by Anne Rice
Chapter21
21
"GOBLIN WAS on time for the meeting with the panel of psychiatrists. He was my faithful duplicate again, and the look of contempt and boredom had vanished from his face. He put his arm around me and I could see that he was afraid of what was to happen with the panel.
"As we entered the room -- Goblin, me and Aunt Queen -- I felt for one moment: What could it be like if I were to trust these people? If I were really to make an appeal to them? Could they help me, not with some cooked-up psychiatric diagnosis but with an active assault on Rebecca and Goblin and on the panic that had driven me to the Hermitage? Could they be a party to my efforts to fight the trespasser?
"My own sheer disloyalty to Goblin, born out of a brand-new fear, put me to shame. But, not being able to read my mind, for all his new attainments, he had no clue of it.
"I quietly demanded that a chair be placed beside me for Goblin to sit, and I laid my hand on his knee and felt him relax. I glanced at his profile and found his eyes chilly as he looked at the panel. I told the panel that, though they couldn't see him, Goblin was sitting to my left and that he was looking at them and hearing everything being said by us.
"As for the panel, I was soon certain that it was impossible to expect anything exceptional from any member of it, and the examination was largely an uneventful half hour.
"Two of the doctors were young, sterile and heartless men, interns, I figure, and the one woman on the panel seemed tentative and overeager to please, and the chairman of the board was a big heavyset doctor who seemed himself to be suffering from terminal depression.
"Winn Mayfair was there and he studied me in dignified silence. His was by far the most interesting face.
"I told them quickly, and dryly, my whole story. I kept back nothing except the most recent and private details of my erotic relationship with Goblin. Of his heroics I made much. Of our sexual contact, I said nothing. When I described my love affair with Rebecca and the burial of her remains, the visits of the Mayfair Medical lab to the Hermitage and the attendance of the FBI, they looked to Aunt Queen, who confirmed what she could readily.
" 'You do realize,' said the heavyset head doctor, 'that no fingerprints whatsoever were found in the bathroom where you were supposedly attacked. Nothing on the walls, the lavatory or on the pieces of glass that could be examined. ¡¯
"I hadn't known, and I was bitterly disappointed that I had to be told such a thing in these circumstances.
" 'The trespasser didn't touch anything but me,' I said quietly, my face burning with restraint. 'The glass was in fragments. ¡¯
" 'You also know,' said the chairman of the panel, 'that your housekeeper Ramona didn't see this intruder, and none of the guards on your property saw him either. ¡¯
"Again, I was hurt that Aunt Queen had not told me these things before, but I swallowed hard on my anger and simply shrugged.
" 'Dr. Winn Mayfair can tell you,' I said. 'My injuries weren't self-inflicted. ¡¯
"We had come to an impasse.
"Then the doctors put the same routine questions to me that child psychiatrists had used years ago, with a few new wrinkles, such as, Did I hear voices? Did Goblin ever tell me what to do? Did I ever suffer blackouts? Did I know my own IQ? Had I no interest in attending college? I gave simple answers. I wanted it to be over.
"At last Winn Mayfair asked me in a very quiet and respectful voice whether or not he and the others could do anything for me. Did I perhaps have questions for those who'd been questioning me?
"I was completely taken aback by this. I never expected anything so friendly or reasonable. Common sense told me to stop and think this over. But then I heard myself responding:
" 'No, I think this has gone on long enough. I presume you will confer and send us word of your diagnosis?¡¯
" 'We'll do that, if you like,' said Dr. Winn. 'We thank you for coming. ¡¯
" 'You talk like I'm a specimen,' I said, ignoring Aunt Queen's little gasp. 'Was I brought here for your sake or mine?¡¯
"Dr. Winn was unfazed by the sharpness of my tone.
" 'This is a teaching hospital, Quinn,' he said. 'It's reciprocal what goes on. As for your diagnosis, let me tell you now it's perfectly obvious that you're not a manic-depressive, a schizophrenic or a sociopath. Those are the ones that worry people. ¡¯
"He rose to his feet -- a signal to all those present -- and this time he shook my hand and 'applauded' my patience.
"The two antiseptic young men vanished, the woman went with them, the huge, heavy, depressed captain of the team wished me good luck, and Aunt Queen said jubilantly that we could now go up to the rooftop Grand Lumini¨¨re for a nice supper.
"Goblin remained locked to my side, and in the elevator going up to the roof, I felt his right arm tight around me.
"I was calculating; I was going to break in Mr. Nash Penfield right. I wasn't going to let him find out about all this in some delicate manner.
"The restaurant proved a marvelous surprise. Even Aunt Queen's glowing compliments had not fully captured it. We were quite high up over New Orleans, which was great, and huge arched windows were open everywhere to the glowing afternoon around us. There was a colonnade along the east side, where one could stroll in the open air, along a balustrade with Tuscan columns. And within the circular room itself, between the vast windows, there were rich paintings in heavy ornate frames -- a sampling of art from all different centuries.
"I noticed the Dutch art right away. 'My God,' I said to Aunt Queen, 'we're surrounded by Rembrandts. ¡¯
" 'No, dear, they're all fakes, or reproductions, as Rowan Mayfair likes to put it. They were commissioned especially for the restaurant, but don't you worry. You'll be in Amsterdam soon enough, seeing some of the originals. ¡¯
" 'What a dazzling idea,' I said. 'Bringing it all here for people who don't want to go wandering. ¡¯
" 'Now, now, toots,' she said. 'Don't fret about wandering. There's Nash. He's already at the table. Please follow me. ¡¯
"I took the measure of the restaurant before I took the measure of the man, and saw that all manner of people in all manner of dress were seated at the white draped tables. Lots of patients in wheelchairs were dining with family members, it seemed, and many tables had people who appeared dressed for a night on the town, and then there were uniformed doctors and nurses.
"All the tables were round but they varied in size, and ours was set for four, which immediately delighted me.
"In summary, I knew it to be a boldly homogenized and democratic place, yet a place of genuine beauty and refinement, and my heart went out to the woman who had designed it.
"The windows were full of the sun-streaked sky, and I could see the twinkling lights of the two river bridges shining wonderfully in the dusk. I loved it.
"But now it was time to see Nash and to introduce him to Goblin.
"The man who was helping Aunt Queen with her chair was taller even than me (at that time), probably by about two inches. He had wavy black hair with a lot of gray at the sides, and he was dressed in a fine spring suit of blue-and-white seersucker.
"His eyes were pale blue and he had rather deep lines in his face, giving him a bit of a jowled look, but he was in fact slender. His expression was entirely wise and sympathetic, and he took my hand in his warmly.
" 'You're Nash,' I said. 'I thank you for helping with my computer. ¡¯
"His voice came with a depth and color that any man would envy. In fact, it had an effortless professional sound to it that was charming.
" 'I'm delighted to meet you, Quinn,' he said. 'I understand Goblin is with you?¡¯
"We were getting off on the right foot. I presented Goblin to him immediately and I noted Goblin's cold stare as Nash tried his best to be courteous to something he couldn't see.
"We were immediately seated in a nice open circle, and when the waitress approached, I told her that an invisible personage was seated to my left, and tha
t he would be having the same meal I would be having.
"She was horrified.
"Aunt Queen gave her immediate approval of the plan before the young woman could laugh or make some odd remark. And Nash immediately commented on the heavy silver of the table setting.
"I ordered a double vodka martini, with plenty of olive juice and olives, and that went over very well, too, thanks to Aunt Queen immediately ordering the same and one for Goblin, and asking to see the wine list.
"Nash asked for a glass of plain soda water, remarking that he had finished a lifetime of drinking earlier than one might have expected.
"The waitress departed in an anxious flurry.
"Then Nash began to introduce himself, his slow, careful sonorous voice telling of how he and Aunt Queen had met in Europe, where Nash had been shepherding a group of high school students on a tour of the Continent.
"This was apparently Nash's summer job throughout graduate school at Claremont College in California, but he was now finished with all course work for his Ph. D. and needed only to write his dissertation.
"Subject? A thorough investigation as to whether Charles Dickens had ever been edited, and what effect modern editing standards might have had on his work, with heavy reliance on an examination of how Dickens' writings had been abridged in England and America.
"I was immediately interested, and also attracted to this deep-voiced man with the gray at his temples, and I felt I could have listened to his easy eloquence for hours. In fact, I longed to do so. He had a natural wide-eyed expression when he spoke and an inveterate politeness that was totally disarming.
"But Aunt Queen quickly cut in to express her immediate desire: that as soon as Pops' will was read, we go on to Europe. Of course Nash agreed with her that I was the perfect age for the Grand Tour, and I believed Nash when he told me that I would never quite again be as impressionable as I was now. Then he turned to Goblin, and, trying to lock eyes with something parallel to me, asked Goblin what he thought of the travel proposal.
"I took Goblin's right hand, which felt heavy and warm, but he showed me nothing but that cold profile again and he was utterly silent.
" 'Goblin, what do you think? Do you remember our trip to New York?' The question came out of my mouth before I could realize that it was a blunder. Goblin had gotten weaker and weaker in New York, until he was scarcely more than a sheer phantom.
" 'Goblin, we won't do anything that's bad for us,' I said. 'Here, look at this martini. ' I held up the glass for him. And then I took a swallow of it myself. 'Here's to you, Goblin. We're together. We're going home to the house tonight. We're through with this hospital and anybody and everybody that would have worked for our separation. ¡¯
"Of course this long speech was entirely audible to Nash and Aunt Queen, and Aunt Queen picked up the gist immediately.
" 'Come, Goblin,' said Aunt Queen, 'certainly you want to go to Europe. We'll have so much fun together. ¡¯
"Again, I tried to elicit some reaction from him, but I couldn't. He wasn't playing at eating his food or drinking his drink, and he stared at Nash as if he was the enemy.
" 'No, Goblin, he's not!' I leaned towards him. I whispered. 'He's good for us. Remember how Lynelle was good? That's how this man is. I knew it the moment he started talking to us. ¡¯
"Of course Nash and Aunt Queen could hear this, and Aunt Queen said at once: 'I'm so supremely overjoyed. Quinn, dear, don't drink that martini too fast. The wine I've chosen is excellent. ¡¯
"Goblin continued to stare forward.
" 'Never mind him for now,' I said. 'I think the hospital stay has exhausted him. Nash -- I presume you do want me to call you Nash' ('Oh, absolutely,' he replied) ' -- we've just been through a peculiar ordeal upstairs and --. ¡¯
"Before I could say more I heard Goblin's ominous monotone: 'Europe, I can't,' he said. 'Too far for me. You remember New York. You talk like a fool. Goblin Quinn one person. ¡¯
"It was clear that no one else could hear him.
" 'I know,' I replied aloud. 'I understand. All right. We'll think on it. ¡¯
" 'I once thought,' he went on in the same chilling voice, 'Europe existed in pictures and stories. Then Aunt Queen called from Europe, we saw movies of Europe, Lynelle taught you about Europe. Europe is real and far away. No going to Europe. No. Do this and we split apart. Quinn Goblin one person. ¡¯
"My anxiety was cresting. Plates of steaming food were being set down, wineglasses filled, and all the world of this restaurant saw me whispering to empty space, but I had no intention of weakening.
" 'Just listen to this man,' I said. 'Listen to Aunt Queen. It doesn't mean we have to go. ' I leaned closer to him, dropping my whispering even lower. 'I'm just humoring them, you see, I have to do it. Nash can be my teacher at Blackwood Farm. We'll be together. Goblin, look at me. ¡¯
" 'No, I don't want to look at you,' he replied. 'You are sly. ¡¯
" 'God in Heaven,' I declared in a louder voice. 'What do you want of me? I'm giving you my total loyalty. Nash, tell him that you can be my tutor at Blackwood Farm. It's possible, isn't it?¡¯
"Nash stared intently at what he thought was Goblin's face, and he wasn't very far off, as I saw it.
" 'Of course, I'd be delighted to teach Quinn at Blackwood Farm. The place is beautiful,' he said. 'Goblin, I'm new here. I want for you to approve of me. I know full well that Quinn will only accept me if you do. ¡¯
" 'Yes, that's it, that's why we're here!' I said forthrightly. 'Oh, if you could only see him,' I said to Nash. 'To me he's as solid as you. ' I reached over and took Goblin's right hand. 'I love you, Goblin. It's love between us. ' I kissed his cheek.
"I drew back, and in the small interval of silence I felt exposed in this crowded restaurant and maybe downright ridiculous. I had thought that Nash would be difficult to win over, but it was turning out to be Goblin. And I was out on a limb in this place, talking to what seemed to be nothing and no one, talking in fear because I knew what that invisible person could do and no one around me could even guess it. Not even Aunt Queen really had a guess at it.
"And then there came one of the rarest moments of my life.
"I was gazing from Nash to Aunt Queen when suddenly I noticed at the next table, behind them, a beautiful red-haired girl who was staring at me fixedly. It was as if Fr. Kevin Mayfair had been metamorphosed into his own divine sister.
"She had his same clear skin with a natural blush to the cheeks and the same rich red hair; and though she had breasts large enough to please any man, she wore ribbons on either side of her hair as if she were still something of a little girl in spirit.
"We locked eyes, the two of us, and then she looked from me to Goblin. She could see Goblin!
" 'Dull-witted Quinn,' he said to me in his icy loveless voice. 'She has been watching us from the beginning. ¡¯
"Of course. He had been staring at her, not at Nash, not at Aunt Queen; he had been staring past them at this person -- the first person I had ever known, other than me -- who seemed able to completely see him.
"The shock left me speechless. I knew Aunt Queen was asking me questions, and that Nash had just spoken up. But I made sense of nothing. And as I watched, a man who was seated beside this amazing young girl stood up and came towards us. He looked right at me as he approached.
"He was gray-haired, informal yet dignified in a blue blazer and slacks, and very vivacious of expression and of voice as he spoke to me.
" 'You'll forgive my intrusion, please,' he said. 'My name is Stirling Oliver. I'm a member of an organization. It's called the Talamasca. I want to introduce myself to you. We study the paranormal, you see, and I couldn't help but notice your companion. ¡¯
" 'You mean you can see him too?' I asked. But I saw at once he was telling the truth, and Goblin's eyes moved to his, but Goblin said nothing.
" 'Yes, I can see him very well,' said Mr. Oliver as he presented me with a little card. 'We're an old, old Orde
r,' he went on. 'We've existed for perhaps a thousand years. We study ghosts and those who can see them. We offer assistance. We offer information. I am so very impressed with your friend. Do forgive me. ¡¯
" 'Goblin, talk to Mr. Oliver,' I said.
"Goblin neither moved nor spoke.
"Aunt Queen interjected. 'I really must ask you to stop,' she said with uncommon force. 'You see, my nephew in spite of his prodigious height is only eighteen, and you really must go through me if you want to establish any sort of relationship at all with him. I don't entirely approve of those who believe in the paranormal. ¡¯
" 'But Aunt Queen,' I said. 'How can you say this! All my life I've seen Goblin! Please, I beg you, let me talk to this man. ' But it was to the red-haired girl I looked, and then abruptly I rose, excusing myself to nobody, and I went to her table.
"She looked up at me with Fr. Kevin's green eyes. The little ribbons held back beautiful tresses of her long thick wavy hair. She smiled. She beamed. She was exquisite.
" 'I want to marry you,' I said. 'I'm in love with you. You can see Goblin, can't you?¡¯
" 'Yes, I can see him, and he's an egregious whopper of a spirit,' she said, 'but I don't think I can marry you. ¡¯
"I sat down, probably taking the chair which Stirling Oliver had vacated, barely casting a glance at him to discover he was in fast discussion with Aunt Queen, and only now did I realize that Fr. Kevin and Dr. Winn were both seated at the table facing us.
" 'My name's Mona Mayfair,' the girl said. She had the most crisp lively voice. 'These are my cousins --. ¡¯
" 'I know them both. Fr. Kev, please, properly introduce us. ¡¯
" 'Quinn, you are so strange,' said Fr. Kev with the flash of a warm smile. ' " Properly introduce. " Next you'll want me to announce the banns on Sunday. Mona, this is Tarquin Blackwood, he's eighteen, and he takes his familiar with him everywhere. ¡¯
" 'That ghost is no familiar,' Mona said. 'He's much too strong for that designation. ¡¯
"Oh, I loved her voice, the lilt of it, the easy way she laughed.
" 'I want to marry you, Mona, I know it,' I said. I stammered. I had never beheld anyone as purely lovable as Mona, and I never would, I was totally aware of that. The world hung by a thread, and I had to seize the world and snap that thread. 'Mona, come away with me. Let's just talk together. ¡¯
" 'Slow down, Tarquin, please,' she said. 'You're really cut and cute, but I can't just go off with you. I've got so many people watching me you wouldn't believe it. ¡¯
" 'Oh, it's the same way with me, every decision is made by committee. Mona, I adore you. ' I looked at my hands. What rings had I put on for the odious meeting with the psychiatrists? I had a diamond-studded band on my right ring finger. I pulled it off. I offered it to her.
" 'Quinn,' said Fr. Kevin, 'cease and desist. You can talk to Mona in normal fashion. You don't have to be offering her a ring. You don't even know her. ¡¯
" 'And look,' she said, pointing over at the table. 'Your ghost is standing up and staring at you. He knows I can see him and he doesn't know what he thinks about it. Look how he's looking down at Stirling. ¡¯
" 'Stirling, the Talamasca, that's what he said, right? I have to learn about it. You know this Talamasca, Fr. Kev?¡¯
" 'About as much as a priest of the Church of Rome can ever know it,' he answered easily. 'Quinn, Stirling's a decent man. I can't endorse the organization, but he's been a good friend to Mona and to me. ¡¯
" 'You need somebody like him,' said Mona. 'Not me. I'm too ruined for you. ¡¯
" 'What on earth are you talking about?' I said. 'Ruined! You're gorgeous. I want to. . . I'm going mad. I knew I'd go mad today. First it's a panel of psychiatrists, and then it's Goblin acting sullen and weird, and now you're telling me you won't even think about marrying me! Let me just call on you, let me just bring you a bouquet of flowers and sit with you in your parlor with your mother, all right? I swear, I'll be a perfect gentleman. ¡¯
"Her smile broadened and I could see the most shadowy humor in her quick green eyes. I could see secrets, I could see cleverness and sweetness.
" 'I wish to God, if I wasn't who I am --' she said. 'Mayfairs like me always marry other Mayfairs. We have no choice. Nobody else understands us. ' She sighed.
" 'I understand you. You've seen other ghosts, haven't you? You knew Goblin for what he was immediately. ¡¯
" 'I've seen plenty of ghosts,' she said soberly. 'Maybe you and I could just play for a while. ¡¯
" 'No, I don't think this is a good idea,' said Fr. Kev. 'Quinn, your Aunt Queen is getting pretty heated over there. ' He rose to his feet. 'I think it's time for me to step in and restrain Stirling. I've never seen Stirling play it quite this way. I think Stirling thinks you need him, Quinn. And you come back with me now. ¡¯
" 'But I don't even know where you live!' I said to Mona.
"I stared at Dr. Winn. His cold blue eyes and impassive face told me nothing.
" 'Come on, Quinn,' said Fr. Kev.
" 'First and Chestnut Streets,' said Mona. 'Can you remember that? Riverside downtown corner. That's the Garden District --. ¡¯
" 'I know it totally,' I said. 'My grandma grew up on Coliseum Street. I'll come to see you. ¡¯
"I let Fr. Kev direct me back to my table. Stirling Oliver was in my chair talking heatedly to Aunt Queen.
" 'We only mean to help people,' he said. 'A person who sees spirits can feel very isolated. ¡¯
" 'You're right,' I said, 'you're so right. ¡¯
"And there stood Goblin staring down coldly on the proceedings and then looking over to the blossom of loveliness that was Mona.
"Stirling rose. He put a white card in my hand. 'Take this. Call me if you feel you need to talk to me. And if your aunt, Mrs. McQueen, will allow it. ¡¯
" 'I despise having to be rude,' said Aunt Queen, 'but I do not think this is a very good idea, Mr. Oliver, and I do prevail upon you to leave my nephew to his destiny. ¡¯
" 'His destiny,' said Mr. Oliver. 'Oh, but that has such a ring to it. ¡¯
" 'Yes, indeed it does,' I said. 'Aunt Queen, I'm in love. I'm in love with that girl. Turn your head. You won't believe your eyes. ¡¯
" 'Good Lord,' she said, 'it's a female Mayfair. ¡¯
" 'What kind of remark is that!' I said.
"Fr. Kevin chuckled under his breath. 'Now Miss Queen,' he said, smiling, 'you've always tolerated me very well. I know you've had your driver bring you all the way over the lake just to hear me say Mass at St. Mary's Assumption. ¡¯
" 'You do say Mass with a lovely flair, Fr. Kevin,' she responded, 'and you are a priest of God, as we well know, and a consecrated priest of the Roman Catholic Church, no dispute on that matter -- but we are talking about your cousin Mona, if I'm not mistaken? Yes, Mona, and that is entirely another matter. Darlings, I think it's time for us to go home. Quinn, dear, you've been discharged and your room packed up. Nash, you don't mind too terribly --. "
" 'Aunt Queen, what is happening?' I asked.
" 'We're leaving, darling. Mr. Oliver? I wish I could say that it has been a pleasure. Your good intentions have been acknowledged. ¡¯
" 'Please, keep this,' he said as he gave her his card again.
"I still held the one he'd given me. I put it in my pocket.
"I looked back at the radiant girl. And as our eyes connected I heard the message, clear as if Goblin had spoken it to me: First and Chestnut.
"Goblin vanished. I was being rushed out of the restaurant. Never had I felt such angry bewilderment!
"Only when we reached the car did I demand that we stop.
" 'Goblin,' I cried. 'Don't you see? He's off plaguing her now. Goblin, come back to me. ¡¯
"Then came the cold murmured reassurance I required, like a gnat at my ear. 'You are a fool, Quinn. I don't want to be with her. She doesn't love me. I'm not hers. I am with you. I am yours. Quinn and Goblin one person. ¡¯
" 'Than
k God,' I whispered.
"The big stretch limousine pulled out of the porte cochere, and I started to cry like a little boy.
" 'You just don't understand,' I said. 'She saw Goblin. And I'm in love with her. She's the most radiant gemstone of a creature that I've ever seen. ' "
