by Maegan Abel
Maybe it was already too late.
“It’s easier to give up everything now than to see how good it can really be and lose it,” I whispered, keeping my eyes on his with a great deal of effort.
He shook his head. “That’s just it. You won’t lose it. This thing between us, that’s the way it works. We all live, we all die, we all start over. The best part of that is knowing that when we start over, we have someone there the next time. And the next.” He sighed and this time he cupped my cheeks with his warm hands. I hadn’t taken the time to really enjoy the way his big hands felt when they touched me. Any part of me. I needed to. “This is the beauty of Infinity. This. Us. Knowing we will always find one another again.”
I had no words. None.
He bent his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. My body shuddered as his sigh washed over me, then he tilted his head up and pressed his lips to my forehead.
“I meant what I said earlier,” he whispered against my skin, the position keeping me from being able to see his face. “I have always loved you. And I always will.” It hit me all at once then. His words felt like goodbye, and it terrified me. My hands came up of their own accord, grabbing his back near his shoulders as if I could hold him to me…as if I could keep us together by sheer force of will.
But I couldn’t find my voice. My fear choked me and kept me from saying the words that would make him stay.
There were times it was infuriating that she held so much power over me. No matter how pissed off I was at her, just the smallest showing of genuine emotion was enough to make it all disappear. I wanted to stay angry. I’d spent time away from her trying to build up enough of a defense that I could finally take a step to protect myself rather than just letting her continue to string me along.
Yet here I was, telling her I loved her and holding her close.
As horrible as it sounded, I sometimes hated her for not remembering me…not remembering this.
I started to pull away, but her hands fisted in my shirt, holding me to her. “I—”
“Don’t. I don’t want you to say anything right now. Right now, I want to go take a shower and crash. I’m exhausted,” I said, dropping a quick kiss to the top of her head before pulling away and walking to the bedroom to grab my sweats just for an escape. It was weak, but I didn’t want to hear her fumble with how to respond to me saying I loved her. Truth was, I shouldn’t have said it. Not now.
Snatching the sweats off the top of the dresser where I’d thrown them this morning, I headed to the bathroom, my thoughts knotted as I tried to ignore the silence coming from the kitchen. I couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking about. I turned on the water and stripped out of my clothes, tossing them in a pile by the door before climbing into the hot stream. Bending my neck forward, I let the water hit the back of my head and run through my hair and over my back and face. Since Evie reappeared in my life, I was constantly tense. But, eventually, something would give. What I really needed right now was a fucking release. The memory of this morning came back full force and the tension I was trying to ease with the hot water doubled. With a groan of frustration, I turned and finished wetting my hair before shampooing quickly. When I bent my head back to rinse, I heard the scrape of the shower curtain opening. My head snapped up and I locked eyes with Evie.
A very naked Evie.
She smirked and climbed into the shower, pulling the curtain shut behind her. It was bold, given everything that happened, and I couldn’t deny that I was impressed she had the guts to try. I also couldn’t deny that I was just thinking about needing a release and her stepping into the shower had been in the back of my mind when I thought it. I wondered for a second how she would react if I told her our bodies are so in tune to one another already, my need for her was what brought her to the shower? I almost laughed, knowing she would lose her shit if I put anything else on her right now. Instead, I didn’t say a word. Leaning my head back again to make sure all the shampoo was gone, I felt her hands on my stomach, her fingers tracing up toward my chest. As she pushed harder, I felt just the tiniest scrape of her nails along my skin and every ounce of thought left me. My entire body, as always, responded to her touch. Every nerve sprang to life and every muscle tightened in anticipation. This was just one more part of the connection that would only continue to strengthen. I lifted my head again and my hands tagged her waist, pulling her into me and under the water as my lips landed on hers. I wasn’t in the mood to take things slow or even let her think she had any kind of control in this now.
I rotated our bodies so she was closer to the front of the tub and turned her to face away from me. She glanced over her shoulder at me, but I put a hand to her back while I held her hip, showing her what I wanted.
“Grab the ledge,” I said, pulling her hips back as she bent forward. She did without even questioning and I had to physically step back a little so I wouldn’t take her right then. “Just like that.” I used the moment to remind myself how much I loved her body and how responsive she was. I appreciated the view as I slid a hand down between her legs and ran two fingers over her flesh. She let out a gasp and it made me grin as my cock hardened further. Fuck, she was perfection. “I could spend all night staring at this ass.”
My fingers moved forward, finding her clit and running on either side of it before I started a few quick circles. She threw her head back with a moan before looking over her shoulder at me, the water running down her body, wetting her hair and making it stick to her skin in a way that was beyond sexy. “Stare all you want, but could you fuck me while you do it?”
That mouth. There were times I needed that attitude from her and this was definitely one of them. Goddamn, I wanted to fuck the attitude right out of it. I didn’t say that, though. Instead, I removed my hand and positioned myself at her entrance, grabbing her hips. “Brace.” It was the only warning I gave her before I slammed inside. She cried out and somewhere in my mind, I thought we should worry that we weren’t being quiet, but I didn’t care.
I couldn’t care. Not about anything outside of this. This moment, this connection, was the closest I would get to a sense of wholeness and I wasn’t going to think about anything else. The feeling of being inside her, of knowing it was her, was perfection. She was perfection.
She lifted onto her toes, bending down farther and tilting her neck to brace a shoulder against the front wall of the shower. She did this like a pro and I continued searching for the release she’d teased me with this morning. I could see her face, her cheek pressed against the wet tile, and the sight was everything I could ever want. Sliding her hand down, I felt her fingers working her clit and groaned. Watching her expression shift, her face scrunching and teeth digging into her lip as she worked herself closer to orgasm while I fucked her was almost enough to make me lose my control. My fingers tightened as I held myself together. I wanted to be greedy, to let go, but even after everything this morning, I needed her release first.
“Get there,” I said, my movements becoming less and less controlled as I lifted her hips higher, pushing myself deeper inside. She cried out and the sound of my name on her lips, the look of ecstasy on her face, and the tightening of her muscles around me made it impossible for me to do anything but let go. She went limp moments later and my arms wrapped around her waist automatically, taking her weight as my cock continued to throb.
Lifting her, I carefully disconnected us and turned her so her back was against the tiles with the entire length of my body holding hers in place. My mouth found hers and the kiss was just as passionate as it had been before our release. It was in these moments that I had to believe she could feel what Infinity truly meant to us. How much we both wanted this from the beginning. I had to hope I was getting closer to drawing my Evie out from behind those goddamn walls.
She moaned a contented sound against my lips and I pulled away, bending my forehead to hers as I met her eyes. I wanted her again already. I’d never have enough. It was impossible to have enough when t
he other person completed you.
“Can we finish in here before the water gets cold? I want to get to bed so I can taste you,” she said, her eyes staying on mine as she leaned in to slowly lick a bead of water from my chest.
We finished the shower in record time.
For someone who claimed she didn’t cuddle, I found that a fully satisfied and thoroughly exhausted Evangelie did just that. After another orgasm, two for her because I couldn’t pass up the chance to have my mouth on her, she fell asleep with her head on my chest and one leg thrown over mine. That was a normal position for us, one I was used to, and my favorite. There was something about feeling her weight on me that just made it easier to sleep.
A part of me wondered if she ever thought about how many nights in the past we spent in just this position. God knew I did. I lay there when I should be sleeping thinking about how weird it was that even though our bodies changed, we didn’t. We knew exactly the way we fit together as though we’d never been apart. Did she realize that? Did she feel it at all?
I had to believe she did. I would see it occasionally, a little spark in her eyes that told me she felt what we had, but she definitely wasn’t ready to admit it. I just had to hope she would be in time. I stretched my arm, pulling her tighter against me, trying to get as much of her as I could while I had the chance. As I did, she sighed and her arm on my stomach moved up my chest to wrap around me. I grinned. She might try to pretend she was hard and unfeeling, but moments like this proved, deep down, she was still my Evangelie.
I needed that more than I realized this time.
Her face was tilted up and I carefully reached over to brush her hair away so I could see her better. I studied everything about her, memorizing the moment as if I expected her to disappear at any time.
The problem was, she just might.
This Evie was more unpredictable than any I’d dealt with in the past. She was harder, but just from seeing her with Cara, I knew she was deeply passionate about those she loved. And I wanted that. I wanted to break down her defenses and find the girl underneath them.
I spent most of the night in a light sleep, almost afraid of losing this time. When she woke, she startled me by smiling up at me. “You think you’ve won again. Jerk,” she mumbled, but the softness in her eyes gave away her happiness.
“As long as you’re in my bed, I’ve won,” I promised, kissing her forehead before rolling to hover over her, intending to start the day off right.
I tried several times over the next week to talk to Dom, but he was doing everything he could to avoid me. I went by the store a few times, but his dad said he was taking some time off to work on his degree because he’d fallen behind, which really meant he was spending time out on the boat to get away from everything happening here.
In the meantime, I watched Cara begin to heal physically while withdrawing emotionally. Evie was worried about her, and truthfully, I was as well, but I tried to focus as much of my attention as I could on finding Shawn so we could at least have some part of this whole ordeal under control. Officially, of course, I wasn’t working the case, but I was keeping up with it as much as I could. From what we could find and the reports we’d received, he was on the run. We had officers in five states on the watch for him and his vehicle description and license plate number was everywhere. It was only a matter of time before he slipped up and showed himself, then we’d have him.
My morning off had been spent at the house, trying to talk Cara into riding with me to go find some lunch while Evie worked. Things had been going well—or at least a tad less explosive—between Evie and I. She wasn’t quite letting her guard down completely, but she was giving me a small opening to let me believe I was making my way inside.
I was just holding on to hope that I really was getting past those defenses.
My phone rang and I glanced at the screen, seeing Evie’s name. “Hey, babe.”
“Hi. Listen,” she whispered, and I could hear the plates and voices in the background telling me she was still at work. “I just saw Dom.”
“Where?” I asked, sitting up straighter in the chair. Cara looked over at me from the couch, her head tilted to one side.
“He walked by the diner with some girl. I wanted to go out and yell at him, but since I need this job, I thought I’d call and see if you’d yell at him for me,” Evie said, and I couldn’t help but smile. I gave Cara a wink as I headed back to the bedroom so I could respond in private.
“Wait a second,” I said as I shut the door, “are you asking me to defend your sister’s honor? I thought you wanted Dom to stay away from Cara.” It was risky to prod her, but I was doing what I could to make her see how much she believed, even if she wasn’t ready to accept it.
She made a sound that was half frustrated and half annoyed. “Shut up, jerk. You’ve seen how miserable she is.”
“Yeah, I have. And I’ll talk to Dom,” I conceded, given that I didn’t really want to argue about it anyway.
“Thank you,” she said sarcastically.
“You can thank me in bed later. Or in the shower.” I closed my eyes as the ideas continued playing out in my mind.
“Gavin—”
I hung up before she could launch into an argument. I’d probably left her just as frustrated as I was now and that could definitely bode well for me tonight.
I thought for a second on what I could do about the whole Dom and Cara situation. I didn’t have a plan in mind as I went back in the living room. Cara was dozing on the couch again, as she had been most of the morning, and I smirked when I spotted her phone. An idea formed quickly and I decided to go for it.
Grabbing the phone and Stitch’s leash, I rattled it quietly while he jumped up from where he’d been laying on the floor close to Cara. I snapped it to his collar and locked the front door, heading toward the beach. Once I was close to the water, I dialed Dom’s number from my phone. He didn’t answer. I dialed again. He still didn’t answer. I sent a text.
Me: I need your help. I’m out for a run with Stitch and Cara called. She was upset and screaming, but the phone cut out. Are you anywhere near my place?
It was mean. It was cold. He would be pissed. But I had no doubt he would go. He needed to see her, and I’d take his pissed off reaction if it meant he and Cara had a chance to talk. My phone buzzed.
Dom: I’ll be there in five.
“Come on, Stitch. Let’s get some energy out,” I said, giving his head a scratch before I headed down the beach. Cara’s phone was buzzing in my pocket the second we started to move and I laughed.
“What did you do?” I hissed at Gavin, tossing my purse on the counter in the kitchen. I’d spent the entire afternoon worried sick about Cara and now I could hear her laughing in the living room and Dom’s car was in the driveway.
He smiled as he strolled toward me. “I think he’s going to take her out to dinner,” he said, like this was a good thing. I narrowed my eyes, causing him to laugh. “You were the one who told me to talk to him.”
“I know. I just…” I groaned when I heard Cara’s quiet giggle and a low laugh filter in. “She’s not strong enough for this.”
“What does that mean?” Gavin asked, crossing his arms over his chest. I couldn’t help it, my eyes followed the arms. Because seriously. Those arms.
“It means if something happens, she won’t be able to handle it. You saw. Two weeks thinking he was gone and she was a mess. If she gets him and then…” The look he was giving me made me trail off. It was the same look he always got when I pulled back. The skin around his eyes was tight and little lines showed there and across his forehead. Then he lifted his chin toward the ceiling and took a deep breath before lowering it. Closing the distance between us, he wrapped his arms around my middle and gently rested his forehead against mine. His eyes were soft now, but somewhat guarded, and that made me worried about what he would say.
“She’s not your mom, Evie. She can—”
“Shut up,” I snapped, trying to
pull away. God, it was like he knew which buttons to push to piss me off. “Don’t talk to me like you know what I’m thinking. You don’t know.”
“I do know,” he replied, not releasing me. “You can pretend all you want, but I can see right through you. It’s in your eyes, babe. You’re terrified. And I understand. Really, I do. It’s something you have to work through in your own time and I’m going to do everything I can to prove to you I’m not going anywhere. But you can’t push your fear off on Cara. She’s not afraid of losing him. Based on what I’ve seen today, she’s more afraid of life without him.”
I stood frozen while fighting an internal war. I hated when he lectured me, but I hated it worse because I’d seen how down Cara had been these last few weeks without Dom around and I’d called Gavin for a reason when I saw him today. I didn’t want to pick up the pieces and try to hold Cara together if she lost Dom, but I also couldn’t deny the Cara of the last few weeks was sinking and heading down the same path.
It didn’t make sense. Grandma told us if we protected ourselves from them, if we didn’t give in, we wouldn’t get hurt by them. But apparently we could regardless. As much as I tried to deny it, Gavin would hurt me if he were to walk away now. Even though I tried to pretend I didn’t care at times, I so fucking did. If he left, I’d never admit to anyone I was in pain, but what did it all mean? It didn’t bode well for me in the future, that much was clear. But things were going well at the moment. Cara and I had been staying with him for almost two weeks, and so far, it wasn’t bad. In fact, I was happy. And that was a crazy feeling for me. To be happy and content in my life, especially when I was sharing that life with someone, was insane.
