“Paul…did I say something to piss you off or what?”
“No.”
We drove along again in silence for another ten minutes before I said, “Obviously I did. Why not just tell me…”
He hit the brakes again, this time pulling off the side of the road. He put the car in park and said, “It’s not your fault, but I don’t like it when people tell me I’m going to be a good father.”
“Why?” I couldn’t fathom how that could be anything but a compliment. He acted like he didn’t hear me at first. He put the car back in gear and pulled back out onto the road. After a bit I said, “Paul? Why?”
“Because I was a father. A horrible one. The worst kind. My son died on my watch.” He said that all through gritted teeth. I felt like I had walked into a nightmare. What the hell? He had a son?
“You were a father? When did this happen? Where is his mother?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Jessie.”
“But…”
“God damn it, Jessie! Are you fucking hard of hearing? I don’t want to fucking talk about it!”
I wasn’t hard of hearing. I sat there quietly in shock wondering if I had a sign carved into my forehead that said, “Messed up guys wanted,” or “The more screwed up the better.” I was in a big enough mess trying to have a relationship with a guy who followed his sister around to keep her safe and lived in an abandoned gym. Now I find out he had a son…who died? What the hell is wrong with me? How is it possible that I attract nothing but men with demons and souls that need to be mended? I couldn’t fix the last one…chances are that I can’t fix this one either.
When we got to my apartment, I got out of the car thinking he was just going to leave. I was wrong. He followed me in, neither one of us talking still. It was like déjà vu when I stepped in the door. I knew something was wrong.
Paul was looking around at the walls as I called out, “Mom?” I was met with nothing but silence.
“What happened to your walls?”
“My mother painted them,” I said, simply. I was still mad at him for yelling at me. I think if he wants to talk about having any kind of future with me, finding out what happened to his kid and the kid’s mother were legitimate questions. I started going room to room, calling out for her. It was ridiculous; the whole place was only twelve-hundred square feet. If she was there, she would have answered me. The problem was my worst nightmare since I’d been a teenager was finding her dead from an overdose…or worse.
“You can get back to Marie and Victor,” I told Paul. “I have to find my mother.”
“No, they’re okay. I’ll go with you. Do you know where to look?”
“I left her at the Baptist Church on Seventh Street last night before I came to see you. It doesn’t look like she’s been home all night.”
“Okay, let’s start there.” I was grateful to him for volunteering and I was really too panicked to drive right then. I followed him back out to the car and we rode in silence again. I felt sick to my stomach. What if something happened to her while she tried to make her way home last night? I should have waited for her. Why was I so selfish?
When we got to the church I jumped out and went straight to the place where the meeting had been the night before. The door was locked.
“Jessie, the office is over here.” I followed Paul over to another door and he knocked on it. Mike, the guy who had led the group the night before answered the door. I thought I’d been shocked all I could be lately. But when Mike pulled open the door and saw Paul his face lit up and he said, “Hey Paul! How are you?”
“Hi Mike. I’m okay. Jessie here is looking for her mom.”
Once again…What the hell? I didn’t have time to worry about it right now though so I tucked it away for later. “My mom came to the NA meeting last night. She’s about forty, looks a lot like me. Her name is Lynn…” Mike was still looking at me with a neutral expression. “Listen, I’m not trying to make you break any kind of confidentiality. I’m just really worried about her. I dropped her off last night and she never made it home.”
“I remember Lynn,” he said. “She was here, for the entire meeting. She even participated a little. She left when it was over though, Jessie. I haven’t seen her since.”
“Shit! Damn! I’m sorry. I forgot this was a church.”
“It’s okay. Do you have any other ideas where to look for her? Did you call her friends?” I felt tears stinging the corners of my eyes. She doesn’t have any friends, at least none that I knew. If I could find them, I doubt they would be in the condition to tell me anything.
“I’ll call around,” I told him. “Thank you.” I heard my voice crack and I got out of there. I didn’t want to cry in front of a stranger. I didn’t want to cry in front of Paul for that matter.
“Maybe she went to stay with a friend?” Paul said as we walked out to the car.
“You don’t understand. If that’s the case, she’s still not in a good place. I made her feel bad about herself yesterday and then I abandoned her here. I should have stayed and taken her home. What if something happened to her? What if she’s not in a safe place? It’s going to be my fault.” Paul didn’t say anything else as we got back into the car. I took out my phone and started looking up and calling homeless shelters. There were only three in the city that were staffed during the day. They all told me that they didn’t take names on the people that stayed there, but when I described her they said her description didn’t sound familiar.
I started calling all the crappy motels close by next. Paul just sat there watching me. His eyes looked sad and concerned.
He waited for me to exhaust myself with phone calls that led nowhere before starting the car and saying, “I’m going to drop you at home.”
I just looked at him. That was fine. He couldn’t be bothered to stick by me when it was my family in trouble then that was just fine.
When we got to my apartment he said, “I want you to stay here where you’re safe. Make some more phone calls. Maybe she’ll come home while you’re here. I know some places in the city where the druggies hang out. I’m going to check them out and I’ll be back.”
The only part of that sentence I actually heard was “druggie.” Did he actually just call my mother a “druggie?” What the fuck? I didn’t say a word. I just got out of the car and slammed the door. This was too much for me right now. I needed to find my mother.
CHAPTER SEVEN
I unlocked the door, slammed into my apartment and threw my purse and keys across the room as I did. How dare Paul call my mother a druggie? He didn’t know her. Hell…he barely knew me. We barely knew each other. I had told him just a little bit about Mom the night he had dinner here, but I never used that word… “Druggie.” To me it would have been comparable to him calling her a bitch. It’s a derogatory term and not one I want to be banded about when someone’s talking about my mother. You just don’t go around calling people’s mothers names. Why doesn’t he know that? Besides, he heard me say she went to an NA meeting, so obviously he was trying. Was he one of those kinds of guys who couldn’t give a person a break? No second chances for anyone unless they were in his family and then the second chances ran amok. How dare he come from where he does and judge my mother! He was so obviously not perfect…so obviously not raised in a perfect home to begin with. Damn him!
I walked over to pick up my keys and caught sight of the wall out of the corner of my eye. I sat down on the couch and looked at it. It was a forest. The leaves were both light and dark green like shadows were being cast across them and the little stream that ran through them looked real enough to take a drink out of. The rocks were tan and gray and the water formed bubbles around them. The path through the trees looked like it led into a place where there was light. The sky wasn’t visible because the umbrella of trees blocked it out. It looked peaceful and I’d be willing to bet that my mother had painted it because it was a place she wanted to be…at peace for a change. I know she doesn’t want to live like this…s
he just doesn’t know how to live any other way. When we find her I’m going to make sure she knows I will be here to help her, always. She doesn’t have to live like this. I can help her get better.
I couldn’t sit still. I got up and paced and then I decided to make some more phone calls. I looked up the number for the guy “Tyler” that she’d been living with before she came to live with me and I called him.
When he answered I said, “Hi Tyler. This is Jessie, I’m Lynn’s daughter.”
For a second, I thought he’d hung up. Finally, he said, “Yeah, um…Lynn’s not here…”
“I know. She was here, staying with me…I think she’s using again and she’s gone off missing and I’m worried. Would you have any idea where I might look for her?”
“Not really. The bar I used to play music at was one of her favorite places. It’s called “Sequoia Club.” You might want to call there and see if anyone has seen her.”
“Okay, I’ll try that. Hey Tyler…”
“Yeah?”
“Was she using drugs, when she was with you?”
“No. She went to that rehab over in Whittier. She was clean after that as far as I knew…at least six months,” he said.
That was what she had told me. She had been clean for over half a year. This was just a slip-up, not even enough to be classified as a relapse. We could get her back on the right track again.
“Thank you, Tyler.”
“Sure.” He hung up. Whatever my mother had done to him, she’d burnt her bridge. It was obvious in his voice. I couldn’t hold that against him though, I’m her daughter and look at the things she’d done to me. Rationally I know I should walk away. Emotionally, I can’t.
I looked up the number for that bar he told me about and I called it. A woman named Wanda answered. I told her who I was and said, “I’m looking for my mother Lynn. She used to come in with Tyler Grant…a red-haired lady, green eyes…”
“I know Lynn. She ain’t been here in about a week though, honey.”
“Okay, thanks. Wouldn’t you have any idea where else I might look?”
“I really don’t, sweetie. But I have your number on caller ID here. If I see her or hear anything I’ll call you. Is she okay?”
“I’m sure she is,” I lied. In my head I was thinking of all kinds of horrifying scenarios. “Thank you,” I said. I called a couple more motels. They all claimed to not see her. But they were cheap, creepy motels and the type of clientele that frequented it liked to keep a low profile. I was even more frustrated when I hung up. I didn’t want to, but I finally decided I was going to bite the big bullet and call Justin. If someone was selling her drugs, I was pretty sure it was him. I’d rather pull out my own molars with a pair of rusty pliers than talk to him, but I had to find her. I was pacing the floor as I made my phone calls and as I was about to punch in Justin’s number I walked past the window. There was a police car out in front. Shit! I put the phone down and trying not to stand right in the window where he could see me I took another look. There was a man in it…a big man. It was Mitch, I was sure of it. Fuck! What does he want from me now?
While I was pondering that, Mitch was apparently getting out of the car and coming up to my door. I heard him knocking. I should have been afraid, but I wasn’t. I was too pissed at the world. Mom for disappearing and making me worry…Paul for…a lot of things…and Mitch for just basically being an asshole.
I pulled the door open and said, “What?” Then, without giving him a chance to answer I said, “I don’t have time for your shit today. I don’t know when the hell you ever have time for real police work. You’re always so busy stalking people you big freak! Leave me alone. I have my own problems.”
Mitch just stood there and looked at me while I ranted and when I finally took a breath he said, “Can I come in?”
“No! Jeez! You’re a lunatic! Go away!”
“Jessie, it’s about your mother. Do you want me to discuss it out here where just anyone can hear?”
Oh shit! Son of a bitch! I stepped back from the door and let him in. I didn’t really have a choice, as was becoming the norm lately. Once he was in I closed the door and said, “What do you know about my mother?” Mitch was looking at the artwork on my walls with an amused expression on his face. I really wasn’t in the mood. “Hey! What do you know about my mother?” I repeated it, this time annunciating each syllable.
“She’s down at the station,” he said, still in that calm voice with that dead-eyed expression. What Marie ever saw in him was completely beyond me. “Nice art on the walls by the way.”
“She’s where? Why is she at the station? The police station?”
Mitch chuckled and said, “No, I just came by to let you know she was at the gas station.”
“Cut the crap Mitch! What have you done to my mother?”
“I didn’t do anything to her. Your mother was picked up for buying drugs from an undercover cop. I’m here as a concerned friend….”
“Friend? Are you freaking kidding me? We are so far from friends that we may as well be on separate continents. You are not now and will never be my friend. Get that straight.” I grabbed my purse and keys and now wearing an amused expression as if my tirade was funny he said, “Are you leaving?”
“I’m going to get my mother. Excuse me.” He was standing between me and the door. I was an idiot for ever letting him back in here.
“You can’t just “go get her,” Jessie. That’s not how this works.” I was afraid I already knew how this was going to work, but again, I had to ask.
Dropping my purse and slumping down in a chair because my legs were shaking so badly they would hardly hold me up, I said, “Tell me, Mitch. How does this work?”
He sat down on my couch and seemed to be making himself comfortable as he said, “I can bring mom home…without a single blemish on her pristine record….”
“Like you did for Marie way back when? Then you can have her arrested for a “failure to appear” and use all of this to blackmail us again someday?”
“You are misinformed. I did what I could to help Marie way back then because I knew she came from a bad place. I didn’t mean to fall in love with her, but I did. I didn’t mean to make a baby, but I did. I would have never used any of that against her if she had given me any other choice. She stole my son, Jessie. Tell me you don’t think I have a right to be just a little bit pissed off.”
“But why fuck with me, and my mother? This is between you and Marie and Paul. Why do you want to keep dragging me into it?”
“Because as long as I’ve known that little shit Paul he has hated me. He’s done everything he can to keep me first from Marie and now from Victor. He thinks he’s such a tough guy and I know that he’s just arrogant enough to have confided in the girl he’s tapping.”
“You’re disgusting,” I said.
“Oh forgive me…the girl he’s “making love” to,” he said with another lewd laugh. “Whatever. The point is that I know that you know where he and his sister are keeping my boy. All I need from you is an address and as soon as I find out you’re not lying to me, your mother walks out, Scott free.”
“I don’t know how you look at yourself in the mirror,” I said. What the hell was I supposed to do? This was my entire fault. I promised myself after Justin that I wasn’t going to do this again…falls for with a guy who is battling one demon after the other. This is just what I deserve for not running away the second that he told me about his sister, or at the very least, the second Mitch showed up. I couldn’t trade my own mother’s safety for Marie and Victors. Damn it! What the hell was I going to do?
PULSE #4
CHAPTER ONE
I was looking up into the eyes of a monster. I honestly thought he stood too close on purpose...that way I had to tip my head back to look at him. Mitch was a wild card. I don’t think he even knew what he was going to do next. He wanted me to trade my mother’s safety for Paul’s whereabouts. In a shaky voice I finally said, “Look, I
can’t make that kind of decision in a split second. You’re going to have to give me more time. It doesn’t matter which one of your choices I pick, someone gets hurt.”
“Sure, yeah…I’m as stupid as I look,” he said, sarcastically. I wished that was true because he did look plenty stupid. “I know the second I walk out of here you’re on the phone to that fucker Paul and by the time you “decide” what to do; he’ll move Marie and my kid. Your mother is in jail as we speak. I had them put her out in the general population too. Have you ever been to the L.A. County Jail? It’s not a pretty place. Them girls in there…they’re the ones that every body’s mama warned ‘em about. They’ll be all over your pretty little mama in a heartbeat.” He smiled as he told me my mother was sitting in that overcrowded jail with the dredges of society who wouldn’t think twice about doing her harm. This guy is the furthest thing from what a police officer should be. I wondered how the people he worked for and with couldn’t see it. I was scared to death for Marie and Victor…and even Paul. No telling what this creep would do to him. But how could I trade their safety for my mother’s? That was a no-brainer, I couldn’t and Paul may never forgive me…but family has to come first when you’re backed into a wall. I hoped that Paul of all people would understand that. It was the way he lived his life, after all.
“There’s an old abandoned gym where Paul’s Sensei used to train…” I finally told him. “It’s over on the East Side…” I was on the verge of tears and the words were barely making sense. Mitch understood them though…perfectly. He knew a lot about Paul…too much for his and his family’s safety.
“Son of a bitch! Why didn’t I think of that? It’s perfect. I have to give it to your boyfriend, he’s a punk, but he’s no dummy. I know exactly where that old place it. Nice hide-out…not nice enough though.” Mitch winked at me then and said, “Don’t cry little girl, you did the right thing. Mitchie will make it all better.” I was suddenly nauseous. This guy was nuts.
I was shaking all over as I saw him race out the door towards his car. Whatever he did when he got there and whatever happened afterwards was going to be my fault. He didn’t mention getting my mother out of jail. Did I just sign all of their death warrants? The bile hit the back of my throat and I ran into the kitchen and dry heaved into the sink. Then I picked up my phone with a shaky hand and called Paul.
Shifting Gears: The Complete Series (Sports Bad Boy Romance) Page 58
