by Ruth Reid
“I’ll put in a larger garden this year,” her mother said.
“That won’t raise much money,” her father replied. “At our age, we might never return the money to the district for the hospital bills.”
Judith hadn’t given much thought as to what delayed her parents, but now their reason for going to the bishop’s house was clear. They needed a community offering to pay for the medical bills.
“If we hadn’t built the barn, we would’ve had the money.”
“Be thankful we had the money to replace the barn. If we can’t take care of our livestock, our entire income will be devastated.”
“I don’t want to believe we’ve fallen into disfavor with God like Bishop Lapp suggested.”
“Hush nau.”
Her mother mumbled something Judith couldn’t make out, and then the room fell silent. Judith slipped into her bedroom and changed into her nightdress, deep in thoughts of how she could earn money. Pulling the covers up around her neck, she had her answer. She would sell her quilts. It wouldn’t bring in much, but she had to do something. Judith jumped out of bed and knelt to pray.
“Father, You have cattle on a thousand hills and supply the sparrow its food. You will provide for us too. We need money to pay for the medical expenses. I pray I will find favor with selling my quilts. Aemen.”
She went to her closet and pulled the stack of quilts down from the shelf. She folded the quilt she’d made for her wedding and placed it on the pile, then grabbed it back up and draped it over her shoulders. How could she part with this quilt?
She drew in a deep breath. Her parents needed the money. Besides, she had no use for a wedding quilt. She wasn’t getting married anytime soon.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Judith shot up out of bed, clutching her chest and panting. Another dream of Samuel pinned under ice filled her night. This time only his legs were frozen, and his arms were free to chip away at the frozen block. Why does the same dream repeat? The same path choices . . . Logical thinking, if that were possible during a dream, would lead one to choose the paved road, but her heart clearly was swayed toward the narrow, vine-covered path. What does it mean?
Judith dressed before dawn and slipped out the back door. After learning of Andrew’s likely engagement last evening, she’d spent her waking hours trying to rebuke envy and her sleeping hours fretting about how to free Samuel.
A low-lying fog covered the ground, and the morning dew saturated the hem of her dress. When her teeth started chattering, she wondered if slipping away this early was wise. Judith came to the boulder and sat. She gazed at the sunrise, marveled at the sweet chirping birds, and suddenly she felt alone. Even the birds had companions. She had no one.
“You have never been alone, Judith.”
She spun around. Tobias stood a few feet away, and his smile warmed her soul. Judith pushed off the boulder to meet him. “Why did God send you?”
“Someone has petitioned God for you.”
“Who prayed for me?” She heard the panic in her voice, yet she hoped Tobias accepted it as a plea of desperation rather than a demand for knowledge. Who could have prayed for her that God would send an angel with His message?
“The answer is before your eyes, if you will see with your heart.” He knelt beside her. “I come to encourage your faith. Child, I come to show you the paths from which to choose. I cannot choose for you.”
“Where are the roads? When must I choose?”
“Continue in faith.”
“The measure of my faith has faded.” She bowed her head, ashamed.
“When you give all, more will be given. And when you have done all to stand, continue to stand. There is no trouble in this world that Christ has not overcome.”
Judith lifted her head to see into Tobias’s frosty-blue eyes. “And Samuel? He’s frozen in my dreams.”
“What you’ve been shown is not Samuel’s path to choose.” Tobias turned to go.
“But Samuel’s accident is my fault. I must know if he will walk.”
He turned and faced her. “Child, you do not see Samuel the way God sees him. God’s plan is perfect.” Tobias stood and spread his arms, indicating the vast area. “Your path is before you. Let the light from God be a lamp unto your feet.”
Judith studied the ground, turning a circle, searching where Tobias indicated.
No path.
No light.
Nothing. “Where—?”
Tobias was gone.
Judith stayed awhile longer, hoping, praying, begging Tobias to return. Sure that he wouldn’t, she walked home.
She came from behind the barn as her father stepped out from the house.
He met her in the driveway. “Where have you been?”
“I went for a walk by the river.”
His eyes hardened, but before he could speak, a car pulled into the drive. Her father nodded to Mr. Thon, their Englisch neighbor, then turned back to Judith. “I have errands in town. I’ll talk with you later.” He walked to the car.
Her father must have a long list of tasks. Usually he didn’t ask Mr. Thon to drive them in his automobile unless it was an emergency or the weather conditions were too harsh for the horses.
Her father eased into the front seat, and through the windshield she caught a glimpse of his down-turned mouth . . . a warning of his displeasure over her morning disappearance.
Andrew rushed to complete his morning chores. He’d spent a good portion of the night wrestling with his feelings and trying to release them totally to God. Judith’s heart was full of compassion and forgiveness. Levi’s charm could easily move her again. If he had come to his senses as he claimed, his cousin would propose. And why wouldn’t she say yes if she was still in love with Levi?
Andrew harnessed Patsy to the buggy. He wanted to leave before his father returned from the market and questioned his plans. Over the past few days, his father’s tolerance had thinned for Andrew working with Samuel.
Judith was hanging clothes on the line when he pulled into the yard. He tethered Patsy to the post and walked over to her.
“Guder mariye.” She continued to pin the towels on the line.
“Need help?”
“Nay, I can handle it.” She glanced at the house before reaching for another towel. “Samuel is busy with the physical therapist.”
“Jah, I figured so when I saw the car.”
“She just arrived. You probably should kumm back later.”
“I thought you wanted me to take you to Mrs. Stanly’s haus. She’s the one interested in your quilts.”
Judith glanced at the house. “If you give me a minute, I’ll go inside and get them.”
“Sure.” He crossed under the clothesline, where she had hung a wet towel between them. “I liked your apple pie last night.”
She smiled briefly, then picked up another towel and gave it a snap before lifting it to the line.
“Am I not supposed to remember the day in the orchard?” He stepped closer, not caring who saw them together. “I couldn’t think of anything else when you drank that apple cider. Your lips were wet, and I couldn’t think of anything but—”
“Andrew, stop.” She lowered her voice. “What’s gotten into you? I’m shocked you would say something like that.” She made another quick glance at the house. “That kiss shouldn’t have happened.”
He gazed into her piercing blue eyes. “Jah, I know. You want only to kiss your husband like that.”
“Jah, and you should only want to kiss your fraa—”
“Ich do.” He wanted to kiss only her. But hearing the sharpness in her rebuke, his words caught in his throat. After a moment he asked, “What did Levi want last night?”
She moved to the far end of the line where several articles of clothing already hung and started feeling them for dampness.
“Judith, I want to know.” Andrew moved in front of the clothing.
“He said he’s changed, and he asked my forgiveness.”
&n
bsp; “And you wholeheartedly gave it to him.”
Judith tossed a pair of stiff pants into the empty basket. “I’ll go fetch the quilts, if you’re still willing to take them.” She didn’t wait for him to reply.
Andrew sighed. He shouldn’t have said anything about the apple cider on her lips. He peered up at the cloudy sky. Forgive me. I still struggle with envy. You know the condition of Levi’s heart. You know if he will hold true to Judith. I don’t want to stand in the way of her happiness, so set me aside if it is Your will.
The screen door snapped as Judith came back outside, her arms loaded down with blankets. Andrew met her in the drive to take the bundle from her hands.
“Denki.” She followed him to the buggy.
When he set the quilts on the seat, the middle blanket caught his eye. He pawed through the pile and lifted the quilt. “Isn’t this the one you were sewing the day the barn was built?”
She nodded.
“Are you sure you want to sell this one?” He was probing, he knew. If she had made this quilt for her wedding, why did she plan to part with it?
She didn’t respond, but her eyes locked on the material.
“You seem hesitant,” he said softly.
Judith touched the blanket’s binding. She dropped it just as fast. “My parents need the money for Samuel’s hospital bills.”
Andrew swallowed. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “It’s all I can offer.”
He motioned to the buggy. “Climb in, and let’s take them.” He waited, but she didn’t budge. “You do intend to ride along, right?”
She shook her head. “It would be best if I stay.”
“Mrs. Stanly wanted you to kumm also. She wants to meet you.”
“We shouldn’t be seen together.” She lowered her chin to her chest.
Andrew’s gut twisted. “So you believed him. Levi tells you he changed, and you believe him.”
Judith lifted her head. “This isn’t about Levi. I know your father has forbidden you to see me.”
He followed her gaze as a car pulled into the drive. Her father stepped out from the car, thanked the driver, and headed into the house carrying a long envelope.
“Daed’s back from town. You should go.”
The screen door snapped. Judith’s mamm and the physical therapist stepped onto the porch.
Andrew looked puzzled. “I thought she just arrived.”
Judith glanced at him. “Jah, she did. What do you suppose happened?”
Before he could reply, Martha came outside and walked toward them.
Judith sighed. “Wonder what she wants.”
Andrew shook his head. By the looks of Martha’s smile as she glided toward them, it couldn’t be good.
“Last night I told her I forgave her . . .”
“And?” He clamped down on his bottom lip.
Judith’s brows arched, and she locked eyes with him. “She didn’t even acknowledge it.” She sighed and looked away. “I don’t know that anything will bring about a change in her.”
Martha came up and stood between Judith and him. “Daed wants you inside nau.”
Judith turned to Andrew. “Denki for handling the quilts.” She walked away with her head turned downward.
Martha’s eyes followed Judith walking to the house. “She’s done it again. This time she’s stirred up Samuel, talking about that angel.” She looked at Andrew. “She’s doing it for attention. That’s all it is.”
The burn of acid rose in Andrew’s throat. “Leave her alone. You’re not one who should pass judgment. You’re the one who seeks attention.”
“If you’re referring to Levi, he thought Judith was dull.”
“Haven’t you heard? He’s changed. He asked for Judith’s forgiveness.” Resentment threaded his words.
“He won’t stay that way.” She crossed her arms. “Besides, why should it matter to you?”
“You broke your sister’s heart. That matters to me.” He wagged his finger at her. “Don’t you . . . persuade him . . .” He blew out a breath. If he didn’t stop, his words would only serve to provoke her. Levi wouldn’t have the willpower to avoid her temptation. “I’m going to pray that God gets ahold of you.”
Andrew climbed into the buggy. The only chance of derailing Martha was to inform David of his sister’s actions. No brother wanted to hear that type of news, but David was the deacon. In the end, it would be his duty to set his sister straight.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Is there something wrong?” Judith gazed at her parents seated at the kitchen table, but couldn’t decipher their dismal expressions.
Her father motioned to the empty chair. “Judith, sit. We must talk.” He waited until she sat before continuing. “Samuel refused to do anything for the therapist today. He kept insisting he wanted the angel to come back.”
Judith folded her hands in her lap and looked down at the table.
Her father rolled a long envelope in his hands, then tossed it on the table. “We asked you not to give Samuel false hope. You disobeyed us.”
Her brother needed encouragement. She hadn’t acted in defiance, but she had disobeyed. No wonder God hadn’t healed Samuel. She’d blocked the blessing by her sinful disobedience. A lump lodged in her throat. She swallowed, but the swelling remained. “I’m sorry.”
“We don’t know what to do with you.” Her father glanced at Mamm, then looked again at Judith. “You were instructed not to see that Englischer again. Yet you were at the river this morning. Why do you disobey us?”
Judith shrugged. “I believe . . .”
Why is it so hard for them to believe, God? They taught me what I know. They instilled Your laws into my heart.
“What gave you the idea that Samuel saw—” Mamm’s voice turned hoarse and she cleared her throat in order to continue. “An angel?”
“Something he told Samuel.” Next, they would ask what the angel had said. But Judith was drawing a blank. Why couldn’t she remember? If the man was truly an angel, why couldn’t she remember what he told Samuel that made her think he was Tobias? It was all too confusing.
Her father pressed the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb. “What did he say?”
“Other than for Samuel to imagine he was running, I don’t remember,” she whispered.
The envelope next to Daed’s coffee cup bounced when he pounded his hand on the table. “That’s the problem. You’ve told so many stories, you don’t even remember them.” He shook his head. “What has happened to you?”
Judith cringed. “But Samuel described his looks as identical to the man I saw . . . As God is my witness, I believe he saw Tobias—”
Her father held up his hand. “Who is Tobias?”
“The angel.”
Mamm gasped. “He has a name?”
“God named the stars. Why wouldn’t He have named His angels?”
Mamm started to cry, which caused her father to tap his hand against the table again.
“Judith, that’s enough.” He gazed at her across the table. “We’ve decided to send you to live with Mamm’s second cousin in Ohio.” He motioned to the envelope. “The ticket is bought.”
Judith’s eyes widened. “What? I don’t even know them.”
“They are family. There you’ll have an unblemished reputation.” He picked up the envelope from the table and glanced at it. “You will stay and find a husband in Ohio.”
“I don’t want to live in Ohio.” Judith’s gaze flipped to her mother. “Mamm, please.” Her stomach rolled, and her throat burned.
Her father tapped the envelope against the table as though moving its contents to one end. “This decision was made by the bishop.” His words grew softer. “He requested you leave the community.”
“I’m being shunned?” What happened to those not baptized having leniency? Rumschpringe? Why couldn’t they turn their heads as they did when other youth tested worldly temptations? Why was this different—worse than the si
ns others had received forgiveness for?
“You paid no heed to rebuke. You’ve not changed any of your ways. If you go to Ohio, you can continue in the faith.”
“I’m allowed to continue in the Amish faith in Ohio, but not here? When did sin become different depending on what state you live in?” She clutched her throat and squeezed her eyes closed.
“You have caused others to sin.”
Judith’s eyes shot open. Her father looked across the table at her mother and sighed. “You must go.”
“Who sinned because of me? Samuel? I didn’t mean to—”
“Andrew Lapp. He will be punished if you stay.”
“Nay, Andrew did nothing wrong.” She turned to her mother. “Mamm, he only befriended me.”
Daed shifted on the chair. “We’ve sent word. The relatives know you’re kumming. I suggest you pack your things,” he announced, his tone final.
Everyone knew her fate but her. Relatives she’d never met knew she was coming. Her parents must have planned her departure days ago.
Judith stood and fled out the door, then began to run as fast as she could toward the river. “Why, God?”
She reached the patch of ferns, then pivoted and paced back to the river’s edge. “Why am I the only one who sees Tobias? Why am I the only one who believes?” She turned again. “He told me I would have to stand, but do I have to stand alone?” She threw her hands up into the air and looked at the sky. “I’ve used all the faith I’ve been given. How will I continue to stand?”
Except for the rushing sound of river water, there was only silence.
“My thoughts are simple. How am I expected to make the right choice?” Judith fell to her knees and then to her face. “Please don’t leave me. Show me the path and the way I should go. Guide me with a lamp unto my path. Open my eyes that I might see.”
Everything she remembered Tobias telling her, she repeated over and over until exhaustion overtook her words and silence hung in the air.
