by Ava Alise
To: [email protected]
Cc: [email protected]
Subject: I have you.
I’m going to make this quick.
Unless you want me to tell everyone what I know, one of you will be quitting your job first thing Monday morning. Oh, and if you’re thinking about denying it, don’t waste your time. My video of you two basically fucking in the parking garage will debunk any lie you tell.
Emotions run through my body so fast that I can hardly keep up. I'm pissed, I'm scared, and I'm angry. Angry at myself, angry at him.... angry at this whole fucked up situation.
My phone slides out of my hand as I breathe deeply, trying to slow my racing heart. The pressure building in my chest is too much, though, and tears fall from my lashes as I slide into a pair of jeans and pull a sweater over my head.
Drex's text said to call him, but I need air... and I need to see him.
Twenty minutes later, I climb the stairs of Drex's apartment building. I’m finally in control of the tears, but now stuck somewhere between flat out disbelief and pure anger.
I give Drex's door a hard knock, and I don't have to wait long before the door swings open.
“Look! If you think…” he starts, but is taken aback when he sees it's me on the other side.
"Kelsa?" His eyes widen for a beat. "I'm sorry; I thought you were someone else.” He looks past me down the hall. “Baby, get in here, why didn't you call?"
I storm through the door, giving it a hard shove.
"This was NOT supposed to happen!" I say.
Drexel shuts the door and turns toward me with a creased brow. "His bullshit threat won't stand up; it's..."
"He's going to ruin everything!" I frantically shout.
"We'll be fine."
"Fine?!" I scoff. "Seriously?” I pace the floor, running shaky hands through my hair. "He has proof, Drex. Proof that shows a date and a time. Proof that places us directly on company property; there is no way around it."
"It won't stand, Kelsa."
"Yeah, maybe with you. Maybe Ronald will give you a slap on the wrist, but Amber doesn't work that way. If I don't quit, I'll be fired."
"Did you notice the name on...” He starts, but is cut off by my rambles.
"Even if you were to quit, this guy would own me. My entire career would be..."
"DID YOU NOTICE HIS NAME?!" Drex booms, stepping in front of me and putting a stop to my frantic pacing.
My face screws up. "Tanner... Tanner something.” I shrug. “It doesn't matter who he is, only what he knows."
"Harold Tanner," he confirms. "The same guy Mila told us about a few weeks ago, had some sort of pussy meltdown because we were hired instead of him.... either way, we have nothing to worry about."
Annoyance laces my expression. "This guy could be someone off the street, and it wouldn’t matter. Amber won't care who he is, only what he knows," I repeat, sitting heavily on the couch and covering my face. "I'm so fucking stupid."
The look on Drex's face turns cold. "Which part makes you stupid, Kels? The fucking me part? Because I don't give a shit about this idiot. He is documented as being unstable and now stupid enough to blackmail us and leave a paper trail. The only thing I’m worried about is us."
"Us?" I run my palms over my head. "Isn't this.... whatever this is... stressful enough? Sneaking off to fuck in empty offices? We’ve let this get out of control, and now we are screwed."
"No. Pretending that I don't want to be with you every fucking day is what's stressful! Trying to remember when it's okay to touch... kiss you..." he says, stomping toward me. "Or better yet, desperately trying to stop myself from falling in love with a girl I can’t stop fucking thinking about, that's stress! If we stop fighting so hard for something we have no damn control over, maybe we both can relax."
My heart freezes and my stomach hallows at his word as excitement, need, and terror all fight to surface. I want to run to him and away from him at the same time, and it's making it hard to breathe.
"We agreed not to do this," I say weakly, noticing the burn behind my eyes.
"We agreed not to do a lot of things. But If I walked into your office and bent your ass over the desk, I bet you'd let me."
Shooting to my feet, I snatch up my purse and stalk toward the door.
"Asshole."
"That’s just it!" He moves toward me. "I'm not an asshole! I'm not a drunk... or a fuck up. Stop lumping me in with the line of dicks you dated and see this for what it is!"
Tears sting my eyes as the details from that night flood my senses, causing me to break into a cold sweat. My eyes close as I take a deep breath and shake my head adamantly.
“So we just walk away then, forget it ever happened? Please tell me whatever you went through that can make you so shut off so coldly?! Because I…”
In a blur, I spin to face him.
“You don't know shit about dealing with someone coldhearted!” I yell.
Confusion dances in his expression as his words die on his tongue.
Tears fall from my cheeks as I back away from his touch.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t calling you coldhearted. I just want to understand.” He sighs.
I begin to feel dizzy as my anxiety rises to a new level. He deserves to hear why I don’t want to be with him, but the thought of having to relive that night is crippling. I steady myself with an empty chair and take a few deep breaths.
“He shot himself, okay,” I say, quickly wiping tears from my cheeks. "He shot himself because I didn't love him, and he made me watch."
His demeanor softens as pain dances in his eyes. Pain for me.
“Kelsa…” he says gently, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Remember that insane fuck I told you about?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
"His name is William."
“William and I dated for six months. Our relationship started off like any other, and we took things pretty slow. He was a med student, really kind… a fun guy. I had just graduated from NYU and stayed busy with internships. Even though our schedules didn't always connect, we did well with finding time for each other. After a few months though, it became apparent that the relationship wasn't working. We just weren't a good fit. The relationship was stale." My eyes shift from Drex’s concerned expression to my fingers that are knotting and unknotting around each other. He must be able to sense my discomfort, so I attempt to relax, taking a breather before continuing. "I decided I wanted to end it. Tell him the truth. So I went to his house one night unannounced, all pumped up and ready to get it over with, but when he answered the door, he was a wreck. His eyes were swollen and red, and it looked like he hadn't showered in at least two days. He immediately told me that his father had passed away and he didn't make it in time to say goodbye."
A pained look moves through Drexel's eyes. He almost looks sick.
"Damn,” he whispers.
I nod.
"Of course, I wasn't going to break up with him while he was grieving his father, so I stayed. A month went by and he went from bad to worse. He dropped out of school, started drinking every day, and became obsessive. Timing how long it took me to get from my flat to his apartment, and if I was a minute late, he’d lose it. He’d start cursing at me, asking if I was cheating. He stalked me around town, at work, cornered me in the subways, and in restaurants. It was like he knew my every move. When I’d threaten to call the cops he’d leave, but only I’d find him passed out at my front door the next morning. It was a nightmare, but he was in love with me, and I never thought he would actually hurt me."
Drexel’s eyes narrow, and his nostrils flare. With a tense jaw, he begins to shake his head, but before he can speak, I stop him.
“I had had enough!” I say through a shaky breath. “Even though I had told him we were done many times, it was usually when he was pissy drunk and incoherent. I had been avoiding him as much as possible, but had texted him one day agreeing to meet him if he stayed sober and heard me out. He
said he’d do anything for me, and he was done being a jerk.”
I take another shaky breath and meet Drex’s heated glare as I relive the events of that night.
It’s cold and dark outside as I stride steadily to the door of his apartment building. No matter what, this is the end. William needs help… help that I can’t give him. I grab my phone to double check the messages I texted Renee before I walked in to the building.
Me: Renee, I’m almost to his building.
Renee: I don’t have a good feeling about this, honey. If I don’t hear from you every twenty minutes, and I mean EVERY TWENTY minutes, I’m sending the police.
Me: Okay.
Renee: And delete these messages in case it goes south and he gets your phone. Do you still have your mace?
Me: I do, and I won't stay long. Twenty minutes tops.
Renee: OKAY
I take a deep breath and knock twice. William opens the door with a gun hanging from his hip and alcohol on his breath. My entire body tenses; I’ve never known him to own a gun.
"You're drunk... and you promised we could talk when you were sober," I say carefully as his red-rimmed eyes crawl over me. Taking a step back from the door, I slide my hand in to my pocket, grabbing the mace sprayer. "Call me when you’re sober, William."
As I turn away, he grabs my arm swinging me back to face him.
"I knew you'd try to pull that shit," he slurs. "You're not walking away from me again."
I'm about to snatch the mace out of my pocket, but freeze when he slides his hand over the gun. My heart drums as he forcefully snatches me into the apartment, slamming the door behind us. I move as far away from him as I can, backing into the dining table. As I do, I notice a bloody knife lying next to a bunch of open pill bottles.
"You have perfect timing, you know that," he says, stepping forward. For the first time, I notice the blood that’s covering the sleeve of his left arm.
My lips tremble as I try to keep it together. "William. Let me leave! You're drunk!" I say as the tears pool in my eyes.
"I'm not drunk.... I'm clear." He chuckles and grabs the gun from his waist. "I'm finally fucking clear."
My eyes are glued to the gun he's waving as I will myself to think, but the fear consumes me, choking my words.
William paces back and forth in front of me as I stay planted against the dining table.
"I had hoped to get this done before you got here," he says. "But now you get to watch."
"Watch?"
"I lost my father... my mother, and Tara won't talk to me... and now, you. Everyone wants to leave... so why don't I?”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I’m sick of feeling so lost, alone,” he says waving the gun wildly causing me to wince. “You can barely look at me, everything is fucked up, and sometimes it’s just easier to let it all go and stop fighting.”
"It's the grief talking, William." I say, my voice coming out beneath a tremble. "You need help. I know how close you were with your father, and he wouldn't want this."
"NO! FUCK THAT! My father wouldn't have wanted me to live in this shit. Not like this," he yells.
My body tenses, and I look away from his wild expression.
"Please just put the gun down. Let's go to the hospital." I plead through my tears, but it falls on deaf ears.
"I was going to try the pills; I know exactly how much to take for a toxic dose... But I also know the fastest way." He stops in front of me and with tears in his eyes he aims the gun at his temple.
"No. William!" I yell. "Please! Let's go get help I..."
"I loved you, Kelsa, I really did," are his final words.
"I was still pleading with him not to do it as I watched his lifeless body fall to the ground at my feet." I wrap my arms around my body.
Drex pulls me against him, and I cry as I try to erase the memory, the sound, the smell and everything else from that night.
"I'm so sorry, baby," he says, rubbing my back.
"That's why I stay away from love." I cry into his shirt. "It's too powerful, and if it goes south it can be unbearable."
I move away from his chest to look him in the eye.
"But with you… the pain of walking away seems to overwhelm the fear of staying." I sniffle.
"That guy was..." he says, shaking his head. "He needed help, but that’s not us."
"I know," I say, "I just wish family felt that way. His sister, Tara, hates me, the entire Benton Family thinks I’m heartless, that I was cruel during his time of need and the worst kind of person."
Drex's body tenses, and when I look at him again his face is pale.
"What?" I ask, noticing a knocking sound coming from the door.
"Did you say Benton? As in William and Tara Benton, the twins?"
I'm about to nod my head, but the terror in his eyes gives me pause. The knocking stops when the door swings open, and a woman walks into view.
Standing in front of me is Tara Benton with a hand lying on her pregnant stomach.
Drex
You ever have that moment where you watch the shit around you go from bad to worse? I don’t mean the “I’m running late and just spilled coffee on my shirt” type of bad. I mean nuclear bad, where you find yourself in a horrible trance as everything starts moving in slow motion. The type of moment when it doesn’t seem like there is anything you can do or say to make the situation better and there is no way things will be able to turn around.
That’s me right now. Staring slack jawed as I watch the terror rise in Kelsa’s eyes. You see, she just realized that I'm connected to the worst possible thing that has ever happened to her. And me? I just found out that not only did the girl I very well may be falling for date my lifelong friend for over six months, but also my entire family hates her—especially the girl who’s staring at us now. They really hate her. In their eyes, there isn’t a more heartless, selfish, mean-spirited woman on the planet. Even though we all know that it was William who pulled the trigger that night, Kelsa may as well have loaded the gun and put it in his hand.
Kelsa’s eyes are full of horror as she looks from me to Tara.
“What in the hell is she doing here?” Tara spits. She’s talking to me, but her eyes are still burning as she shoots daggers in Kesla’s direction.
“Tara?” Kelsa says, standing from her seat. “How do you know each other?” she asks, turning to me.
“She’s…” I start, but Tara yells over me.
“Why in the fuck is she here, Drex?” Tara asks.
My eyes shift from Tara’s glare to the hand she has placed on her pregnant belly. She’s barely showing but it’s definitely there.
The question in Kelsa’s eyes is obvious, but she doesn’t speak as her eyes move from Tara to my shocked expression. I can’t believe this is happening. I didn’t think Tara was going to come back, after the bomb she dropped on me earlier, and the way she left… I really thought we were done talking, at least for now.
“She’s here with me.” I say, giving the most obvious answer. I need a fucking minute.
“Out of all the dirty, evil little cunts in New York you decide that—”
“Tara, stop!” I say, cutting her off. “Don’t.”
“No.” Kesla says, rushing past Tara. “Let her continue, but I’m not sticking around to listen to her bullshit.” Kelsa snatches her coat off the rack and sticks her phone into her purse preparing to leave my apartment.
“Bullshit? You know what you did to him,” Tara booms.
Kelsa doesn’t respond. She only shakes her head as she slides into her coat.
“Kels, baby… don’t leave,” I say, walking toward her.
“Baby?” Tara scoffs. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!”
“Tara, enough! We will talk about this later.”
“No,” Kelsa says with tears in her eyes. “I can’t… I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I still have no idea what to say. All I know is I’m not letting her walk out of t
hat door. I know exactly how she must be feeling because my family, well mainly Tara, did everything in their power to blame William’s girlfriend for what happened that night.
I make it to the door in a few quick strides, stopping Kelsa as she’s about to close it behind her. “Kels. Don’t you think we should at least talk about all of this?”
She turns to me and her mouth falls open, but before she can speak, Tara’s voice comes floating into the hall.
“You should just let the bitch leave before she ruins more lives.”
This causes Kelsa’s resolve to break. Her jaw ticks and, in a blink, she pushes past me and walks back into the apartment.
“I told you! I tried to help William. I begged him to go to the hospital, to stop drinking, he wouldn’t listen to me,” she yells.
“Is that why you wouldn’t talk to him? Why I had to keep picking him up from jail?” She scoffs. “He was grieving! We all were!”
“I begged… pleaded with him to get help,” Kelsa says as tears roll from her eyes.
“Yeah, sure. What type of woman dumps a guy when he’s at his lowest point, buried deep in depression? He had lost everything. You were all he had left. Who does that?” Tara says.
“Oh, and where in the hell were you, Tara? Where were you when William was too drunk to stand? When I’d find him passed out in the hall covered in piss and vomit because he was too drunk to unlock the door?” Kelsa huffs and quickly brushes the hair that has fallen toward her face behind her ears. “How did you help him, Tara?” she yells, as her tears flow endlessly and spit flies from her mouth.
“Bullshit!” Tara yells. “No! You are not going to place the blame on me. This is on you, and you know why!”
Kelsa’s mouth opens, but no words come out. Instead, she stares wordlessly at Tara and it looks as if she’s going to shatter into pieces.
I step between the girls and wrap my arms around Kelsa, pulling her to my chest.
“Listen, you two,” I start, but Tara’s paled expression immediately changes and she looks at me like I slapped her. “We all need to calm down and…”
“No. Screw that!” Tara interjects. “I only came back to give you this,” she says, pulling a folded piece of paper from her pocket and shoving it toward me. I take the paper from her hand and she turns and stalks toward the door. “Call me when you start making some fucking sense,” she says, and slams the door behind her.
