by Rymer, Adair
I'd picked up a red cup and had it filled with beer, mostly because I assumed that that was what you did first when you went to a party. I had a great start and didn't want to screw it up.
Tonight was a first for me in so many ways. It was my first party, the first time I'd ever snuck out of my house, and my first beer! I took a sip and nearly gagged, it was horrible. I'd always heard it was an acquired taste, something you'd grow into. I couldn't fathom growing into ever liking that.
While scanning for a spot to discretely dump the beer out I spotted Arsen, he was lounging on a couch by the in-ground pool. No one was swimming of course, it was too cold for that, but it was the perfect place for them to smoke.
I slid the patio doors open, subdued my beaming smile and went over to him. He was surrounded by people as usual, but for the first time ever, I didn't care.
“Hey, Arsen.” I said, trying not to cough as I entered the smoke cloud that surrounded them.
“Val, fuck, you made it!” Arsen handed the joint he was smoking to someone else and wobbled to his feet. He looked ten times more messed up when he stood up. He went to give me a hug and half fell into me. “So glad you got over yourself and just fucking showed up. This is great, right?”
“Yeah...” My confidence was beginning to falter. I immediately had second thoughts about being here. He was the only reason I came to this stupid thing and I didn't know how much longer I could be around him in this condition.
“You know, we've never fucked. We should really fuck.” Arsen laughed.
I didn't know if he was joking, serious or just high, either way I didn't like this side of him. I tried to laugh it off, like everyone else. They were all too stoned or drunk to care how much of an asshole he was being.
I wanted to be in his world, I reminded myself. This was part of that world, I guess.
“Right here, right now, let's do it.” Arsen squeezed my ass.
I shoved him off. Arsen crashed back into the couch and everyone laughed even harder.
I didn't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. This really broke my heart. I'd hoped he'd ask me out or something. Now, I saw how stupid that hope was. This was such a mistake, I turned and left. Arsen was leaving soon and was just out for a good time, he didn't give a shit about me.
I never wanted to see Arsen Constantine ever again.
Present.
“So this is where you escaped to...” I found Arsen on the Jeter's balcony. His short cropped hair waved slightly in the wind. He was watching the tide crash against the rocky Cape Cod shores. “Arsenal.”
Arsen cocked his head like something smelled bad. “I guess I didn't escape far enough.”
“Why didn't you tell me?” Why did it always feel like he was hiding something from me?
“Tell you what, exactly?” He turned to me. “Hey, Val, remember me? I spend my nights trying to beat another man half to death for money. How are you these days?” Then he looked away. “None of that shit really matters. Why should you care what I do?”
He was right. Why should I care?
Several long silent minutes slipped by. I had so many other questions. Where did you go? Why did you come back? But above all, only one has been burning in my mind every day like clockwork.
Why did you leave me, Arsen?
“I tried to hate you, you know. At first, right after you left. Then as the years passed, I just tried to forget you.”
“How'd you do?”
I chuckled defeated, then shrugged. The alcohol made all of this a little easier. “You're a hard man to forget.”
Arsen paused for a moment, then looked hard into my eyes. “I knew,” he cleared his throat and continued. “I knew what our parents were going to do.”
“What?” How could he have known? His mom and my father were on the school board and I knew they talked, but the engagement took me totally off guard.
“Prom night after I dropped you off. Your father told me.”
“How...” I grabbed the railing for support, my head spun with so many questions.
“That doesn't matter anymore,” Arsen evaded the coming question. “Listen, Val, I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I know it's a little late for bullshit apologies, but I've needed to tell you that for years.”
I felt my heart swell, like a water balloon. My eyes opened as wide as possible to help fight back the tears. I never thought I'd hear those words, the acknowledgment of our wasted time apart. I hated that I still cared about an apology. I hated that he still had this crazy hold over me. I hated that I wanted to bury myself in him and forgive him.
The old Val would've fallen into his big arms. I sniffed down the emotion and swallowed my tears. I wasn't that girl anymore. The wound he'd left me with had gone untreated for too many years and now it festered. I didn't know If I'd ever be able to forgive him.
I stayed quiet, not knowing how to handle all of this. So much was different now.
“This party sucks, Val. Let's get out of here.”
“You're joking,” I laughed.
“I can tell, you don't enjoy this shit. I can see it your eyes. I've watched you perform enough to know that you're just acting.”
“Of course I am. Everyone is.” I still couldn't look him in the eyes. “That's the game. Showbiz is all just a popularity contest. This is THE party to be at right now, everyone who's anyone is here. We're not leaving.”
“Do you even like the films you do?”
“What?” I was struck by the honesty in the question and I was surprised that I couldn't answer right away with, 'yes, of course'. “Do you have any idea how much my contracted rate is? I'm the highest paid actor in the young adult genre.”
“I'm sure that impresses the hell out of your hangaround friends, but the Val I remember wouldn't have given one single fuck about your bank account. She wanted to act on a stage, doing important roles.” He stopped and fully articulated the next question. “Do you like what you do?”
Yes, of course!
But the words still wouldn’t come out.
“You want to know what happened to that Val?” I said, instead, the words dripping with defensive venom. A righteous anger suddenly washed over me. “The person she cared most for abandoned her. That stupid, naïve girl died of a broken heart. You don't like this version of me? Well, that's too damn bad, because you only have yourself to blame, Asshole.”
He eyed me with a measure of surprise, then simply said, “No.”
Arsen pulled away from the railing and looked me over. I felt my angry resolve start to crack under his scrutinizing gaze.
“I've made my mistakes and I have to live with those, but don't blame me for your life. I may have broken you down, but this...” He waved a hand at me, then snorted with disgust. “You could've been anything, and this is what you chose.”
The venom dried up in my mouth, taking all my saliva with it. I know I had changed, but I didn't think I was all that different. I always wanted to be an actor, maybe not in the films I'd been getting lately, but those were stepping stones. That's how you get the real dramatic roles!
I watched as Arsen turned his back on me and walked back out to the parking lot, shoving aside anyone foolish enough to get in his way.
Why was I so angry at him for apologizing to me? If I was in the right then why did I feel so awful. Did I really hate him?
No, I didn't hate Arsen, but I fear that I might have outgrown him. I sighed, finished my drink and set the empty glass down. I watched the waves crash in the distance and remembered where he'd taken me on prom night. That was still, even after all these years the best night of my whole life.
We were such different people then.
Chapter 8
Arsen
Past
“Hey, wait up!” I ran across the snowy street to catch up with Val. It was the first time I'd been able to catch her since the party last weekend. She didn't even look over when I finally reached her, she was definitely still pissed at me.
>
“What do you want, Arsen?” Val's tone was colder than the early winter air.
“Listen, that party. I didn't think you'd show, so I said the hell with it and got all fucked up. And I—” Shit, why was this so hard? I never felt the need to apologize to anyone before, but knowing Val was mad at me has been eating me alive. It was all I thought about.
“Ah, hell.” I grabbed her hand, stopping and turning her to face me. I took a short breath and just said it. “I'm sorry, Val. I was a real dick to you.”
Her frozen frown melted a bit at the apology, but she wasn't as over it as I'd hoped. I'd really hurt her. She hadn't worn anything bold and attention grabbing since that party, I’d really fucked up her confidence.
“I got you something,” I said, watching her blue eyes fill with cautious curiosity. I shrugged my bag off my shoulder and opened it.
“Did you seriously steal me those gross beers from the party?”
“Yeah, but that's for us—” I shot her a sly look. “After you forgive me.” She forced down a smile, but her softening eyes gave her away. “This is what I got you.”
Behind the beer was a mismatched bouquet of obviously plucked flowers. They were a little crushed from the beer and were wrapped together in a few paper towels. I handed it to her and watched the last stubborn bit of anger fade from her face.
“Where— How did you find fresh flowers in November?” Val was awestruck. I wished I could steal that look from her and keep it with me.
“Blow off school with me today.” I held up my Dad's truck keys.
“What? I can't do that!”
“Why not? It's not like you're gonna miss anything. It's the day before Thanksgiving break, half the kids at school have already started vacation. Marcus has an in-ground Jacuzzi behind his guest house.”
“Yeah, and?” Val was too innocent to make the connection. It was adorable.
“He gave me the code to get in last night, riiiiiiiiight before he left for California with his family.” The corner of my mouth pitched into a mischievous smile.
“You're crazy!” Val's eyes flashed, she laughed nervously.
“I owe you a good first party experience, just you an me. No one will fuck with us, trust me.”
“No way! I can't! I don't even have my swim suit.” Val resisted, but I could see that it sounded interesting to her. She just wanted to be convinced.
“It's cool,” I gave her a look that promised her it was a good idea. I couldn't wait to see her soaking wet. “I made sure not to bring mine either.”
Present.
It was hours later when Val finally arrived at my car. She originally gave me shit about taking my own car, because the muscle car look was 'too passé.' I laughed in her face and told her that my sixty-nine Mustang never goes out of style.
Val looked exhausted from all the surface level conversation and social niceties. She opened the passenger door and slipped and fell into the back seat, like a fish that flopped out of its tank. “Your stupid, overcompensation-machine needs a back door.”
“You got it all backwards, Movie star.” I turned the key over, starting the car with a rumbling roar. White-hot power radiated from the engine, putting all the other sport cars and status symbols in the parking lot to shame. “My massive cock, is overcompensating for my car.”
“Prove it,” Val muttered beneath her breath. She was bold when she was drunk. I was still mad at her, but that didn't make me want to tear that pussy up any less.
“Say that again,” I dared her, meeting her gaze in the rear view mirror. My hands tightened around the steering wheel, making the leather creak. She bit her lip at the corner, and her chest spiked from holding her breath.
Finally, she let it out, looked away and asked to be taken home. My balls ached at the denial of what I knew we both wanted. I would let it slide this time, but I couldn't restrain myself forever. Val walked a dangerous line with me. If she wasn't careful, I'd have her panties in my teeth.
Val passed out before we left the neighborhood. The two hour drive home left me a lot of time to cool off and think. Whatever the fuck this was, wasn't healthy for either of us. Neither of us knew what we meant to each other anymore. Everything was so complicated now.
Was all this just a dream? Did I really lose her for good all those years ago?
One thing was for sure, there was no way in hell that I was going to be her fucking lapdog. It was time to try something a little crazy. I needed to see if the old Val, the one I thought about every day was still in there somewhere.
I took an old familiar detour.
Val woke up when I threw the car into park and killed the ignition. “This isn't my condo.” Val's voice was still groggy from the short nap and the alcohol “Where are we?”
I opened her door and held a hand for her to get out of the car. “Memory lane.”
She blinked as she tried to remember why this place looked so familiar to her. When it finally dawned on her that we were parked behind Marcus' guest house, her voice became a scolding whisper.
“Are you crazy, we can't be here!”
I ignored her and tried the old code Marcus had given me. The display turned green and the gazebo door unlocked. A wave of warm, wet air cascaded over me as I walked in. The glass-walled gazebo had been painted since the last time we were here, but everything else was just as I remembered it. I left the main lights off and turned the Jacuzzi on.
“Relax, there's no one here. You going to join me or you just wanna watch?” I peeled my tuxedo shirt off and tossed it in a heap, then unclasped the top hook of my pants, all the while never taking my eyes off her.
“If I get caught—”
“Did we get caught last time?” I asked, kicking off my shoes. I didn't keep in touch much with Marcus anymore, but that was because he mostly worked out of the country. So as long as he didn't sell the place, we should be alright.
“We're adults now, do you know how insane this is?” There should've been more hostility in her words, but I could see that she was remembering the last time we were here. The fun we had before, sabotaged her outrage.
“Jesus, Val, when did you become such a prude?” Fully unzipped, my pants fell to the ground. I walked out of them and into the jacuzzi, wearing just my boxers. The water wasn't scorching yet, but it was definitely heating up. “Pull the stick out of your tight, little ass and get in the Jacuzzi.”
“Just my feet,” she said, closing the glass door behind her. There was a hesitant smirk on her lips. “And only for a few minutes!”
She put a towel on the cement edge, sat down and tested the hot water with a foot. I drank in her moan as the pleasure of the bubbling water, then engulfed both of her legs to the knees. The minimal ambiance lighting played off her shimmering dress, making her almost look like a mermaid.
“Not bad, right?” I sunk to my chest, letting the water soak and relax my muscles.
“It has been a long time.” She smiled, dipping a few fingers in the water and brushing her fly-away hairs out of her eyes. “Earlier, on the balcony, I might have...” Her voice drifted off. “I was harsher than I wanted to be. It's just... It hurt a whole lot when you left and I've had a hard time dealing with you being gone.”
“I had to leave.” I stood back up and walked toward her. “Knowing you were that close, but untouchable, crippled me inside. I thought that I could outrun the memory of you.”
Val looked up with eyes as big as saucers “Did you?”
“The world wasn't big enough for that.”
“Six years, Arsen. It took you six years to figure that out?” Val blew out her air and dipped her head.
“You're air to me, Val. Just because we can hold our breath a long time doesn't mean we don't eventually need to breath.” I slid my hand through her hair and lifted her head with my thumb.
Admitting all this was a terrible idea, but I couldn't help it. I was so strong in many ways, but Val always found a chink in that armor. Looking at her now and seeing all the
things I'd missed over the years, I didn't know if this whole bodyguard thing was going to work.
Val pulled her face away. “I'm sorry, you're too late. I'm a different person now.”
“Bullshit. You look me in the eye and tell me that. Tell me that you don't want me anymore.” I watched her eyes flick down, running from the truth.
Val said nothing.
“Valentine Dawson,” I pried her legs apart and pressed myself between them, into the concrete ledge she was sitting on. She looked up at me, unsure of what to do. It didn't matter, I knew what came next. I slid my fingers through her hair, cupped the back of her head and yanked her toward me. “We can't run from it. You will always be mine.”
After an eternity apart and what felt even longer being around her, but unable to touch her, I pressed her lips into mine. We were alone in the universe, just Val and I. Distance, propriety and career, all the barriers had finally fallen away.
I no longer gave a fuck that she was my stepsister. I needed her.
Val fell into me like putty and I could tell that she needed me too. I hungrily ravished her full, pink lips, like I'd never kissed anyone before. I knew now that there was no giving her up, Val was a part of me, the best part of me.
I finally had something worth fighting for.
Chapter 9
Valentine
Past
“Are you sure this is okay?” I looked out through the glass gazebo walls. I could see why Marcus' family chose to live in the woods. The Jacuzzi was out on a hill, overlooking the naked late fall trees. The light dusting of white snow made the view something out of a fairy tale.
“Trust me.” His deep voice was nothing, but confidence, as usual. Arsen's smile was dangerous in so many ways. Could I really trust him? I trusted him when I went to that party and that turned into a disaster.
