph bellows the last sentence into my face, his pain and trauma like a punch through my chest.
“I didn’t know,” I tell him quietly, but it isn’t true. My father warned me about words and their power the first time I used this word and froze the animals I was playing with. He told me about the responsibility that came with such a language, and then he died, and I stopped speaking it, stopped respecting it, and now here I am.
Zeph steps back from me, his chest heaving with the effort to rein in his emotions. “So, Falon Solei Umbra. Gryphon shifter who thought she was a wolf. Innocent female who just happened to be found by the Syta of the Hidden. Why would your father teach you these words? The words that someone with Bonding Magic uses to enslave others?”
His question rakes up my back like claws, and I flinch. I immediately think of the conversation I just had with Ami about Bonding Magic and what happens to the people who have it. I open my mouth to say I don’t know, but Zeph’s honey gaze sears through me, and as dumb as it may be, I don’t want to lie to him, not like I’ve been lied to my whole life.
“Nadi said I was a Bond Breaker,” I admit on a hesitant whisper, and Zeph’s features war between confusion and horror.
“Who the rut is Nadi?”
“She’s the ghost that lives in Vedan. I guess my blood woke her up,” I explain, awkwardly hating that it makes me sound like a fucking loon. Hating the way that Zeph is looking at me like I’m something that needs to be eradicated, like I’m dangerous.
“Woke her up for what purpose?”
I swallow down the warning that zings through me to keep my fucking mouth shut and take a deep breath. “Um, she said something about how I could break the vow once and for all. Hence that whole Bond Breaker shit I just mentioned,” I utter with way too many unnecessary hand gestures.
I suddenly can’t seem to stop fidgeting. Maybe it has something to do with the possibility of the impending death that Zeph is currently breathing down my neck. Or maybe this is the first time I’ve really voiced what I’ve been told, and believe it.
He scoffs, and murder fills his eyes. “Bond Breaker or Bond Maker?” he accuses. “If you can undo the vow, then why haven’t you?” he challenges with a disbelieving sneer.
“Because I have no fucking clue how to,” I snap at him and then instantly regret it when he slams me up against the wall in response.
I grunt against the force of it and pant through the adrenaline that crashes through me because of his aggression. His hand rests threateningly on my neck, and he runs the tip of his nose up the side of my face. “I should rip you apart right now,” he tells me on a growl, and I glare at him. “Do you know what will happen to you when this world finds out you have Bonding Magic? You’ll be hunted, little sparrow. You’ll be used, and then you’ll be slaughtered when you’ve served your purpose or become too much of a threat. The Ouphe will come for you, the Hidden will come for you, and the Avowed will be right on their heels.”
His breath caresses my face, his scent sinking deeply into my lungs, and I find myself oddly calm in spite of what he’s saying to me. Pigeon makes a weird fucking cooing sound inside of me that has me giving her the side-eye. Fucking weirdo.
“Leave, Falon,” Zeph orders suddenly, and the command pulls me from my focus on the way he feels pressed up against me.
“Leave,” he snarls more forcefully when I don’t budge. “Get home if you can, hide if you can’t, and hope a Cynas gets to you before the Avowed can, or worse, the Ouphe dregs track you down.”
I stare up at him in shock. “You’ll throw me to the wolves, just like that?” I ask, hoping my incredulity masks the hurt in my tone.
“It’s where your kind belongs.” I try to push Zeph way from me, but he doesn’t release his hold on my neck. “Oh and, Falon, if you ever come back here, I’ll kill you myself.”
Zeph squeezes my throat ever so slightly to punctuate his threat, and then with that, he storms out of my room. The door slams shut with a loud boom behind him. And I stare at the dark wood barrier for way too long, not sure what to do. He’s just given me permission to do the very thing I’ve been pushing for since I first woke up in this place. But his exit feels like it’s just taken something vital inside of me with him, and I don’t fucking know what to think about that.
Fuck him, and fuck this world.
I grab my bag of food from the floor and open the top of it. I walk into the bathroom and grab my pile of clothes, my eyes landing on my reflection in the mirror. The girl that stares back at me looks hollow, and I turn away, hating that the word coward bubbles up in my throat as I stare at myself. I shove my clothes in the bag, cinch it, and then tie it to my front. My wings burst out of my back, easy as breathing, and I’m reminded of the time I saw Ryn call his wings and then put them away just like this. I wanted so badly to do it as well as he did, and here I am.
I have the sudden need to say goodbye to Ami and to Tysa and Moro, but I know they’ll have questions. Questions I just can’t answer. I need to leave before the Syta asshole supreme changes his mind and decides my death is a better palate cleanser for him than my possible capture and torture.
I clear my throat in an effort to disengage the melancholy that’s trying to settle in my chest and roll my shoulders. I pull the map that Nadi gave me out of the waistband of my pants and unfold it as I walk out onto the balcony. Cool spray from the waterfall kisses my cheek, and it feels like the farewell I find myself suddenly hesitant to say. The purple dot reaches out to me like a beacon, but I ignore it and focus in on the mountain range on the opposite side of the map.
Here’s to hoping I can get that gate to open for me and that nothing scary tries to eat me before I can.
And with that, I leap off the balcony and fly out into the night.
21
I stare up at a massive red-purple boulder that feels like it’s laughing at me. That could be the exhaustion talking, but even Pigeon is giving it the side-eye. I lie underneath its shadow and watch the sun wake up and kiss the rock good morning. It took us all night long to touch down in the foothills of the Amaranthine Mountain
s, and now that we’re here, it’s clear that there was one seriously important detail that I didn’t factor in. The mountain range is huge. It’s way bigger than it looked on the map, and I have no idea where the gate is located amidst the rolling hills and bald peaks. Pigeon seems confident that she’ll recognize where we were flying when we first crossed over when she sees it, but I’m skeptical to say the least.
I sit up on a groan and dig through the backpack for the waterskin I stole. I take a deep pull and let Pigeon know we need to keep an eye out for a water source soon. My hand brushes the turquoise football shaped fruit I have hidden in my bag, and I shove away the thoughts of Zeph that suddenly bombard me. An image of Ryn pops up in my mind, and I release a weary huff.
“I know, Pidge, but what are we supposed to do? Zeph told us to leave, and even if I wanted to say goodbye to Ryn, I have no idea where he is. We’ll just have to cross our fingers that there are some hot eligible gryphon shifters back home,” I tell Pigeon, hoping it will reassure her, but I can feel her pout and longing.
I rub at my chest and hope for my sake that Pigeon can let Zeph and Ryn go. I don’t want to spend my future mourning the loss of guys who probably don’t give two fucks about our absence. An odd chirping sounds off to my left, and I scan the area as I cinch the backpack and haul my tired body to its feet. I don’t sense a threat, but I’m reminded that I’m in a strange land I know nothing about and should probably get back up in the air where it’s safer.
Ebony wings thrust out of my back, and with more effort than it should take, I’m up in the air and looking for the best current to use as Pigeon and I start our search for the gate. Wind fills my wings, and I’m guided along into a leisurely glide as Pigeon and I look for any familiar landmarks. We fly like that for hours until my neck and back are aching, and we’ve both come to the conclusion that scouring these mountains could take weeks, if not months.
Pigeon flashes an image of a stream into my mind, and I look around our surroundings for the water that she’s spotted. “Fuck yes, Pidge,” I cheer and mentally wing five her as I spot the same stream snaking through the rocks and trees. We make our way over to it and trace the water’s path in the air for a while until I spot a clearing in the distance that the stream borders.
