Zoller, thinking fast, says:
FREDRICK
Why don’t you screen “Lucky Kids”? I’m sure Emmanuelle hasn’t seen it. And it’s so funny. I’ve been meaning to recommend it to her, for her German night. That’s a great idea. Let’s watch “Lucky Kids” tonight.
GOEBBELS
Ahhh, “Lucky Kids,” “Lucky Kids,” “Lucky Kids.” When all is said and done, my most purely enjoyable production. Not only that, I wouldn’t be surprised if sixty years from now, it’s “Lucky Kids” that I’m the most remembered for. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but mark my words.
Very well, I’ll have a print sent over to the Fräulein’s cinema. We’ll screen “Lucky Kids” tonight.
As Francesca interprets this for Shosanna…
the empty chair next to the young Jewish girl is suddenly filled with the bottom half of a gray S.S. officer uniform.
GOEBBELS
Ah, Landa, you’re here. This is the young lady in question.
The S.S. officer sits down, and it’s our old friend from the first scene, COL. HANS LANDA.
FREDRICK
Emmanuelle, this is Col. Hans Landa of the S.S. He’ll be running security for the premiere.
CU SHOSANNA
A bomb is dropped and detonated behind her eyes. But if she gives any indication of this, her war story ends here.
The S.S. OFFICER
who murered her family takes her hand and kisses it, saying in perfect French:
COL. LANDA
Charmed, Mademoiselle.
MAJOR HELLSTROM
Better known as “the Jew Hunter.”
The table laughs.
GOEBBELS
Oh, Francesca, what was that funny thing the Führer said about Hans?
FRANCESCA
What thing?
GOEBBELS
You know, you were there. It was a funny thing the Führer said, about Hans… something about a pig?
Francesca’s memory is jogged.
FRANCESCA
Oh, yes, of course.
She repeats it by whispering it in Goebbels’s ear.
GOEBBELS
Oh, yes, of course, that’s it. So the Führer said he wouldn’t be surprised if Hans weren’t rooting out Jews like a truffle pig from the playpen.
FRANCESCA
That’s what we need, pigs that can root out Jews.
COL. LANDA
Who needs pigs when you have me?
Big, hearty laugh around the table.
GOEBBELS
Do you have an engagement tonight?
COL. LANDA
Well, as a matter of fact, I do—
GOEBBELS
—Break it. We’re all going to the fräulein’s cinema tonight to view “Lucky Kids.”
COL. LANDA
Splendid.
Then the Reich minister’s companion, Mademoiselle Mondino, interrupts:
FRANCESCA
And now I must get Reich Minister Goebbels to his next appointment.
GOEBBELS
Slave driver! French slave driver!
They all chuckle.
Everybody begins to stand up from the table…
Francesca gathers the stupid dogs…
As Col. Landa stands, he says:
COL. LANDA
Actually, in my role as security chief of this joyous German occasion, I’m afraid I must have a word with Mademoiselle Mimieux.
Mademoiselle Mimieux’s eyes go to Private Zoller, who responds.
FREDRICK
What sort of discussion?
COL. LANDA
That sounded suspiciously like a soldier questioning the order of a colonel? Or am I just being sensitive?
FREDRICK
Nothing could be further from the truth, Colonel. Your authority is beyond question. But your reputation precedes you. Should Mademoiselle Mimieux or myself be concerned?
GOEBBELS
Hans, the boy means no harm, he’s simply smitten. And he’s correct. Your reputation does precede you.
Laughter all around. The Reich minister and his Axis entourage make their way to front of the café, with the two dumb dogs on a leash, leading the way.
COL. LANDA
No need for concern, you two. As security chief, I simply need to have a chat with the possible new venue’s property owner.
FREDRICK
I was just hoping to escort Mademoiselle Mimieux back to her cinema.
GOEBBELS
Nonsense! You can eat ice cream and walk along the Seine another time. Right now, allow Col. Landa to do his job.
Everybody says their farewells.
Col. Landa offers the young Jew in hiding a seat at a small table in the outside patio area of Maxim’s.
The fluency and poetic proficiency of the S.S. Jew hunter’s French reveals to the audience that his feigning clumsiness at French with Monsieur LaPadite in the film’s first scene was simply an interrogation technique.
They speak FRENCH SUBTITLED IN ENGLISH:
COL. LANDA
Have you tried the strudel here?
SHOSANNA
No.
COL. LANDA
It’s not so terrible. So how is it the young private and yourself came to be acquainted?
She’s about to answer when a WAITER approaches.
COL. LANDA
Yes, two strudels, one for myself and one for the mademoiselle. A cup of espresso, with a container of steamed milk on the side. For the Mademoiselle, a glass of milk.
Considering that Shosanna grew up on a dairy farm, and the last time she was on a dairy farm her strudel companion murdered her entire family, his ordering her milk is, to say the least… disconcerting.
The key to Col. Landa’s power and/or charm, depending on the side one’s on, lies in his ability to convince you he’s privy to your secrets.
The waiter exits.
COL. LANDA
So, Mademoiselle, you were beginning to explain… ?
SHOSANNA
(anxiously)
Up until a couple of days ago, I had no knowledge of Private Zoller or his exploits. To me, the private was simply just a patron of my cinema. We spoke a few times, but—
COL. LANDA
—Mademoiselle, let me interrupt you. This is a simple formality, no reason for you to feel anxious.
The strudel arrives.
The colonel takes one look at it and says to the waiter:
COL. LANDA
I apologize. I forgot to order the crème fraîche.
WAITER
One moment.
He exits.
COL. LANDA
(referring to the crème.)
Wait for the crème
(back to business)
So, Emmanuelle—May I call you Emmanuelle?
SHOSANNA
Oui.
COL. LANDA
So, Emmanuelle, explain to me how does it happen that a young lady such as yourself comes to own a cinema?
The waiter returns, applying crème fraîche to the two strudels.
The S.S. colonel looks across the table at his companion. Picking up his fork, he says:
COL. LANDA
After you.
Shosanna takes a whipped-creamy bite of strudel. Landa follows her lead.
COL. LANDA
(mouthful of strudel)
Success?
Shosanna, mouth full of strudel, indicates she approves.
COL. LANDA
Like I said, not so terrible.
(back to business)
So you were explaining the origin of your cinema ownership?
SHOSANNA
The cinema originally belonged to my aunt and uncle—
Col. Landa removes a little black book from his pocket.
COL. LANDA
—What are their names?
SHOSANNA
Jean-Pierre and Ada Mimieux.
He records the names in his little book.
COL. LANDA<
br />
Where are they now?
SHOSANNA
My uncle was killed during the blitzkrieg.
COL. LANDA
Pity… Continue.
SHOSANNA
Aunt Ada passed away from fever last spring.
COL. LANDA
Regrettable.
(respectful pause)
It’s come to my attention you have a negro in your employ. Is that true?
SHOSANNA
Yes, he’s a Frenchman. His name is Marcel. He worked with my aunt and uncle since they opened the cinema. He’s the only other one who works with me.
COL. LANDA
Doing what?
SHOSANNA
Projectionist.
COL. LANDA
Is he any good?
SHOSANNA
The best.
COL. LANDA
Actually, one could see where that might be a good trade for them. Can you operate the projectors?
SHOSANNA
Of course I can.
COL. LANDA
Knowing the Reich Minister as I do, I’m quite positive he wouldn’t want the success or failure of his illustrious evening dependent on the prowess of a negro. So if it comes to pass that we hold this event at your venue—talented, no doubt, as your negro may be—you will operate the projectors. Is that acceptable?
As if she has any say.
SHOSANNA
Oui.
Col. Landa takes another bite of strudel, and Shosanna follows suit.
COL. LANDA
So it would appear our young hero is quite smitten with you?
SHOSANNA
Private Zoller’s feelings for me aren’t of a romantic nature.
COL. LANDA
Mademoiselle… ?
SHOSANNA
Colonel, his feelings are not romantic. I remind him of his sister.
COL. LANDA
That doesn’t mean his feelings aren’t romantic.
SHOSANNA
I remind him of his sister who raised him.
COL. LANDA
It’s sounding more and more romantic by the minute.
Landa takes out a handsome-looking cigarette case, with an S.S. LOGO on it. Removing one of the fags, he lights it up with a fancy S.S. gold lighter. He offers one to Shosanna.
COL. LANDA
Cigarette?
SHOSANNA
No, thank you.
COL. LANDA
Do you smoke?
SHOSANNA
Yes.
COL. LANDA
Then I insist, you must take one. They’re not French, they’re German. I hope you’re not nationalist about your tobacco. To me, French cigarettes are a sin against nicotine.
She takes one but makes no move to light it.
He inhales deeply and says:
COL. LANDA
I did have something else I wanted to ask you, but right now, for the life of me, I can’t remember what it is. Oh, well, must not have been important.
Col. Landa stands up, throws some French francs on the table, puts on his gray S.S. cap, touches his finger to his visor, saluting Shosanna, and says:
COL. LANDA
Till tonight.
And with that he’s gone.
Shosanna breaths a sigh of relief.
The CAMERA begins to slowly lower from a MEDIUM CU to her feet and ankles and the floor. We see her shoes are in a puddle of urine. During her conversation and strudel with the man who exterminated her entire family, Shosanna pissed herself. She drops the German cigarette into the piss puddle by her feet.
INT—CINEMA AUDITORIUM—NIGHT
The SILVER SCREEN
Onscreen is the German screwball comedy “LUCKY KIDS.”
We hear OFFSCREEN laughter at the onscreen Aryan antics.
CU GOEBBELS
watching the screen, basking in his own toxic genius.
CU FRANCESCA
laughing at the comedy, hand covering her mouth.
CU TWO BLACK POODLES
pantingly watching the screen.
CU MAJOR HELLSTROM
smiling, smoking a German cigarette.
CU COL LANDA
smoking a German cigarette, amused.
CU FREDRICK ZOLLER
truly enjoying himself.
CU SHOSANNA
watching the screen.
The LITERARY NARRATOR comes on the soundtrack.
NARRATOR (VO)
While Shosanna sits there pretending to be amused by the Aryan antics of Goebbel’s Frank Capra copy “Lucky Kids,” a thought suddenly comes to her.
We see her face get slightly distracted behind the eyes.
NARRATOR (VO)
What if tonight, accidently, the cinema burned down? The Third Reich would lose its minister of propaganda, its national hero, and its top Jew hunter, all in one fell swoop.
She chuckles at THAT thought, though it looks like she’s chuckling at the German comedy.
NARRATOR (VO)
But then that thought…… led Shosanna To a crazy idea.
The idea flashes on her face. Then Shosanna bursts out laughing.
Zoller looks over at her. Happy. She’s enjoying the movie.
SILVER SCREEN
“The END” card for “Lucky Kids” is projected.
The Nazi rouges’ gallery, and Shosanna, applaud the film.
The lights go up.
Goebbels accepts congratulations, as they stand and begin to file out into the lobby.
NARRATOR (VO)
The screening of “Lucky Kids” was a complete success. And Herr Goebbels conceded to have the venue changed to Shosanna’s cinema. Not only that, in a moment of inspiration, Herr Goebbels had an idea.
Goebbels speaks GERMAN, and Francesca translates:
GOEBBELS
I must say, I appreciate the modesty of this auditorium. Your cinema has real respect, almost churchlike. Not to say we couldn’t spruce the place up a bit. In Versailles there’s a crystal chandelier hanging in the banquet hall that is extraordinary. We’re going to get it and hang it from the very middle of the auditorium roof. Also I want to go to the Louvre, pick up a few Greek nudes, and just scatter them about the lobby.
MONTAGE
We see a quick series of shots that show all that happening.
The chandelier being removed from the ceiling of Versailles.
Greek nude statues being hand-trucked out of the Louvre.
A truck driving through the French countryside with the enormous crystal chandelier in the back.
The lobby of Shosanna’s cinema, pimped out in Nazi iconography. WORKERS buzz around decorating. The Greek statues are moved into place.
We see workers trying with incredible difficulty to hoist the huge, heavy, and twinkingly fragile chandelier in Shosanna’s auditorium, which now resembles something out of one of Tinto Brass’s Italian B-movie ripoffs of Visconti’s “The Damned.”
SHOSANNA
watches all this from an opera box. She shakes her head in disbelief.
BACK TO SHOSANNA AND THE NAZIS
in the lobby, post screening of “Lucky Kids.” She’s soundlessly escorting them to the door as they make their good-byes.
NARRATOR (VO)
As they left the little French cinema that night, all the Germans were very happy…
We see Pvt. Zoller hanging back, so he can say good-bye.
NARRATOR (VO)
None more so than Fredrick Zoller.
She closes the door on him, watching the Nazis walk into Paris night. Their shadows for a moment on the wall, look like grotesque Nazi caricatures.
The Nazis are gone.
Marcel sits at the top of the staircase of the lobby, looking down at Shosanna.
They speak in FRENCH SUBTITLED IN ENGLISH:
MARCEL
What the fuck are we supposed to do?
SHOSANNA
It looks like we’re supposed to have a Nazi premiere.
MARCEL
&nbs
p; Like I said, what the fuck are we supposed to do?
Inglourious Basterds Page 7
