by M Dauphin
She comes out of the bedroom, slowly clicking the door shut. She won’t look me in the eyes, but that doesn’t deter me from finding out what the hell is happening.
“You mind fucking telling me what he’s still doing here?!” I hate whisper yelling, but the last thing I want to do is scare a poor kid.
“Luke,” she says with her hands out like she has to calm me like I’m a fucking animal. “I tried. I fucking swear I tried to get rid of him.” She grabs my shirt with one hand and the other slides between the fabric to my stomach. She’s trying to play me. Soften the blow that she didn’t get rid of the kid. “Regina only had a sister and when I showed up to drop him off, she had eight children all under the age of ten running around that filthy house. Some weren’t dressed, they all looked like they were starving. I couldn’t fucking do it.” She looks into my eyes with desperation on her face. “And then I took him to the police station.” Her forehead drops to my chest before she goes on. “I made him get out and told him I was going to drive away and he had to run inside and he begged me, Luke. He fucking begged me to love him. I couldn’t fucking do it. What was I supposed to do? He’s just a fucking child! I couldn’t shove him off on the system fully knowing he’d be dead by sixteen or turn into something worse. I swear to you, Jasper won’t find out.”
Fuck.
That’s my life. This kid is living the life I lived, and Megan is trying to save him from it. She’s stupid for doing so, but I give her props for wanting to better his bleak future.
He’s staring at me with fury in his eyes.
“He. Can’t. Stay,” he snarls at me and for the first time around him, I almost feel bad.
“He has nowhere else to go right now, Lucas. I’m not dumping him off on someone that won’t love him and that will abuse him… and force him through a childhood I had.”
He sighs and shakes his head, running his hands through his hair as he starts to pace the living room.
“I’m not letting Jasper hurt you for this, Megan. I swear to Christ, the minute he gets wind of this, all those scars on your body are going to feel like child’s play. He doesn’t take betrayal well. This kid can’t stay here.” The anger in his glare has softened some. “I understand you think you can’t get rid of him… but, Megan, he can’t stay here. I know Jasper, and I know what he wants. I was supposed to kill that child and I didn’t… for you. Because I didn’t, for the life of me, think that you would keep him in this house. If he’s here, Megan, no one’s safe. You have to get rid of him…” He trails off and curses. “Fuck, Megan, you have to get rid of him or I’m going to have to do it for you.” He pins me with those dark eyes that grab my full attention. I see the regret and I’m not sure if it’s regret for not killing him when he should have or regret that he just told me that.
“I don’t want a kid, Lucas. I don’t love this child. I’m incapable of loving anything. But I can’t put this child through the shit I went through when I grew up when I know I can offer him a safer life. I can’t explain why I can’t just shove him out the door. I refuse to beg for anything. Except this. If you hurt him.” I look away because whatever this is growing between us will abruptly come to an end and I refuse to be the one in a grave. “I will kill you. I know you’re not stupid enough to give your life for a senseless demand from Jasper.”
He lets out a breath and grunts, walking to the other side of the room to stare out the window.
“Megs, neither of us are going to be killed for this. This is insane. You’re talking about giving this kid a life. You can’t do that in your situation. This isn’t the life for a child.” He looks back at me and there’s sadness on his face now. “I won’t hurt him, but I’m not happy about it and I’m not going to stop being unhappy about it until I find a place for him to live. Away from all of this.”
“Thank you.” I breathe with relief. “I don’t want to keep him, but until I can find somewhere safe for him, he’ll stay with me. And if Jasper ever finds out, I’ll take that fall, Lucas. He’d never kill me anyway,” I mumble walking toward the kitchen and peaking around the corner where Bronson’s eating yogurt.
“He might not, Megs, but he’d make you wish you were dead. I’m not letting you take the fall for anything. I made the conscious choice not to finish the job. That’s me. I promise you I won’t let Jasper hurt you over the life of an innocent child. Not over anything. He’s done with that.” His hands slide over his face and head in frustration.
I quietly chuckle because the man’s delusional. I appreciate his thought, his feelings, albeit he’s ignorantly fallen in love with me and I’ll never return the emotion. He’s been good on his word so far and I don’t doubt he’d never see me coming if I had to kill him. But that doesn’t mean I trust him. All of this could be to gain my trust and report back to Jasper. This is the type of man Jasper is; I can imagine his number one hit man would be the same. And I know Lucas is high up the chain or Jasper wouldn’t have sicked him on me. That being said, I imagine if Jasper found out what’s already gone on between us - the fucking I mean - I think Lucas would be expected to do his job, then have hell to pay for the extracurricular activities he partook in with me. I know for a fact Jasper would never suggest he fuck me to gain closeness.
“Lucas.” I approach him and without putting thought into it, I’m sliding my hand over his side just to gain closeness.
I wish I could say the act was to get the upper hand, but not until I did it did I realize how my body reacts to him. The man is the epitome of sexy to me and that’s the one weakness he has over me that I need to get a grasp on. In the meantime, I’ll play the games he very well could be playing against me, and in the end I’ll be able to walk away unscathed without a drop of real emotion having been invested in this. Whereas when this is all over, he’ll have a small scar on his heart because he might be playing me, but just by the way he looks at me I know it’s not all part of the game.
“Jasper does with me what he wants and until the day I stand my ground, it will always be that way. You’re not going to stop Jasper from hurting me. And.” I pull away because I’m getting stupid and saying too much like I actually trust him! “I know he’ll never kill me, so I’ll accept his torture to continue to serve him.”
Boo-hoo, poor me, Lucas.
“It doesn’t have to be like that, Megan. You don’t have to let him hurt you. Not anymore.” He pulls me toward him and presses his lips to my forehead. Either he’s an exceptional actor when it comes to the weakness of love, or the silly emotion is taking over more of his rationality than I thought. “I promised you I’m not going to let that happen anymore. Just let me take care of it. In the meantime, you need to figure out where the kid is going.”
“Don’t worry about me. Or the child. He’s my responsibility. It’s my life.” I look into his face and suddenly feel a tinge of sadness for my next words. I know I feel nothing but lust for him, but I think my acting skills are trying to play it up and confusing myself. “And I’m nothing to you but a job.”
He shakes his head in disapproval and looks towards the kitchen. “Keep your doors locked. Windows shut. I have work I need to do.” Then he walks towards the door and slips out, quickly and quietly.
In the kitchen I watch Bronson swing his legs while he tries to get every drop from his yogurt and I grit my teeth but then remember the child probably hasn’t eaten since he was here. And the week they stayed, he was confused by most foods I served him. If it wasn’t a hot dog, he didn’t understand it.
This child could end up getting me killed. And Lucas. But it’s not his fault. It’s mine. And if Lucas does die because of this, I’ll have some remorse because another possible protector over Bronson will be dead. That’s the only reason though. I could have prevented all this by letting him kill the boy, but whatever it is inside me couldn’t stomach the thought. Maybe because he’s the first ever human being to have no preconceived notions about me, no reserve when it comes to me. Just trust and actually respects me for rea
sons other than fear or want of my body. I’ve never been around a child, and this is the first time something other than a bird has relied on me.
Speaking of birds.
“Bronson, are you still hungry?”
“No,” he mutters walking over to La Petite’s cage. “Birdie, can I play with the yellow bird before my mom comes to get me?”
My mouth drops open and I glance toward the door, cursing Luke for leaving me to explain this.
“Bronson.” I approach and take La Petite from his hands. “You’re going to live here now. Your mom is dead.”
When his eyes go wide then his brows slowly furrow, I rethink my approach, but it’s too late. I shove the bird at him to pacify but it doesn’t, he throws himself at me in a fit of tears.
“Will you be my mom now, Birdie?” he asks me through tears.
“I’ll take care of you,” I stupidly promise.
“Did she hit the big man like I did?”
I scrunch my brows unsure what he’s referring to but I can imagine he’s seen enough fucked up things that are embedded in his brain.
“No.” I rub his back. “She was really sick.” Might as well make his last thoughts of his mother seem peaceful.
“Like you when your throat got hurt?”
I sigh and roll my eyes. “Kind of. Let’s find a television show.” The only time my TV is on is when Bronson is here. That being said, I don’t have many child entertaining channels; I should probably get cable.
I find myself staring at him, wondering what he’ll be like when he’s older. Wondering if he’ll inherit any traits from me, but I need to stop because I will not be raising this child. I don’t know how to raise a child except keep them safe and that won’t offer him a happy life. I need to find him that life I dreamed of when I was a kid. The life I hope my brothers, Gage and Liam, got with our grandmother.
In the evening, a knock comes over the door and I freeze. Lucas rings the bell so it’s not him. It could be a tenant but in the rare chance it’s Jasper, he’ll end up coming in whether I let him or not.
“Take La Petite in the basement and see if she’ll fly!” I excitedly tell Bronson and shove the bird at him. “I’ll be right there. But stay quiet or you’ll scare her.”
He runs off and I wait for the basement door to close before looking through the peephole at a tenant. The same woman that assumes me and Luke are ‘dating’.
I fix my fake smile and pull open the door.
“Hi, honey. I was just wondering if you might know where Luke is? My bookshelf fell over and it’s too heavy for me to lift. I need a nice strong man like that boyfriend of yours.”
I open my mouth about to tell her he’s not my boyfriend but don’t bother when she goes on.
“Oh! And since I’m here. I haven’t received the flier about the monthly social yet. I am invited still, right?” She laughs.
“Of course. It’s postponed this month, but you’ll see it soon. And I’m sorry, I don’t know where Luke is, but perhaps I can help you?” I glance back at the basement door and wonder if I can leave Bronson alone for ten minutes. These are the things I’m unsure about with children. He should be safe, but what are they capable of?
I quickly lift the bookshelf, almost screaming at her because she’s in the way, and then I get trapped having to listen to the story about a pastor she’s dating. It’s been more like thirty minutes and when I walk back through the door, Bronson is in the middle of the floor crying.
“Why are you crying?” I immediately look to La Petite’s cage and when I don’t see her, I frantically look around.
“I thought you left me.” He cries lifting his arms for me to pick him up.
“Where’s La Petite, Bronson?”
He pulls the bird out of his pocket and when he opens his hand, she flies to her cage, making me chuckle because she’s clearly had enough of our guest. I pick him up and roll my eyes, realizing, no, children can’t be left alone for a few minutes.
“I was outside. Thank you for staying in the house. I won’t do that again,” I tell him rubbing his head. “Let’s get you in the bath.”
When my phone starts to ring as I let Bronson play in the water, I don’t hesitate to answer because it’s Jasper and I don’t want to give him reasons to be suspicious.
“Yes?”
“Little Bird,” he pants. “I need you.”
“You what?” I’ve never heard those words come from his mouth before.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“What?” I belt out and look toward the bathroom.
“I’m fucking hurt! I need you,” he screams into the phone before letting out a groan.
“Jasper, what happened?”
“I need you, Little Bird.” There’s actual pain in his voice and a sense of worry fills me.
I hang up before he says anything more and I quickly remove Bronson from the bath water, wrapping him in a towel. I have no clothes for the boy and the clothes he was wearing are in the washing machine.
“We’re going to see Luke,” I quickly tell him, running for the door. “You remember Luke?”
“But I’m naked.” He laughs.
“Luke will have clothes.” With Bronson wrapped in a towel and in my arms, I’m bolting to the Milkey’s old residence. “Luke!” I pound on the door then rush to the back of the house because I’ll have to break in and leave Bronson if Luke’s not home. “Luke!” I scream and pound on a back window. “Bronson, listen to me. Listen to Birdie, okay? You’re going to stay here until Luke comes home.” I exhale a shaky breath as my heart races and sickness fills me for this poor child.
“Will you stay with me?”
“I can’t.” I start picking the lock but Luke yanks the door open wearing a menacing glower. “I’m so sorry,” I blurt and shove Bronson at him. “Jasper’s coming. I’m so, so sorry.” I bounce to my toes and for some reason swipe a kiss over his lips before I touch Bronson’s face. “Be good. I’ll be back soon.” And before Luke can say anything, I’m running back to my house, thankful when I don’t see Jasper’s car yet.
I run in and clean up any traces of company and then I hear the car pull in the driveway.
“Megan!” I hear Jasper scream, which is unlike him so I bolt to the front door.
He’s holding onto the hood of his car before he drops to his knees and I run for him. I don’t know how he has this power over me still, but I can’t leave him.
“What happened?” I urge trying to get him indoors before anyone sees us. “Jasper, speak to me!”
I drag him inside, trying to see where he’s hurt, locate blood, a wound, something! There’s nothing and the panic that someone’s poisoned him has anger rising because when he dies, I want it to be me who’s responsible.
“Jasper, tell me what happened.” I’m kneeling at his side, holding him up until he grabs my face and slams me to the wood floor.
“There are times I need you to prove your loyalty,” he snarls before slamming his lips to mine and I gasp at his insanity and when I try to fight him off, he slaps me hard enough I don’t try it again.
He’s only done something like this once before and it was years ago, soon after he took me in. I thought he was going to die and I almost gave my life for his because that was what he meant to me back then. Now, I don’t want him to die until I’m ready to kill him. My clothes are ripped from my body in an unsurprising move, but when he enters me without drawing any sort of blood first, I go stiff. There’s something strange about him tonight and I don’t understand it. His bites are hard but he’s not drawing blood, and that hasn’t happened in years. The sight of blood excites him, gets him off.
“Tweet for me,” he growls yanking my head by my hair and when he sees the bruises on my neck from Lucas, he freezes over top of me. “What is that?” Having gone limp, he gets off me and is staring down at me like I’m growing another head. “What are the bruises from?” he screams withdrawing his gun and pointing it at me.
&
nbsp; “A client.” I put my hand out to ease him and slowly get to my feet. “Just a client.”
“Who?” The rage on his face and in his tone tells me everything I need to know. The name I give him, they’re a dead man so I better choose wisely.
“B.K. Vig.”
He looks away in contemplation before asking, “Did he rape you?”
“No,” I quickly answer knowing if he thinks that, the man will suffer in hellacious ways. “He only got a little rough.”
“Why didn’t you kill him?” he screams shoving past me and heading for the kitchen.
“He’s a good client, Jasper. I need him. I’m fine.”
I watch while he fills a glass of vodka, not making eye contact with me.
“He’s dead,” he says before drinking it down.
No one can hurt me but him.
***
I press my fingers to my swollen lip wondering what Luke’s response will be because he tried to be overbearing and protective earlier, claiming Jasper won’t hit me anymore. I roll my eyes recalling that, then softly knock at the back door hoping he hears because I don’t want to break in and just… well, I guess steal Bronson, but I need to get him home.
When I look up, I see him walking toward the door through the windows and he’s still dressed as he was earlier at eight o’clock when I frantically dropped Bronson.
“Hey,” he whispers letting me in. The minute the light from above the sink hits my face I see his relaxed features turn to stone. “What the fuck happened to your lip, Megan?” It’s still a whisper but if Bronson wasn’t asleep, he’d be screaming loud enough for the deaf neighbors to hear.
“Luke, please.” I push him back a step and walk around him. “Where’s Bronson? I want to get him home. And really, I’m sorry I had to do that. But Jasper’s gone and he won’t be around for a few days.” I glance toward the stairs but I know the layout of this house; there’re eight rooms and I have no idea which Bronson is in, it’d just be easier if he told me.
