by Erin Trejo
“Aren’t you supposed to be winning a bet?” I hear her voice before I feel a body straddling my thighs. My eyes instantly pop open to find Dez sitting on my lap. My cock responds to her even though I don’t want it to.
“What the hell are you doin’?” I growl moving my hands to her waist to lift her off me. I set her on the end of the lounge chair, pulling myself up to sit in front of her.
“I’m waiting for the games to begin,” she says with a smirk.
I pull my glasses off and look into her eyes. I knew it. She couldn’t make it a fucking day without using that shit.
“You have some kind of nerve comin’ here high. What the fuck is with you, huh?”
“Don’t act like you never use, Gauge. Fucking lies,” she mumbles under her breath.
The more I see Dez the more I see the person she can be. She might not know it but I’ve watched her at the clubhouse. I’ve seen the little sketches she does in her book when she thinks no one is looking. I’ve seen the possibilities in her talent, but she doesn’t see it. Or if she does, she doesn’t want to realize it.
“I use from time to time,” I admit. “I don’t show up to club functions high out of my goddamn mind, though. This was a family thing, Dezzy.”
“Oh yeah? Then where is he?”
“Who?”
“My dad! Where is he, Gauge? Is he here doing the family thing with me? Where the hell is he?”
I can nearly hear the sob in her throat. Whether she admits it or not, she misses having her dad in her life. I see how she puts up that tough exterior wall for others to see but I can see past it. I’m about to respond when she shoves off the chair and walks away. I watch her head toward the lockers when I stand and follow her.
“Where you goin’? I got girls to get!” Shaft says with a laugh.
“Go get them then. I’ll be back,” I say over my shoulder. I keep walking until I hit the lockers. Row by row I walk down each one until I see her curled up into herself at the last one in the corner.
“I’m sure he has his reasons,” I say softly.
“I can’t even imagine what they might be. I know I’m a bad person. I get it but I’m still his kid.”
Fuck. I run my hand through my hair and glance around before squatting in front of her. Pulling her hands from her face, I watch her teary eyes come to meet mine.
“We all fuck up sometimes. We’re human, it’s what we do. I don’t know what’s goin’ on in that head of your dad’s, Dez, but he loves you.” She huffs out a laugh before shaking her head.
“Nobody loves me, Gauge. My mom hates me, uses me. My dad… God, he runs to hide as soon as I’m around. It’s been this way my whole life. I get it, he has the club - that’s his family, but what I am then?” Tears leak down her cheeks breaking my fucking heart for her. I don’t know what the hell to say to her. I’m not good at this kind of stuff and Prez is making shit worse.
“We’re here to have fun today, yeah? Let’s do that. Let’s just let go and have fun. It’s time to relax and just let the rest of the world fade.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.” Her unsure voice just stings. It burns into my chest and sits there. I pull her arms, pulling her off the ground to stand in front of me.
“I get it, Dez. I know what it’s like to feel unwanted but who gives a damn? We all have to find our place; maybe you just haven’t found yours yet.” As I say the words my chest tightens. I can’t let this girl in, I don’t want to. She’s not only the prez’s daughter, she’s a junkie. That’s the part that kills me. I see so much of someone I used to know in her eyes and it rips my goddamn heart out.
“What if I never find my place?” she asks softly, peering up at me through her wet lashes. Her lips slightly parted, waiting, wanting, yearning.
I lean down, inches from letting them touch and whisper, “We all have a place. You might not think so but this club is my place in life. Maybe it’s yours, too.”
Dez doesn’t move and neither do I. The thought of having her, holding her, making her fucking realize that life is more than just drugs is almost consuming me. Without overthinking it, I brush my lips over hers, tasting her. Dez moans and I can’t stop. I don’t want to. My tongue slips into her mouth, toying and teasing. So desperate for her, for her to understand that she is worth more than what others have made her feel. My hand slips to her waist, pulling her body closer to mine. The heat between us has been off the charts since the first day I saw her and we both felt it. I know she did, but this? This is more. So much fucking more than I thought it would be. My heart races and I feel like I’m on fire. No woman has made me feel like this, not a single one. I pull my lips from hers and she whines.
“What just happened?” she asks as I rest my forehead on hers, both of us panting and needing, wanting.
“I don’t fuckin’ know. You screw with my head, Dez. Every time I think I can look away, I’m pulled back in. Every time I think I know who you are and what you do, you throw me off. I don’t fuckin’ know what this is,” I admit. Her eyes are sad once again but I’m being honest. I have to be.
“You can’t save me, Gauge. No one can,” she says softly before pulling away from me. She starts to move past me when I grab her upper arm and jerk her back in front of me. Her eyes dance between mine, not sure what to say or how to respond. Hell, that makes two of us.
“What if I wanna get lost with you, not save you?” Dez sucks her lips between her teeth trying to not let the tears fall down her face.
She reaches up, her fingers running down my cheek when she says, “I wouldn’t let you. I saw that spark in your eyes, I still see it. This club is your place, just like you said. I’m just a blip on the radar that will eventually fade.”
When she walks away this time, I don’t go after her. I don’t know that I can. This girl is more lost than I thought she was.
Ten
Dezzy
That kiss. Those lips. His words. My chest is tight and my body on fire. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t look at him, listen to him another second. It was all too much. I get that he’s my dad’s VP. I get that he feels the need to help me because of that, but I’m not a charity case.
“What’s wrong?” Angel asks when she spots me.
“Nothing. What are we doing?” I try to sound happy but all I feel is confused.
“Well, Shaft and OB are over there seeing who can get the most numbers. I feel like we stepped back into the nineties,” she giggles as I follow her gaze. Sure enough, they are over there trying.
“I can’t believe they are really doing it. It was a joke,” I tell her when Gauge saunters over that way. My eyes track his movements, the way his whole presence demands attention. The man screams authority to anyone around him.
“God, that man is pure perfection in one muscled up package,” Angel sighs next to me.
“He’s pretty hot,” I add.
“Pretty hot? That man is a fucking God.” I laugh along with her as we watch Gauge talking to the girls in front of him. Shaft throws his hands in the air and walks away but OB just laughs.
“Wonder what he said,” Angel questions as we stand and watch the show. “What was the bet?” she asks looking over at me.
“OB said he could still get the young girls. I bet Gauge that he could, too.”
“Oh shit! You bet with Gauge? Oh girl, he never loses, and when he wins, you better pay up,” she laughs. “What was the wager?”
“Nothing important.” She doesn’t question me further, and when OB walks away from the crowd, I’m shocked. He looks like a man defeated which almost makes me laugh until I drag my eyes back to Gauge. That doesn’t sit well with me. That means Gauge won.
“He walked?” Angel gasps. Gauge turns around, a smirk on his face and hot girl under his arm as he walks toward us. Angel grins when he stands there looking between the two of us before letting his eyes linger on mine.
“That little black bag is mine,” he nearly growls. I shake my head and take a step
back when he releases the hold on the other girl. He stalks forward and I can faintly hear Angel whisper the word “shit”. I can see why too. Gauge’s eyes are on fire.
“We had a deal. You’re the club princess, you know how things work. A deal is a deal.”
“And if I don’t follow through?” I smart off.
“You will regret it,” he seethes through his clenched jaw. I want to push him further just to see what he would do, but that look in his eyes, that blaze tells me not to.
“Hey, headin’ to the yacht!” Shaft calls out breaking our moment of intensity. Gauge looks at me hard for another long minute before turning and grabbing the girl and walking away. Angel slowly walks closer, her eyes wide.
“What the hell happened? I’ve never seen him that pissy with a girl before,” she says grabbing my arm and leading me to the chairs to grab our things.
“He’s been like that since the day I met him. It’s not his normal?” I ask amused. Angel giggles and picks up her bag.
“Hell no. He’s usually rough and broody but that?” she says pointing at where he stood. “That is new. You must bring that out in him.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty good at bringing out the worst in people.” I grab my towel and roll it up, stuffing it in my bag before sliding my feet into my sandals. Angel and I head toward the gate when I see my dad talking to OB. He’s made himself plenty scarce all day, which doesn’t surprise me. When we are close enough for him to see us, he looks over and smiles slightly before he notices Angel.
“Club whores don’t belong on family outtin’s! You know this!” he snaps moving toward her. I step in front of her, cutting them off.
“I invited her,” I say keeping my head held high.
“You did what? You know better, Dez! You lived here long enough before!” He goes to say more but I cut him off.
“Yeah, I know, but you want to know what else I know? I know that girls just like her are what you liked to sink your cock in instead of my mom!” Where the hell did that come from? I’d never dreamt in my life of talking to my dad that way. The anger, the power he holds within him slams into me. He steps toward me menacingly when OB, Remy, and Gats step up.
“Hey, Prez. Let’s calm down,” OB says trying to pull his infuriated gaze from mine. I feel like a kid about to be scolded as I stand here under his scrutinizing gaze.
“You don’t know shit about anything! You saw what your momma wanted you to see, Dezzy!”
“No, I saw what you showed me. I still see it, Dad. You never wanted me. You never wanted me around, and even now after you came to get me, you still hide. You stay as far away from me as possible,” I snap, nearly breaking into tears again. This conversation has been a long time coming. We’ve never really talked about any of this stuff but I know it needed to be done. Gauge walks up and stands next to Remy, sending his little girlfriend on her way. We have an audience of my dad’s men, none looking at me as if I’m right. No, they are loyal to their president.
“I’m a goddamn Soulless Bastard! I don’t hide from anyone!” he roars. One of the prospects grabs Angel and pulls her toward a bike. I don’t argue because frankly there is no point.
“Prez, let’s go find some beers, yeah?” Remy says pulling his gaze from me to him. OB steps up saying that’s a great idea, and in the matter of seconds, this conversation is over. I lower my head, covering my face with my hands as I listen to the sounds of bikes firing up and pulling out.
“If it means anything, I’m proud of you.”
Why the hell is he still here?
“Doesn’t matter what you think.”
“Come on, Dez. I bet you never stood up to him in your life,” Gauge says in a serious tone.
I slowly lift my head and look up at him. His big blue eyes saying that he’s proud of me. How can that be?
“He’s your prez. Don’t you need to run along behind him?” A half smirk crosses his face when he turns to look over at the marina.
“I’m supposed to keep an eye on you. Besides, the boat’s free now.” He pulls his gaze back to mine and I almost smile.
“Why are you doing this?”
“I was ordered to watch you.”
“You’re the VP. You don’t do the grunt work. Why isn’t a prospect on me?”
“You want me to be honest here?” he asks and I nod my head. That would be a change for me.
“Please.”
“After that first night, I asked him if I could be on your watch.”
Eleven
Gauge
It was easier getting her on the boat than I thought it would. She lays out in the front as I shut the engine down. I figure this is the perfect place to just hang out for a little while. I reach into the cooler and grab two beers, popping the top before heading out front.
“You want one?” I ask watching as her eyes pop open. Her hand comes up to shield her eyes as she looks up at me.
“Thanks,” she says as she takes one and sits up. Her legs cross in front of her when I sit down next to her.
“You ever come out here when you were younger?” I watch her lips as she takes a drink and shakes her head.
“Yeah. Dad never brought us out here. OB though. OB used to bring me some times.”
“You and Old Barnie close?”
“Yeah. He was like my best friend when I was a kid. I didn’t get along with most of the girls, or guys for that matter, back then. Dad liked to keep me at a distance but OB was VP back then,” she says with a slight smile as she remembers the past.
“He’s a good guy. Never understood why he stepped down. He’s one hell of a leader,” I add.
“You must be too since Dad put you in the VP spot.”
I chuckle under my breath before I answer her.
“Saved his ass once. We were out on a run and he didn’t see the assholes comin’ up behind him. I put myself in between him and the shooter, took a bullet to the shoulder.”
“Is that what the scar is?” she asks nodding toward my shoulder.
“Yeah. I should have been smarter and knocked his ass out of the way, but I took it anyway. I proved myself worthy of this club more than once before he offered me that patch,” I say, remembering the old times. I take a pull from my beer when Dez turns to face me.
“Has he ever talked about me?” she asks, her voice sounding so much like a child.
“I’ll be honest, Dez. I’ve heard of you, but until the day we come to get you, I didn’t even know your name. I don’t know why he pushes you away.” My mind is waging a war that I know it shouldn’t be. That lost hurt look in her eyes keeps me moving forward until I grab her around the back of her neck and pull her mouth to mine. Kissing her roughly, she inches closer. I don’t stop, not even when she lifts up and climbs into my lap. I reach up and grab her face in both my hands, pulling my lips away from hers.
“We shouldn’t be doin’ this,” I tell her honestly. Not that I ever do the right things in my life. I’ve fucked up so many times that I can’t even count but if I do this, if I touch her, I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
“Then why do you keep kissing me?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know, Dez. Fuck, I don’t know,” I huff. Her lips move back in, taking what she wants from me and I gladly hand it over. I let my hands slip around to her back tugging the strings of her bikini top, letting them slip through my fingers before moving to the one at her neck. Dez pants into my mouth, my cock hardening even more. With each touch of her skin, I’m on fire. I lean back and let her top fall between us as my eyes move over her tits.
“You sure?” I ask, needing her to say yes. She has me so wound up I can’t even see straight, because damn it, I need her. Dez nods her head before shoving out of my lap. I watch her stand in front of me, slowly pulling her bottoms down her legs when I stand and do the same. I can see the scars on her skin and I wonder what caused them.
“Condom,” she says, her eyes tracking my movements, lingering on my cock as it stands out in front o
f me. I chuckle before reaching for the bucket and pulling one out. Yeah, this bucket has been used more than once on this yacht. I tear the foil open and quickly roll the condom on as she watches me.
“I don’t know that I can stop when I start, Dez.” She steps closer, her eyes finding mine before reaching for me and pulling me closer.
“I need this, Gauge.”
That’s all I need. I lean down, sucking her nipple into my mouth. Teasing and tugging, licking and sucking until it’s nothing but a hardened bud between my teeth.
“Get on the floor,” I growl as I watch her step back and climb to the floor. She gazes up at me, those brown eyes needing so much more than this. I can see all the pain in her, all the hurt that people have caused her, but mainly what she’s caused herself. I start to rethink what I’m doing when her hand travels down her chest, over her breast, and continues on. When her hand lands between her thighs, I lose it. I kneel between her legs, positioning myself where I want to be, pushing her hand aside before thrusting into her.
“Oh God,” she cries as I grab ahold of her hips in my hands. I know I’m probably bruising her but I can’t seem to care. With each thrust, she cries out louder. It’s the perfect fucking sound, but as I look down at her, everything comes back hitting me hard. Each plunge I’m sending myself into a darkness that I don’t know that I can come back from. I slow my pace as the past comes slamming into me. Dez looks up, her eyes meeting mine.
“What’s wrong?” she asks looking a little concerned.
But I don’t answer; I’m lost in my own head. I can’t stop the visions behind my eyes. I shake my head leaning down and kissing her, hoping that that will be enough to draw me back into the present. It works. Her soft lips caress mine and my head spins. I’m intoxicated by her taste, by the feel of her, but sadly I can feel all that she’s lost. I can feel how much she wants and needs something solid in her life and I don’t think I can be the one to give it to her.
