by Jordan Deen
Brandon shoved his fist into the wall in frustration; none of us moved. Trevor finally broke the silence, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he was coming. He’s getting better at sneaking up on me.”
“Nah. Don’t worry about it.” Brandon patted Trevor on the shoulder with his bloody hand, trying to reassure him there were no hard feelings over the mental lashing he just took from his father. Trevor wasn’t to blame, but angry, violent thoughts filled my head over Michael’s gross overreaction.
The three of us silently played out where the conversation would go next. No one wanted to look at each other or even move. We jumped when the door at the opposite end of the room opened, bursting the fragile silence.
“Lacey, why don’t you come help us?” Emile and Nicole nonchalantly came in from the kitchen. “Cooking for more than fifty people takes a lot of hands.” She smiled, but she knew what just happened. Everyone in the makeshift town heard Michael’s interaction with Brandon.
“I’ll be right there,” I tried to get rid of her, but it didn’t work. Brandon needed me. I wanted to stop the pain and end his doubt, but I couldn’t, not with an audience. The answer to our problem hadn’t come to me yet, so there would be no way I’d even know where to start. So, I did the only thing that came to mind. I stood beneath his gaze and urged him to look at me. “I love you,” I whispered, craving privacy and rested the palm of my hand against his heart. “I’m sorry. I know this hasn’t gone the way we expected it to.”
“That is the understatement of the year,” he responded, focusing on everything in the room, other than me.
My hand traced the length of his chest to rest at the base of his neck, “I mean it, I’m sorry.”
When he finally looked at me, regret filled my stomach, seeing tears forming in his eyes. The pressure built up in him rivaled my own and there would be no relief for either of us, not if things continued to spiral out of control. “What will it take? What will make you say you love me and mean it?”
“I do love you.” Trevor, just a few feet away, tried not to listen.
“But not in the way you love him.”
“Brandon, it’s because he was real. Everything with you…was a dream.”
“No, it wasn’t,” he snapped. Trevor grabbed him on the shoulder before we could finish our conversation.
“We have to go. It’s going to be worse if we don’t.”
Emile and Nicole waited impatiently at the end of the room for me. “You better go.” I didn’t want the moment to end, but fully knew it had to. He had his obligations and I had mine.
“Okay.” He slouched against the wall, obviously not wanting things to end this way either, but this had become our life.
By the time dinner was over, and I cleaned almost every dish in the entire kitchen, it was after midnight. Lily spent the evening watching Matt spar with Trevor and Dillon, Nicole’s mate. Thankfully, I finally had some peace and quiet, even though it was spent cleaning with Emile and her sister, Ava.
My biceps burned from washing so many dishes. It hurt to pull my tank top over my head when it was time to call it a day. I knew they believed in doing things traditionally, but even my grandmother had a dishwasher. When I became head mistress, it would be my top priority to get one. Well, maybe we’d get a TV first, then a dishwasher.
The sheets were stiff and scratchy under my palms when I finally settled into bed. They probably instigated my nightmares. Tomorrow, I’d pull them off and soak them in fabric softener. I missed my quilt, brushed cotton sheets, and having my own room; especially when Lily drenched the darkness with the overhead light at one A.M.
“You missed out on a good time! Matt and Dillon were climbing the trees and Trevor was trying to chase them. It was awesome!” What kind of parents would let their twelve-year-old out so late with a bunch of kids twice her age anyway? “I can’t wait to transform and do all the stuff they can!” She clapped and bounced up and down on the edge of my bed.
“Do you mind?” I tossed the opposite way and pulled the covers close to my chest. “I’m trying to sleep.”
“Sorry, sourpuss.” She scrambled onto her own bed. A faint melody vibrated from her throat. I considered throwing my pillow at her, but it was one of the few things Brandon stole from my house for me, so I refused to give it up.
At three A.M., familiar hot breath warmed my face. It could have been a dream, but there was no stream and no trees; none of the perks of Haventon appeared in my room and Lily snored cozy in her bed. Brandon, in wolf form, stood beside my bed. In a time I needed him most, Brandon risked his life to pose as Grant, a mischievous stray dog, to keep me safe. He endangered his life again, when I needed him and his reassurance. If Michael found out he came to my room, even as Grant, Brandon would have been punished. But Brandon knew how comforting Grant was to me last year, during my parents constant arguing. He was taking a big risk, but it came with an even bigger reward. Grant’s reappearance brought back the first feelings of home I’d felt in months.
“Come on boy,” I said and patted the bed for him to lie next to me. Luckily, the bed was huge; otherwise, we wouldn’t have fit. Grant twisted and turned until his body aligned perfectly vertical to me, and his head snuggled into the pillow just inches from my ear. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed him and the comfort he brought. His soft fur under my palm made me homesick, longing for the easier times that I took for granted. This probably wasn’t the affect he wanted, but it worked. I drifted easily off to sleep. He stopped the nightmares. Even the cheap cotton sheets didn’t matter, not with the soft bristles of his fur under my appreciative skin.
c h a p t e r
TWO
Grant was gone by first light. Lily too. The sound of feet shuffling back and forth in front of the door pulled me out of bed. Nicole stopped pacing abruptly when I flung open the door to glare at her. She wore a path in front of my door, waiting for me to wake. She’d never done that before, so it flared my suspicions.
“You’re up! Good!” Having a stand-in best friend sucked. But Emile and Brandon insisted. They thought it would make me assimilate into the pack, and Brandon said she was just like Jillian, my ex-best friend. They may have had similarities, but only if you looked really deep. Both of them being werewolves didn’t count. At least, Nicole wasn’t trying to kill me like Jillian and her mate, Gavin, had.
“Yeah. Where’s Lily?” I asked because it’d be easier to put up with her.
“She’s out with Matt and Trevor. They are getting ready for another trip.”
I pulled on a hoodie and slid on the boots Emile loaned me. “Maybe I should go help them?”
“I have other plans for us today. You’ll see.” Nicole grabbed my hand and pulled me from the house and into to the woods. Patches of snow still surrounded the cabin and the sun hadn’t peeked through the large evergreens, making for a very chilly morning, one that I should have stayed in bed for. The forest floor agreed with my assessment under the heavy tread of our boots; the ground cracked and groaned with each step. “So, I figured I would give you a crash course in being a female werewolf,” she said when we reached the clearing by the stream that would rival the one from Haventon; it made me wonder if this stream was Brandon’s inspiration for those dreams. “I know you haven’t transformed yet, so I thought it might be easier to hear what to expect from someone your own age. Someone… impartial.”
“Okay…” I said hesitant, not sure what to expect, but knowing there was no backing out now she dragged me out into the middle of the woods. In fact, if Michael didn’t know she had planned this, she’d be in as much trouble as me.
She spread out a blanket and patted it for me to join her. “The first time Dillon touched me, the world stopped. I swear, I heard music. I never thought it would happen because I didn’t meet him until I was seventeen. So, we sort of have that in common. Dillon is seven years older than me too. He actually mated with someone else, but she died before either of them had transformed. She was five and he was six.
” She picked up a smooth black rock and smashed it between her palms. “They never thought I would mate, but one night, we were following up on a lead to find you and poof! We mated, our marks appeared instantly, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. It hasn’t always been easy though. I guess that’s the point I was trying to get at.” She half smiled and tossed the rock into a deep part of the creek. “Anyway, the first time I transformed was just a few days after I turned eighteen. They thought that the gene had passed me, so my family was relieved when I finally mated.”
“Not all people in the pack transform?”
“No, not everyone is chosen. Only the ones that mate actually transform. You don’t know if you are going to change until you meet that person. Now, it’s a tradition that all the members who aren’t mated come to hold any newborns so they can find out if they will carry the legacy or not.”
“How did Dillon mate with you after he mated with someone else?”
“I don’t know. His dad, Lucas, and Michael never figured it out. They were afraid Dillon would die, but when he turned eighteen he transformed and didn’t come down with the sickness.”
“The sickness?” I threw a much larger rock into the stream—it sank pretty much like my attempt to understand the point of her story.
“Yeah, that’s what happens to bonded werewolves that are abandoned before the full union of transforming can be made. There is no cure.”
I almost didn’t want to ask, but I had to. “What happens to them? I mean, do they really die?”
“Yes,” she stalled, “they die. But it is a slow, painful, horrible death.”
“You’ve seen it?”
“Yes. Only once. That was when I was really young, maybe five or six. One of Robert’s sons died from the sickness. His mate was killed in an attack before she could transform… he never got over her. One day, without warning, he was stricken. They called in every healer they could. No one could cure him. He shook all the time, he howled, he cried, he screamed, he’d half phase and then be stuck half human- half wolf for days. It was horrible. The elders took a vote on whether or not they should put him out of his misery. His father, Robert, couldn’t do it, and neither could Michael.”
My hands trembled, and the shaking rattled through my body. Tears streaked my face for this poor boy I never met, knowing fully that could be Brandon. I may have loved Alex, but fully knew I belonged with Brandon. Even though we hadn’t fully bonded, I was still drawn to Brandon in a way I couldn’t begin to explain. “How long did it take for him to… you know?”
“He lingered. It took almost a month…” Her voice strayed off and I stayed captivated in her grotesque story, fearful I would share in the sickness if I didn’t.
“I think that’s enough for one day,” Brandon said, walking out from behind one of the large trees. We both jumped almost three feet off the blanket.
“You scared us!” Nicole looked like she had been caught, and the look on his face confirmed he didn’t like her chosen topic of conversation. She should have stuck with the positive, instead of telling me a fable they probably told to young werewolves to keep them in line with the whole bonding tradition.
“Can I talk to her for a few minutes?” Brandon asked Nicole and pointed at me.
“Sure.” Nicole started getting up from the blanket, but he stopped her.
“No, stay here. I need you where we can see you, okay?”
“Sure, umm…” Nicole looked around to find a way to give us time alone without actually leaving.
“Don’t worry about it,” Brandon offered me his hand, “we won’t be long.” He smiled and cautiously interlocked his fingers through mine, one of the few times he’d actually touched me since I’d ran away with him. The sensation of his skin on mine sent chills of excitement rushing through my body, making me wonder if my doubt was just that and nothing more.
“I’m sorry I left you this morning.” He leaned against one of the trees. Nicole sat less than fifteen feet away, but with her back to us, it gave the illusion of privacy. Brandon linked his other hand around mine and rubbed the back of my hands with his thumbs. My heart jumped when he pulled me closer and drew my hands up to his mouth to kiss them. The tenderness and intimacy of that one moment made me wish we were alone. His hot breath lingered against my cool skin a moment longer before he finally rested our clasped hands against his chest, letting me feel his accelerated heartbeat. “I don’t know what has happened between us. We seemed to be right on track… then—nothing. We became strangers all over again.”
“I know.” I searched his face, anticipating what he wanted to say. It was obvious there was more treading behind his unauthorized appearance. What could have been so important for him to defy his father to have me alone, even for the briefest moment?
“We are leaving again.” He paused and looked over at Nicole. “She’s going to be a great asset to you while I’m gone. Please, listen to her. Take her advice. Think about what she says about transforming. I asked her to talk to you about how you will feel and what it will be like for you being a female werewolf. I know you’ve talked to Emile and Lily, but that’s different. Emile hardly ever transforms anymore and Lily hasn’t yet. I want you to get some information first hand.” He hesitated. “I just think she might be able to help you understand.”
How could I understand transforming when I couldn’t understand the reason for the sudden dread that consumed my stomach… over the feeling of finality in his words? Then, it set in. “How long are you going to be gone?”
“I don’t know.” Brandon wouldn’t meet my gaze. The answer would crush me.
“Longer than before? Longer than a couple of weeks?”
“Possibly.” He meant yes.
“What happens if I transform before you get back? What if you come down with the sickness that Nicole told me about? Can we survive being apart that long?” The words flowed from my mouth faster than the water rushing in the stream.
“Shhhh, it’ll be okay. I don’t know how long it will be. You won’t transform while I’m gone. I promise. I will come back every two weeks to make sure we don’t lose our bond. Or, what little we have left at least.”
I nod in agreement, but really wanted to tell him not to go; although, I had no right to. I had no justification for wanting him to stay, other than the unspoken, inherent death for both of us.
“Everything will be fine. I will figure this out,” he tried to reassure me again, but the look on my face probably gave away that it wasn’t working. We couldn’t figure anything out, we’d already tried. Un-loving Alex was impossible, and that is exactly what needed to happen. I had to wipe away all possible specks of feelings for Alex. And that couldn’t be possible considering the dreams I continued to have about him and the nightmares of those last few moments we had together.
“I think we are both under such stress,” he stalled again, rubbing my hands firmly between his to match our marks, both were almost faded from sight entirely. “We just need time to grow that bond again. We need to focus on what was working before we brought you here.”
“We were allowed to be alone before,” I said as low as I could, but Nicole could have heard me whisper the words anyway. “I don’t understand why they won’t let us be alone together.”
“They know you are vulnerable right now and…” Guilt flashed on his face. “If something happens to you, I won’t be able to help you heal since I can’t take you to Haventon. If you get hurt, there’s a good chance you wouldn’t survive and neither would I.”
I hadn’t even considered the possibility of anyone being able to find me, let alone hurt me. “Do you think they know where we are?” I didn’t even know our exact location, and with my make over, I don’t think my parents would recognize me; half the time, I didn’t recognize me.
“We don’t know. Michael thinks Alex can sense you.” Brandon peeled a long section of bark off the tree and tossed it to the ground. “He thinks that your bond is stronger with Alex than it ever wa
s with me. I just don’t get it…” Nicole slightly shook on the blanket, making me well aware that she knew what he implied and was still actively participating in our conversation.
“I need time.” With his hand in mine, I squeezed tightly, wanting him to look down at me. Instead, he turned my hand over and examined my now almost completely faded mark. “I don’t know what we are. When I came here with you, I knew I had to come. I wanted to be with you. You made things so much better. But now I’m here, we’re never allowed to be alone, everyone walks on eggshells around me, and I’m treated like an outsider. If we haven’t fully bonded and I haven’t transformed, then maybe I’m not the one. Maybe I don’t carry the gene and I’m not meant to transform after all? Maybe this is wrong?”
Brandon straightened from the tree to tower over me with his jaw locked and his teeth grinding. “Even though you don’t feel it, I do. That’s the difference. You consume every inch of my body—thoughts of you, your touch, your smell, everything. You are everything to me. It’s not about whether I live or die. That’s what you are missing. You are missing that need for me—the want. You don’t understand the pain that I felt watching you, everyday, falling further in love with Alex. I’m risking everything for you. You don’t truly understand the danger I put myself in to protect you and be near you. I’d do it all over again if that’s what it will take.”
“I don’t want you in danger. I can’t see you get hurt. I need you safe.”
“But it’s not the same as my need for you. You wouldn’t risk your life just to be near me. The only reason you’re here is so that you don’t risk your life.”
“That’s not true.” His accusation couldn’t help get our bond back and that was what we needed to focus on. Not this same argument over and over again. “It doesn’t matter why I’m here, why I’m staying or what my motivation is for being with you. The point is, I’m here with you and only you. Our futures depend on each other.”
