“I know.”
The song ends and just like that night so long ago, Lorna steps away and lowers her face, slighting bending at the knees. “Thank you for the dance, Mr. Duncan.”
“It was my pleasure, Miss Frazier.”
Sneak away. Come to my flat. Forget everything that’s happened and just be with me tonight.
What would her answer be if I had the courage to say the words? Would she be angry with me for asking? Or would she drop everything and come with me?
I’m on top of the world because I feel like I may have made some kind of progress with Lorna. She didn’t run away from me tonight. We had a conversation, a real one, and it wasn’t about shite from the past.
Bleu was right. Every interaction between us doesn’t have to be about the past and forgiveness. I need to stop bringing up bygones. It’s time to move forward with Lorna. Work on our future instead of our past; it can’t be changed anyway. But first, I must ensure her present safety.
I spot Meyrick across the room with a whisky in hand, looking three sheets to the wind. No surprise there. And he’s talking to Neil Rutherford. I hate that motherfucker too. I did even before he admitted to me that he liked looking at Lorna’s tits in her pub uniform.
“Look who it is. The titty police.”
“Yeah, motherfucker, and I’m here on patrol to give Meyrick a word of warning. Don’t fuck with Lorna. Don’t touch her. Don’t even look at her. You got it?”
Meyrick chuckles. “Fuck you, Duncan. She’s my nanny. I’ll do whatever the fuck I like with her.”
“She’s your children’s nanny. And if you touch a single hair on her head, I will kill you.”
Meyrick leans toward me. “Guess what. Her bedroom is just down the hall from mine. Maybe I’ll pay her a visit tonight.”
“Only if you want to die.”
His only response is a fucking grin. And I want to knock it off of his face, but this is Liam and Harrison’s birthday party. This isn’t the time or place for a brawl.
“You’ve had your warning. You’d be wise to remember that it’s the only one you’ll get.”
“Hey, titty police. Why don’t you just fuck off already?” Neil says.
I open and close my fist once, twice, three times. I fight the urge to give Neil the rest of what I should have given him the night we fought in my pub; a broken nose wasn’t enough for what he said that night about Lorna.
“Another time, Rutherford.”
“That’s what I thought, Duncan,” Neil calls out behind my back as I walk away. What an awfully brave asshole he is to challenge me at a birthday party for our leader’s children. Fucking coward. He knows that I would never fight him under these conditions.
Neil is a bastard, but he is the least of my concerns right now.
Wallace Meyrick is the one who’s worrying me.
Chapter 2
Lorna Frazier
I knew that Leith was going to be at the boys’ birthday party tonight. And I was ready for that. But the way that I felt when he held out his hand and asked me to dance? I was not prepared for that.
“I can’t believe it. You just talked to Leith.”
“I did.” But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel like I was going to throw up the entire time. How is it possible that a man you love can give you butterflies and nausea at the same time?
“And you danced. Your hand was inside his and his arm was around your waist. And he was pulling you close.”
“Yes, yes, and yes.”
“How did it feel?”
“Wonderful… and awful at the same time. I loved being close again, but I want more than a dance with him.” So much more. And I’m terrified that running away from Leith for so long has ruined any chance of that happening.
“This is the first healthy step that the two of you have taken together in a long time. I think it’s a sign of things to come.”
“I hope so. It felt so good to be in his arms again.” But it didn’t last long enough.
Bleu looks over my shoulder and smiles. “Well, well. He must have thought that it felt good too because he’s coming this way.”
My mind barely has time to register what Bleu just said when I feel Leith’s fingers touch my upper arm. “Hey, can I steal you away for a minute?”
It’s impossible to steal something that already belongs to you. Oh, how I would love to say those words to him just to see his reaction.
“Yeah, sure.”
Leith leads me away from the tented venue and into the guesthouse. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything is definitely not okay. Do you lock your bedroom door?”
Not the words that I was expecting. “What do you mean?”
“The room that you stay in at Wallace Meyrick’s house. Do you lock the door at night?”
“No. I leave it open because one of the children usually wakes during the night.”
Leith mutters something beneath his breath. “I want you to start closing and locking your door.”
“I can’t do that. It’s my job to get up with the children at night.”
Leith steps closer and grasps my upper arms. “You don’t understand, Lorna.”
“What is going on? You’re scaring me.”
“I just had a very disturbing conversation with Meyrick.”
“About?”
Leith sighs and hesitates a moment before replying. “I needed that bastard to understand what his boundaries are where you’re concerned.”
Oh God. “What have you done?”
“I told him that I would kill him if he touches you.”
Leith wants to protect me, and I absolutely love that, but I can’t afford to lose this job because he and Wallace have words.
“He’s my boss, Leith. You can’t go around threatening him like that.”
Leith’s mouth forms a hard line. “That fucker said that he might pay you a visit tonight.”
“I know Wallace is a dick and he drinks too much and he likes having other women, but I don’t believe that he would come to my bedroom and try anything while his wife is in the house.”
Leith covers his eyes with his palms and then pushes his hands up, holding the sides of his head. “You greatly underestimate him. How do I make you see that?”
Leith overestimates him and he needs to see that. “You threatened him in front of other brothers?”
“Fuck yeah, I did.”
Then there’s the answer. “You probably pissed him off and he wanted to save face.”
“Let’s say that you’re right. Do you really want to take that kind of chance?”
“I don’t have a choice on this.”
“What does that mean?”
“I gave up my flat to live there.” Well, I didn’t exactly give it up. I was forced to leave because I couldn’t afford it anymore.
“I’ll find somewhere else for you to live.”
Leith doesn’t know, no one does, but I barely have two pounds to rub together. My money is gone. Being unemployed for so long drained my savings, and it’s going to take months of free room and board for me to be able to save enough to get back on my feet.
Fellowship life is difficult for a single woman without a husband or parents. My choices of employment are limited. Working as a barmaid at Duncan’s is out of the question—Leith ruined that for me. And I lost any chance at ever working at the gentlemen’s club after Leith threatened Lyle Campbell. He’ll never let me near his stage again. And even with all of my experience, he won’t even give me a job serving drinks.
This nanny job is a good gig for me. It doesn’t pay much, but it’s one of the few respectable positions out there for a single girl within the brotherhood. Plus, I have a nice roof over my head that doesn’t cost me a thing.
“I can’t lose this job, Leith. There’s nothing else out there for me if I do.”
“I told you that you have a job at the pub waiting on you. And you already know that I’ll pay you a hell of a lot more money
than that cheap bastard.” Leith closes his hands around mine and steps closer. “I need you, Lorna. Please come back.”
Oh God. I’ve missed looking into those deep brown eyes.
I close my eyes and shake my head. He’ll never know how much this shatters me. “I can’t.”
“Give me one good reason why you can’t.”
I want to go back to work at Duncan’s. I love that place. And I’d like nothing more than to work by his side every day, but I can’t watch him be with other women. It hurts too much. I wouldn’t survive it again.
“I can’t, and I really need you to leave it at that.”
“I’ll never leave it at that. And I’ll also never stop asking you to come back.”
“Then we’ve come to an impasse.”
“We may be at a temporary impasse on the job but not on your closing and locking your bedroom door.”
I open my mouth to argue and he reaches out, placing his fingertips against my lips. I want so badly to open my mouth and suck his fingers. I consider it. But I’m afraid he’d pull away and reject me.
“I’m serious, Lorna. If you won’t leave your position, you must take measures to protect yourself from him.”
“I’ll close my door.”
“And lock it.”
“Yes, Leith. I’ll lock it.”
“And you must make a point to never be alone with him in the house.”
That’s an easy one. I always have the children with me. “All right.”
“Good girl.”
Good girl. Damn, it’s been so long since I’ve heard Leith call me that. I’ve missed hearing it so much. Those two words bring chills across my skin and I melt on the inside. Only happy memories are attached to his calling me that. And most of those memories involve us being naked.
“Shite,” I whisper beneath my breath, louder than I intended.
“What is it?”
I don’t want to tell Leith; he won’t like it one bit. “Wallace is my ride home.”
“No fucking way; he looks like he’s been tossing back whiskies most of the night. But I wouldn’t let you get into a vehicle with that fucker even if he wasn’t sloshed. I’ll drive you… that is, if you’ll let me.”
That is, if you’ll let me. His words are a reminder that there was a time not so long ago when I would have refused a ride from him. But tonight is different. I haven’t seen Leith in months. I’ve missed him so damn much. And that’s why I’m choosing differently tonight. I’m not running away from him this time.
“I would really appreciate a ride home. Thank you.”
“I’m happy to do it.” Leith nods in the direction of the backyard. “I guess we should go back to the party.”
Tonight is different between Leith and me. It feels like old times, and old times for us has almost always included sneaking away in secret to be together.
I would say yes if he asked.
I want to be with Leith again. Feel his mouth on mine and our bodies pressed together. Him inside of me.
It’s been so damn long. Too long. I wonder if he would still know my body and everything that it longs for.
“Yeah, I guess we should get back.” But it’s not what I want.
“Is everything okay with you?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure? Because it seems like you want to say something else.”
I have so many things that I want to tell him, but how do I? I couldn’t bear rejection by him again. “I do have things I’d like to say, but I’m afraid.”
“Tonight has gone well. Why don’t we agree to leave things where they are for now? And the conversations we need to have… let’s let them happen naturally and at their own pace. We’ve tried to force them in the past when neither of us was ready, and it didn’t go well. I don’t want to repeat those same mistakes.”
Leith hears what I’m saying even when I don’t say the words. It’s how things have always been between us.
“I say that sounds like a brilliant plan.”
* * *
“The baby’s crying.”
“He’ll be all right. Give me just a few more minutes.” Leith wraps his arm around my waist, holding my body in place, thrusting into me from behind. Harder and faster. “You feel so fucking good, babe.”
I try to move with him, but he’s holding me too tightly. “Make me come.”
Leith’s hand leaves my waist and moves between my thighs, rubbing the sensitive area between my legs that craves his touch. “Is that what you want, babe?”
“Yes. Right there.” His touch is perfect—just enough pressure, just enough movement, and in just the right direction. I can never get enough of it.
“I love you, Lorna.”
Leith has never said those words to me before. “I love you too. I can’t even tell you how much because words aren’t enough.”
“Lorna…” That isn’t Leith’s voice. “Lorna, don’t you hear the baby crying?”
Don’t open your eyes. If you do, all of this will be over. Leith won’t be here. He won’t be touching you. He won’t be moving inside of you. Everything about this will disappear.
Pound. Pound. Pound. “Lorna! Wake up! That brat is screaming his head off!”
I open my eyes and Leith is instantly gone. Because he was never here.
I slide out of bed and go to the door, opening it to find Rona on the other side. “Sorry. I guess I was in a deep sleep.”
“Andrew needs a bottle.” She turns and walks toward her bedroom. “And don’t shut that door again.”
I slip into my robe and go to Andrew’s nursery, lifting him out of his crib. “Hello, little angel. Why are you awake and fussing so early? It’s still dark out.”
His crying stops the moment that he’s in my arms. “You aren’t hungry. You just want some attention, don’t you?”
Andrew loves to be held and rocked. I’ve spoiled him in that way but only because he needs to feel safe and loved. And God knows that his parents aren’t going to give him any attention.
Rona’s detachment from her son is strange. Her interactions with this precious little boy are few and far between. She refuses to nurse him, and I suspect that the only reason she pumps breast milk for him is because it’ll help her get back into her former shape sooner.
Andrew’s delivery was difficult and she hemorrhaged after his birth. I thought that her medical complications were the reasons they decided to hire a nanny. And maybe they were in the beginning, but she has fully recovered now, and yet there has been no improvement in the bond between her and her son. He depends entirely upon me to mother him.
“Your mother said that you needed a bottle, but I don’t think that’s what you want at all.”
I change his nappy and bring him into my room. And I know that I’m right about what he wants when he settles in beside me in the bed and goes right back to sleep.
This. This is what I want for my life—a precious little baby tucked into the bed beside me, except I want it with my own child. A child that I share with Leith. And I want us to sleep late on Saturdays and listen to Leith complain about how much he doesn’t want to go to work at the pub because he’d prefer to stay home and spend the day with us.
That’s my idea of happiness. I don’t need a man in a leadership role to be happy. A bartender who loves me in return is all that I ever need or want.
I close my eyes and think about the future that I want with Leith. Marriage. Children. Growing old together. Grandchildren.
My bedroom is still dark when I’m awakened by the feel of movement at the foot of my bed.
“Rory?” Even as I say her name, I know that her tiny little body wouldn’t cause that kind of shift in my bed. And neither would Kenna’s, who is even smaller.
There’s no reply but the movement continues.
“Who’s there?”
My legs are pushed apart by fingers that painfully dig into my flesh, and the sudden weight on top of me presses my back into the mattress.
“No. Stop.”
“Don’t make a sound, Lorna,” Wallace whispers against my ear.
His assault upon my breast is painful. “Stop. You’re hurting me.”
“Come on, I bet you’re a lass who likes it a little rough.”
Leith warned me that Wallace would try to fuck with me, but I shoved his warning aside. I thought Leith was overreacting because of his dislike for Wallace. But I’m seeing now that Leith was right. I greatly underestimated Wallace Meyrick and gave him far more credit than he deserved when I said that he wasn’t stupid enough to make a move on me.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“As if you don’t know.”
“Get off of me.”
My mouth and jaw are squeezed so tightly by his hand that my teeth feel as though they’re going to cut through the skin inside my cheeks. “Shut your stupid gob. Now.”
Esters, aldehydes, phenols. He reeks of whisky and halitosis.
Stitches snap as he pushes downward on my sleep trousers. If I wasn’t already certain about his intent, that just confirmed it.
I push at his chest and shoulders, but he doesn’t budge. Kneeing him is impossible with my legs shoved apart, but to my advantage it also makes pushing my pants down more difficult.
What do I do? How do I defend myself?
I clear my mind and think back to a group of women gathered in a vacant warehouse. I recall lying on a mat, Debra dressed out in a self-defense suit, and on top of me. I summon the memories of how she and Bleu taught us to defend ourselves during a situation like this.
Wallace Meyrick may believe that he has the right to do whatever he likes to me, but he is wrong. And he’s about to feel just exactly how wrong he is.
I wrap my hands around the sides of his head, covering his eyelids with my thumbs, and I push until he yells out in pain. And then his fist hits my face.
“No! The baby!”
I jolt upward when Wallace moves off of me, reaching out for Andrew so I can prevent him from being injured. I pull his tiny, fragile body to mine, tucking him safely beneath me.
Redemption: A Sin Series Standalone Novel Page 4
