I was trying not to say anything, but I really wanted to help make her feel better about it so I said, “You’re probably better off.”
“Better off?” she said in that high-pitched voice she used when she thought I was completely wrong about something. “How could I be better off? I have to move in with my daughter. I had a home and I thought he and I were going to be a family…” I sighed. She acted like losing a piece of shit drunk that cared nothing about her and cheated on her to boot was the end of the world. It was the dramatic component of it all that drove me crazy. She set herself up for these things…sometimes I thought, just because she was unable to live without the drama. Since I’d moved out on my own, I had lived as drama-free as possible because of it…until recently, anyways. I glanced over at her. I was sorry I did. She was tearing up as she said, “I think he cheated on me.”
“Hmm,” I hoped that sounded sympathetic.
“I don’t think it’s the first time. He says he’s playing sometimes and when I show up at the bar, he’s not there, or he sneaks out from the back right before some little skank comes skulking out. Why? Tell me why he would want to be with that trash when he has all this waiting for him at home.” She actually held her arms out when she said, “All this.” She was really something.
“Mmm,” I said.
“I think I’m just too good to them. I give them everything they want…whenever they want it…however they want it, if you know what I mean…” I did, and now I was nauseated. I kept silent. That one didn’t even call for a sound. She didn’t mention what they had all done for her. “They take it all and then they leave me…they all leave me in the end…”
Finally I said, “That’s too bad, Mom.” She continued to ramble on for a while. It was all “woe is me.” She acted like everything that happened to her was someone else’s fault. The universe was out to hurt her…she never took responsibility for doing anything wrong…it’s the way she’d always been. I should thank her…it made me go the opposite direction. I took responsibility for everything, even things that I shouldn’t. I was relieved when my apartment complex came into view. I was fed up with listening to her broken record.
We pulled up in my spot in the lot and she proved she wasn’t done annoying me by saying, “Justin called me last night. He really wants you to call him.”
“No! Damn it, Mom. Why are you even still taking his calls? You said you’re not buying from him any longer…a recovering addict does not need a dealer on speed dial, and I do not want to talk to him.”
“I don’t like the way you throw around that word…addict. But anyways, he misses you, baby. I feel sorry for him. He’s not trying to sell me anything. He just needs someone to talk to. He’s all alone…you’re alone…”
“I’d rather be alone than with a man like that. God, Mom! You of all people know what I went through with him.” I got out and started taking her luggage out of the car. She came around to help and said, “Do you have someone else, honey? Is that why you won’t at least call him?”
“No, I don’t have anyone, but that’s not the point anyways. I do not want Justin and I’m just appalled that any mother on this earth would try and force her daughter into a relationship with a drug dealer. Even being his friend would be too much and you know it.” I grabbed the bags and headed for the apartment. She followed me and when we were inside I dropped them and she said, “I just hate to see you alone, honey. You’re so pretty. You should have a man around to appreciate you…while you’re still young.”
“I don’t need a man in my life to define who I am, Mother. I’m happy and I don’t feel lonely. I have a good life and lots of friends. None of whom deal drugs. I have to go to work. The room is all ready for you. Help yourself to whatever you want in the kitchen; I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“Maybe you could just call Justin and say hello. You don’t have to go out with him or anything if you’re with someone else….” I closed the door behind me, cutting her off. She’d been in my presence for less than an hour and I already wanted to kill her or myself. I wasn’t sure which. It was probably good that I didn’t have a weapon right at that second, or we may have found out.
I left her with her things in her new room and I headed for work. I was thankful that it was the one place that I could get some peace.
*******
I walked into my “peaceful place” just in time to see Paul throwing a right hook at Mark. I was shocked for a few seconds, wondering if it was a sparring match and maybe it had just gotten out of hand. I saw Mark dodge it and throw one back. It almost connected with Paul’s jaw and the look in Paul’s eyes as they focused on Mark’s face told me they weren’t playing. I looked at Victoria who was standing behind the counter. She had a helpless, horrified look on her face. “I didn’t know what to do; they just hooked up all of a sudden.”
“Where the hell is everyone?”
“Greg’s in the back. Sam and Jeff aren’t here.”
The other gym patrons were watching as if it was an MMA match. Three or four other grown-ass muscled-up men and no one was trying to stop it. Idiots! I went over and called out to Paul. He didn’t answer me, being as he was too busy taking an upper-cut to his chin. So I tried Mark who was also otherwise occupied. Finally I just stepped between them and nearly took Paul’s fist to my gut. Thank God for his quick reflexes. His face was bleeding and he’d worked up a sweat. I could hear Mark panting behind me and talking shit. “Damn it, Jessie! I almost hit you!” Suddenly I was the one being stupid. Men!
“What the hell is going on?” I asked him. Paul didn’t answer me. He wiped at the blood on his face with the back of his hand and continued to glare at Mark. Making sure I stayed between them I turned and looked at Mark. “You want to tell me what the hell this is about?” He chose the silent glare as well. “Okay, fine. Mark, you go home. You’ve had your work-out. You can come back tomorrow when you’ve cooled down. This is only going to keep going if you stay here and someone is going to get hurt or in a lot of trouble.”
“Why do I have to leave? He started it!”
“I wouldn’t have if you didn’t have such a big-fucking mouth!” Paul said. They tried to go at each other again and I pushed on Paul’s chest with all my might. He was so fucking solid that it was like pushing against a wall. I finally succeeded in pushing him a step back.
Then as I kept my back against him so I could feel if he moved, I turned back to Mark and said, “Go, home, Mark. Now! Otherwise I’ll get Greg to deal with this and you’ll both lose your privileges altogether. You know he won’t tolerate this shit. Come back tomorrow in a better mind-set and we’ll forget this happened.”
Mark mumbled under his breath but I watched as he picked up his towel and his water and got his bag and left. I turned back to Paul who still hadn’t stopped glaring at him. He was even staring him down through the glass window as Mark go into his car. I shook my head and said, “In the office, now.” He started to argue but the look on my face must have told him I was serious. He headed for the office and I followed him. I thought this must be what it was like to be the principal at a boys’ school. Way too much testosterone. Victoria handed me the first aid kit as we walked past. I thanked her and followed Paul into the office and closed the door behind us.
“What the hell was that about?”
“Nothing,” he said. He looked like an insolent child. I opened the first aid kit and found some sterile gauze. I opened the package and poured saline from the bottle in the kit on it. Then I pressed it to the cut on his cheek. He winced. I held it there until it stopped bleeding and then while I was cleaning up the dried blood I tried again.
“I thought you and Mark were friendly?” He shrugged, still like a pouting child. “What did he say that pissed you off so much?” He shrugged again. I sighed and pat his face dry with clean gauze before applying a butterfly bandage to close the cut. “I don’t think it needs stitches.” I dropped down into the seat next to him and said, “Please talk to me.”<
br />
“He’s just an idiot sometimes. I guess I shouldn’t have gotten so mad.”
“You think? You can’t just punch people for pissing you off.”
He rolled his eyes and said, “I know that. I was just a little stressed out already and he started saying things about…”
“About what?”
“Nothing, it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have hit him although I think he deserved it.”
“Tell me what he said.” I wanted to understand if this was just an anger management problem or if Mark had really gone too far.
“He was just talking stupid shit about…he said something about ‘tapping’ your ‘sweet ass.’”
“Me?” I was truly shocked. Mark rarely made lewd comments to me. He was usually one of the more respectful clients.
“Yeah. He said that he noticed we were spending a lot of time together and that when I got to “tap it” if I hadn’t already, I should let him know how it was; if it would be worth his time pursuing it. Fucking moron.”
“Wow that surprises me. Thank you for defending me, but truly, you shouldn’t have punched the guy.”
He sighed and with a genuinely remorseful look he said, “I know.”
“Is it all the stress with Marie and Mitch?” I was hoping that’s what it was. I hoped that he didn’t have a legitimate anger problem.
“Yeah, that and trying to still concentrate on what I need to do in order to win this championship title and you coming into my life….”
“Me? I’m causing you stress?” I was a little offended by that. I hadn’t put any kind of pressure on him at all as far as I was concerned. I had even helped him with his sister.
“Yeah, I mean…it’s hard to explain but I don’t usually talk to people about my life and how I’m feeling or what’s going on with my sister, things like that. For some reason I feel comfortable sharing all of that with you and sometimes I worry that I’m sharing too much.”
“I’m not going to tell anyone what you tell me, if that’s what you’re worried about.” I was still a little insulted, but it was nice to know he felt comfortable with me.
“I know. I don’t think you would…I’m sorry. It’s just new and that’s where the stress is coming from.”
I took his hands in mine and leaned toward him. “Don’t let me add to your stress, okay? Just trust that anything you tell me will be kept in confidence and I will never judge you.”
He leaned in too and kissed me. I loved the way his lips felt on mine. They were so soft, yet something about them was powerful as well. He pulled back and looked into my eyes. He looked like he was going to kiss me again but his phone rang. He looked at the face and then put it to his ear and said, “Hello?” He listened for a few seconds and then said, “Calm down…I can’t really understand you.” He pulled his eyebrows together in the middle and I could see that he was worried by whatever the caller was telling him. “Okay, it’s going to be okay.” His words were reassuring but there was an undertone of panic in them. “I’ll be right there. Stay there.” He hung up the phone and said, “I have to go, Jessie. We’ll talk later.” I watched him open the door and leave. I had no idea what was going on, but I hoped that everything would turn out all right.
CHAPTER SEVEN
I hung out at the gym helping Greg out with his clients and doing some office stuff for a few more hours after Paul left. I kept hoping he’d take care of whatever was going on and come back. I just wanted to know that everything was okay. I called him about an hour after he left but he didn’t answer. I didn’t leave a message. I called him again after two hours and this time when voice mail kicked in I said, “Hey, I’m not trying to be intrusive, just worried. Call me please.”
At around two o’clock I hadn’t heard back from him and I finally decided he wasn’t coming back. I sent him a text that said:
“Leaving work. Please let me know all is well.”
I got my stuff together and said goodnight to Greg and Victoria and decided that I’d drive by his apartment and see if he was there. I felt a little bit like Mitch…like a stalker, driving by to spy on him. But if he was there, I planned on stopping, just to make sure that he was okay. When I got to the apartment the first thing I noticed was that his big truck wasn’t in its usual spot. That truck was hard to miss, but I drove through the rest of the lot just to make sure. When I saw it wasn’t there, I just went on home.
My mom was sitting on my couch watching television when I got home. She had fixed herself all up and looked like she was ready for a night on the town. When I was little and I’d asked her once why she looked so pretty to just stay at home, she told me, “What if there’s a fire, honey? Firemen are very handsome. I wouldn’t want them seeing me looking like a mess.”
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hi, Jessie. How was work?”
“It was okay. Did you find something for lunch?”
“I did. I ate what looked to be your leftovers from last night. Good chicken, amazing peanut sauce. You didn’t make all that just for yourself, did you?”
My mother, the detective. I chose not to answer her and instead I asked, “Do you have enough room for your things in the dresser and closet in there?”
“Yes, baby. You don’t have to worry about me, I’ll be fine. Oh, I put your laundry in the dryer. Fancy dinner and she washed her sheets.”
“Mom, don’t start.”
She put her bottom lip out and said, “I don’t know why you won’t talk to me.”
“About what, Mom? There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I’m a woman too. I know the signs of a man being around. Why not just tell me about him. Why are you hiding him?”
“I’m not hiding anyone, Mom. Let it go, okay?” I went into the kitchen, then, to look for something to eat myself. My mother followed me and I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head. I finally just snapped. “Knock it off! I’m twenty-three years old! All of a sudden you want to be a mother and I’m supposed to just know how to have that relationship with you? I have no experience with that.”
“What do you mean? Why are you yelling at me?”
With a heavy sigh I said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you…but you need to let it go.”
“Wow! You won’t even consider calling Justin yet you’re sleeping with a man you have to hide.”
“Oh, that’s it! I’m not like you, okay! Not at all! And in case you were wondering, that was no accident. I practiced my whole life to make sure it didn’t happen. You were the last thing I ever wanted to be. You’ve always been addicted to men. You think your looks entitle you to things and you don’t have to work for them…and you’re a drug addict! So no, I have no experience with having a good mother…the kind you want to talk to about things. You were a horrible mother and sometimes I don’t know why I don’t just hate you for it!”
I was so passionately ranting that I didn’t even realize that my mother had tears streaming down her face. It wasn’t that it meant much. She was a drama queen and an addict; she could turn them off and on at the drop of a hat.
She didn’t say a word. Instead she turned and walked out. I followed her, suddenly feeling terrible for saying such horrible things to her…even if they were true. “Mom,” I called after her. She ignored me and went into the bathroom. Just as I stepped up behind her the door closed in my face and I heard it lock.
“Oh geez, Mom…really? This is really not very mature of you. If you’re angry with me just come out and tell me so.” There was no sound coming out of the bathroom. I reached out and tried the handle but I had been right, it was locked. “Come on, Mom. You’re being ridiculous. I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings, okay?”
“Hmph!”
I rolled my eyes. She couldn’t see me. “Mother, this is ridiculous. You’re acting like a child!”
“I guess I have a history of it,” she said. “Maybe that’s what makes me such a horrible mother! I haven’t taken a single pill in months and since y
ou never come around, you would have no idea how hard that is for me! I just lost the only person in the world other than you that I thought cared about me and now you tell me what a bad mother I’ve been…”
God, she was a master at the guilt thing. I felt a pang beginning in my chest and I knew she had won. It was the reason I usually didn’t say anything at all. She always ended up winning. “Mom.” My tone was less hostile now, apologetic, I hoped. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m just having a bad day. I didn’t mean it.”
“Words hurt more than a slap in the face,” she said.
“I know, I’m truly sorry. Please come out here and talk to me.” Before she could answer me, my phone rang. “Shoot! Mom, I’m going to get that because I’m waiting for a call…about work,” I lied. “I’ll be right back.” I went in the living room and picked up my phone. It was Paul. “Hey! Are you okay? Is Marie okay?”
“Can you meet me by the lake where we swam that day?”
“Yeah…sure. Is everything okay? What happened?”
“I’ll be at the lake in fifteen minutes. Meet me there, okay? I’ll explain it all to you then. And Jessie…”
“Yeah?”
“Please make very sure that you’re not followed, okay? Mitch has been driving a brown four-door car…but he could be in anything. If it looks like anyone is following you, don’t come.”
“Okay, but…” Before I could say anything else, the line went dead. I was beginning to feel like I was trapped in a spy novel.
I heard the bathroom door crack open just then. I went over and looked my mother in the face and tried to remember all of the good things about my life…there were a lot. “I’m truly sorry, Mom. I love you. Thank you, for everything you have done for me. Thanks for being my mom.”
She started crying again and hugged me. “I love you too.”
Shifting Gears: The Complete Series (Sports Bad Boy Romance) Page 52
