Sadie approaches, eyes all wide and innocent. “It’s not how it looked.”
“We did not have sex,” Ryder says, and he looks so convincing.
I take a quick step away. “Don’t lie to me.”
Sadie flinches, but Ryder plays it cool. “Kenzie, I want to be with you.”
“No, Ryder, you don’t. You had sex with my friend. I made a mistake. I thought you liked me and wanted to be with me, but I was wrong.”
Ryder looks like I slapped him. “Kenzie, it’s not what you think.”
Sadie actually starts crying and, oddly, I feel like I need to console her.
Just then, I hear a yell come from inside the house. A horrible wail that makes the hair on my arms stand on end. I push past Ryder and Sadie into the house.
Curtis opens the door to his room, his eyes enormous in a pale face. “Call 911.”
I push past him, into the room. Brooke lies on the bed, white as the pillowcase beneath her. “Brooke!”
“She’s not breathing,” Curtis says in an agonized tone.
Ryder rushes in behind me, Sadie on his heels. Deklan is already on the phone.
“Brooke.” I put a hand on her chest and I can’t feel a heartbeat.
Sliding a hand beneath her head, I open Brooke’s mouth, clear her airway and start mouth to mouth. My mind is a blur as I go over what I’ve seen in the movies. I watch her chest wall.
Nothing.
There’s a hand on my shoulder and Deklan starts giving her CPR. I stand back, frozen to the spot, looking at my cousin’s unresponsive body in disbelief.
“Come on, baby,” Curtis cries, running his hands down his face.
Sadie picks up a piece of foil and starts making a sweep of the room. Fire truck sirens can be heard in the distance. They will be here within minutes. Deklan tries to revive her up to the final seconds before EMT’s walk in and push us out of the room.
“What did she take?” one asks and the room goes silent.
“Answer the man,” Deklan says, looking at Curtis.
“Oxy and Xanax.”
“Smoke, snort or shoot?” the EMT asks matter-of-factly.
“Smoke.”
Brooke is on a gurney within sixty seconds and they take her out the front door. I feel like I’m caught in a nightmare. Neighbors congregate outside, the majority are older folks who are shaking their heads.
“I’m her cousin,” I say, following behind. “Can I go with her?”
“I need to talk to every person who was present,” a police officer says.
“Can I call my aunt?”
He nods and stays nearby while I dial my Aunt Shelley. Never have I dreaded making a phone call this much. The phone rings three times before she picks up. “Aunt Shelley,” I say, my voice breaking.
I close my eyes and blurt, “Brookeoverdosedondrugsandshesinanambulanceonherwaytothehospital.”
“No!!!”
The piercing cry nearly brings me to my knees, but a strong hand at my back steadies me.
“Where are they taking her?” Aunt Shelley asks a few seconds later, her voice now strangely calm.
“I—I’m not sure.”
“Kenzie, is there anyone else there that I can speak with?” she asks.
I immediately hand my phone to the nearest cop.
I can hear Curtis arguing with the EMT to let him go in the ambulance. I turn and that’s when I see Deklan is the person behind me, a hand on my back, supporting me. I slide my arms around his waist and bury my head in his chest and bawl.
“I’m sorry, Kenzie,” he whispers against my forehead. He doesn’t try to tell me that everything will be okay because I think we both know it won’t be.
Ryder manages to get Curtis settled down and Sadie hugs on Deklan’s woman as they both watch the ambulance with looks of disbelief.
After the ambulance pulls away, we are each questioned one-by-one and then as a group. It seems pretty apparent that the only ones who know anything about what she’s taken are Curtis, Ryder, and possibly Sadie, who has gone quiet. She doesn’t once make eye contact with me and only speaks when pushed to answer. Every so often she breaks into tears.
The cops ask me repeatedly if I’m on anything. I think everyone is surprised when I say no. I don’t know if they believe me or not, but I don’t care.
Curtis is inconsolable while I am numb and angry, not only with Curtis and every single one of my friends in this room, but especially with myself. I have been worried about Brooke’s drug use, but not so worried that I said anything to her. I’ve been too concerned that she won’t want to hang out with me anymore. So concerned that I let myself be sucked into that lifestyle for a while, instead. We are cousins. We are family and I should have voiced my concerns when I had the chance.
Please, God, let me have another chance.
Once or twice Ryder mentions getting an attorney. I honestly think he might have the right idea.
An hour and twenty minutes later, a tall guy with short brown hair walks into the house. He’s clean cut and I can tell by the eyes that this must be Curtis’s brother, Terry—the landlord and roommate I have never met or seen. Terry’s gaze scans the room, coming to a rest on his brother. I see a flash of relief, followed shortly by anger before he approaches an officer, who asks him for identification.
When Curtis’s brother, Terry, is told about the drugs, he whispers, “I take those medications for a chronic pain condition.”
“You have a current prescription for these medications?” the officer asks.
Terry nods. “Yes, I’ll show you.” Two officers follow him to his bedroom.
Curtis stole his brother’s medications...just like I stole my mom’s.
“Can I leave now?” I ask a female officer. “I really want to see my cousin.”
“Your mother was notified. She should be here any time to pick you up.”
I run my hands through my hair. “Great.”
One-by-one those of us who are under twenty-one are picked up by parents. Ryder’s father arrives first. “I’ll call you,” Ryder says and I don’t even know if I respond.
Sadie’s mother speaks in Spanish and, although I don’t speak the language, I can tell by her tone that she’s pissed.
My mom is the last of the parents to arrive. She’s somber, her eyes red and puffy from crying. I immediately break into tears. She opens her arms and I walk straight into them. She hugs me so tight, I can barely breathe.
“Let’s go,” she says, her gaze shifting over Deklan, Curtis and Terry.
Curtis sits with his elbows on his knees, face in hands. His brother sits in silence, saying nothing and making no move to comfort him. I look at Deklan and open my mouth to say something, but my mom pulls me out the door before I can say a word.
Settling in the passenger’s seat of my mom’s car, I just start bawling, letting go of all the emotions that have been rushing through me since first hearing Curtis’s horrible wail.
“How long have you been taking my pills?” she asks, her voice strangely calm.
I don’t ask her how she knows. I’m sure the minute the call came in, she put it together. “A week or so.”
She slowly nods her head. “You weren’t taking drugs before we moved here?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Did Brooke introduce you to drugs?”
I’m not going to lie. “She never forced me.”
Her fingers grip the steering wheel and she lets out a breath. “I knew it.”
“Is she okay?” I hold my breath as I await her answer.
“She’s on life support.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“A machine is breathing for her because she can’t breathe for herself. They’re doing scans to see if her brain is functioning.” How could I have just been watching my cousin rule on stage less than three hours ago and now a machine is breathing for her?
“I want to see her.”
CHAPTER 16
The
sight of Brooke on life-support rocks me to the core.
Aunt Shelley has been incredible, hugging me, asking me constantly if I’m okay. I half expected her to toss me out of the hospital and yet my presence seems to calm her.
She asks a million questions.
“I never once considered the possibility that she and her friends were doing drugs,” she says absently, staring at the mint green wall across from us where a muted landscape painting hangs on the wall.
“How could you know?” my mom says. “Hell, we were kids once. It’s not like we were angels. We were just lucky.”
I blink rapidly, stunned by my mom’s confession. She leans over and kisses me on the forehead.
“I shouldn’t have put her on that anti-anxiety medication when she was in middle school. It probably started the ball rolling when it came to harder drugs.” Aunt Shelley shakes her head.
My uncle walks out of the ICU. His gaze merely flits over me. I haven’t seen him for so many years and I’m stunned by how much older he looks. His brown hair has gone completely gray and his dark brown eyes are full of fury as they settle on me.
I drop my gaze to the ground. I should have stopped Brooke. I should have paid attention to what she’d been doing tonight behind closed doors, or at the very least, told her my fears about her drug use, but I’d been too caught up in my own drama.
I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself.
At three in the morning there has been no change in Brooke’s condition, so Mom steers me towards the door. At home, I immediately head for the shower, stand underneath the warm spray and cry until the water turns cold. When I get out, I see that my mom has set my pajamas on the bed. I glance at my phone. I have twelve messages. Sliding my thumb over the voicemail button, I hit play.
“Kenz...call me. It’s Ryder.”
“Kenzie, this is Curtis.” His voice breaks. “Please call me.”
“Kenzie, it’s Deklan. Call me, okay?”
Curtis texts. I text him back that I haven’t heard anything, yet. He immediately texts back that my aunt doesn’t want him at the hospital.
I can’t write him back and tell him any differently. I text him back, telling him I’ll keep him posted.
My mom is definitely keeping me on a short leash. The drug discussion comes up more, and I notice her watching me very closely. My dresser drawers have been gone through and I realize with a sinking feeling that the half a pill Brooke gave me—that I had stashed in the metal container—is gone. It had been Oxy. The very drug she took last night.
I spend the next two days at the hospital, keeping my aunt company and sitting with Brooke, watching for any sign of activity as her chest rises and falls with help from the ventilator. I try to talk with my aunt about Curtis, hoping she’ll allow him in to see Brooke, but she’s still so furious with him about stealing his brother’s medication.
Apparently, it helps to blame the overdose on someone. The problem is that Curtis is in so much pain.
“Aunt Shelley, Curtis really loves Brooke.”
“He loves her so much that he pushes pills on her? That’s not love, Kenzie.”
I have no way to respond to that, so I just ask, “Can he come visit her?”
My uncle, who has been staring out the window with his arms crossed over his chest, glances at his wife. “Shelley, allow the boy to come in. He’s in his own personal hell. We don’t need to make it any worse for him.”
I could have hugged him. “Thank you,” I mouth the words and he gives a tight nod before turning back to stare out the window.
I text Curtis with the news. My phone beeps a minute later with the message, “Be there soon!”
Sadie shows up in the early evening while my mom, aunt and uncle are down having dinner in the hospital cafeteria.
When she reaches for my hand, I take it and squeeze. Resting her head against my shoulder, she whispers, “I’m so sorry, Kenzie.”
I rest my cheek against her head for a second.
“Do you forgive me?”
We obviously aren’t talking about Brooke. “Ryder was never my boyfriend.”
“But you like him.”
“I do...but he makes a better friend.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
I had really liked Ryder. I still like Ryder, but he isn’t my boyfriend. Never has been, never will be. Getting mad at her won’t change that.
Sadie stays for just a little while and leaves when Curtis arrives. He’s brought a stuffed animal, a puppy with big brown eyes that reminds me of Brooke’s eyes. I stay during Curtis’s visit and watch with my heart in my throat as he practically lies across Brooke and cries. My Aunt Shelley walks in and Curtis looks like he’s ready to bolt. He brushes the back of his hand over his eyes, wiping away at the tears. “Deklan is out in the waiting room,” he says. “Do you want to tell him that I just want to hang for a while? If that’s okay…”
Deklan is here? My pulse skitters. “Sure,” I reply, already heading for the door.
Like the rest of us, Deklan looks like he hasn’t gotten much sleep. He has enormous, dark circles beneath his eyes. I can see my mom and uncle judging him; the tattoos, the piercings, and I hate it. Deklan is one of the nicest guys I know. A sweetheart who’s treated me better than any friend since I arrived in Vancouver.
“Hey,” he says and I go into his arms, ignoring my mom’s surprised expression.
Deklan doesn’t have anything to hide, though, either. Everyone else does. They are all out to save their own asses. Aside from me, Deklan’s the only one that was completely straight that night, except for the few sips of beer after the concert at the Fantasy Ballroom.
My mom clears her throat and I introduce her as she politely shakes his hand.
“I was worried about you,” he says. “I had hoped you would call.”
I take him by the hand and we find a quiet corner to talk.
My finger has lingered over his phone number more than once. I just hadn’t known what to say and I knew I’d break down if I heard his voice. “Sorry, I haven’t felt like talking.”
“I can only imagine.”
“How’s Curtis been?”
“Inconsolable. His brother nearly tossed him out at first, he was so furious.” Deklan runs a hand through his hair. “He just really hadn’t realized Curtis had stolen his meds. It was a real wake-up call.”
“For everyone.”
From down the hall I see a familiar figure, Ryder, walking in that confident stride of his. A pretty candy striper walks by and I’m stunned when he doesn’t turn to look. Deklan follows my gaze.
“Did you all come together?” I ask.
“No, he drove his own car. He has to be at his brother’s game in a little while.”
I can see wariness in Ryder’s gaze as he approaches. He gives me a hug, his hand lingering on my back after I pull away. We haven’t had a discussion since I called him out about his fling with Sadie.
I can feel my mom’s gaze burning into me as her gaze shifts between me and these two incredibly beautiful men. I think she’s just beginning to realize how little she knows about what my life has been like since we moved here.
“How is she?” Ryder asks.
“No change,” I answer, taking a seat.
Ryder takes the seat beside me and Deklan sits across from me.
“How are you holding up?” Ryder asks, taking ahold of my hand.
“I feel numb.” I feel empty, too.
The two of them keep me occupied and I even end up smiling for the first time since Brooke’s been admitted. I pull my hand out of Ryder’s to go through my purse for some lip balm. It’s an excuse to pull away from him, but I notice how Deklan watches me closely as I apply the balm to my lips.
Curtis comes down the hallway and Deklan stands. “You alright?”
“No, man...I’m not.”
His friends console him and I sit watching them, wishing there’s something I can say to make him feel better, but I can’t co
me up with anything except words that will just sound trite.
***
On Wednesday afternoon, I overhear my uncle talking about what they will do if Brooke never wakes up. Her brain activity is okay, but there have been talks about the possibility that she may have had a seizure. She could very well still be the same person if she wakes up or she could have brain damage. The thought that my cousin may never wake up has occurred to me, yet the reality of it makes me physically sick.
My aunt puts her hand on my shoulder. “Kenzie, I need to drop by my office.”
“I can go for you,” I offer.
“I could use the short drive there,” she says with a soft smile. “Can I pick you up something to eat? You’re getting too thin.”
I’m not at all hungry, yet I know I need to keep my strength up for my mom. “Cheeseburger and fries.”
“What to drink?”
“Water.”
She leaves and I leaf through the same magazine I’ve looked at a million times already. My phone vibrates and I’m stunned when I see the familiar number come up. I immediately hit end and cuss under my breath.
It rings again.
I’m shaking as I answer. “Hello?”
“Kenzie, this is Dad. How are you, honey?”
How the fuck do you think I am? Those are the words I want to say, instead I answer, “Okay.”
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I know you must be reeling from the loss.”
“She’s still alive, Dad.” My voice comes out snappy.
“Yes, I know. I just heard from your uncle that it didn’t look good and I wanted to reach out to you and let you know that if there’s anything you need—anything at all—that I’m here for you.”
“Where have you been all this time?” I ask, shocked even as the words leave my mouth.
“I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me.”
Seriously?
“Princess, I know you’re angry at me. I know that. I spoke with Cole and he said that you were hurt that I’d come to visit him and didn’t do the same with you. I just didn’t want to run the risk of seeing your mother. I know she’s struggled with the separation and I just didn’t want to make it more painful for everyone.”
Thin White Line Page 15
