“You cared more for your booze than you ever did for me,” Chloe whispered.
“I have no excuses, sugar. I was the one who called your momma and told her to come get you, because you deserved a better life. You were so angry when she came for you that you wouldn’t say goodbye. But I know it was the right thing. Just look at you now, so grown-up and pretty, knowing how to dress and act right. And she made sure you got a good education, too.”
Mom hadn’t ever been forthcoming about her past, and she’d never been a warm-cookies-and-cocoa kind of mother, but now Chloe began to see her struggles in a different light. Beneath the crotchety exterior, she’d been a single mom who had soldiered on the best she could.
Chloe cradled her coffee cup in both hands and swirled the steamy brew. “I get scared, Dad—I’ll think I’ve found someone good, the right person for me, but then I get spooked because I’m so afraid that he’ll...he’ll...”
“End up a drunk like your old man.”
The harsh, true words bit deep. She felt warmth rise up her cheeks. “You could hide it so well, and that scares me, too. I might not know the truth about someone until it’s too late.”
He studied his gnarled hands for a long moment before looking up at her. “Just take your time. Don’t rush. And whatever you do, pray hard and listen to your heart.” He pressed his right hand to his chest. “You’ll know here, when it’s right. But then you have to work at it. The best things don’t come cheap.”
“Have you followed your heart?”
“Never found anyone who could replace your momma. But I found the right place to be, finally. I’m working for a good man of faith, who got me into AA and gives me the encouragement I need every single day. I’ve been dry for a year and it pains me to look back at all of the years I lost. But now life is good. And,” he added with a little smile, “because of him and his wife, I don’t miss a Sunday at church. With the good Lord and a lot of prayer, I’m finally finding my way.”
She looked at him anew—seeing as an adult what she hadn’t seen as a child.
A man who had been little more than a child himself, with no education and a low-paying job on a ranch, who despite his heavy alcohol addiction, had still stayed in his unplanned marriage with an unplanned child. And he’d struggled to support them until he realized they were better off without him.
He’d had a difficult, sad life, but apparently he’d turned himself around. She had no right to judge him for his weaknesses and poor choices. That was the Lord’s business, not hers. And now her job was to forgive.
Feeling as if a dark, oppressive weight had been lifted from her chest, she stood and awkwardly extended her hand. “Thank you for meeting me here. I just...I just needed...”
“I understand, Sissy. I do.” His callused hand trembled as he enveloped her hand in his and just held on, as if he didn’t want the moment to end.
Sissy. She hadn’t heard that nickname since the last time she had seen him—while looking out of the rear window as her mother drove away—and it nudged at her heart.
“Maybe we can meet here again sometime. For coffee?” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could catch them.
A brief, tentative smile tweaked the corner of his mouth and a suspicious sheen filled his eyes. “I would like that, honey. I’ll be here any time you say.”
* * *
Chloe took a final look at the platter of white-chocolate-and-pecan cookies and cranberry-walnut scones, tweaked the red bow, and knocked on the door of Devlin’s cabin. It was silly to feel this self-conscious after knowing him all this time, and yet she did. And embarrassed. And even a little shy.
How many times in life could a person possibly survive making such an utter fool of themselves while managing to deeply insult someone in the process? She’d certainly done that and more, and if Devlin never spoke to her again, she wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.
He came to the door in jeans and a fitted black T-shirt that made his chest look even broader and more intimidating than usual. Daisy stood at his side like a sentinel guarding the door.
He gave Chloe a cool look. “Need something?”
“I certainly do. First of all I need to give you these, because I am an abominable person who cannot keep her mouth shut, who needs to learn a lesson about thinking before she speaks, and who needs to give you a heartfelt apology.”
His level gaze didn’t waver.
“And I need to explain. If...um, you’ll let me.”
She thought she saw a corner of his mouth twitch ever so slightly. She held the platter up a little higher and pushed it toward him until he accepted it. “You’ll be relieved to know that there’s no evaluation form for critiquing these. They are simply a gift.”
He gave a curt nod. “Good. I had to google half of the baking terms on the last one you gave me.”
“I’m really sorry I didn’t believe you when you came back with Lance. It scared me when you planned on being with him, because he was at all of your high school parties at the ranch, and he invariably got drunk. I just assumed that you two were going to drink too much and then—” she swallowed hard “—and I was afraid that I’d learn that you’d never really changed. If that was true, it would break my heart.”
“I did get your designated-driver text. Thanks.” He gave her a faint, self-deprecating grin. “Back in high school I did anything I could to rebel against my dad—and I was stupid. But actually, I couldn’t drink now even if I wanted to. Which I don’t. I’ve been on daily meds for years that usually control my cluster headaches. The two don’t mix.”
She stared up at him with relief and awe...and a good dose of embarrassment at having doubted him. “I admit—I’m probably a little paranoid about alcohol. With a dad like mine, I can’t help but worry. And when Lance said...well, I misunderstood. I care about you. A lot.”
“A lot?”
She gave him a light, playful punch on the arm, “Of course I care about you—more than you’ll ever know, and I always have. Do you want to hear about my meeting with my dad?”
He blinked at the abrupt change of topic. “Uh...okay.”
“I started to think about how much trouble I have with relationships. How I always expect the worst, because I already know things won’t work out, and then that’s exactly what happens. Just as it always was with my dad. I realized that I had to go see him face-to-face and try to make peace with him. To forgive him, really, instead of just letting my anger and resentment grow.”
“And how did that go?”
“I figured I would see him for ten minutes and be done. I thought he would be curt, dismissive—probably even drunk, so I would say what I needed to and then walk away.”
A shadow crossed Devlin’s expression. Was he thinking of his own difficult father?
“Dad works for a man who got him to attend AA and says he’s been sober for a whole year,” she continued. “Now he even goes to church. He’s changed—I think he really has. He said he was truly sorry about the past. After talking to him, I feel like a dark cloud hovering over me is finally lifting. I told him I feared ending up with a closet alcoholic like he was, and he said, ‘Just take your time. Don’t rush. And whatever you do, pray hard. You’ll know in your heart when it’s right.’ I never would’ve imagined my dad talking about prayer.”
“So, have you followed your heart?”
“I’ve been really trying to, because I don’t want to risk missing out on the one person who could be the very best thing in my life.” She swallowed hard and looked up at Devlin, wondering if he could read her thoughts. Wondering if it would make any difference if he could. “But now I’m not sure there’s any hope.”
He didn’t respond to that, though he did seem to relax as he leaned his good shoulder against the doorframe. “While you were gone, Abby told me that you got some good news. She said to ask you about it.”
Chloe felt that familiar, funny little flutter in her midsection whenever she looked up into his stunning silver-blue eyes. “I got an email from my attorneys before I left for Idaho. Thad’s trial was delayed for a number of months, but it’s finally over. He was found guilty of embezzlement, as well as defamation and tort of malicious prosecution for falsely implicating me.”
“Great news, Chloe.”
“It gets better. As part of the victim-restitution ruling, Thad has to pay my legal bills, and an additional award has been made for defamation. So I’m no longer faced with heavy debt.”
“And now you can choose whatever future you want,” he said slowly, his gaze pinned intently on hers.
“Evidence absolved me of any involvement before I ever came to Montana, but these rulings make it doubly clear that I was a victim, not a criminal. So yes.”
“What about the reporters?”
“My attorney has demanded an apology and retraction from the newspaper. He said it probably wouldn’t hold much weight, but I shouldn’t need to worry about being harassed any longer.”
He enveloped her in a congratulatory hug that somehow deepened into a longer embrace. “Finally free?”
“Finally.” She savored the warmth of his broad chest and felt suddenly bereft when he stepped back. “And believe it or not, I emailed my manuscripts off to a publisher yesterday. I feel like the future could be unfolding in so many different ways now. I just can’t wait to see what happens.”
He regarded her somberly. “You deserve only the best, Chloe. Wherever life takes you.”
His words sounded like a farewell, and she felt her heart start to fracture.
Her legal debts had been erased, but she still needed a job and her sister was still expecting her in Kansas City. Would he even care when she left?
She’d thought he would, during these past few wonderful weeks. They’d seemed to grow closer with every passing day, She’d hoped he would ask her to follow him, wherever he was going. But maybe she’d been wrong. The fracture in her heart deepened. “I wish you the same, Devlin. Truly.”
“Good things are happening for both of us, I guess.” His gaze lifted above her shoulder to the thick stand of pine trees to the west, and the silhouette of the Rockies beyond. “Jess put Tate on a conference call with me yesterday, and the two of them made me a proposition.”
“About what?”
“They asked if I was interested in staying in Montana for good. Jess needs help, and I could take over the Cavanaugh spread, or one of the two other adjoining properties.”
“That sounds wonderful, Dev. Would Tate come back, as well?”
“Getting him to settle down here would be like trying to rope and hog-tie the wind.” Devlin shook his head. “He lives only for a ‘next rodeo, next adventure’ kind of life.”
“Did you give them an answer?”
“Not yet. I’ve spent the past three months doing everything I could to get back in shape, to physically qualify for a job offer in New York. And now they’ve offered it to me—more money than I thought possible, with advancement in the next two years. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance at something big. But they need me right away.”
New York was a long, long way from Kansas City.
She could already see the future. She’d come to care for Devlin more than ever over these past weeks and thought he felt the same. Every embrace seemed longer. Every kiss, sweeter.
But it was all just temporary, and each of them would now move on to their own new lives. The calls and emails would slow, then stop, and then he would forget her. But he would own a big part of her heart until the day she died.
“That’s wonderful, Dev. I’m really proud of you.”
His gaze locked on hers. “If you were me, what would you choose?”
He’d asked her opinion as if her response truly mattered, and a small flicker of hope came to life in her heart. But he wasn’t asking if his choice would affect their future together, or if she’d be willing to follow him. He’d simply asked her advice.
“You need to follow your heart,” she murmured, even as her own heart started to break. She already knew his answer. How could he say no? The job in New York was everything he’d wanted. Perfect for a man with his skills and background.
And it wouldn’t be long before he walked out of her life. Forever.
* * *
Devlin saddled Trouble and headed out into the foothills to clear his thoughts.
I don’t want to risk missing out on the one person who could be the very best thing in my life. But I’m not sure there’s any hope.
He’d understood exactly what Chloe was saying when she’d looked up into his eyes. It had been all he could do to just stand there and not sweep her up into his arms. But despite the small ember of hope flickering in his chest, he knew she deserved so much more than someone like him.
As a kid, he’d seen and experienced so much injustice under the thumb of his father, yet it had made him who he was. A warrior, with a strong sense of purpose. A fierce protector. He’d been fiercely protective of his sister and mom, and Gina, too.
But with that had come the crushing guilt and sorrow when he hadn’t been able to save them. Not even one.
As a young boy, why hadn’t he been there at the right moment to save Heather from the wheels of Dad’s truck? To help his mother deal with her sorrow before she died? If he’d spent more time with her, talked to her more, been a better kid, could he have made a difference? Helped close that ragged wound in her life?
Yeah—the coroner had called it a heart attack, but even as a kid he’d always known the truth. She’d never stopped quietly crying at night when she thought no one could hear her. She’d never gotten over Heather’s death. Until finally, less than a year later, her broken heart just...stopped.
And he would never, ever stop regretting the day he’d been running late and asked Gina to meet him at a restaurant instead of going to pick her up. If he hadn’t selfishly asked her for that small favor, she wouldn’t have been in the wrong place at the wrong time for a drunk driver to snuff out her life on a busy highway.
Coming back to the ranch had been a form of penance. A place to lose himself in the day-to-day chores, to partially atone for his failure to come home and help Jess out when Dad was sick. And essentially a place to simply escape the outside world and accept that he would never really be whole.
But now he started thinking about what Chloe had said about her father.
Instead of harboring a lifelong undercurrent of anger and resentment toward him, she’d decided to make peace with him, and to make peace with her own troubled past.
Could he do that, too—accept that the past was over? Maybe that was what he needed to do.
As the words of Pastor Bob’s Easter sermon came back to him, he finally understood the undeniable truth.
If God was so willing to completely forgive all of the ways Devlin had failed, then how could he hang on to his own stubborn arrogance and pride? Like Chloe, he needed to finally forgive his father and let the past go.
Chloe. Just her name touched a chord deep in his heart. Did he dare take a chance? She deserved far better than a guy like him, but if he held back, would he risk missing out on the one person who could be the very best thing in his life?
From the top of a knoll overlooking the ranch, he surveyed the vista before him—the ranch buildings, looking as small as a child’s play set from this vantage point. And there, to his shock, was Chloe, slamming the trunk of her car and embracing everyone who had come outside to wish her farewell. She was leaving?
She had declared her feelings for him, and what had he done? He’d been an absolute fool. How could he let her go? He reached for his cell phone, but it wasn’t in his pocket.
From up here he could see the mile-long ranch road, following a sweeping curve aroun
d a stand of pines and winding past several deep ravines before reaching the highway.
If he rode cross-country, he just might make it to the pasture fence running along the highway before she did.
He needed to talk to her face-to-face before she disappeared. Reining Trouble toward the highway, he urged him into a lope and started to pray.
* * *
Chloe drove slowly down the lane leading to the highway and toward the rest of her life, feeling empty and a little lost. She’d planned to stay longer, but what was the point?
It hadn’t really taken long to pack, and the sooner she got to Kansas City, the sooner she could start getting her life in order.
She could start working for her sister’s company sooner. During her long, empty evenings, she could work on her writing. But the thought of the coming weeks, months and years without Devlin was already breaking her heart.
She’d just reached the highway when she noticed something moving fast over the gently rolling pastureland, scattering a herd of fat Black Angus cattle. She pulled to a stop and stared as Devlin appeared over the last rise, bent low over his buckskin gelding’s neck.
“Chloe!” He pulled to a stop, then swung down from the lathered horse and led him over to meet her at the fence. “I can’t let Trouble stand still,” he called out ruefully. “Not when he’s this hot. Walk with me?”
Trying to suppress a smile, she climbed over the fence to join Devlin as he sauntered with the reins in his hand. “Um...is there something you need?”
He stopped and turned to face her. “I need you. And if I don’t make this right, I will regret it for the rest of my life.”
She looked up at him and searched his beloved face. “And how are you going to make this right?”
Resting his hands on her shoulders, with his gaze locked on hers, he said, “By telling you that, yes... Yes, I care—more than you’ll ever know, and—” Trouble reached out with his nose and knocked Devlin into Chloe, as if impatient to get this over with and get back to the barn.
High Country Homecoming Page 17
