by Maddie Wade
Now as she placed her hand on the front door of Fortis she wondered if this was a mistake. What would she say to him, to all of them? It wasn’t like she had decided to be with Kanan, that was a step too far and one she still wasn’t ready for—would probably never be ready for. Stopping dead in her tracks, she turned knowing this was a bad idea. She was halfway to her bike when the door opened.
“Roz!” Celeste exclaimed and ran to her, throwing her arms around her as Roz stood frozen to the spot, her arms pinned to her sides as a feeling of warmth ran through her. She slowly raised her arms and tentatively patted Celeste on the back.
Celeste pulled back and searched her face. “Are you okay? I was so worried.”
Her heart beat fast as she acknowledged what Celeste said. Celeste truly cared about her, had been frightened for her safety. “I’m fine,” she replied trying to disguise the emotion she felt.
“Come on, Zin is inside,” she said as she pulled Roz along.
“Remind me again why I didn’t shoot you?” Roz growled as she let herself be guided inside, doing her best to keep a lid on her emotions by reverting to her bitch persona.
“Because I’m too lovable,” Celeste said as she poked out her tongue. Roz rolled her eyes but didn’t deny it.
As they walked past reception Samson came bounding over, and for a split second her stomach flipped over at the sight of the big black beast, but then he licked her hand and nuzzled her leg. She let out a breath and slowly bent at the knee to pet him. “You’re nothing like those horrible Satan spawn dogs are you fella.”
Samson whined and gave her his paw as if agreeing somehow. She stroked his side and then with a last pat, stood with a smile, her fear of him gone. She was sure that she would always feel a tiny bit of apprehension around dogs but after what she had seen them do it was understandable.
Roz followed Celeste into the inner sanctum of Fortis, her senses heightened to every sound and smell, as if waiting for Kanan to walk around the corner. Like he had promised she hadn’t heard a word from him, or about him, since the morning she’d woken up alone in bed. Moving through the door of the conference room she was greeted by a sea of familiar faces.
Yet not the one she found herself looking for.
Lucy rushed to her, pulling her in and hugging her close. “You finished the mission,” she said softly, and Roz felt her throat clog. What the hell was wrong with her these days? All this touchy-feely stuff was making her soft.
“Yes, I finished the mission,” she replied.
“What now?” Lucy asked as Zin moved in beside Roz, putting his arm around her briefly for a hug and kissing her head as she leaned into his hug and let herself feel safe for the first time since K had left.
“Now I take some time before I decide what I’ll do. Zenobi has suffered some big hits and some devastating loses this year and I think I need to re-evaluate things.”
Lucy nodded as her eyes went dark with grief. Her family had been through hell this year too. Lucy didn’t mention Kanan although she was sure the woman wanted to. For once she kept her counsel and Roz was grateful.
“So, what was up with you? You never get sick.”
Jace moved in behind Lucy, slipping his hand around her waist from behind, as Lucy placed her hand on his.
“Just some horrible tummy bug. I think it was from his cooking,” she laughed as she elbowed Jace in the ribs.
“Hey,” he said and tickled her as she giggled up at him happily.
For a split-second, Roz felt a pang of envy at their relaxed, yet affectionate relationship. Why couldn’t she have something like that? Why couldn’t a man look at her that way and why was she behaving like such a pathetic bitch?
Then unbidden memories of the way K looked at her flashed into her head and she was reminded what she’d had and that she’d thrown it away because she couldn’t handle what caring about someone did to her emotions. A sigh left her, and she knew Zin caught it. “Where are Natalia and Katarina?” she asked to distract her from her maudlin thoughts.
“They’re at the Estate. Nate and Skye have been looking after them. Would you like to go and see them?”
“Please,” she nodded. Despite not being the overly maternal type, she had formed a bond with the two girls. She didn’t know if it was the fact they had all suffered at the hands of the same man, or if it was because she admired their strength and resilience. Perhaps it was because they were a last thin link to Kanan. Either way, she wanted to see for herself that they were okay.
“Come on, I was just headed over there now.”
Roz followed Zin out the front door and moved to her bike, her eyes scanning the area constantly as did his. She supposed their training was so inbred into them now that it would always just be a part of who they were.
She swung her leg over the beautiful bike and it started with a purr and a growl which made her grin. It was the simple things that held the most pleasure. She turned one last time looking for him, wondering if perhaps he had been there and hadn’t wanted to see her or if maybe he was at the Estate.
Her heartbeat started to gallop as she drove away, a sudden need to get to the Cunningham Estate and see for herself driving her.
Chapter Twenty-Five
She needed five minutes to herself after the emotional reunion with Natalia and Katarina. Despite the fact that Katarina still did not speak, she had shown Roz in other ways that she was happy to see her. Not so with her little sister, the child had immediately run to Roz on seeing her, throwing herself into her arms and holding on tight.
Roz had held on equally tight taking comfort from the child’s embrace. As she pulled back she saw Natalia begin to flicker with tiny flames. She had tried to remain calm, but it freaked her the fuck out, watching the child burn and yet not burn.
Her pulse beat hard in her neck, almost painfully as she felt fear for the girl encompass her.
“Would you like to go outside?” she asked instead, knowing that it was not a good idea for the other children in the house to see this. Natalia spun to look at her sister for confirmation who nodded, and then she looked back to Roz. Natalia seemed completely unfazed by her ability. The thought of the Divine Watchers getting their hand on this child and exploiting her as they seemed to want to do with all of the gifted, made her blood run cold. She thanked God they had been able to break the operation up before they managed to kill more innocents.
“Okay,” Natalia replied, breaking Roz’s destructive train of thought, as she stepped forward and took her hand.
Roz led the girls outside, instantly the flames on Natalia had disappeared and Roz blew out a sigh of relief. They had shown her the trampoline which they loved, bouncing and somersaulting, urging her to come on with them. She felt a childish delight as she pulled off her biker boots and climbed onto the trampoline, through the net barrier that stopped the girls from falling off. Giving a small bend of her knees she had started to bounce, feeling a smile stretch across her face as the girls laughed. Within minutes she was bouncing like a pro, dropping to her bum, and bouncing to a stand like the girls did.
Unbridled joy filled her as she began to giggle along with them, each bouncing higher and higher until they all ended up a laughing giggling heap in the middle. She’d lain there catching her breath and realised that she had never had this, never had the joy of just having fun. It was just starting to dawn on her what she had missed and was still missing.
When they caught their breath, she pushed them on the swing, while Natalia told her all about her new friends here. What she didn’t mention was her parents—not once. When Roz tried to pry she’d closed up before changing the subject. Was it too painful because they missed them or because they just did not want to remember?
When it was time for them to leave for lessons with Lauren they hugged her tight and told her—or more demanded—that she come back tomorrow. It made her smile and instantly she had promised.
Now she was catching her breath and taking in the quiet of the wo
oded area behind the Estate. She had surmised pretty quickly after arriving that Kanan was not there. Her disappointment had been palpable, almost a physical feeling of loss had assaulted her. She’d soon had her attention completely filled with the girls though and it had felt good to spend time with them. She’d enjoyed Natalia’s infectious giggles and Katarina’s wide smiles as they seemed to compete over who could swing the highest.
But now she was alone again, it didn’t feel right. She’d spent most of her adult life alone preferring it to the company of people, but now she craved more. She heard him before she saw him.
“Roz,” Zack said as he took a seat beside her.
She tilted her head to look at him, studying the lines that fanned out around his eyes. “Zack,” she replied as she waited for him to say what he came here to say.
“Thank you!” he said after a few minutes of comfortable silence as they listened to the afternoon sounds. She could hear the distant sound of traffic, mixed with the rustling of trees around them.
She blew out a breath at his words, not expecting a thank you. She and Zack were both dominant characters and trusted very few. Feeling the responsibility for their people’s safety weighed on their shoulders. She respected the hell out of him, but that wasn’t to say she always trusted him, but then she trusted very few people. Except him, you trust him her brain whispered.
“It needed to be done.”
“Yes, but you sacrificed a lot and you have my thanks. If you ever need a favour from us, I hope you know you can ask.”
Roz sat silently deciding if she should ask. Was it fair to him, to her to check up on him if she couldn’t give him, anything? Wasn’t he giving her just what she wanted? Yet now, for the first time, she wondered if it was what she wanted. Could she change who she was and become what he needed and what she craved to be? She didn’t know and failing terrified her. “Do we have any news on Natalia and Katarina?”
“Yes, we got word this morning. Their parents were Miles and Svetlana Quinn, they were killed three weeks ago at their home in St Petersburg. They were shot and killed. The police said it was a robbery, and the girls were listed as missing at the scene. He was the American ambassador to the Russian Federation and she was a prima ballerina.”
“Fuck!”
“Yeah. By all accounts they were a perfect family. Word is he’d pissed off someone he shouldn’t. They were killed, and the girls were taken as payment.”
“Fucking scumbags. Do they have any family?”
“We are contacting Svetlana’s family now. His family was killed when he was a child.”
“What will happen if they don’t want them?”
“They will be found long-term foster homes until they can be adopted.”
“What about Skye and Nate?”
Zack shook his head. “I won’t ask them. They’ve been through so much with Noah, and they need the break. If they offer, then that’s different.”
Roz nodded understanding that Zack would always protect his people if he could. “I want to spend some time with them.”
He shrugged. “Fine by me, just talk to Skye about their schooling schedule.” Zack stood then and began to walk away.
“Zack!” she called.
He stopped and turned, his face open, an eagerness to get back to Ava evident on his face.
“Do you know where he is?”
He studied her for a long time as if trying to figure out what she was really asking. “Yes,” he said and then turned and walked away without another word.
Roz sat for a bit longer as she considered the last few hours with the girls, her conversation with Zack. Her brain trying to figure out what she wanted. Eventually, she stood and walked back to the house. She didn’t want to see anyone, needing some time to process everything. She slipped around the side of the house to her bike. Putting on her helmet she fired up the bike and roared away letting the road and the freedom clear her mind.
~~~
Somehow, she found herself outside Celeste’s period home. Celeste and Zin had decided that Zin would move in there as it was bigger than his place and had a garden for Samson. A grin tipped her lips as she thought of how much her baby brother had changed since he met Celeste. The little pixie was perfect for him, the light to his dark. She had seen him smile more in the last few months than she had their entire lives. It made her happy and sad at the same time. Happy that he had that—a woman who genuinely loved and adored him the way he deserved to be loved—and sad because he should never have gone through the pain he did when they were children. No child should ever feel pain like that.
Striding up the path to the red front door she pressed the bell and waited as her mind turned to Natalia and Katarina. What had those kids seen already in their short lives? And what did their future hold? She felt an odd need to protect them unfurl in her belly, similar to how she had always wanted to protect Zin when they were kids, it was unsettling and not entirely wanted.
Her head came up as she heard the door unlatch and swing open to reveal her brother. His hair was wet like he had just showered, the frown he had been about to greet the unwelcome visitor with shifted to a smile. “Hey,” he greeted holding the door open further for her to enter.
“Hi. I’m not interrupting, am I?” she asked with a smirk.
“I wouldn’t have opened the door if you were,” he replied with a quirk of his eyebrow.
“Hey, Roz,” Celeste greeted warmly as they entered the kitchen. She was standing at the kitchen counter brushing some kind of marinade on chicken thighs and breasts, while Samson sat beside her looking at her as if she hung the moon.
“Hey! I hope it’s okay to just stop by,” she said as Samson trotted over and nuzzled her hand for some attention. She dutifully obliged him, grinning when he licked her hand.
Celeste looked at her with a surprised expression written all over her face. “Since when do you ask permission? And to answer your ridiculous question, of course it’s okay for you to drop by, you're family. Family is always welcome in our home, night or day,” she exclaimed, and Roz saw the slight sheen of tears in her eyes.
“Fucking hell!” Zin growled as he pulled Celeste into his chest holding her, whispering soothing words to her as her shoulders shook.
Roz felt anger bubble up in her and the need to comfort the woman who was now a part of their small family. Reaching out her hand she touched it to Celeste’s back rubbing gently, her eyes shooting to Zin. He looked furious and some of it was directed at her. She snatched her hand away, shocked with the vehemence on his face. She stepped back suddenly unsure of herself, feeling as if she was responsible for Celeste’s tears.
Celeste raised her head and pulled away from Zin’s chest with a watery smile. “Sorry,” she said as she wiped the last of the tears and turned to the counter to continue with the marinade. “Would you like to stay for dinner? We have plenty.”
Roz didn’t know how to respond, so she looked at Zin. Did he want her here? He’d looked furious with her a few minutes ago. Now his face was clear and open, he gave an imperceptible nod.
“Yes, I’d love to thanks.” And she realised she did. She didn’t want to be alone for the first time in so many years and she craved a normal existence.
“Great,” Celeste replied with a huge smile. “We’re having grilled jerk chicken, with pineapple salsa, roasted baby potatoes with celery salt, and salad. Is that okay?”
“Sounds delicious,” she said and smiled.
“Great, well this needs to marinate for an hour so let's grab a drink and go out onto the deck for a bit.”
“Pixie,” Zin growled low and Roz knew exactly what he was referring to. Sitting out in the open where people could get a clear shot at you was a bad idea. Despite the threat no longer being high, it was hard for him to just turn it off. She knew because she was the same, you didn’t spend your entire life watching every movement, and mannerism around you to then just stop one day.
“Please, baby. Just for a little
while?” she wheedled, and Roz smirked as Zin caved.
“Fine, but not for too long and you sit closest to the door.” He grinned as she threw herself into his big arms and kissed him hard. It was hard to watch in some ways, a hollow pain in her chest forced nausea up her throat as tears pricked her eyes.
The way they looked at each other it was as if there was nobody else in the world for them. Suddenly, unbidden an image of Kanan in the beach hut they had shared came to her. A memory of the time they had spent together.
“If you could be anything in the world what would you be?” he asked as they lay in bed after making love together for hours. Their legs were tangled as she rested her head on his chest while he played his fingers over her shoulder.
“Um, that’s a tough one. When I was a child I wanted to be a dancer but now I guess I would want to be a wildlife photographer.”
“Why?”
“I think animals are so much purer in their needs. They don’t have evil tendencies unless they are created by humans, there is no political agenda or bullshit. What about you?” she asked as she raised herself to look down at him. His hair was tousled from hours of her running her hands through it, his eyes languorous and so expressive it made her heart ache. He stroked her face with the side of his finger, causing her to lean into his touch, her eyes closing.
“I would want to work with wounded vets. They give so much of themselves for us and those that have been privileged enough to work alongside them and come through unscathed have a duty of care to give back.”
She opened her eyes and their gazes locked, he held her eyes just as he held every other part of her body and soul. He had made her feel so much in the last few months, things she had never felt before—love, adoration, safe, important. He made her feel and it terrified her at the same time she clung to it.
She had so many things she wanted to tell him, her past, her present, who she was, what she did. It all sat there on the tip of her tongue as every emotion he felt poured through him and into her, sealing her love for him. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him, but she held back wanting to make it special. She would tell him tonight after she cooked him a nice meal and they watched the sun go down over the horizon.
