I shoved Zar back—oh so easy now—getting us both moving again.
Breathless, irritated with my smiling companion and how differently I could be feeling if we’d both had what we wanted, I rushed upstairs to my room while Zar went to find Jed’s rucksack. These rooms were en suite, thankfully, and I didn’t have to worry about a hall bathroom.
I locked myself in, took a few rushed minutes in the bathroom, then another just to catch my breath and stand still, counting long lungfuls as if to meditate. Last check in the mirror, adjust hoodie, and I couldn’t even see the teeth-marks around that. Fine. Nothing, right? I would smell like Zar, and the bed and breakfast’s soap, but I’d smelled like Zar anyway. Plus, it would be dark. I wasn’t really worried about the marks on my neck or lingering flush.
Until I slipped out of my room in the lit hall and walked into Andrew.
Chapter 4
I jumped and he stared at me.
“Andrew? What are you doing?”
“Did you forget other people had joined you on this adventure, darling? Think it was just you and your paramour pup on your honeymoon?”
Zar stood at the top of the stairs with Jed’s bag. He’d apparently been talking with Andrew. I hadn’t heard in my room because we all kept our voices down in the halls among other guest rooms at 1:00 a.m.
“Sorry,” I said quickly, moving past him for the stairs. “You just startled me. Are you okay? Is Kage? You all should be asleep.”
Andrew was sharing a room with Jason and Kage.
“Just having a chat with lady-hair about that.” He watched me with hooded eyes and I wondered about the flush in my face, or any visible marks. “They’ve gone out.”
“They’ve what?”
“Kage fancied a walk, fresh air. I didn’t think there’d be any harm, and Jason went with him just to keep an eye on him. It’s been over an hour now.”
“It has?” My mind leapt to the spooked deer. Had it been Kage lurking there? But … no, why would Jed have been weird about the smell? He’d have known exactly what was going on there. And, anyway, if Kage was out stalking deer to relieve grief, he’d have chased any he spooked. No matter how fleet they were, I couldn’t see him just watching one go.
“Thought you’d want to know,” Andrew said. “Probably good for him to be out, but maybe not for local livestock.”
“Kage wouldn’t go after sheep. He knows better than that.”
Andrew smirked. “Honestly? Don’t you know something about the hell he and Jed used to raise in their buddy days? Nearly enough to be terminated by the pack, the pair of them. Mad with grief?” He shrugged.
“You just said you thought it was okay he was out.”
“At first. But it’s been a while.”
“What are we supposed to do about it? Could you find him for us?”
“Jason should be with him. They’re probably fine. Just so you know…”
“Probably.” Glaring, I walked on down the stairs with Zar.
At least Jed was out there and might already know where they’d gone.
Zar, perfectly pleasant and sweet, did not join me in going around to the back of the property to find his brother. He sat on the front steps, where he could watch the moon and cloud shadows and wait for me. Smiling.
I was seized by the impulse to slap the back of his head. Any more mood swings around this place and I’d think I was in a sorority house. And maybe I was a bit irritated with him for not having made an effort to follow up after his own pleasure. I’d been in a rush. But it was the thought that counted here. If he’d tried something and I’d pushed him away that would have been different than not seeming to notice.
I should cut him some slack. It seemed I was it when it came to Zar’s sexual partners in this form.
Even so, exhausted, annoyed, needing bed, with the previous day billowing around me, worried for Kage, I wasn’t feeling very charitable toward man or beast as I rolled Jed’s clothes from the bike into his bag and set out for the garden to find him.
The large, chocolate-colored wolf was nowhere to be seen, even as the moon cleared. I walked through the gate and out to the long field, smooth as a lake on a breathless day.
“Jed?”
Movement from the copse and I could just make out Jed trotting toward me.
He smelled of fresh tilled earth.
“What are you doing?” I sank to my knees, the bag in my arms as he came up. “Digging up their property doesn’t count as keeping a low profile.”
He looked over his shoulder to the trees.
“No, not even out there. It’s not exactly a dense forest,” I murmured.
Eyes back to me, he lowered his head.
“Sorry, just … one out of the way, if you’ll completely fill it in.”
He wagged his tail.
“Okay, I brought your things. Show me a spot and I’ll hang the bag on a branch for you so it doesn’t get all wet on the ground overnight.”
Instead, he took another step to nose at the rucksack.
“And something else. Andrew says Kage and Jason are out here. Kage is upset and we don’t want them getting into trouble. Did you pick up their trail?”
Jed only pinned back his ears at the names. Apparently this was not news to him.
It was weird how they could do that: control their ears that way. I tried to imagine what it would be like to move my ears independently like a finger. Of course, it would be kind of stupid on my face, but it wasn’t the first time I’d wished I could experience what they did with this shapeshifting.
He was determined about the bag so I unzipped it for him. As he shoved his massive head in there, nearly as big as the rucksack, I thought I knew what he was after.
“Hang on.” I pulled the bag away and fished inside by feel instead of by smell. Not much in there. Clothes, wallet, but my fingers soon closed around a sort of rough and soft, firmly compressed ball about the size of a grapefruit. “Is this what you want?”
Jed snatched it from my hand—which was a bit scary, honestly, as teeth narrowly missed fingers—then bounced away, lashing his tail. He tossed his head, flipped the ball up into the air, and caught it.
I’d seen Jed make what seemed like an awkward effort at play once before: when the silver female of the Beech Pack had struggled to engage him and get him to chase her. He’d hardly loosened up, though. It had seemed that he didn’t know how to play, that such silliness was beneath him. Watching now—spin and jump back to me, tail high and waving, proud, showing me this wonderful thing he had—I changed my mind.
Jed knew all about play. He just didn’t have anyone he cared to play with. Except for her. And he hadn’t allowed himself to play with her for the same reason I hadn’t allowed myself to engage much with my pack a few days ago when I’d returned: no time.
Yet, if we didn’t have time to play, or to love, did we have time to live? Without those two, in their million forms, what is the point?
Isaac had reminded me last night to allow love.
I’d never have thought it would be Jed—not only out of the wolves, but of everyone I’d ever known—who would remind me to loosen up and play.
I held out both cupped hands.
Jed gave me the damp ball.
“Have you ever played ball with a human?”
He tipped his head, watching it.
I stood up. “Now, I must warn you, I have a terrible arm. I’ll do my best.”
I threw underhand and, considering the lumpy ball and my arm, it did okay sailing through moonlight.
Jed’s ears leapt, eyes wide as he looked after it, attention caught at once—just as any predator seeing a small, fast-moving object.
“Go on!” I flapped my hands at him. “You’re supposed to chase it.”
Clearly confused, but instincts triggered by the motion, Jed dashed after the ball about the time it hit the ground and rolled.
“Now bring it back!”
As with so many disobedient canines, however, t
hat was another matter.
Jed retrieved the ball and ran like the wind through the field. I could scarcely see the dark shape tearing around in a vast circle.
It took a few minutes before he returned to me, ball in his mouth, puffing around it. He shook it viciously and pranced up to me.
“Yes, you’re very clever to have such a fine ball. But you have to give it back.”
Jed danced away.
“Don’t you want me to throw it again?”
He paused, giving me a funny look.
“Yes, I’ll throw it away again. But that’s the game. See, I throw it and it gives you something to chase. Didn’t you like chasing it? I know it seems counterintuitive, but you have to bring it back in order for me to throw it, then you get to chase. It’s a team effort. Why don’t we give it a try and just see?”
Jed set down the ball.
I reached for it.
He pounced, grabbed it, and bounded off.
I sighed. “Okay. I need bed anyway. Let’s just hang up your bag.” I picked this up instead.
I’d hardly started walking when Jed was there in front of me, nosing my free hand. When I looked around he dropped the ball and stepped back.
“Are you sure?”
He retreated more.
“Always bring it back. Right?” I picked up the ball and threw it.
Jed chased—with an air of delighted surprise it seemed to me. How could it be that he’d never heard of fetch?
We played for several minutes before I told him I needed bed and he needed to make himself scarce. I was trying to explain this, yet succumbing to another throw as he waited, when I spotted a second black outline in the dark.
Not nearly as big as Jed, solid black, this wolf had padded around the gate to watch us with an apathetic air, tail and ears drooping.
“Jason, where’s Kage?” I mentally reprimanded myself. Why not ask him if Timmy had fallen in the well? “Glad you’re back. I hope you’re looking after him and you two will stay in tonight. I’ll be there in just a minute.”
I walked back to Jed’s bag as he trotted to me with the latest victory.
“Good job. But I’ve got to go to bed. Really. It’s already Monday. Let’s find a spot for your bag.”
Jed dropped the ball and followed me as I headed for the trees. He again nudged my hand, panting now.
“Jed, really. I’m tired.” But I stopped and knelt to stroke his ear, sighing. “I’m afraid Kage has decided he’s staying out also. And I’m concerned about what else is lurking out here. Will you be safe and look after each other if you see him? Please don’t fight. I’m worried about him. He probably shouldn’t have come with us at all.”
I blew out another breath and shut my eyes for a second, thinking of Rebecca. I swallowed, breathing through my mouth, and Jed nosed in under my arm, leaning his huge, warm head into my chest.
“I’m okay,” I murmured. “It’s been a long day.”
It felt weird to pet him. But he was the one climbing on me, not the other way around. Also, I remembered how Jason had held onto Kage’s head, stroking and massaging him when Kage had been in fur and distressed. Maybe that sort of thing was normal between those who were close, even if fetch was not.
I ran my hand over his ear, then set the bag down and held onto his head with both hands. Feeling my own breathing ease, I thought of therapy dogs visiting hospitals and comfort dogs visiting courthouses to soothe stressed victims. I’d never heard of a comfort wolf.
After a minute, I grabbed the bag again. “Come on.”
But, as I started to stand, Jed looked past me, back the way I’d come. His ears sprang forward, his lips drew back, and a much more familiar Jed showed himself in a blood-chilling snarl as he advanced.
I whipped around.
Jason had come after us. Twenty feet away, he was shaking his head, wagging, and bouncing around as Jed had when I’d given him the ball.
“No!” I grabbed Jed, managing to catch two fistfuls of fur on his back. “You stay here.”
I went for Jason instead.
He looked up as I approached, swinging his tail and passively flattening his ears.
“Give me that ball.” Furious, my voice was tightly controlled as I kept it low. “Can you not leave him alone for five minutes? Even at a time like this?”
Jason looked around at the ground, then to me, as if puzzled.
I couldn’t see the stolen wool ball anywhere either. It wasn’t in his mouth, nor visible in the moonlight nearby.
“Where is it?”
Jason gave me a blank stare. Where’s what?
I looked around. Jed was also sniffing about. In a moment, he turned up the ball, just where he’d dropped it before. Jed grabbed it and hurried back to hover protectively over his rucksack.
I faced Jason. He sat tapping his tail on the grass, gazing up at me.
“We need to talk,” I said very softly. “Wait for me.”
I escorted Jed to the copse, found a nice branch to wedge his bag, and made sure he still had the ball with him. I bid him goodnight, then back to Jason, who lay dejectedly in the field where I’d left him, chin between his paws.
“Walk with me.”
We returned slowly to the sprawling garden behind the house while I talked under my breath and Jason walked beside me.
“When you try to start a fight with someone, whether you actually did something objectionable, like steal, or you only pretended to do something objectionable, so later you could say you did nothing—you were only hanging about and someone went for you out of the blue—it’s hard on the rest of the pack. I thought we really pulled together in the castle. We don’t always agree, but we’ve been getting along all right, haven’t we? I know most of you are trying. We’re working together, we’re trying to save your people, Jason. This is not an easy time for any of us. Least of all you and Kage. If it’s so difficult for you that you can’t leave your packmates in peace and look out for Kage, who needs you right now, instead of going out of your way to cause trouble, I think you should go home.”
Jason looked up at me, golden eyes wide and gleaming in moonlight.
I let us through the gate into the back garden from the field and closed it after us. “And you need to take Kage if you go. He’s sharing your bike and you should stick with him. He needs your support while he’s dealing with all this, and the rest of us also need you there for him. If you weren’t here I wouldn’t have wanted him to come at all. If he’s so upset he’s running off in fur in the middle of the night, and you’re so immature that you will actively work to pick a fight with Jed for no reason except I’m playing ball with him, you need to go home. I’m sure it would be better for both of you to be with your families right now than off with us.”
We stopped in the gravel lot with the motorcycles, now with the light of the single lamppost.
Jason sat on his tail and we looked at each other.
“I don’t know,” I continued even more quietly now that we stood still and silent. “I would say it’s not my place to tell you what to do. You are your own people and I’ve tried far too much to change your behavior as a group ever since I met you. I’m sorry about that. Very sorry. I want to know you, all of you, not impose my values on you. But, for now, I’m here to help you get something done that is a matter of life and death. Be yourself. All of you. Right up to the point of hurting other people. I’m still going to draw the line there. And I always will.
“I’m here for you if you want to talk or you’re having a hard time. If you need help with Kage or if Jed did something to hurt you. But I won’t tolerate this game you play with Jed and Kage. I can deal with the bickering. I appreciate that you don’t all always get along. Not the bullying, though. From anyone. I know Jed’s done horrible things to you and Kage—and others for that matter. This is not just about you. Except that you are the only person who can control your behavior. You can choose not to start a fight. And I would be very grateful if you would make that c
hoice next time.”
Jason stepped forward to lick my hand. He rolled his eyes up mournfully to my face, ears flat and tail between his legs.
“It’s okay. Maybe to you it’s just a joke or just getting attention. Only … think before you act. Try to see his point of view. I know you can do that, even if you don’t like Jed. You’re not a cruel person, Jason. I know that also. Just stop and think.”
He went on standing with his nose against my hand while I talked and I finally stroked his head. His fur was surprisingly silky, almost like rabbit fur around his face, matching his sleek, raven appearance.
“Thank you for listening. I have to go to bed, but I’m worried about Kage being out here. Can you bring both of you in?”
He swished his tail.
I rubbed my thumb between his eyes, stroking over his skull to soft ears.
“It’s all right,” I repeated. “Thanks for looking after him.”
I went on to the door while Jason trotted away for the bridge over the beck.
Zar still sat there on the front steps in the outside light. He looked even more pleased than when we’d parted. The pup who howled up Moon. No doubt tickled to have been able to eavesdrop on me telling off Jason.
Chapter 5
I’d no sooner said goodnight to Zar in the hall than Andrew joined us. Zar, who’d kissed me in my doorway, but been moving on, stopped. To supervise.
“Find Sparky?” Andrew asked me.
“Who?”
“Kage. Surely you’ve heard Sparky.”
“Oh, yes … now you mention it. Jason calls him that. Why? And you Switch?”
“Just nicknames, Cassiopeia.” He turned his gaze slowly and deliberately to Zar. “Do you need something, Mugraturs? Besides a haircut, that is?”
Zar stiffened, but I answered for him.
“All of us need to go to bed. Go on, Zar. Andrew, why are you still up?”
“Pining for my bedfellows.”
Zar bid me Moon bless and left us, letting himself into the room he and Jed were supposed to be sharing with Isaac. Light also still on in that one.
“What did you call him?” I asked Andrew.
“Nothing unkind, naturally. Mugraturs is the grim brothers’ surname. It means ‘black pelt.’ Very old Sable Pack family name.”
Moonlight Betrayal: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (The Witch and the Wolf Pack Book 5) Page 3
