Another thought occurred to me, as well. What if Ginger resented us both for the situation? She was young, but she was very smart. I didn’t think she’d be nearly as upset with me, since I was the one who would be there to take care of her when Dawson couldn’t. But what if she was so angry with him for going away for so long that she didn’t want to go back to him when he came home? That thought would have crushed me if I’d dwelt on it for long. I turned my thoughts toward the present now instead, not letting myself get bogged down in ‘what ifs.’
The drive home wasn’t long, and I felt the anticipation building as we neared the houses, though there was an unusual nervousness building inside right along with it. I couldn’t understand that. It wasn’t like this was our first time together by any means. But that feeling made me tremble, and I grew shy as we turned into my driveway. He put the car in park but didn’t turn off the motor yet.
“Mari, if you’ve changed your mind and you don’t want to do this, I’ll understand.” He didn’t look at me as he said it, and I stared at him in shock, my heart beating wildly out of control.
“Why? Dawson, do you want to call it off?” It was the only reason I could think of for him to say something like that. I had given no sign of backing down and, usually, he seemed perfectly capable of noticing my sexual energy and playing off it. Unless he had doubts, I couldn’t see why he wouldn’t know that I was as eager as I’d ever been.
He took a deep, shuddering breath and said, “We’re supposed to be happy tonight and, so far, everything has been absolutely perfect. Now, I want you so bad I can’t promise to be gentle and slow and make it the type of experience worth remembering.” He still didn’t look at me, and my heart broke that he would think he could do anything to ruin it.
I rested my hand on his thigh, a silent plea for him to look at me, and when he did, I locked my eyes on his. “Dawson, we have never been the kind of couple that takes their dear, sweet time in bed. I don’t care if we have frenzied, desperate sex or if it’s over before it even starts. I just want to be with you, and when we’re done, I want to do whatever else we’re going to find to do together. I want to fall asleep with you and wake up next to you, and I want to soak up every minute of you I can get. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
His eyes were liquid orbs as he nodded, and the corners of his mouth twitched in the ghost of a smile. “I do.”
“Good.” I winked, trying to lighten the mood, and asked, “Your place or mine?”
I think he chose his place for several reasons. In all the time we’d been seeing each other, he’d fought the idea of moving in together, and it was because there was so much danger, so much to hide. Now, there was nothing I didn’t already know, and I’d already faced that threat head-on once. I’d come out of it alive and, for the most part, unscathed, and I could do it again if I had to.
But I also suspected he wanted to treat me to an occasion out of my own bed, knowing I wouldn’t be going anywhere for a very long time. A change of scenery did everyone some good, and I had to admit there was something about Dawson’s bedroom that filled me with confidence and sureness. Most of all, I knew he would miss his house. He wasn’t going to be here for more than a few days, and it could be years before he ever saw the place again. I would have to talk to him about whether he intended to sell it or needed upkeep on it, but that was not a discussion for this moment.
We didn’t bother stopping in the kitchen or the living room. We went straight to the bedroom, and he turned on the lights and dimmed them to a low, romantic glow. With the mood set, my eagerness grew, and just looking at him with the shadows and light playing over his face and the hard muscle of his body had me highly aroused. He tried to be tender, and he succeeded at first. He touched my cheek softly, and I leaned into his palm as his lips came down to stroke mine gently but enticingly.
I opened to him, and Dawson still managed to rein in his impulse for quick, frantic sex. His tongue danced as closely with mine as we’d danced before we left the bar, with the intimacy of no barriers in between. And as he taunted my mouth with the sensual kisses, he reached behind me to untie the scarf and draw the zipper of the dress down. With fingers shaking as he fought for control, he pulled the dress from my shoulders and slid it down my arms, over my hips, and down to the floor. He crouched in front of me, continuing his work by taking off my boots and then rolling the leggings off.
His extreme caution and attempt to make the night last tugged at my heartstrings, but more than anything, I wanted to get him as bare as I was now. I reached for the collar of his shirt and began unbuttoning it, all the way to the waistband of his jeans. He stood completely still, letting me work, and I saw him clench his fists to keep himself from brushing my hands aside so he could make faster work of it.
But when I released his cock, which had been straining hard inside those tight jeans, and I touched him with just the tips of my fingers, he roared and lost his cool. I rolled my eyes up to his face, watching his demeanor change and his eyes ignite an instant before he picked him up with rough hands and tossed me on the bed. I reached for him, but he rolled me to my stomach before his weight came down on me. He shoved a knee between my thighs, spreading my legs, and the pressure against my center made me pour as I gasped at the sensation of his lips searing the back of my neck.
I fisted my hands in the covers as his cock replaced his knee, stroking the wet lips with hard, long motions. It was a complete tease, and it worked, my whole body seizing with my first orgasm. I screamed out and shook with the weight of the wave crashing over me, and Dawson chose that moment to plow into me. I cried out again with a new explosion, and he thrust again, harder and more insistent. With each motion, he was deeper, and he filled me more fully. I arched my back, lifting my ass and hips off the bed, inviting more of him, and he grabbed my hips, angling them even higher and shoving more violently.
I gasped and tugged at the sheets, trying to gain some sanity and a moment to breathe, but Dawson didn’t let up, keeping my body quivering and my inner walls convulsing around him as he bruised and battered me in the most delicious way. I thought he was going to explode right then, but he pulled back, teasing me with just his head.
I whimpered, unable to find the words to ask him to give me more, and he chuckled maliciously, enjoying his torment of me. Just when I was sure I could take no more, he pulled out entirely and turned me onto my back so I could finally face him. Throwing my legs over his shoulders so my knees bent on them, he loomed over me and folded me practically in half as he pressed into me as far as he could go in one long, smooth thrust. I let out a low, keening moan as the pleasure rolling over me heated me to the point of burning, my skin hot to the touch.
Dawson was still for the space of a heartbeat, and I delighted in the feel of him buried inside for that short moment before he started to drill me in earnest. This angle changed everything, and he was so deep inside me I swore I could taste the tip of him in my throat, feel his length in my stomach. I nearly choked on the sensation, and my head fell back as I lost the strength to hold it up, the muscles in my neck going limp with all the rest.
I couldn’t see straight and couldn’t think at all, my body responding on instinct as my mind shut down completely, and in that moment, Dawson found his release, erupting brutally inside me and bringing me along with him for the ride. I flew with him, a body high that blanked out the world and brought nothing but insane, unrelenting pleasure. When the ride ended, it was a slow, floating descent to reality, and we landed together, both of us barely lucid.
I still couldn’t breathe, and it had nothing to do with all of Dawson’s weight being draped over my body. It was literally the exertion, the sweeping emotion, and the release that made my lungs burn and kept them from functioning properly. But at long last, I recovered, and Dawson seemed to sense it as he lifted his head and gazed into my eyes. I held my breath because there was one thing I wanted to hear from him, one thing I still wanted him to say.
I felt i
t welling up inside me, and I had said it so many times. But I wasn’t going to say it first this time. I knew he loved me. I could taste it in his kiss, feel it in his touch, see it in his eyes, and sense it in the way he made love to me. But he never said it. It was the one thing I’d waited for, the one thing I had yearned for, and as I saw the raw emotion in his expression now, I prayed he was going to say it for the first time. And hopefully not for the last.
He brushed a hand over my brow, pushing back the damp locks stuck to it, and he kissed my lips softly. He opened his mouth, and I swallowed past the lump in my throat.
Searching my face, Dawson said, “I want you to have my house.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
I stared at him, stupefied. Of all the things that could have emerged from his lips, that was not a statement I’d considered. “What?” I asked, sounding like I had some sort of condition that made me mentally unstable.
He nodded. “I want you to have my house. It’s paid off. I bought it outright with cash, so there are no payments to be made. It’s Ginger’s home, and the best way I know for her to have it is to sell it to you for a dollar so it’s in your name. You can keep your house, stay in it if you want. Or you can quit work if you want and sell your house. There’s money in an account for everything you and Ginger need while I’m away.”
The more he talked, the harder it was to stay calm. This was making me angry. We weren’t supposed to talk about these things tonight, and we certainly weren’t supposed to be having conversations that made me think he questioned my ability to provide for Ginger in his absence. Trying to make light of it so we could move on with the rest of our night, I forced a laugh and said, “This isn’t exactly pillow talk, Dawson.”
He shifted his weight to the side and propped his head on his elbow, scowling at me. “I’m not trying to upset you, Mari. I just want to make this as easy as possible on everyone involved. I know you’ve had it rough at work lately, and I don’t want you to worry.”
“Stop, just stop.” I couldn’t listen to anything else about it. “Look, tonight is about us, and all the beautiful things we have together. Tomorrow, you get to do the same with Ginger. We’ll talk about this sort of thing after we’ve had our time to live the fantasy, okay? Don’t keep going down this path tonight. I’m begging you. Things will turn ugly, and I can’t handle that.”
He nodded, casting his eyes down. “I have to say one more thing,” he told me, his voice gravelly and thick with emotion. I didn’t speak, giving him the space to tell me whatever was so pertinent, even if it ruined the evening. “I go in on Tuesday.”
My whole body seized and not from the ecstasy of an orgasm. Fear, dread, and devastation blended into a panic that had me frozen as I stared at him. My mind tried to deny what I heard, even as the rest of me accepted it with a sinking feeling. “Tuesday.”
“Yes.”
I let the thought compute. “I guess I knew it would be soon, and you told me it would be next week. I just didn’t realize how close that was already.” I inhaled deeply and released the breath with a shudder. “Okay. Then we’ll talk about all the final details on Sunday. That gives you Monday to prepare all your personal affairs.” I stroked his hair and shored up my courage. “We can do this.”
He nodded but still didn’t meet my eyes. I moved my hand to his chin and tilted his face up toward me. Finally, he gave me a smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yes, we can do this.”
I had to move, or I was going to fall into a pit of despair. I sat up, fighting off a flash of nausea, and realized I was actually hungry. “Come on. Let’s go pop some popcorn, make some tea, and find something chocolate. We’ll rent a movie to stream or something.”
As I stood and stretched, he watched me with avid interest but didn’t make a move on me. Instead, he got to his feet and said, “I’ll grab some pillows and blankets. We can camp out on the floor, surrounded by things that are terrible for us.”
I strode into the kitchen, completely nude, and I dug through the pantry until I found the popcorn and the raspberry tea I was craving. As an afterthought, I reached into the fridge for a couple of peaches, which sounded absolutely amazing. I had just about everything ready when Dawson joined me, pulling one of his long-sleeved shirts over my head. It came almost to my knees, but it was cozy and warm. And it smelled like him. I thought briefly that, if I did have access to his house, at least I would be able to sniff a shirt or his cologne from time to time.
“Peaches?” he asked.
I shrugged, biting into one as he collected the other bowls. “I had a sudden urge for something fresh and fruity. Found them in the crisper.” Something else hit me, and I moaned at the mere thought of how good it would taste. I opened the fridge again, searching, and found what I wanted. There was a block of pepper jack cheese on the middle shelf, and I took it out, getting a wooden board and cubing some of it to add to the spread.
I joined him in the living room and dropped to the floor amidst the pillows, blankets, and food, and I kissed him soundly with a smile. He’d already chosen a movie, a light romantic comedy he knew I wanted to see, and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Are you sure you want to watch something like this? I mean, I don’t mind something with a little action or adventure, if you want. I’m not against epic battle scenes with wizards or rescues by robots who speak with foreign accents. ‘Come with me if you want to live.’” I did the best impression I could.
Dawson threw his head back and laughed. “You’re ridiculous. And maybe a little behind the times on the latest action movies.” Looking at me with the sparkle I’d been trying to put back in his eyes all night, he said, “I’d rather watch something that gives me a chance to look over at the beautiful woman next to me without missing an explosion scene or anything of the kind.”
I blushed. I couldn’t help it. No matter how many times he said it, I still couldn’t believe he thought I was beautiful. “I can get on board with that,” I told him. He hit play, and I dug into my snacks.
***
I awoke in a bed, though I knew I’d fallen asleep on the floor. I vaguely remembered that, after the movie, Dawson and I had laughed for a while, running back through our favorite parts, and then things had gotten intimate again. He’d ridden me hard and kept me out of my head for longer than I had been able to count, and I’d fallen asleep almost instantly in his arms.
I also knew that, at some point, the dishes had been cleared away, but I didn’t remember that, and I didn’t remember moving to the bed. I had a sneaking suspicion Dawson had something to do with that, but he wasn’t in the bed with me. Still in his oversized shirt, I crawled out from under the thick, fluffy comforter and got to my feet. I waited for the usual nausea to overwhelm me, but to my surprise, it never came. In its place was raging hunger, and I padded out of the bedroom toward the kitchen with the intent of finding something to eat.
I should have known Dawson would already be there, and he was just getting the pan ready to fry eggs. I could smell biscuits in the oven, and my mouth watered. I had to snap my lips tightly shut to keep from drooling. I realized he’d shredded some cheese, as well, and I was more than ready to slide a couple of hard fried eggs between two halves of a biscuit with some melted cheese.
“Good morning,” I said as I approached him. “I wanted to wake up beside you.”
He smirked at me as he leaned over to kiss me good morning. “I intended to let that happen, until you started mumbling in your sleep about food and being starved. I thought you’d forgive me if I had breakfast underway when you woke up.”
I winced. “Was I really talking like that?” I didn’t know if I’d ever talked in my sleep before.
He nodded. “Don’t worry about it. I’d already been awake for about an hour. Watching you sleep.”
“Is that how I got to the bed?”
“No, that was a few hours ago. I wasn’t going to let you sleep on the floor and wake up with your back all messed up. Besides, I prefer the bed myself. You’r
e just lucky I didn’t wake you up for round three when I got you there. It crossed my mind.”
I poured myself a cup of coffee as the machine beeped that it had finished brewing. “I would have been fine with either decision,” I told him. I was glad we hadn’t switched focus to today yet. I was all right with giving him the whole day and night with Ginger, but I wasn’t sure what I was going to do to keep myself distracted.
I made sure the conversation stayed light and bantered playfully, keeping both our spirits lifted, and when Dawson left to pick up Ginger, I kissed him quickly and went home to shower and prepare for a day alone. There was no saying goodbye. This wasn’t going to be the last time we saw each other, and I doubted he was any closer to being ready for the finality of it than I was.
Once I’d cleaned up, I went straight to the kitchen, my stomach driving me, and I made myself an enormous chicken Caesar salad with grapes on the side and a huge glass of lemonade. I devoured it and felt like I could fly, so I headed to the farmer’s market, deciding it was time to stock up for Georgie’s visit and Christmas dinner. I realized this would probably be the last time I went alone, having Ginger with me from now on. I looked forward to it, but I enjoyed the last of my solitude for the afternoon, perusing everything in the market and taking my time.
HAWK: The Caged Kings MC Page 45
